But this year I'm not doing goals. I'm goalless.
I was starting to feel it last year about mid-year. Actually I was feeling it two years ago and talked myself out of it going with MAJOR goals instead. But then it hit again. I just wasn't getting the charge out of hitting numbers for things. Which totally makes sense considering I make those numbers up. It's all self motivated stuff. No rewards at the end except checking off those boxes. There had to be a time where that would fail to motivate me.
The fact that it took 50 years is pretty good.
I'm joking, but only sort of.
I've never really been outwardly directed. The things that other people seem to think are important have often failed me. In fact today there was some rando on the internet who was trying to insult a group of us by saying that he made thousands while we cried...Umm okay? I mean first off, making thousands is cute and all but you're an adult my age, if you are working you should be making thousands, right? I would have been more impressed if his insult had been well directed, well constructed and he had known the difference between your and you're. Those are the things I strive for.
Understanding.
Clarity.
And I don't really judge success or happiness on net worth. Net worth isn't worth much if you don't do some good with it.
So anyway, I make up my own goals. How many books I want to read, how much I want to write, how I'm going to take care of my health, what new things I want to experience. I've done picture of the day and a public daily gratitude off and on for years as well. Little weird things that I find interesting and keep me striving for something.
We also call it making up games.
I've made up games all of my life. Most of you have played them, even if you didn't realize at the time that you were. I can make almost anything a game. With a soundtrack. It's the way my head works.
So to channel that over the years I've set goals. Things to work towards. Milestones to hit. But not this year. This year I'm not doing it.
No stars.
No numbers to reach.
No blank pages waiting to be filled.
Oh wait, no blank pages? Well. Okay, so maybe some blank pages. I mean I still have to do things. There are still things that have to be taken care of and if I don't write them down I'm not as likely to remember them so I still needed a calendar to track them. But not a big thing like I've gotten in past years. Just something with a little space on each day to write down some notes. But not a goal system or anything...
So back in September I bought my calendar for 2020. You know, right after my mother died and I was feeling a little adrift but really sure that 2020 didn't need to be anything elaborate and I bought...
No, not the slim one of the left, the fat one on the right. Yep, a more elaborate tracker than I've been using because....Reasons?
It has pages for each day of the week and a combined weekend page. With space for hourly schedule tracking and long to-do lists. There are spaces for evening thoughts on how the day went, and a space for gratitude. It's the most elaborate tracker I've ever owned. And I thought about returning it. I mean clearly I bought it when I was in a funk and it's not how I'm viewing this year so...
But then I thought, well, I still need a place to write down my schedule. And I like all of the motivational quotes. And the space for writing down gratitude is nice since I was thinking I'd go back to not posting a daily public gratitude post. And...so...I kept it. And I've filled in a few things. Not goals, just things I need to do.
And then there's reading. I mean Goodreads does their yearly challenge and I already have the first two years they did it and I wasn't using Goodreads, or hadn't realized that they did a challenge, or something but anyway they are just listed as ugly years instead of pretty completed badges. So I can't really leave that blank because I know it will make me mad later. So I need to put in a placeholder.
I went with 12. Not really hard to reach. I also decided that each time I finished a book over 12 I would add to the number so basically it's not a goal per se, but it will track.
And of course there is health and fitness. I mean I'm not going to stop going to the gym just because I didn't get a star. And I still need to figure out my weight. Like either how to get rid of the excess or find peace with it. But that's not a goal, it's a lifelong bullshit struggle, but not a goal. And sure, there's dry January, but that's a game not a goal. And, okay, so, I am already thinking I might try an anti-inflammation elimination diet in March to see if I can help my joints that way, but those aren't goals...
And writing, well, I'll write when I want to, man...Even though there is a part of me looking at the binders I've set up for 2020 and thinking I have a spare one that I could use to print off either Muse or Practical Magic and look at those again. With no blog quotas maybe this is the year I see if there is a book in there? But that's not a goal, that's just a wonder.
Brent gives me until the spring before I've set up lists again. He's pretty sure I am already setting goals and just calling them something else and will admit to it in the spring or early summer.
I say I can go all year without setting a goal, just watch me! Wait...that's not a goal right? That's just a wait and see to you? Yeah, that's it.
I've also set up my 2020 pages that I use to track everything, I've just left the "average needed" and "end number" spaces blank. So if I write a fiction piece there is a space for the tally, but not a required number of tallies. And if I submit a piece to a contest there is a space to mark it, but not a required number of marks. See? Totally not goals.
So this year I'll be keeping track of my schedule, writing, reading, doing cool things, working on my health and not setting any goals.
Goalless but not aimless.
Let's go 2020!
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