Adult Education...

Conversation:

"That is a racist thing to say."

"Explain to me how it's racist please so I don't make that mistake again."

Explanation follows and both walk away feeling better about each other.

Or at least this is how I think it should go.

It usually goes more like:

"That is a racist thing to say."

"I'M NOT A RACIST HOW DARE YOU!"

Conversation over.

I've talked about this before, but I see it still so it still bothers me so much. If you say something offensive, and you might, almost all of us do at some point in time, then don't get so defensive about it. Ask why it was offensive. See if you can understand. And you might not agree at the end of the discussion. But at least have the discussion. Learn something. Practice a little empathy. See if you can understand a different point of view.

I also hate the people who take the stance that it's not their job to teach you. And I get it, it's tiring. It's frustrating. It can piss you off when you've had the 20th conversation that week about the same issue. I see your point that it's not your job. But it's not a job, it's a gift you are giving. And on the flip side if you have knowledge and you don't share it then you are partly responsible for the ignorance in the world.

I will give you an example in my life. I don't know much about the trans community. I mess up ALL THE TIME in what I say, or how I refer to people, or questions I might want to ask but don't know if I should or how. I'm not familiar. But I have friends and family who are. The other day a friend posted an article and in the comments friends of theirs were talking about TERFs and the problem that transwomen face because of them. I had no idea what a TERF was. Now luckily in the article they posted TERF was defined (trans exclusionary radical feminist) so then I knew. But if the article hadn't defined it I would have felt comfortable asking them to tell me what TERF meant. I wouldn't have even hesitated for a second.

Because they teach. In fact their wife teaches as well. I've talked about Cami before in these blogs. We went to highschool together and she and her friend Stephanie allowed me to ask all of the questions while I was figuring out what I thought and what I believed. Cami stayed in that teaching mode and does so much more now. And her spouse with her. They are a teaching couple. And I'm grateful for that. I've learned things that I wouldn't have known otherwise. And I cannot imagine where I would have ended up if the answer Stephanie gave to me to the first question I asked was, "I'm not your teacher! Figure it out yourself!"

(Full disclosure on learning and continuing to learn, I don't know what pronouns Christian uses so I sent a message before I started writing this asking. I haven't heard back yet so I'm using they/them and will change if I hear differently. EDIT: he/him or they/them works for him so I'm leaving the they/them but will switch back and forth when talking about him in the future if he makes another blog appearance. Just because I want to keep you all on your toes.)

And I've seen the argument out there about the world of knowledge at your fingertips. And I see how that might work, if you could dictate where people got their information. But just imagine you don't want to answer questions about race or gender or sexuality or religion or whatever it is that you are being asked and the person then goes to the internet for that knowledge. How comfortable are you that they are getting 1. accurate information and 2. helpful information. I think it's just as likely that they will find reinforcement for why their idea is the right one and you are full of shit.

If you don't teach them, someone else will.

And for those of us who end up on the other side of the conversation, be willing to learn something. If someone is giving you the gift of their time and their experience take it from them in good faith. Listen. And not only listen, but hear them. Do your best to understand what they are saying.

Again, you might not agree. I've had those conversations. I've talked about it with cultural appropriation conversations and some things I just don't agree are wrong. And I usually explain why. I also have knowledge and experience; my culture and my ethnicity don't match. Add my New Mexiconess to being raised by parents who fully believed in the melting pot theory of America and so adopted traditions from friends and neighbors their whole lives. So my DNA results came back "Damn, your are white!" but my life is much more blended than that. I don't consider it offensive that I absorbed the culture where I grew up and consider it part of me. I don't consider it offensive that I do some oddly Catholic things around the holidays even though I'm agnostic at best and was raised Protestant. It's part of who I am. And if you are offended by that then I can only try to understand why you would be and try to explain why your offense will not change my core. And when I get recognized as being New Mexican by my chola lean I can only give a half smile smirk and say, "It's all good, no."

So basically it's just a reminder blog today. If you know more, teach more. If someone is trying to teach you, let them. Don't get so defensive if you are being asked to learn and don't give up if you are being called to teach.

We keep talking about how the world needs to be more civil. How we need to find common ground. How we need to come together in the middle. This is how we do it. By learning more. By listening more. By understanding more.

Give it a try, okay? It's really not so bad.