Who Are We?

I watch some reality TV. I used to watch more but I only watch a few things now. One of the things that is always interesting to me is the contestant who gets a bad edit and wants you to know that who we saw on TV is "not them."

Yes, that is them on the tape, yes that is something they said, yes that is how they acted, but that's not them. Okay...

You see it out in the world now. In our every phone is a recording device world if someone has a racist meltdown it's getting recorded and shared and you are on blast. And the first thing they want you to know is that's not really them. That's not how they think or feel. They are so sorry, but that's not really them.

Yes, it's them in the recording, yes they really said all of that, yes that is how they acted, but that's not them. Okay...

You see it in the United States. A lot. After each mass shooting. After every publicized hate crime. That's not us. That's not what we believe. That's not what we think.

Yes, that is another mass shooting. Yes, that is another hate crime. Yes, it keeps happening. But that's not really us. Okay...

You see my problem here right?

It is who they are. Who you are. Who we are. The collective we. We cannot argue this anymore. Not when it keeps happening.

What I think we mean to say is this isn't who I want to be.

At least I hope that's it.

It could be this isn't who I want you to know I am.

I'm going to go with best thoughts here and say that it's this isn't who I want to be.

When the recording happens and you see that ugliness played back to you, you see yourself being something you don't want to be, you say "This isn't me!" But it is. And you have to deal with it. "This isn't who I want to be!" So now you get to change. You get to watch that video and hear those words and understand that you did that. And now you get to change.

 I've written about this before, that it's on those of us who aren't that to make a difference. To speak out. To teach. To show a different way. Because if it really isn't who you want to be you need to see a different way of being.

And if you find yourself saying something that you would be horrified to have other people hear, you need to own it. To understand that yes, that is who you are.

But you don't have to stay that way.

This doesn't have to be who we are.