I'M FIFTY YEARS OLD!

Okay, technically I'm 50 years and 9 days old. I'm a little late writing my birthday blog, it's still birthday month, it still counts.

This is going to be a blending type blog. Talking about hitting 50 and talking about the birthday weekend around it. So buckle in, it might be a long one.

I decided sometime in my 49th year that I really wanted to change the perception around turning 50. I think it really took hold sometime between watching my peers hit that milestone with most of them saying something to the effect of eek...and the number of people asking me how much I was dreading it. I wasn't dreading it. I mean it's 50.

Fifty.

50.

It's a great number. And as I've decided Brent and I are living to 100 it's a significant number. Halfway. The climbing part is over. We are at the pinnacle, baby. The view from here is outstanding. We can see how far we've come and we can see how far we have left to go.

And it's so round. Numbers have a feel for me. It's part of why I love them so much. I not only see them, there is an almost tactile sensation with them. And 50 is round. Round and lush and awesome. No, I wasn't dreading 50.  So #fiftyisnifty came into play. I decided to restart my daily gratitude on my birthday and a good number of them are going to be around that hashtag. Not all of them, but there will be enough that you will probably get sick of #fiftyisnifty long before #fiftyonederful takes over.

Then after people asking how much I was freaking out about turning 50 came the questions of what big thing I was going to do to mark the occasion. Well, nothing. You all know I don't really celebrate my birthday like that. I like to get wished happy birthday on the day, the past few years I've been asking people to compliment strangers and loved ones and eat treats to celebrate the month, but I really don't do anything to mark the day.

Usually.

Three years ago we went to Disney for my birthday. Technically we went the weekend after my birthday, but it was for my birthday so it still counted. It had been a bucket list type thing. I wanted to walk around Disney with my HAPPY BIRTHDAY  button on and have EVERYONE say Happy Birthday! when they saw me. It tickled me. And we did it. And we swore that Disney in the summer was NEVER happening again. Too hot.

So for my fiftieth birthday we...went to Disneyland. Never say never right?

But it wasn't really for my birthday. I view it more that we went to Disneyland and it happened to be on my birthday, but that wasn't the point of the trip.

The point of the trip was to see my friends from New Zealand. I've talked about them before. Kat and I were in New York together and I have a picture someplace of us at the Empire State Building. Jo I've talked about as well. And her husband Ian. Ian died a year ago in April. He also shares a birthday with me. One of his dreams was to take to the kids to Disneyland, so to celebrate him and his day Jo took the kids to Disney for his birthday.  Kat came along with her two youngest so that it would be easier for Jo to wrangle two older kids and a toddler and still make sure everyone got to have fun. And they let me know they were going to be there and asked me to come see them.

Now I will be totally honest here, I went back and forth for a long time on it. Would I be intruding on a family moment? Would it be too hard to have me there on our shared birthday celebrating a milestone while mourning Ian missing his? First I thought I'd just fly in on Sunday night, spend Monday with them and then fly back out again. Quick trip. But then I started thinking about it and even though we don't really do much did I want to spend my 50th away from Brent? Not really. So I asked if he would be okay going with me to meet people he didn't know. He gave his usual "whatever you want" answer so then it was we would fly in and see them and then fly out.

Then I thought, well, we have never been to Harry Potter at Universal so we could fly in on Friday do that on Saturday, do some Disney on Sunday and then see them on Monday and that would be cool. He, again, was like whatever you want. So I sent a quick text to C to see if he could get the time off and would want to come along. He did not say whatever, it was met with a resounding YES! So a plan was made. My boys and I would spend time together and with the Blackhurst/Stuart clans and birthday weekend was set.

Though I still wondered if it was the right thing to do. One of the things I've learned about myself over the years is that I can overthink things. Especially things around emotions. What would I want other people to do around a monumental anniversary of someone I had lost? Normally I want them to ignore it. I grieve on my own. Introspectively. I write about it, but I don't really want to talk about it. But again, how would the kids feel? Not only would it be horning in on their dad's day, but Ugh...boring adult friends. Right? So I worried about it, but went ahead with it.

Bright and early at Harry Potter

Saturday the boys and I went to Harry Potter and Universal. The feeling I had first seeing Hogwarts? I'm almost embarrassed how happy it made me. I mean, I get it, it's an amusement park attraction based on a fictional place, but still...Those books mean a lot to me. It bonds C and I tightly. It's his childhood. It's our experience. We both shared them and loved them. His generation is the Harry Potter generation and it's amazing how loved they are. But I love them too. And I love the memories they hold for me of reading the stories to C. 

Universal itself was crowded. And hot. Now Universal rides like to dump water on you as often as possible so we kept fairly cool. But still...so hot.

This is part of the aging thing. As I "go through the change" I'm warmer than normal as a baseline. I went from being the person who always had a sweater with me to the person asking why there isn't any damn air in this place! Seriously, it's warm all the time. And then there are the bonus hell flashes. Add those together and I cannot get cooled off easily. If it's warm outside now I'm pretty much toast. The heat makes me ill. Like I'm going to pass out or vomit or both and I can't do this right now ill. So we watch and try to head it off. Or I spend almost the entire Timbers match in a hallway with the AC vent above me and the match nowhere to be seen (as a hypothetical, this could happen).

Anyway...it was a hot day but it was totally worth it. And pumpkin juice would be good mixed with ice cream for a shake but on its own it was..well sweet. And Butter Beer tastes like butterscotch cream soda. Again, sweet, but we liked it better than the pumpkin juice. 

Sunday!

Jo, Kat, Me

We headed into California Adventure and saw everyone for the first time. They were still a bit wrecked from the travel so we only spent a little bit of time together. We rode Guardians of the Galaxy and I started the first of the rounds of questions from the boys. Andrew wanted to know my favorite Disney character, umm...that's tricky. Okay, no, it wasn't, and he was pleased with my choice. Tom wanted to know my rankings of the best of (there were a lot here) and I passed almost all of his tests with the correct rankings. I sadly disappointed him on Monday with my belief that yes indeed pineapple did belong on pizza. Michaela and I talked about my love for the shirt she had worn the day before. She let me know I could get it in New Zealand, so really easy. It made me laugh. I love a snarky answer. John did voices and dialog including accents for things...I'm not sure where they all came from but they were still enjoyable and funny. And Emily reminded both Brent and I of Jaycee who at that age believed the reason Brent was 6 foot tall was that would make him more fun to climb on. After a couple of rides we split up as they were going to hit the Incredicoaster one more time then grabs some naps. 

The boys and I spent the rest of the day between the two parks. Hitting some rides and some shopping and then watching the Paint the Night parade. It's kind of a next generation Electric Light Parade, they even play a snippet of the original song at one point. It was a nice parade and I'm glad we saw it. I'm even more glad we did reserved seating so we didn't have to wait a few hours to do so. 

Monday morning! I'M 50! Really, that was the first thought I had when I woke up. I'm 50! The boys wished me a happy birthday and we headed into California Adventure for the early morning access. Only to find that the ride I wanted to ride wasn't running. So back out to grab breakfast before meeting up with everyone else. After regrouping we hit up Space Mountain and then Pirates of the Caribbean, a ride we could all ride together! 

And then my favorite ride, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. It's the wildest ride in the wilderness, don't you know. Much to Tom's disappointment I could not be shamed into riding Splash Mountain with them so we split for a bit and Brent, C and I rode BTMR a second time and then caught up with everyone else. Plus one more!

Justy!

A birthday surprise! Ish. It wasn't a total shock. He normally nags me about coming to San Diego when I talk about going to LA and he didn't this time and I swear I saw him mention to Jessica that he was coming, though that post disappeared so I think I wasn't supposed to see it. But anyway...half surprise is still a surprise. And I was very happy to see him. 

We rode a few more things and then headed over to California Adventure to get some lunch, ride the Incredicoaster (them), and Toy Story Mania (us) again. The crowds were insane by this time. None of us were expecting Monday to be the busy day, but it was crazy. It was also crazy hot and humid. And so this is where I had to tap out the first time. After grabbing some lunch the main group was going to wander and ride what they could and we decided to seek shelter and AC shopping. It helped, but I still didn't cool off completely. A few hours later we met up for dinner together.

I wish I had thought to take a picture of Kat's first taste of a Monte Cristo sandwich. All of the Americans ordered it for dinner and she just was not sure that it was something anyone should eat. We couldn't convince her to try it with the jelly but without it was rendered, not nearly as disgusting as she thought it would be. Ha!

We got a bit of a chance to visit at dinner and then split for the last time. I could feel that the heat wasn't leaving me so walking around more in the crowd was going to have disastrous results. Which was a real bummer, but it was the right call. With age comes wisdom. And knowing that you are not going to be well if you push yourself is good wisdom. The boys were both about crowded out as well so we decided to wrap it up and go back to the room and pack and relax. They all wandered more, rode some more flipping rides, and had a ball. 

I wish we had had more time to sit in a quiet, cool, spot and visit but Disney isn't really conducive to that. I'm your quiet visit friend. I want to talk to you and hear you tell me about your life. Skippy and I have joked for years that I'm kind of the spa visit place. Mostly sober, early mornings, early evenings, probably a hike, and good food. Therapy on the side. But it was still lovely to see everyone and to give Jo the hug I've wanted to give for ages and meet the kids (most of them, James was stuck with grown-up responsibilities and didn't make it, which is probably good, because I am a lousy role model for the benefits of being a grown-up!). 

I guess I need to figure out a long trip to hit New Zealand and Australia and bring some spa that way. And whenever Justin decides he needs a quiet weekend away I'm a close flight for that. It will all work out. 

That's part of being 50. I think for the most part things work out. Sometimes it's too hot. Sometimes it's too crowded. But it all works out. You get to laugh and share some stories and get in some hugs and learn that you understand the meaning of life when asked which of the Infinity Stones you would take if you could only have two (an Andrew question, not a Tom, it would have been three if it were Tom's). 

It was a good birthday weekend. I got to share time with my boys, with my friends and at...