As most of you know I don't sleep like a normal person. Though I have discovered that most people don't sleep like normal people. In fact I am not even sure where the idea of normal sleep came from since I have yet to meet someone who always gets those 8 hours a night from 11-7 or 10-6 or what ever. Anyway...I don't. Never have.
I have chronic insomnia. It manifests itself in a few different ways. A good night's sleep for me means a nice solid block of uninterrupted sleep. Like 3 or 4 hours. Then catnapping for a couple more. That is perfection. The only time I get more is if I am sick or drugged and neither of those is good so I will stick with the good solid block plus some extra. But most nights it's not like that.
There are the nights where I have what I think most people are familiar with as far as sleepless nights go. The nights where you just can't shut down and go to sleep. We call this busy brain in my house. You just can't stop thinking about everything long enough to get some sleep. Work stress, home stress, money stress, not sleeping stress all of these things make it worse. For me I don't have to be stressed for it to happen. Just sometimes I can't get things shut down. That's when I try using meditation techniques. Slowing down my breathing. Focusing on relaxing each body part in sequence. Just laying still. Sometimes it works to at least help me relax, sometimes it doesn't.
Then there is hormonal insomnia. Some women get insomnia as an added gift in their package of PMS symptoms. I am one of those. Sleep just isn't going to happen some months. Not tired, not a bit. I rest those nights and try not to think about the fact that it could last as many as three days before I get a really good night's sleep. And you wonder why some women are cranky and emotional around their periods? You try going without sleep for a few days and see how you do.
And then there is just not sleeping. Brain isn't particularly busy. Hormones aren't raging. I'm just not sleeping. Or I am doing the patchy sleep thing. Cat napping all night instead of a nice solid block. I used to say I'm not a good sleeper. I am trying to change that dialog in my head to I just sleep differently than most people. Since I've always been this way then it's probably fine. Though it's hard to maintain that thought when you read all of the articles about how bad sleep deprivation is for you.
So what do I do about it? I have tried a myriad of sleep aids. Natural non-habit forming aids. I don't take prescription sleeping pills because the side effects are not something I want to deal with. When I was younger I was a sleep walker and a sleep eater without the drugs, I can't imagine taking a pill that can bring that on on purpose! I've tried self-hypnosis. HGC pills. Melatonin. Valerian Root. Chamomile Tea. Peppermint Tea. Yoga. Getting up. Staying in bed. No TV. No books. TV. Books. Tracking my sleep on my phone with an app. Laughing at the results.
A friend of mine started using the UP tracker by Jawbone and I have thought about that. What it does is tell you when you are and are not sleeping and if it's a light or a deep sleep. For him it was good because it showed him that times that he thought he wasn't sleeping he really was in a light sleep. By tracking he has been able to get in to that deep sleep area more frequently. What I am afraid of is that I have done this no sleep thing for years so I've learned to keep very still when I am in bed. I don't want to toss and turn and keep Brent awake. And I know if I lay still and calm it's almost as restful as sleeping. So will the UP register that as sleep or will it be able to tell that I'm not really asleep? And if I am aware that lying still makes it think I'm sleeping will I start shaking my arm every once in awhile just to let it know I'm awake? Yes, I really do think like this. Welcome to busy brain.
I don't get up when I am not sleeping, even though you will read over and over that you should, because if I do it's game over. I know as soon as I get up the night is through. If I go to the living-room and read I will read all night. If I log on to the computer I will find friends in Australia to talk to. If I turn on the TV I will watch cheesy movies or infomercials until everyone else gets up. And I will be exhausted the next day. So I lay in bed. And most of the time it works out fine. It's only bad when I reach a few days in a row with truly lousy sleep that I get desperate for a solution. That and when I read articles linking insomnia to dementia, obesity and early death.
But if I slept like a normal person then you would miss out on gems like this one...
Last night in the middle of the night some noise outside woke Brent and I up, not completely for him, just drug him out of the deep sleep he was in and in to a light then back to that deep sleep. For me I was awake. So anyway, as we both came up out of sleep we rolled over. I had been laying on my side facing the window, he was on his back. When we were coming out of the sleep I rolled to my back and he went to his side facing the wall. Synchronized Sleeping. The thought popped in my head and I almost laughed out loud. And then the short story images started to form. A couple in their bed sleep dancing all night. Matched but sound asleep. And then George stretched out to remind me that they should have animals in their bed as well. So I added a cat and then a dog just for the comedy of it all. These two people and their animals rolling and turning in sync all night without ever being awake to realize it.
Then I started thinking that I didn't really have enough for a story. And really it was more of a visualization thing. It would make a good time-lapse video for YouTube. But that's not really where my talents are so what should I do with it? Should it become part of a longer story about a couple? Or maybe just a short story about sleep? Or...maybe you should stop thinking about this and actually get back to sleep. How would that be?
So I pushed the thoughts of synchronized sleeping out of my head and started to follow my breathing and relaxing back in to sleep. Which I did. Off and on for the rest of the night. Each time waking up to the thought...what music should be in the background? or...should it be one big dog or two little ones? or...would the couple be in the old fashioned split pajamas her in the top him in the bottoms or would that be too cute? Then finally...well at least I have something to blog about tomorrow...
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