And Done..

The Olympics wrapped up yesterday. Did you end up watching any of the events?

I watched all of the US men's and women's soccer matches like I thought I would. Exciting finishes on a lot of the women's games and you cannot argue with the results. It was also nice to watch the women being dominating without the president actively rooting against them for a change. I'd like to keep that change going and never let that guy back in the White House, such a disgrace. 

We watched track and marveled at how freaking fast they all are. Same with swimming. And we watched diving and remembered how much we both really like it. There is just something amazing about those flips and spins and the clean slice into the water. Watching the Chinese athletes take gold in every single category was impressive. 

Women's gymnastics was amazing as always. Gravity defying women. Men's gymnastics provided some fun storylines as well. Still waiting to hear the final results from the Jordan Chiles medal debacle. There is video evidence that the request was submitted on time. So if you are keeping track they messed up in scoring her. Then tried to say she didn't actually win because they were four seconds too late submitting the challenge. And now there is evidence that they were not. Medal won, medal taken away, medal given back, medal taken away... It's not right to treat her or the Romanian gymnasts like this. But at least we got that iconic moment on the medal stand and they can't take that visual away.

Women's rugby, who knew? But they have a really effective spokesperson playing right now and she's generating excitement all on her own. 

US men's and women's basketball both took gold after some nervy performances and close calls. 

I didn't watch the break dancing live, though the clips of the Australian competitor have been unavoidable. On one hand I fell terribly for her. Watching people just savage what you've done is not great. On the other I have to admire her for getting out there and doing the damn thing. Everyone watching from the couch mocking her did not. 

You know where I stand on the women's boxing. I'm glad the two athletes that faced the bigotry won gold. I'm glad that crowds turned out to cheer them on in person to sort of balance out the vitriol they were facing online. I hope that Imane Khelif's lawsuit serves her well and people who spouted violent threats against her reach the find out portion very quickly. 

But aside from the always present scoring controversies and the really nasty misogynistic bullshit the games were fun. 

Everyone I've talked to has mentioned that. That this year in particular it seems like the athletes were having more fun. That they were enjoying each other as competitors and seeing how they could stretch and grow and still have fun. It just seemed lighter.

I'm sure part of it for women's gymnastics was the lifting of the cloud of abuse. Knowing they fought and won and made change not just for themselves but for all of the young women and girls coming up behind them. 

I'm sure part of it for the women's soccer team was the fact that they knew their president had their back. That they wouldn't be going home to find out that people were rejoicing over any mistakes that were made. 

But watching the pictures from medal ceremonies, for some reason NBC didn't want to show them live, we saw a lot of joy and camaraderie. Watching the athletes waiting for scores in the diving competition we got to see the Chinese athletes laughing and joking with the rest of the divers who were competing for silver in some cases and bronze in others as China had gold locked up quickly and often silver as well. But they still all seemed relaxed with each other and just joyful.

That's the best part about sports. There are a lot of bad parts. And when you add in politics it can get just awful, but this time? This time just seemed so much lighter and better. 

I hope that's the way it really was. I hope that's the way it will stay. I hope LA 2028 is able to capture that feeling again. 

And I hope the bigots, bullies and assholes all have socks that won't stay up and underwear that creeps into their cracks in perpetuity. 

Books Chapter 5...

 Books Chapter Four

Gloria and Ellie settled at a table in the back of the coffee shop. “Who was that guy anyway?”

“Someone from my World History class. I cannot for the life of me remember his name, if I ever even knew it. He was trying to make me feel badly about always reading.”

“Seriously? Why is that a bad thing?”

“Who knows. And, get this, he basically bragged about the fact that he isn’t a reader. Like just doesn’t read. Can you even imagine that?”

Gloria looked horrified.

“That was my reaction too! I’m glad you showed up when you did. I would have ended up helping him study for tomorrow’s test and probably agreeing to go out with him as well. I really need to learn how to be a little more…”

“Bitchy? I mean if you want to make it sound better you could say like me, but we will both know you mean bitchy.”

“I don’t think you’re bitchy. You just know how to assert yourself a little better than I seem to. I hear my mother’s voice telling me to be nice.”

“I hear my mother’s voice telling me that the instep is the best place to stomp a foot if a dude gets too close on the bus. You can hear her voice if you need to. Look, it’s not your fault, you were raised to be good by someone who never sees the bad in people. I mean, I appreciate that about your mother, obviously, but it doesn’t help you out when you’re not in her polite world.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, “My mother’s world isn’t all that polite. They just use coded phrases to be awful to each other; ‘oh I see you had the living room painted; I really should have given you the name of our decorator.’ Which means, oh this is ugly as shit, can’t believe you thought this looks good.”

“But politely!”

“Yes, oh so politely. How would your mother handle it?”

“She wouldn’t say anything. Not to your mother’s face. Sometimes the nicest thing is silence. To me on the way home she’d say, ‘well money can’t buy taste.’”

The girls both laughed.

“You know you are the weirdest combination of polite niceness and rude honesty?”

“It’s not rude!”

Gloria raised her eyebrows.

“Okay, sometimes it comes across as rude, but only because people lie too much. You know how much I hate that.”

“I do. I just think it’s sort of funny that you would have been nice to that jerk because your mother wants you to be nice, but you also would have told him exactly what you thought about him if he ever asked.”

Ellie smiled and changed the subject, “So was the meeting with the TA a good one or a bad one?”

“It was good, sorry again about being late, but we got into a discussion that is going to completely change the focus of my paper. He mentioned a favorite quote that made me look at the theme of my work completely differently.”

“This isn’t the first time a meeting with him has run longer than you thought it would…”

“Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“You have that glint in your eye. He’s the TA. He has meetings with everyone in class. And I’m guessing they all run long. He’s not burned out and dead eyed like a couple of the professors. He actually seems to love what he’s doing. Which, he’s getting his masters in English so he better like teaching, right?”

“So…you know what he’s going to do with his degree. Interesting.”

“Again, stop it. Of course, that’s what he’s going to do with his degree. It’s what you can do with a master’s degree in English. And at night he’ll try writing the great American novel. And eventually he’ll be a dead eyed, burnout professor of Comparative Lit who farms out all of his work to his TA and the cycle will continue.”

“Is that what we are going to end up like? Dead eyed, burned-out professors?”

“Oh hell no. We are going to do things completely differently. We are going to write the next great American novels during the day and work part time in this very coffee shop at night.”

“Grand plans for sure!”

Gloria laughed. “Nah, I mean, I am going to teach. That’s still my plan. And you are going to write that book. And I will teach it in my class. Maybe, I mean if you get all glinty in your writing it might not be appropriate for middle schoolers!”

“All glinty. Yeah, you should for sure be teaching English to middle schoolers.”

“It’s a word. I just used it in a sentence. And that is one of the things I’d like to teach. Not to be too tied to language rules when you are being creative. There is a time and a place for really structured writing, but I just haven’t found it yet.”

“Was that what your TA said?”

Gloria smiled, “He has mentioned that I might want to pay to have someone proof my papers before I turn them in for final grades. Just to catch my unique understanding of grammar rules. But that’s what I’ve got you for!”

“But you never listen to me.”

“I always listen to you. I just argue with you in the moment. But I always make a copy with all of your corrections to turn in. Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Never. I mean, the fact that you make a copy instead of just changing your original keeps me humble.”

“I am what I am.”

“You are. Now back to your TA. When do you see him again? Hmm?”

Gloria rolled her eyes, “Tomorrow in class I would guess. Just like everyone else.”

“And when is your next creative session with him?”

“Okay, look, I know you are just going to keep teasing me about him, so I’ll stop you right now. He carries a copy of Infinite Jest with him everywhere he goes.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes. So…”

“No glinty.”

“No glinty.”

Books Chapter Six

Fair...

Just had a multi day discussion with someone on a friend's Facebook post about the complexities of gender. 

One of the things she kept saying was that it wasn't fair. It's not fair. That's not fair. Over and over.

Oh stop it...

When Katie was little and she would say something wasn't fair I would tell her, "The fair is where you ride rides and eat cotton candy, this is not the fair, this is life." 

Because life isn't fair. It's just not. 

And a lot of times when people cry NOT FAIR what they really want is something to have gone their way. Maybe they lost a game. That's not fair! But don't you think the person who won thinks it is? I mean, would it be fair to take that win away from them? 

I can remember once when the oldest daughter of our friends wanted to wrestle with me. But she wanted me to stand on my knees and only use one arm. Because it wouldn't be fair if I didn't. (she was like 5 or 6 at the time) I asked her, why should it be fair? She was the one who wants to wrestle with me. She knew how big I was. She kept saying it wasn't fair. And I told her that trying to make me lose wasn't fair to me. That she could decide to not want to wrestle me, after all it was her idea, but that I wasn't going to cheat to make her feel better. Because that's what it would be. Cheating in her favor. 

She did not appreciate my point of view. 

And then she was really mad at Katie because Katie wouldn't back her up. She thought that adults should let kids win. Katie was raised with the theory that if you are playing games, even with adults, you had to earn the win. 

Life is not fair. Don't make it harder on yourself by picking fights with bigger people.

Now some of you are thinking, wait, isn't this against your whole life and political philosophy? That we need to balance the scales? Feed the hungry, house the homeless? Tax the rich and pay for the social security net? I mean, you are looking for fairness right? 

Well, yes and no. I'm looking for an equal chance at thriving. I'd like basic needs for everyone to be met. I believe we live in a world that has abundant enough resources to take care of everyone. The fact that we have people living rough, people starving, people who have nothing, while at the same time we have billionaires means there is something wrong with the balance. You could call it unfair, and sometimes I do, but what it really is is immoral.

I think we should make sure that the baselines are covered. That there is food on the plate, a roof over head and medical care is available. Then from there you get to choose what more you want. And if you decide that there is never enough, that it's always just more, then I think society gets to say, okay, now we tax you at a very high rate. You don't get to hoard all of the resources while other people starve. That's immoral. 

There are always going to be people with more than other people. There are always going to be people who are motivated by that, by getting ahead. And there are people who are not. There are always going to be people who think they've done something incredible when what they did was get lucky enough to be born to parents with resources. And yeah, you can call that unfair. That unequal starting point. And I'd love to see that gap smoothed out. 

But it's never going to be complete fair if you define fair as everyone is exactly equal. Because we aren't. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have areas we excel without even trying and areas we struggle no matter how hard we try. But if you lose a game of one on one basketball to a WNBA player that's not unfair, that's just a bad choice in challenging her. 

And for the love of Pete stop screaming "it's not fair!" when what you really mean is "that didn't go the way I wanted!"

The last line in the book The Princess Bride is "...life isn't fair, it's just fairer than death, that's all." 

I'm not even sure if that's true. After all death is the only time we all end up completely equal, isn't it?

Life's not fair, but death is. Maybe that's what I'll start telling people. I bet it would bring a quicker end conversations where people are screaming about something not being fair. 

Quick Post...

Just finished writing my end of year letters to my G. Nephew and G. Niece. I usually recap the year a bit for them, but this time they got just the past 6 weeks or so. It's just been that bonkers. 

Debate, calls for step down, media frenzy, assassination attempt, giant diaper bandage, actual step down, miracle ear healing, dems in total array, VP speculation, VP pick, more rejoicing and array. 

It's been a lot. 

I also looked at the way I write them differently. 

What I write to my G Nephew and what I write to my G Niece. The differences. 

What I dream and hope for him and his future along with what I dream and hope for hers. 

There is a lot more worry around hers. 

He's a smart kid. Like Katie levels of smart. He's also extraordinarily kind. Like Katie levels of kind. I see the future in him. No matter what. Because of that pronoun. He. Him. His. It's a safer world for him. Even though he's a tenderheart, strong feelings kind of man, he's still a man. And even though he's half white and half Mexican, it's his white that you see first. And right now that's the easy setting on life. I'm hopeful that by the time he's really hitting his stride it won't be as big of an issue. But right now being mixed race is still something that apparently a lot of people have issue with.

She is a force of nature. It seems to be the norm with women in my line. We are the calm before the storm and also the entire storm. She's been described as difficult already. Which I told her made me so proud. Difficult women get shit changed. But the world is lining up against difficult women right now. They are stripping rights and being open and blatant about wanting to turn women into brood mares. Vance said it would be better for children if women would just stay in abusive relationships. 

I worry about the future for her. 

She Her Hers. 

It's a big difference and I wish it wasn't. But right now it is. 

I'm hoping that next year I write a letter to her about how exciting it is to have a female president. Who is also a woman of color. The power that she holds and the power that my G Niece can see reflected as a choice for her as well. Representation matters. Fighting for the next generation and the one after that and the one after that matters. 

The letters I write to them are different. The fears and the worries I have for them are different. I wish they weren't, but they are. 

Books Chapter 4....

 Books Chapter Three

“You read too much.”

“Excuse me?” Ellie put her book down and looked up at the person interrupting her study time.

“You read too much. You’re always reading.”

Ellie tried to remember the name of the boy talking to her. She knew he was in World History with her, but there were 85 students in that class, so she didn’t know most of their names. She felt like just recognizing someone was pretty good.

“I don’t think I’m always reading.” Ellie wished she was always reading. She liked reading more than talking to most of the people at this school. She had thought college would be more about interesting discussions with academically focused peers, instead it was just like high school with easier access to alcohol.

“You are. Like right now, head buried in a book.”

“Well, we are in a library, so that doesn’t seem like all that shocking of a thing.”

“How about in the cafeteria or on the Quad? Every time I see you are reading.”

“Are you following me around campus?” Ellie was still trying to remember what this boy’s name was and now she was finding out he was her own personal stalker.

“No, I’m not following you, I just happen to see you places. We have a similar schedule you know. And it even happens in Mr. Freed’s class as well. He’s lecturing and you’ve got a book open.”

“Yeah, my notebook following his lecture outline.”

“What lecture outline?”

“In the syllabus? Every lecture he gives he has notes in the syllabus to follow.”

“Oh, no wonder it was so thick.”

“You didn’t read the syllabus?”

“I never read the syllabus. Why would you? The syllabus just tells you what is going to happen in class, and I’m going to be in class so I will find out then.”

“So, you have no idea what the required reading is?”

“There isn’t really required reading. He’s going to lecture on the same material so why read it ahead of time? I’m not a big reader, I’m not going to do extra work.”

“What about when to expect tests or quizzes or when projects are due? Nothing?” The thought of not reading and marking out important notes from a syllabus was almost horrifying to her. Actually, not even almost.

“Nah, I mean the instructors usually tell you if there is a test the next class, or someone who sits near you will remind you, right?”

“I guess so, maybe, but what if they don’t and you aren’t prepared?”

“Then I’m not prepared, and I’ll have to get extra credit later.”

“Mr. Freed doesn’t give extra credit.”

“Every instructor gives extra credit.”

“He doesn’t. It’s like the second thing he mentions in the syllabus.”

He shrugged his shoulders, “We will see. And worst case if I need to, I’ll just pick up the credit in summer session. Those classes are always easier anyway.”

“Not always. I took statistics last summer and it was extremely hard, it was so much information to take in on a shortened schedule I was glad it was the only class I had.”

“Well how about that, even with your head in a book all the time you had to retake statistics!”

“Oh, I didn’t retake it, that was the first time.”

“You voluntarily took a summer session class that you didn’t need to?”

Ellie shook her head, “No, I needed the class. I just took it when it fit my schedule. I couldn’t fit it in my schedule last Spring, and I didn’t want to take it this Fall because I have a tight schedule and trying to find the right classes at the right time is hard enough.”

“So did you have any fun last summer or was it all statistics and books?”

“Why would you assume that wasn’t fun?”

“Because it’s school and books?”

“I have a feeling you and I have a very different idea of fun.”

“Only one way to find out.” He gave her what Ellie assumed he thought was his most charming smile.

She thought, “Oh god, no, don’t do that. I am not flirting with you. This is not an invitation to hang out or go out or even talk more. Please don’t do it...”

“So how about it?”

“How about what?”

“How about we see if we agree on fun? Want to grab some pizza and see a movie tonight?”

“We have a test tomorrow in World History. That’s what I’m studying right now.”

“Oh, wow! See? I was right, someone will always tell you.” And with that he sat down at her table, “So what do we need to know?”

“We need to know that you weren’t invited to sit down, and we need to know that you are sitting in my space.” Gloria dropped her book bag on the table, “Sorry, I’m late. I got held up talking about my paper with the TA for Comparative Lit.”

“Um, excuse me? This table is full.”

Gloria smiled, “It is, like I said, you’re in my spot.”

Ellie started to pack up her bag, “You know what? Let’s just go grab a coffee.”

“That sounds great, and you can tell me what I should know for the test tomorrow.”

“Not you. Her. You can stay here and study. I have a feeling you need it.”

“Nah, it’ll be fine. I’ll just tag along with you two.”

“Look, buddy, read the room, you aren’t invited. She’s actually trying to gracefully get away from you without feeling like she has to be a jerk. Because she hates being a jerk. I, on the other hand, don’t have that problem so back off.”

Ellie started to laugh; she couldn’t help it.

Gloria gave her a puzzled look.

“He’s not a big reader. You told him to read the room, but he’s not a big reader.”

“Okay, yeah, time for a study break. Let’s go.” Gloria picked up their bookbags and started to usher her giggling friend out of the library. And one more time just to make sure he got the message, “Not you. You stay here.”

“So, I’ll see you in class?”

Ellie started to laugh again, “Not a big reader.”

Books Chapter Five

When Will They Come for You?

Before the Olympics started there were so many warnings from different agencies that Russia was going to work to disrupt them. There were heightened security measures. There were warnings about disinformation campaigns. And everyone said, "Okay, we're prepared!"

And Russia laughed in transphobia and released a rumor and a false accusation and the world took the bait. 

She's not trans. All of the stories you've heard about what she is or isn't aren't based on facts either. All you know about her is that she's a woman. Born a woman. Raised as a woman. Trained as a woman. She's a woman. From a country where being trans is illegal. For the boys are born with penises and women with vaginas crowd this should have been an easy one. But alas it's never been about that. 

Patriarchy hurts men as much as women. It is a system of submission. It's a power dynamic that helps to support a small group of men, MANLY men, over everyone else. If you are a man who does not fit that mold you are punished by patriarchy as much as women are. 

Transphobia is the same. It's not about trans people. Or let's face it, as always, trans women. It's about keeping everyone in a box. Female athletes have faced trans panic for as long as there have been female athletics. Martina Navratilova, who is right now pushing a false trans accusation again Imane Khelif, was accused of being a man during her playing days. You would think she would know better. But alas, when you get started hating people it's hard to think clearly.

All women who are good at sports get it. When the bullshit around Lia Thomas was happening they took a picture and spread it around the internet showing how unfair it was that she was swimming against "real" women. Look how broad her shoulders are, how much longer her arms and legs are, how narrow her hips. Of course the problem was the picture they used was Katie Ledecky. Though now that Katie is once again demolishing her competition the cries of "She's a man!" have started. 

And as bad as it is for white women it's exponentially worse for women of color. Serena Williams has given birth and they still hound her. And honestly, you don't even have to be good at sports if you are woman of color, just look the Basket Full of Deplorables calling Michelle Obama a man for the past 16 years. 

If you don't fit into that petite little white box you must be wrong. 

Transphobia hurts everyone. 

These are the accusations that are going to keep happening as the world lets trans panic take hold. You lose a game? Accuse their star player of being male. If there is an invasive and frankly predatory genital check and whoops all vagina it doesn't matter, there is probably still too much testosterone and then she's actually a he.

Which is totally validating to trans men. If a blood test showing your testosterone level is in a certain range is all it takes to show you are a man then you have to admit that trans men are men. And if that's true then the opposite must be as well. Testosterone is lower and estrogen is higher then you are a woman and that's that. 

But no, it's never that's that. 

Hate doesn't like to follow logic.

And hate isn't easily contained. Once they start they don't like to stop. And eventually it will come to your door. 

Don't take the bait next time. Don't insert yourself into discussions where you don't actually know anything. And start with the position that if you are not that person you don't know anything. 

And just as a little reminder, you know someone who has taken testosterone blockers because their testosterone was not inline with normal readings. 

You think I'm talking about someone else? 

No, it's me. I'm talking about me. 

Keep it in mind. 

Leo Season...

One of the first things I thought this morning was that it was fitting that I am ending my no Facebook posting on August 1 since it's Cinnamon's birthday and I can wish her a happy one easily this way. You know how Leo's love to be shown love after all...

Cinnamon was the first person to say such a thing to me. We became friends through the theater program in high school. She asked when my birthday was one day and when I told her she said, "I KNEW you were a Leo." Apparently I was just so Leo it was obvious. 

I tossed my hair, snapped my fingers to gather my entourage and told her, I don't think so...

I'm kidding. I might have tossed my hair, only because it tends to cover my eyes, but I didn't have an entourage. And would never snap my fingers at one if I did. And I asked her why I was so Leo.

I obviously knew what sign I was. I think most people do. There were these machines at the car wash that you could get a monthly horoscope scroll. I loved those. The scroll as much as anything else. I just liked the idea that it was a scroll. And I had no doubt that it was true because the church harped on how it was demonic. 

Seriously.

If the church had said from the start, look astrology is bunk. There is no way that everyone born within the same month is going to have the same personality traits let alone the same sort of day. If they had pointed out that if you took the names and dates off of each sign and handed them out randomly people could find traits that matched theirs. That vaguary is purposeful. It's nonsense. If they had said that, I would have said, yup nonsense. Fun to play with, but it doesn't really matter. Just a joke. 

Instead they said, HEY THIS IS DANGEROUS STUFF! And so I thought, well clearly it is true and means something.

They did the same with Ouija boards and random other witchcraft and spiritualism type things. You will never find someone who believes in magic as much as an Evangelical. Because from birth you are taught to stay away from such things. So clearly they are real and they are powerful. 

Odd right? Wouldn't you want to give it all less weight? Make it all seem silly, or con artist type stuff? 

Or do you need evil if you are pushing good? 

Ironically, one of the other things Cinnamon told me (a few years later after we had become in each other's pockets friends) was that one of the things she liked about me was that I took her being a wiccan seriously. I never made fun of the idea. If she said she was wiccan, she was wiccan. Again, the church had taught me that it was a real thing so of course I didn't doubt her when she said she practiced. If I had been told that it was nonsense, I would have treated her with less respect. So even though the outcome they wanted was me to pray for her and tell her that she was dabbling in demonic portals, the treat it with respect is actually what stuck.

I have a lot of friends who are wiccan or who dabble in what are essentially wiccan practices. Oddly enough, even some who would tell you that they are Christians, but you know, that crystal can't hurt right? 

It's just interesting to me that I think the strongest believers in astrology, witchcraft, satanism and all around evil are only that way because the church told them to be. While also telling them to avoid it all at all costs. 

I mean, don't go eating that chocolate cake. It's the richest, moistest, most decadent cake you'll ever have, but don't eat it! 

Okay. 

Or maybe it's just me. Being a rebel is just so Leo...