About an hour after I posted yesterday's blog I got the feedback portion from my submissions.
That was actually part of what made that last contest entry really intriguing. You were promised feedback on your writing. Which doesn't always (or even often) happen when you submit something. Sometimes you'll get what is clearly a form letter, "Not what we are looking for at the moment but keep submitting!" Even though they asked for a story about a black cat named Esther who had 6 toes and you sent them a story about a black cat named Esther who had 6 toes.
Anyway...
I got the feedback portion yesterday. Feedback from four readers. Which made me laugh out loud since I had just upped my tally for my blog readers from three to four, and now here I was, still with four! The breakdown was two got what I was doing, really enjoyed it, never saw the twist coming and felt it landed exactly like it should have. One who felt kind of meh about the whole thing but liked the way I did it. And one who absolutely did not get what I was doing. Didn't know what a school pickup line was so did not understand the ending (why would two people be at a school pickup? Is it a driving school?) and felt like I shouldn't have repeated the mirror sequencing like I did. I mean he got it after the first time, why would I keep doing it? (I'm assuming it was a he, not knowing what a school pickup line is and not understanding the repeating the words was a style choice to build the tension just seemed really masculine energy to me)
Now I know why I didn't move on to the next round. Only 50% unabashedly positive reviews aren't going to cut it. But...I got 50% positive bumped up to 75% it was at least fine and only 25% you are an untalented hack who shouldn't ever type another word. Or at least none that repeat.
I'm not really mad about that feedback.
Because at least they read it. They had things to say about it. There was some constructive feedback in there as well as the positive and negative portions. And it kind of fits my general feelings about writing as a whole.
I am not for everyone. I never will be. Hell, even the four of you that read all of my stuff don't always get what I'm doing in a story.
And most importantly to me, it reinforced my feeling that I don't want to submit anymore. I don't think getting published is really in the cards. I think the idea of holding onto a book that I wrote was a great dream, but it's not really my dream anymore. I don't feel the same desire around it that I did. A few years ago getting actual feedback, and honestly the majority of it was positive, would have been enough to spur me on to keep trying. But this time? I read it. I sent a snarky response to Dana about the negative one and then...nothing. I barely remembered to mention it to Brent at dinner last night. But no feeling that I should try again.
I just felt like what they said was what they thought. It was nice to hear the positives. It was helpful to get some style feedback ideas. It was amusing to roll my eyes at someone who didn't know what a school pickup line was and so assumed what I wrote didn't make sense. Which, to be perfectly fair, if you don't know what a school pickup line is, it wouldn't make sense to you. More than two people at a school at the same time for pickup? Whaaaa?
But I'm still good with not doing it anymore. I didn't give up. I didn't fail. I just don't enjoy it or feel a need for it anymore.
But if you four stop reading me I might just go into an existential crisis tailspin and wonder what my place is on this Earth so don't do that, okay?
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