WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??

So you all know I think the Universe talks to us. I really do believe that if you are at a crossroads in your life for whatever reason you get signs on which way to go.

Now, I can totally be persuaded that it's all just your own mind seeing the signs for what you really want to do. The thing that you know you need to pay attention to if you'd just get out of your own way. But I also could be persuaded that there is a guiding energy out there that we are all tapped into at all times but rarely focus on. 

But sometimes it gets a little confusing. 

I've been "going to quit Facebook" for almost as long as I've been on Facebook. I have walked up to the edge a few times. I've moved some contacts over to text messaging check-ins to make sure I don't lose track of them when I do pull the plug, I recently just made sure to ask for addresses from friends so I can contact them at least by mail when I do leave. I have been preparing to leave. 

For a decade or so now. 

It's so convenient for talking to multiple people in various locations. It's so wonderful when people post pictures of the kids, of their food (not being sarcastic, I love seeing your day to day stuff), of the flowers in their yard, of their vacation, and on and on...I love having that contact with people in a really easy place to have it. 

I love seeing so much of my friends. 

It's so terrible to see what people you know believe. Like the past few years have been rough. The "yeah, we aren't the same politically but it's not a big deal. We are all so much more alike than different after all." has been replaced more and more by, "how in the world can you believe that? That's just awful. Cruel. Stupid. Inhumane. Ridiculous." (take your pick). 

I hate having seen so much of people I thought were my friends. 

And it's thought they were in a lot of cases. Because the chasm is so wide that there is really nothing there to form the base of a friendship anymore. I don't buy into the whole "I don't unfriend people because of their politics" bullshit. I will totally unfriend you because of what your political beliefs say about you. Because I don't consider people who are casually cruel to be friends. 

So that brings me to the Universe.

I was thinking about dropping Facebook again. Politics is too much lately. It's a constant onslaught. And Facebook isn't helpful. The news organizations are looking for clicks so they aren't careful and considerate in what they post. Will it stir shit? Then run it! People aren't good at nuance in discussion. Which really makes me crazy, because it's written. You have TIME to craft an argument. You have RESOURCES right there in another tab you can research to make sure what you are posting is true. And we've all curated our own feeds and friend lists so much that it's an echo chamber of "oh you're brilliant and right" even when you aren't. I so cherish my friends who can tell me, yeah, no, this isn't right without being dicks. (Friends and family considering it's most often Christopher who is telling me something new that I haven't considered in my old attitudes)

So while I was pondering this I was doing a workout series on iFit. The trainer for the series I was doing is kind of a goof. In a good way. Simple. Now, I know, he was talking about fitness and training so it wasn't a deep sort of conversation sort of place, but still. You kind of got the idea that he's frothy all the time. And he said he doesn't really pay attention to a lot of things because he just chooses to be happy. Why not be happy? And I see that with other people too. Why not ignore politics if it makes you unhappy? Why not just stay uninformed so you can be happy? Hmm...

BUT while I was doing that series I was reading a book on challenging yourself more. Like, you are unlimited. You NEED to be doing more. Challenge yourself. Put yourself out there. Push those boundaries. From those who much is given much is expected sort of thing. And to not do more is just some weak ass shit. 

And in that book she talks about your sphere of influence. We all have one. Even when you don't think you do, you do. Your handful of friends on Facebook, for instance, or Instagram, or Twitter, or TikTok or...all of that is your sphere. And if you have one, and we all do, you have a responsibility to speak to them. And you all know I've gone back and forth about that here. Like, how much is too much to blog about? I know I started with more people reading this than I have now, which is crazy considering how few people read this...but I know my political rants have turned people off. And I've thought about not doing them. And I've talked about not doing them. But...

I have a voice and should use it right? And I'm not comfortable in a crowd. So this is my circle of influence. This is my space to make a difference. To post about politics. About religion. About personal stories. And then fiction for fun. 

So...what should I do? Just disengage and be happy or keep pushing and using my voice because it's important that we leave this world better off than we found it in whatever way we can?

And while I was doing that the mediation series I was trying out was all about happiness. And that you should do what makes you happy...while not doing anything that could be damaging to others. 

So what does that mean??

And I don't know.

I think I'm just where I started.

I really don't want to be angry at everything. 
I am really tired of spinning wheels in arguments where everyone has staked out their spot and won't move, facts be damned.
I am too old to tilt at windmills.
I cannot sit back and stay quiet when I see something I disagree with.
I really do feel like the right combination of mouth noises, or keystrokes could change a mind. 
I feel helpless when I don't do anything, and that's the worst feeling, right next to helpless when I do. 

So I guess I keep doing what I've done until I get a better answer.

I won't argue with someone who isn't genuine in their desire to learn something new. Those people are hidden or unfriended. I just don't have room in my life for that. 

I won't let something slide if I disagree, even if it's with someone I normally agree with. Especially if it's with someone I normally agree with. That's an opportunity for one of us to see something different and change for the better. And I'd love it if it was me. 

I won't spend all of my time reading things that don't matter.

I will try and figure out what those things are. 

I am just going to be confused about what I should be doing for awhile. 

I think that covers it...

Thanks for the answers, questions, misdirection and guidance, Universe...you've been SUPER helpful.