Aubrey was one of those people who was blessed with always knowing the exact right thing to say. She knew what to say to comfort someone who was grieving. To make someone laugh. The quick, sharp comeback to someone who was rude. Always just exactly the perfect turn of phrase. The only thing she was missing was timing. Inevitably those words would come to her hours or even days after she had needed them.
She remembered once in high school when she had dropped her purse and the contents had spilled out. Every time she picked up one thing another would drop. Sue Ann, the snotty little bitch, had laughed at her and said it was no wonder she was such a butterfingers since she was so fat. At that moment all Aubrey could do was hang her head and hope nobody saw her blush. Later that night as she replayed the whole miserable scene in her head she thought, Well it's because I don't have the experience being on my knees that you do.
And it was always this way. When she had asked for a raise last year her boss had sat her down and explained that times were tough and they should all be grateful to have jobs. Now was not the time to ask for a raise. Even though Aubrey knew that Carl had gotten a raise just the week before. Later she realized she should have mentioned that she knew times were tough and this led her to no other option but to look for work that would pay her what she was worth. They wouldn't let her go. She was their best worker. She did half of his work, for goodness sake, but to actually get the words out? To even find the words while she was sitting in his office? Just didn't happen. Though she composed a well thought out letter in response to their meeting including her resignation and delivered it to him the next week. She got the raise she deserved.
She had tried everything to make it better. She had taken classes on public speaking to try and get over her fear of crowds. She had taken to practicing any major conversation she knew she would have. Which worked out brilliantly. In her bathroom as she practiced in the mirror she always ended up with what she wanted. The problem she soon discovered is that people seldom follow the script you have for them. You think they are going to say one thing and invariably they say something else. So she would be left scrambling again, not sure what to say until the next day when the brilliant response would come to her.
When email started becoming more prevalent she thought she might be saved. At least at work. You could take the time to craft a response to a question, to really think about what you wanted to say. She had loved it. Then came instant messaging. The Ding! letting her know she had a conversation waiting filled her with dread. There was no time to finesse an answer, the conversations moved too quickly. And then the company fell out of love with that technology and moved back to face to face meetings. To restore company unity. So Aubrey was left again fumbling for an answer or sitting silently while every one else talked.
A few years ago she had made friends with another woman at work who never seemed to suffer from knowing what to say. She always had a response, a quip. She never seemed uneasy even when things might turn a bit contentious. She stood her ground and never let anyone push her around. Aubrey wanted to be just like her. Then one day leaving a particularly rough meeting Ellen had whispered to Aubrey, "Why did I say that? I should learn to keep my mouth shut! Why can't I be more like you?" Aubrey, of course, didn't know what to say to this.
It took her a week to finally get the nerve to ask Ellen what she had meant, why would she want to be like her? Ellen told her all about how she always felt she needed to get the last word. To say something. Anything. She said her mother had been a mousy little woman, pushed around by her bully of a father so she had sworn she would never be like that. She would always be the one in charge. And then she said that the problem was that in trying so hard to not be her mother at times she turned in to her father.
She told Aubrey that the reason she admired her so much is that she kept her own counsel. She didn't seem to need everyone's constant approval. That when she spoke in a meeting it was always something important. She never let herself get drug in to the petty bickering. She was always the calm face waiting out the storm of egos before they could move on to the important matters.
After that conversation Aubrey started to feel a little differently about what she had always thought was a problem. Maybe it really was a positive personality trait after all. Listening more, talking less. Thinking and rethinking about conversations and problems to find the best possible answer. She could see that this might be the reason she was such a good worker and a good friend.
Though she still wished she had told off that nasty piece of work Sue Ann...
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