Different...

There is a woman who I assume lives in the big apartment complex down the road from my house. I see her every once in awhile pulling out from one of the side roads. The reason why she sticks out is because she wears a black niqab. That's the covering that leaves just the eyes free. So black head covering, down to her shoulders which I can see the black there as well. Just the smallest slit for her eyes and so that patch of skin really sticks out.

But because she's one of very few women in this area that wear the full covering she sticks out in my mind.

Also because I'm never sure if she learned to drive recently so she's fairly new at it or if it's that the niqab cuts down on her peripheral vision a lot because she pulls WAY far forward at the stop sign and makes me nervous each time that she's going to pull in front of me.

And then I wonder what her day is like.

Because I see her for about 10 seconds every few weeks and I've already made some judgements about her based on that brief interaction. Like assuming that she's probably from someplace else and learned how to drive fairly recently. Though she could very well have been born and raised here and got her license at 16 just like I did. Well, 15 1/2 if she's like me, and I doubt she learned how to drive when her sister decided she should know how...at 12...But you get the point. She looks so different than the majority of people around me my mind pops her into that "other" box really easily.

And it's the niqab part that is really different. There are few women in my neighborhood and at my gym who wear hijabs. Much more common than a niqab. And I've only seen a full on burka once. And I admit, I did a double take.

So what must her day be like?

Because you have to think that the people like me, I noticed, I categorized, I chastised myself for staring and categorizing, are the most common but there is also the subsection that would say something. Portland has a reputation as a liberal bastion, but trust me when I tell you there is a nasty, nasty, underbelly here. It's very easy for me to imagine she faces a few ugly comments in her day, even if they are under someone's breath because we in the PNW are nothing if not passive aggressive.

And even if no one says anything there are those of us who do the double take, who stare a little too long. Who do what I did and make a bunch of judgments about her based on her clothes.

And sure a few of those are going to be correct judgments because her clothes are worn for specific religious reasons. Like I know that a man with a yamaka on is Jewish and a man with the side curls is Orthodox. There are signifiers in clothing and hair in different religions. Markers that set people aside.

But I still wonder how her days go.

Does she have to brace herself every time she leaves her house to face the double takes, the stares, the judgement on people's faces?

Are people kind?

That's really the biggest one. I think if I saw her outside of her car at QFC or someplace I'd make an extra effort to smile at her. To make her feel seen in a good way. But is that just as bad? I don't think so because I naturally smile at most people, I would just make sure that I wasn't withholding that smile because I was thinking about her clothes.

Because I'm afraid that there are people out there that do that to her.

I've seen the news articles about the uptick in hate crimes. The people who feel like somehow it's their right to say nasty things to people because they are dressed differently, practice a different religion, have a different skin color. I've seen the nasty bumper stickers from people who freely wear their hate on the outside. I've read the Facebook posts and comments from people who think that somehow someone else being different is a harm to them.

So I think about her and how her days must go.

I hope I'm worried for nothing.

I hope she sees more smiles than distrustful looks.

I hope she deals with kind people more than not.

Just like I hope that for everyone else.

No matter what they are wearing.