Dear Parents...

Dear, Parents,

I'm writing this today because I know you are facing a lot of pressure to be perfect. I see it all the time online. There are any number of studies, reports, news stories, mommy bloggers, daddy bloggers, opinion pieces and random comments telling you how bad you are at being a parent. How many mistakes you are making. And I just want to let you know...

You are.

You are making mistakes all the time. Sometimes looking back at the time I was actively parenting C it seems like nothing but a constant stream of lurching from mistake to mistake. I can tell you all of the areas that I know I messed up in, and I'm sure there were a ton more that I don't even realize I botched. See the internet wasn't as prominent back then so there weren't as many people telling me how bad I was at it. I had to rely on parenting magazines and disapproving looks from other mothers in Target.

So just accept it right now. You are making mistakes. And then tell yourself that it's okay. Seriously. It's okay.

When C was born his pediatrician gave me the advice I give all new parents when they are struggling. Only good parents worry about if they are good parents. The fact that you are concerned about the things you are pretty sure you are doing wrong is good. The fact that when you realize something isn't working you change it is outstanding. But know that at the end of it all you will see the other things, the things you did wrong and you will wish you hadn't.

That's okay.

Nobody is perfect. Anybody expecting you to be perfect is an asshole. Just flat out, they are. Know that. Believe that. Mistakes will be made. Hopefully they will all be small ones. Or ones that are easily corrected. Nobody has ever raised a child without making mistakes. If you are religious keep in mind that Mary and Joseph lost Jesus. FOR THREE DAYS! So, you know, cut yourself some slack.

If you aren't religious or need more examples then have an honest discussion with parent friends about some of the worst moments of their parenting life. C has a scar on his chin from slicing it open on a sippy cuppy. He also head dove off of a couch when not just Brent and I were there but his grandparents as well. Four adults in the room and he still hit the ground. The moments fingers get smashed in doors. Elbows hit little heads that are following you VERY closely and you don't realize it. Teenage moments when you had no fucking clue what they were really up to. Things they saw or heard that you wouldn't have wanted them to. Everyone has made mistakes that horrify them.

Just do your best. Honestly. You love your kids. You want the best for them. Do your best. Feed them, clothe them, house them, love them. Just keep doing your best.

And know you will still make mistakes.

And it's okay.

Love,
Been there done that and he's alive and thriving.