She had sworn she wasn't going to do this anymore. She had even stopped for a long time. Or for a time at least. But she had sworn she wouldn't do it anymore.
And yet, here she was. Parked across the street and down a few houses. Sitting low in her car. Watching the house. So far there had been a UPS delivery, a Fed-Ex delivery and the mail had come. It had been a busy morning. She could just hear the small sighs of irritation each time the doorbell rang. He would have been in the flow. Working on something. Maybe on a call. Then he'd have to stop and take the delivery. If she had been there she would have done it for him. She would have waited by the door or on the porch and kept a watch out to catch the delivery person before they rang the bell. Just so he wouldn't be disturbed.
She would have protected his work space and time. Kept things quiet for him. Then she would have made him lunch. Something he could eat either at his desk if he was busy, or out on the back patio for a nice break. Get some fresh air. Stop staring at a computer screen. Maybe even take a walk around the neighborhood for a nice change of pace.
If she had been there instead of here in her car. Across the street and down a few houses.
She knew she shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be doing this. He had asked her not to anymore. It made him uncomfortable. Even though she didn't do anything but watch. Just sit quietly in her car. Maybe cry. But it's not like he could hear her crying from way over there. And it's not like he ever paid attention to her crying even when she was closer. But still, he had asked her not to do it anymore. And then he had the officer ask her. So here she sat, in her rental car, across the street and few houses down. Sitting low in the car so he couldn't see her.
She hoped the neighbors weren't watching. How embarrassing that would be for him. If they knew he made her hide in a rental car like some sort of stranger. She would hate that for him. If she were there she would take the neighbors some cookies and maybe have them over for a BBQ this weekend. Just to show how friendly she was. How friendly they were. How perfectly normal everything was. But she wasn't there. She was here. In a rental car. Across the street and a few houses down. Sitting low in the car.
She was wondering what he was working on today. Thinking about how brilliant he was. How handsome he had looked when he answered the door for the deliveries. She thought the shirt he was wearing might be new. It was a lovely shade of green. It would make his eyes really stand out. His eyes were that shade of green that sometimes looked gray. But if he was wearing that particular shade of green they looked like deep velvet. Lush eyes you could get lost in. It was a good color on him. If she had been there she would have bought him a few shirts in color like that. Maybe a polo and a button down. And some in gray as well to bring out that out more. If she had been there she would have bought him things in those colors. But she wasn't. She was here. In a rental car. Across the street and a few houses down. Sitting low in the car so no one could see her.
Even though there was no one looking.
She sat up. There was a car pulling into his driveway. Oh that wouldn't be good. Someone just stopping by? While he was trying to work? He would be flustered and upset and lose his flow and the whole afternoon would be shot. She thought about running over and intercepting them before they could get out of the car, just to let them know they should wait and come back after 6:30 or so, when he normally shut down for the evening. Or maybe just call over the weekend. Or call his service. He had an answering service just so the phone wouldn't bother him while he worked. He screened all of his calls. All of them. Not just hers. All of them.
But she couldn't risk him seeing her in his driveway. He had asked her not to watch the house anymore. And she couldn't say she was just driving by. He didn't believe that. Not anymore. Please go away, please go away. She thought as hard as she could at the car in the driveway. She knew they couldn't hear her thoughts, but maybe they would just feel like they should leave. Thoughts and words do have energy, you know. They do come from your brain which is run by nothing but electrical impulses after all. So it made sense that everything you thought would send out a wave of energy. But the cars probably blocked it. Hers and theirs. So she watched helplessly as they got out of the car.
He must have seen them pull up because he was already opening the door and on the porch. She watched. The woman from the car practically ran to him. He was hugging the woman. They were laughing. He wasn't upset at all. But wait, the woman was walking back to the car, maybe he just looked happy? Maybe he told the woman to leave? The woman opened the trunk and pulled out a small bag. A suitcase.
She rolled down the car window to look closer. Was it his sister maybe? Or his cousin? No, his cousins were all men. His sister was blonde and this woman had dark hair, but maybe his sister had dyed it. She was practically leaning out of car window now. No. That is not how you would greet your sister. He was kissing the woman. Right there on the porch. What if the neighbors saw him? What would they think about him taking this woman into his house? With an obvious plan to stay, at least for the night. What would they think about that?
They went inside the house. She stayed in the rental car, across the street and few houses down. She rolled up the car window and slunk back down in the seat.
She had done what he asked.
She had done what the officer had asked.
She had given him space.
She had stopped calling. Even though he never took her calls. Not since the beginning. Not since he had hired the service. And she KNEW they knew who she was. She could hear it in their tone when she left a message. Like they pitied her. Or worse. Like they hated her. She could imagine them just throwing away the messages. Never even giving them to him. Just crumpled and tossed to the side.
She had stopped sending packages that he would just mark return to sender and she would get back. Crumpled. Torn. Abused really. Not even looked at to see what thoughtful things were included. The handmade gifts. The expensive purchases. Just black slashes of writing, Return to Sender then tossed back at her.
Torn. Dirty. Abused. Mistreated.
It wasn't fair.
She had done nothing to deserve that. She had been his greatest fan. His biggest supporter.
And now?
Now she was in a rental car, across the street and a few houses down, sitting low in the car so nobody could see her.
She hadn't even rented the car in her real name.
Nobody knew she was there.
There was no way for anyone to know she had been there.
She had sworn she wouldn't do this anymore.
Nobody knew she was even there.
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