Weighty Issues...

Doing one of my iFit series to start the year. They always have a collection to choose from if you are doing the challenges for a magnet, which we all know I totally am. I always end up picking the walking or hiking challenge. I don't run. My knees and I have agreed that running is not a thing I need to do. The strength training ones might be fun but I can't really see the screen while I'm lifting so they are out. The rowing and biking ones are out because I don't own a rowing machine or a bike. So walking and hiking it is. 

Which is why I am doing a "Walking for Weight Loss" series. Even though you don't work out to lose weight. Work out for fitness. Food for weight. I'm clarifying all of that so you don't say, "Why are you doing this?" while I do a mini-rant about the rest. 

I grew up immersed in diet culture. Though we didn't call it that while I was growing up, it was just normal. Like a fish in water you don't notice it. Until you do. And then you see it's everywhere and you've bought into it, and you are living it. And it's really hard to shake. 

Speaking of shakes, saw an ad for Slimfast last week and both Brent and I could recite the ads, a shake for breakfast, one for lunch and then a sensible dinner! So yeah, it's just part of who I am. Who he and I both are. 

And I passed that along to my child. Though I really didn't think I would. But reading through some old "what do you want to do?" things we had saved from elementary (!) school and there was one about how they wanted to lose a little weight over the summer. 

Ugh. 

I did that. 

And at the time I probably didn't even think twice when I saw it. "Yeah, that's a good goal for the summer. Get fit for middle school! Never too early to start thinking about your health!"

Because that's what we were all trained to believe, that thin is healthy. 

And as you all know, I STILL struggle with that healthy body image today. I actively work to focus on health. Actual health. How do my joints feel? How is my breathing? Am I getting enough cardio for someone with a family history of heart disease? What foods make me feel good, which ones make me sore? But even with all of that active focus I still look in the mirror and think, If only I could shave a little off here, and tighten up a little over here, and maybe lift and tuck this *waving hands vaguely over entire body* situation.

It's just so much a part of what was baked into my personality. 

But...I take heart that as I have been doing this walking series, and so far enjoying it, it's in Italy and it's lovely scenery, I have also been able to roll my eyes at things like "getting into a fat burning zone" and the whole push for weight loss being the important thing. Which, look I get it, their Walking Weight Loss in Turks and Caicos was the number one iFit series last year and it wasn't because Turks and Caicos is lovely, even though it is. It's that magic "weight loss" wording. And even though I am doing it for the walking part, I am doing a weight loss series so they are going to stress weight loss. It's my fault for liking to walk. And liking magnets. I mean how do they even work?

But I have been really trying to make sure I keep my mind focused on health. Actual health. And yes, sometimes that is tied to losing some weight. There is a space where I feel my best. It's why I'd like to lose another 5 pounds this year. That's really my sweet spot for feeling good. It's not thin. I will never be thin and healthy. When I hit the thin zone I am out of the healthy zone just because of the way I am built. I am always going to be pegging the charts at overweight when I am at my healthiest weight. And it took me a long time to make peace with that. Like in the past decade a long time. And for the most part I am able to hold on to that. 

Which means I will probably be adding eye rolling to my weekly workout cycle. Or at least why I need to hold on to that. Because focusing on weight loss can trigger that really unhealthy part of my mind that will turn that five more pounds into 25 more pounds in the blink of an eye. 

Walking for fitness. Not walking for weight loss. 

But the scenery is really lovely.