Well...

So this is my fifth blog of the year and it's the 18th. I can sort of see how the no goals thing is going for writing...

Just kidding.

Sort of.

I mean part of it is that I'm not really feeling any fiction right now. There just aren't a lot of full stories there. I have some ideas floating in my head for projects but nothing that I've committed to just yet. And the couple of times last week that I thought about writing something nonfiction they were pretty much angry rants which when I took a few deep breaths decided to let go.

Which I wouldn't have if I had a number like 13 or 14 staring at me from my page. Or a star I needed to get. But since I didn't...I let it go.

Listened to a podcast last week, or the week before, that talked about the damage we do to kids by giving them gold stars or rewards for accomplishments. The dangers of the star chart for chores. Basically we ruin their self motivation. We teach them that the reward is the reason for the doing instead of the doing itself.

Which I, of course, found to be really interesting.

But my parents weren't reward parents. I didn't get paid for grades. I didn't get a treat for cleaning my room. I didn't even have an allowance. You cleaned house and cooked and did laundry and in my case got good grades because it was expected of you. Not because you got something for it.

So how did I end up being star chart, goal oriented, treat motivated?

I have no idea.

But the podcast was interesting.

So anyway...

The no goals thing. It's been interesting. I realized that a lot of my day was driven by the things I had put "on the list." If there was a choice between two things for me to do the one that got me the star or closer to an overall goal was the one that got done. Which is pretty much a no brainer for anyone who knows me. But it's still been interesting to see how it's played out without those markers there.

Some good. Some bad.

I tend to get a bit obsessive about things. I know, you are all shocked right now. But it happens. So when I'm cleaning I might get sidetracked by trying to figure out how best to clean the dust out of a small space, or a spill on the side of the oven that would require moving the stove or getting a flat piece that I can wrap a thin cleaning rag around to get in there to add to the weekly cleaning, but will that really work or will it leave a smear I can't see? I think pulling it out and cleaning it might be best, but it's really heavy and can I do that on my own and not scratch the floors or would I need to make stove cleaning a weekend thing when Brent is home and....

See, the stars stop that. Because if I've got five other things that need done then I don't have time to obsess about things that really don't matter.

But then again, I also let things slide, like making sure I'm not accumulating trash. You know when you put something aside to deal with later; something needs a quick repair and you set it aside to deal with later or you aren't sure if you really need this thing that someone bought you but they bought it for you and so you feel like you should keep it so you set it aside for later...and then realize you have a lot of later things and haven't really budgeted any later time in your schedule.  So I've been dealing with some of that stuff this month.

So that's a thing the stars stopped as well, but not in a good way.

I'm thinking that like any habit when you are in the process of kicking it you are really aware of it and so in another month or so I won't really even be aware of star or no star, goal or no goal. But for now what I do or don't do is in the shadow of "is this a goal?" wait..."no goal!"

But I will try and get more consistent with writing even without a goal count.

Because I have to think you miss me....

(insert your favorite winky face emoji here)