Fingers Crossed...

So it's election day. 

It's been a rough four years.

Really rough.

Our country is teetering on the edge of implosion.

And I know that sounds so dramatic but...

We have heavily armed militias just super excited about a crack at a civil war.

We have a group that has literally called themselves the resistance for four years which is ready for that fight. 

We are all angry.

And tired.

And tired of being angry.

It's a powder keg. 

And Trump is dancing around it holding a match.

He is. 

I don't want to hear about both sides because honestly, I'm super tired of that. Super. Tired. 

If Joe Biden was saying that he wanted to throw out votes. That our elections are rigged. That if he loses nothing that happens is valid. That we need a large group of Democrats to go stand at the polls and watch people vote. Then maybe, maybe I'd give you both sides, but even then it wouldn't be exact because one of them is currently president right now and the office holds weight. 

But Biden isn't saying any of that. Maybe others in the party are pushing for revolution if Trump wins, but you cannot compare anyone else saying something to the President of the United States saying it. You can't. 

So we all wait and see...

The polling puts Biden in the lead. But we all remember the polling from 2016 and since it's not 100% Biden for sure, there is a chance Trump takes it again. The polling wasn't wrong in 2016, we just didn't let that 20% chance that Trump wins take root in our collective imaginations. Not even his supporters did. Hell, he didn't. He was already planning his media channel. But because he won now we are all suffering from flashbacks to that feeling when you realized he was going to be the president and we are worried.

So fucking worried.

What if? 

What if he wins again? How bad does it get? How do we ever recover? 

Because we're already looking at a really rough recovery. We are in an economic downturn, businesses are closing, people are unemployed, Moscow Mitch was too busy packing the Supreme Court to get a relief bill passed. And we are still dealing with the pandemic so there is no quick fix on the horizon. It's going to get worse before it can get better. No matter who wins.

In 2008 I was talking to someone who was going to vote for McCain and I said that no matter who won it was going to be hard. The economy was tanking hard. We were are on the start of the recession. The first thing that a new president would be taxed with was stopping the bleeding, then they could look at recovery. And we both agreed it would probably take 10 years before it was better. Obama did it in less time. The economy was ticking along a good pace when Trump took office. (Republicans HATE when you point this out) But whoever takes over, or heaven forfend, keeps office in January will not have an economy ticking along at a good pace. It will be bad. This winter will be bad. 

And this time I have no guesses for when it gets better. 

Because we have to deal with the pandemic first. 

Then we have to assess how bad things are. 

What all was lost?

And then we have to figure out how to work together to get things going right again. 

And, I'm sure you've noticed, we are not good at working together anymore. 

We have failed as a society to take care of our most vulnerable. We have failed as a society to treat everyone as equal. We have failed as a society to have a just system. Failed to have an equal opportunity system. Failed to have a system that actually works.

And I'm not sure how we stop failing. 

My hope is for a giant blue wave. And then the understanding that with those majorities there needs to be action. Big, serious, decisive action. Which would demand that people get comfortable listening to the other side complain. And say how awful it is. And how when THEY were in power they played by the rules and took input...and yeah, I know, but you know they would do it. They are brazen.

And if the left isn't comfortable using the power a blue wave would give them they will not be able to hold on to the majorities. This is going to be a huge turnout election and a large part of that is people who are just so sick and tired of Trump and of the Republicans empowering him. But there is another part of it that is his base turning out to try and keep him in office. If the left lets down their guard they will be back where they started. If the left doesn't actually work toward fixing some of the power, money, quality of life imbalances then they will lose a whole generation of voters as well. 

 We need change. 

And I would love to get behind the "we can disagree without hating each other, we are political opponents not mortal enemies" vibe. I really would. I want to. So much. But I'm not there. And I'm not there because I've watched the other side worry about profits over people. Worry about bottom lines instead of health care. Worry about who is fucking peeing in the stall next to them instead of who can have a job, a house, get married, adopt children... Worry about the brown person coming for your job more than the fact that we have jobs that pay so little people can't afford rent when they are working full time. I'm not sure how I can look at you and your money grabbing little hands and pointy kicking boots and think, yeah, you're a decent person who just has different ideas than I do...

Show me something else and maybe I get there. But right now? No. 

So yes, we are failing at coming together. And I know right now I'm part of that problem. But I don't want to come together and compromise if that means you get to be a little awful to people and I get to be a little good to people. 

Fuck that. 

That's not a compromise worth making. 

I want a giant blue wave.

I want huge progressive policies passed.

I want a better life opportunity for everyone. 

I'm just not positive that we are going to get it. 

Fingers crossed.
Breath held.
Nerves taut. 

Please. Please let it get better.