Just reread last year's birthday blog. I was still really raw from the year before so you can feel it in the blog. But I was hopeful. You can feel that too.
I had a few goals I wanted to reach. I had a few hopes for how the year would unfold. And honestly for the most part this year has met them. For the most part. There is one part that has fallen short and it's really casting a pall over the rest, but I'm still hopeful that it will get better. Just not as hopeful. Now it's that bare knuckled holding on to the last shred of it, growling at anyone who fucking dares to try and pry it away hope, but still hope.
But let's recap the year and set up intentions for the next, shall we?
I set a few goals for the year in my birthday blog last year. Small ones like losing some weight so my knees would stop aching. Big ones like growing my eyebrows in. And ones that weren't goals but hopes like full menopause. And the main one, making it through.
So how did it go? Well clearly I met the main one. Because here we are. Yay! That was the main goal. It seems a little dramatic but pandemic, death surrounding us, the world falling to shit every few months in new and exciting ways. Making it through was a good solid goal and I made it.
Losing weight? Yeah. Actually. Almost 20 pounds. Now that was due to finding out that what I was eating was making me miserable so I cut out whole groups of foods and that ended up lowering my calorie intake and the extra weight I was carrying as just inflammation in the joints BUT...it totally counts. And I do feel so much better. Like crazy amounts better. I'm still super frustrated by the fact that I had to do it. It still bums me out to have to let go of most of my favorite foods, but it has made such a difference that it is worth it.
Growing my eyebrows in. Well...as I suspected there is a line that is just never coming back. I'm never going to have the really thick full brows of my youth. But that's okay. I can afford good eyebrow pencils to fill those spots in. It all balances out.
As far as menopause goes. I did have one day of spotting in October and then a really light barely there period in February so not at a full year just yet. But my doctor and I both agree that I'm basically there. BOOM!
And then there is the part of the year that just sucked. I was really hoping that by Fall this year we were going to be looking at the tail end of Covid. That vaccines would be rolling and we would all be coming back out of isolation and joining each other. And it looked like we were ahead of schedule for that. This last Spring was SO hopeful and it really seemed in our grasp to be able to move forward and then...not so much. Fuck. And having that hope get crushed made it worse. The frustration is real. The anger at those that won't do their part is tangible. The grief is still raw. That part sucked. Sucks.
So what do I want for 53?
I want it to get better.
I want the world to open back up.
I want people to stop being so fucking selfish.
Which I get is totally ironic in a list of "I wants"
The coming year is going to be a big one for changes in my life and the way I relate to the outside world. I know it already. I know some of the things that are coming. I have hopes for some others. But I know that it's going to be a big year. And I know that there will be other things I have no idea are coming that will rock my world in good and bad ways.
Right now I'm holding on to the hope that the world won't shut down and we will be able to have a fun family trip to Disneyland next month. It was one of those Spring optimism plans that has slowly but surely been overtaken by Fall dread.
We are looking at houses again. This time looking for a one story place. Even with changing my diet and easing the pain I was in I still have arthritis and that's not going to go away. Better to move now while we have some flexibility than get stuck in a few years with an emergency move.
There are other things big and small that will mark the year. There always are.
But for now I'm facing the next year with my head up, my heart open, my hope clutched in one hand and knife to cut a bitch if she tries to take it away in the other... Hope, love, joy. Let's do this shit!
And the hashtag this year...
#Joyfully53
It's the best reminder.
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