BDE...

Paul Giamatti was on the Late Show this week and Stephen Colbert was talking to him about being on a list of people with BDE, Big Dick Energy. Basically it's a sort of quiet confidence. Not really showy, but completely in control of themselves and confident in a solid way. You know you have a big dick so you aren't really in the position of needing to prove yourself to anyone. I was talking about it to Brent this morning and how much it appealed to me even though it falls squarely in to the sexist "Male Traits Good" language that makes me crazy. But Cate Blanchett was on the original list so at least the list wasn't only men...and I have to think Maya Angelou is the font of BDE...

BUT ANYWAY... I was telling Brent I liked the idea and it had really stuck with me and as he walked away from the car to go to work he said, "It's because you have it."

Now is that a great compliment or what? And it has to be in the running for best Cake and Compliments Month compliment already!

So of course I started thinking about it some more. And what gives someone BDE? And I think for me, the part that made Brent think I have it is that I don't care if you like me. I really don't.

Now don't get me wrong, it's nice to be liked, but I know that not everyone is going to like me. I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm just not. And I'm okay with that. Some people REALLY want to be liked, they NEED to be liked. And they will twist and contort themselves in all sorts of ways to make sure that happens. I won't. If you meet me and you hate me then that's okay. We don't all have to like each other. If you like me for awhile and you get to know me better and decide that I am actually pretty awful, that's okay. You are free to change your mind. I don't care. It's not my job to make sure you like me. It's my job to be me and if you like me then bonus, but if you don't that just means you are free to go find someone else that you might like.

I like me.

I mean I have my things that you all know about. The things I'd like to change, the areas I'm a bit crazy about, but overall even with all of those flaws I'm pretty great. I'm funny. I'm smart. I'm compassionate. I'm passionate. I'm dependable. I'm kind. I take no shit. I give no superfluous fucks. I can write a decent story. I can write a crap story and put it out there to be read anyway knowing it will only make me braver to post the good stuff. I'm solid. I really am interested in what you have to say. Not because I think it will make you like me but because I find you interesting.

I like me.

As things do in life this actually blends with a conversation Marcy and I had while hiking yesterday. We've both been called "know it alls" or that we refuse to change our minds by people when we post on social media like these are bad things. And it's funny to me. And puzzling to her. And we had a good discussion about it.

I'll give you an example of what I mean.

Say you post something you believe strongly about. Then someone posts an opposite opinion and so you say, "I don't agree and this is why..." and then they say, "You are a know it all who won't listen to reason!" Ummm...what? Or "You just believe what you want to believe!" Well, no shit, I believe this or I wouldn't post it. Why in the world would I post something I didn't believe? That makes no sense. But what they are really saying is "You did not automatically change your mind to my way of thinking so you suck." Which is really them saying that they are a know it all who won't listen to reason. Right? I mean that's really it, isn't it? If you post something and someone thinks that you will change your mind as soon as they post a difference in opinion they are pretty sure they know better than you and you should just fall in line.

People with BDE don't generally just fall in line. I'm really confident in the positions I take. I rarely post things I haven't thought through. And when I do, when I do change my mind, I post about that too. I clarify, I shift, I own up to wrong ideas. But I don't cave because one person who thinks they are right tells me to. That's ridiculous. Marcy is incredibly strong in her posts. More so than I am, really. She a Democrat and a Mormon. Basically a Unicorn. So she gets a lot of push back from friends and family about some of her stances. But she knows what she believes, she knows why she believes them, and she stands by them. Even when there are people who try their best to tell her that she's wrong because they know better...

In the same vein I quite often have people try to tell me how often to post on my page. Or what to post about. Or that I need a job or a hobby or whatever. And then when I call them on it they get huffy because I'm not doing what they want me to. Like they have some sort of controlling interest in my life.

Nope.

So I'll take the compliment that I have BDE. I will keep finding people like Marcy to be friends with because I know that she believes in what she believes in very strongly and won't cave just because I tell her that I don't believe in her religion any more than anyone else's. (I'm smiling and winking here, you just can't see it) I will keep people in my life that like me because they know who I am and are cool with that. And I will continue to be okay with it if they change their minds.

Give fucks in life, but only about things that matter. Otherwise do not waste your precious fucks on things like if people like you. Do you like you? Good enough. BDE.