Books Chapter 8...

 Books Chapter Seven

“You know you met him before.”

Gloria and Ellie had just made it back to the dorm from Ellie’s reading.

“Met who?”

“Con. Excuse me, Peter. You met him when we were in middle school.”

“Okay, first off why are we talking about my TA instead of talking about how great your reading went? And second off, really?”

Ellie laughed. “Yes, I know, I am brilliant, and I held them all spellbound with my storytelling gift.”

“You think you’re joking, but it’s true. I watched them all listen to you. There were some flat out ‘I hate this bitch’ jealousy on faces tonight!”

“Or maybe it was just anger at having to listen to someone else read when they wanted to?”

“Nah, pure jealous spite and some fear that when they get the chance to read next it won’t be nearly as good. There are rewrites happening all over campus right now. You did that.”

Ellie smiled, “It was pretty great to actually share my work with people who don’t have to love me, and not be booed out of the room.”

“I don’t have to love you. I get to love you.”

“Aww, sweet. Now back to Co...Peter.”

Gloria rolled her eyes, “Fine, you aren’t going to drop it so, when did I meet him?”

“Do you remember when we went to Missy’s dance practice for her debutante ball?”

“Oh god, I’d forgotten about that. What a weird thing.”

“She didn’t think it was weird, she loved it. I am just glad Mom told me I didn’t have to do it. It was more something her mom pushed more than our dad.”

“I remember. I remember when your mom explained to me what it was and asked what I thought. I didn’t have the understanding as to why it bothered me, but I remember telling her it seemed sort of icky.”

“Yeah, she told me I had to never say that out loud to Missy or her mom. But it is sort of icky.”

“Yeah, here is my 16-year-old, she’s ready for breeding. Take a look.”

“Right? Just icky. But not to Missy. Missy loved it all. She loved the dance practice; she loved learning how to do that big dip curtsy thing. She loved gossiping with her friends over the boys that were set up to be escorts. And…”

“That’s where Peter comes in!”

“Yep. He was like the prize fish that year. The boy you wanted to escort you to the floor after you were presented. They all got to dance with him in practice a little but only one of them would get to dance with him on the big day.”

“Holy shit, I remember now. We were shameless in judging all of the girls and the potential escorts. We both agreed that that one other boy was much better looking. Who was he?”

“That was George Franklin. He was adorable, really good style, much better dancer than any of the others. He came out two years later to absolutely nobody’s surprise. You know he started My Big Gay Prom.”

“That was him?”

“Yep. He wanted everyone to have the chance to relive prom, and debutante balls, and cotillions, and just parties, being able to go with who they wanted to go with. He was just on the list of 30 under 30. Not just for his party planning business but all of his activism. Pretty amazing really.”

“I’d say we had very good taste.”

“For sure. But that day you met Peter. Yay, I said it right that time! You even danced with him much to Missy’s dismay.”

“I don’t remember dancing.”

Ellie shook her head; how could Gloria forget the best part. “Mrs. Elbersworth wanted to show the young ladies what she meant about holding frame and didn’t want to single any one of them out to embarrass. She didn’t have the same worries about you. But then you held your frame perfectly.”

“My space, your space.”

“Exactly! See? You remember!”

“I do. Sort of. I had kind of blanked it out. I thought she had picked me because I was as tall as the older girls.”

“That’s what she said, but I heard her later saying that she thought you wouldn’t have any idea how to dance so she could use you as a bad example and then pull in one of the other girls to show the correct way to hold themselves. But you did it right from the start. Then told her you learned it from watching Dirty Dancing!”

“Your mother loved that movie.”

“She did. She still does. I’m not sure why she thought a movie where someone almost dies from a botched abortion was appropriate for us at that age, but…”

“Because it wasn’t until we were in high school that we got that part. We just knew she was in trouble and sick. Sort of glazed over the rest.”

“But you got to dance with Peter before Missy did. I don’t think she ever forgave you for that.”

“Missy didn’t like me because she thought I was a bad influence on you. She wanted you to look up to her and want to be just like her. Instead, you had trashy poor friends. Her words, don’t argue with me.”

“At least she seems to be growing up a little bit now. College helped. A little. Stop lifting your eyebrows, they are going to give you forehead wrinkles!”

The girls both laughed. It was something Missy used to warn them about. Don’t move your eyebrows so much, it will give you wrinkles! Since Gloria seemed to go between eyebrows pulled down into a scowl or arched up in disbelief, she figured she was just bound to wrinkle so why worry about it?

It never made sense to Gloria how different Missy’s mother and Ellie’s mother were. Ellie’s father had married both of them, they should have been at least a little alike. Though Ellie would point out that there was a reason why Missy’s mom and their dad got divorced. Which Gloria did understand but still, they were so different it was hard to imagine why they had gotten married in the first place.

“So now you know you’ve actually danced with your TA that you keep having late meetings with. I’d say we are well on to a meet cute.”

“I don’t have late meetings with him, our meetings sometimes run late. And I’m not sure if ‘dance teacher tries to embarrass 12-year-old’ is really a meet cute.”

“I guess we’ll see.”

 Books Chapter Nine

Whew...Congratulations and Sorry....

Brent let me know yesterday that his department had enough voluntary leavers that there won't be any layoffs. I gave him a kiss and told him congratulations and I'm sorry. He smiled and said yes.

And that's what it feels like. Good to have made it another round of employee culls without losing his job but when we thought for awhile we might be able to make it work it was looking really sweet. And if it had happened that he'd get the tap on the shoulder to go anyway it wouldn't have been devastating. A little worrisome for sure as we sorted it out, but not the worst thing in the world. 

Now he's back to looking at ending his career with Intel and the next few years are going to be really challenging as they reorganize a workload that (for his area) was already really intense to being covered by even fewer people. And a few of the people who left we really critical to what they were doing. 

As is the way. 

But we are safe from layoffs and know it a month earlier than expected. So that's good. 

I actually slept better last night than I have been so I was clearly still stressing about it even though I was telling myself it would all be fine. 

He is taking his last sabbatical starting in October. That was one of the benefits they cut along with the massive layoffs. No more long sabbaticals. Which was, honestly, the very best Intel perk they had and I think it is a mistake to let it go. But they are so there it is. But Brent is still owed this one and it's already on the books. It's going to be interesting getting ready for it for him and what happens when he gets back, because it's happening right as they are restructuring (and honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if it ended up getting pushed to next year). 

Even if it does somehow get pushed we will still take the trips we already had scheduled so it would just be a choppy work time for him. 

We are also going to make a master list of things we want to do while he still has a job and we have that income. That was the biggest thing when we were looking at cuts. What will we cut when we retire, and if we retire earlier what all will be cut? Travel was a big cut. It would end up being an every few years we swing a trip situation instead of every year, or a few times a year. And they would be smaller trips. 

So where do we want to go before that changes? What would we regret not seeing? 

We are doing two things that have been "on the list" over sabbatical. A trip to Hawaii, I KNOW you are all saying, how can that be on the list when you do it all the time? Well this one is to the Big Island to do a night snorkel with the manta rays. We were going to do it years ago and the weather was so bad they cancelled the dive. It's been on the list to go back for ages, but we always go to Maui during whale season so it just kept staying on the list. This year we are doing it. I'm looking forward to it and also a little worried since it has the reputation of being a seasick making journey for even people who don't get seasick. I'm hoping since I know that ahead of time the dramamine won't fail me and it will be wonderful. We've been lucky enough to swim with rays while out snorkeling during the day but the night dive is supposed to be amazing. 

The other one off the list is going up to Leavenworth for their Christmastown. We aren't going over a weekend so we'll miss some of the activities, but we aren't going over a weekend so we will miss some of the crowds as well. The pictures always look so amazing and I think it will be fun. 

We will sit down and get serious about a bigger list and start checking them off. Sometimes it takes a jolt to let you know what you really think is important. Travel was higher on the list than I think I realized. 

But anyway...that's the update. We live to slay another day...

A Day Early...

Yes, technically August doesn't end until tomorrow, but tomorrow is sort of busy so I'll write today instead. 

I was so optimistic that August was going to be better than August has been lately and then, well, you know, August Augusted and it's been a little stressful. 

But other than that how did the month go?

The rapid fire bonkers politics slowed down. Trump is still trumping, but the dems have been having a great time. The convention was fun and interesting for the first time in ages. The press is doing them no favors, but the Harris/Walz ticket has been barnstorming the battleground states and it's been great to watch. I'm feeling a little optimistic for November but also not feeling like it's a shoe in. Trump is running to stay out of jail and he's desperate so it will still be a mess. Everyone double and triple check your registration and make sure you vote. 

Personally, aside from the Intel stress, I rolled along with things. 

Just finished week five in that 6 week running series I told you about before. I was running at 5.3 for my high speeds weeks 1-3 but dropped back to mostly 5.0 week four. The distances and elevation changes were making 5.3 just out of reach but a slight dial back and it's a stretch, but not to the point where I feel like I'm dying. And since my overall speed was around 4.5 before this is still faster and that was the goal, faster and longer without feeling like I'm dying. Also a good reminder that it's okay to step back a little when you need to. 

Writing was a little slow. That's due to the Intel stuff. I didn't want to talk about that until we made some decisions, and because all Brent and I were talking about in off times was that, so I didn't want to talk about it during other times. BUT...because it was the main thing in my head it made writing about anything else tricky. I process things by writing about them and when I haven't then nothing else wants to be there. But I hit the base goals. Nothing for padding, but the five fiction and 13 nonfiction got done. Hopefully next month that will pick back up again. I mean, I'll still be a little worried about the Intel stuff until we are past October 1, but there is nothing else to do but wait so I'm hoping it tucks back in the back of my head and sits there.

I'm three weeks into the thyroid medication. The doctor said it could take up to two months to kick in, and that's when I'll get retested, so I'm trying not to be too disappointed but... The weight gain stopped. That's the good thing. But I haven't lost any of what I gained either. Which I was really hoping would happen. My wardrobe has become a cycle of just a handful of things, especially if I have to leave the house, and I don't want to have to start replacing them. It would be incredibly depressing to get rid of everything that doesn't fit right now. So much stuff would go. But if my weight doesn't shift soon that's what I'll do. I hate the feeling of not fitting everything in my closet. I really do feel like you should not own things that make you feel badly about yourself. And trying to squeeze into a too small outfit will do that for me. And I don't think the hair loss has slowed just yet. I keep repeating, "it can take up to two months to kick in" everytime I throw away a clump of hair, but I'm not going to lie, I was hoping for a quicker turnaround.

And aside from all of that I just can't believe August is over and it's already September. We are in the rapid downhill part of the year now. Hang on tight!

Kisses...

“Everyone remembers their first kiss.”

“I don’t.”

“What? How can you not remember your first kiss?”

“I guess it’s more that I’m not sure what my first kiss was. I mean clearly your first kiss was from a family member when you were born.”

“Okay, yeah, sure, the first person to kiss you was probably your mother. But I’m talking about your first kiss from the opposite sex.”

“My dad.”

“Okay, no, I mean romantically.”

“Why does your first romantic kiss have to be from the opposite sex?”

“Okay, sure, so your first non-family, romantic kiss. Everyone remembers that.”

“When I was a kid there was a game in elementary school called ‘Catch ‘em, Kiss ‘em’ where a boy would chase the girls around or a girl would chase the boys and if they could catch them, they kissed them. Does that count as a first romantic kiss? Because I know some people viewed that as their first kiss but it’s more like ‘Sexual assault for beginners’ when you really think about it.”

“Geez, okay, no that doesn’t count. And where were the teachers when this was going on? Chasing and kissing? Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously. And there was always one kid who was way too into the game. Like that’s all they wanted to play.”

“Okay, that’s just kind of…”

“Innocent tomfoolery. That’s what it would have been viewed as. The same as when a boy would hit you or pop your bra strap or call you vicious names and the teachers, the principal, the gym coach, your parents, would tell you that it was because he liked you. So, if that kid cornered you in the hallway and kissed you, was that your first kiss?”

“Oh, fuck no. That doesn’t count.”

“There was a boy I went to church with who told everyone his first kiss was with me. You want to know how it happened?”

“I’m afraid of how this is going to go, but okay.”

“So, we were like 7 or 8, just little kids really, and we were on a church picnic by a lake. He asked me if I wanted to see something cool. Of course I wanted to see something cool. We walked down to the lake edge, and he pointed at something on the ground and said, ‘Look’ so I looked. And there was nothing there but rocks and water. I looked up to tell him that I couldn’t see the cool thing and when I raised my face he was right there and kissed me. Then said that that was the cool thing.”

“Ew.”

“Yep. And then he and his sister told everyone we were now boyfriend and girlfriend because we were kissing by the lake. I got a lecture from my mother about letting boys kiss me. He got to be the cool kid who already had a girlfriend. So, is that my first romantic kiss?”

“No. I don’t think that counts. Do you remember the first time you wanted someone to kiss you? That you wanted to kiss someone? That, I think, would be the first time.”

“I kissed a lot of people before I really wanted to be kissed by someone. There were games of spin the bottle. Seven minutes in heaven. Truth or dare. There was a lot of kissing before we even all reached dating age. And even then, there were a lot of dates that ended with a kiss that I would have been fine not kissing that person. Had no real desire to kiss them actually. But it was just what you did. You kissed. So, none of those count is what you are saying?”

“Well, yeah, no. Maybe? I don’t know now. Now I’m not even sure what my first kiss was.”

“I’m sorry. You can hold on to what you thought your first kiss was. It’s a better story than not knowing. But maybe…”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe it’s not terrible to not know. I mean you have no idea what your last kiss will be. Like in movies you see the last kiss between a couple as one is dying, the music swells, the tears fall, it’s all very moving. But in real life people die unexpectedly. Maybe the quick kiss before your spouse leaves for work is the last one you’ll ever have. Maybe the breakup kiss you had with your last partner is the last time you’ll kiss someone that passionately. The world isn’t tidy.”

“And you think that’s not terrible?”

“Yeah, I mean if this could be the last kiss you’ll ever have, then isn’t it sweeter? Shouldn’t every kiss then mean something? Kiss every kiss like it might be your last.”

“That’s a lot of pressure for a kiss.”

“It is. That’s true. So maybe it’s not a big deal to not remember your first.”

 “You could have just started with you didn’t think kissing was all that important.”

“I didn’t say that. I said I don’t remember my first kiss. I don’t remember my first, I don’t know what my last will be. I’m okay with that. I do remember one of my best kisses.”

“Do I even want to know?”

“We were picking peaches on a school outing. Peaches right from the tree when they are perfectly ripe and just a little warm from the sun are the best thing in the world. Taking a bite out of one of those perfect peaches and the juice fills your mouth and drips down your chin, and everyone is laughing and cannot believe that this fruit could be this perfect. And all you want to do is sit in the sun and eat those perfect peaches and laugh with your friends. To this day I can still smell the sweetness in the air and feel the sun on my face and hear the laughter of my friends.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Where was the kiss?”

She smiled, closed her eyes and softly touched her lips. “Right there.”

 

Writing prompt: Write about a first or last kiss. 
Fun fact, I did include my "first kiss" in the story. 

Now For Something Totally Different...

I used to watch all of the debates, all of the speeches, all of the convention footage. Political junky. Watched it all so I could form all of my own opinions. I was a one woman fact checker sitting on my couch correcting them in real time. 

Which, of course, THRILLED Brent. 

He would place mini bets on how long it would take me to start yelling at the TV. Easier to do if you know who was speaking, and when, and what their favorite "misstatements" were. 

But Trump really broke me of the habit. I didn't enjoy it anymore. There was no point in it. I thought when Paul Ryan said that Republicans wouldn't be held to account by fact checkers that was as low as the party would go. Then they just came up with alternative facts. And with banking on the media to clean up whatever nonsense Trump says with a "what he meant was" rewriting of the headline. 

There was no point in watching anyof it anymore. 

And really no point because who I will and will not vote for has been locked in since Trump got the nomination the first time and the whole party started to fall in line with his world vision. Unless the Republican party has a massive shift I cannot see that changing any time soon. 

But I still checked in on the Republican convention this year for a brief moment. See after the assassination attempt we were promised a new party philosophy. They had seen the light. An actual come to Jesus moment where they were going to be different. 

And they weren't. They were what they have been. They are what they are. And no giant bandage could cover that up. 

Then the talk about Biden dropping out got more heated and there was some talk of a contested convention. Which even Brent was like, "I guess we will have to watch" because of course we would. One it would have been historic. We've never seen one. How would it even work. And who would run? And... But then it was apparent that Biden had his ducks in a row before he stepped away and Harris was set up for success instead of chaos. Again, so glad to have been wrong about that. 

So no need to watch the convention again. I know who I'm voting for. 

But...

I tuned in on Monday while I was cooking dinner. The DNC had a feed on YouTube where it just showed the convention. No talking heads telling me what to think about it. No panel talking over people who they didn't think were interesting enough to listen to. Just the direct feed from the stage. And I watched. And watched. And watched. Monday night went LATE. Biden was the last speaker and it was past midnight DC time before he finished. For a party that was worried about his stamina and his age he kicked that speech out of the park when it was past my bedtime on the West Coast!

But I enjoyed Monday's speeches so I tuned in again on Tuesday. And again on Wednesday. And Thursday. 

I watched it all. 

Brent was not impressed. He saw no need to do it. But I told him it was birthday week so he had to. And he did. 

He wasn't impressed but I was. I enjoyed probably 80% of the speakers I saw. I liked the messaging. I loved the feeling of an energetic and enthusiastic crowd that came across my television set. This was not the doom and gloom and darkness of the Republican convention, which there is always a marked difference, but it wasn't even the cautious let's try and be optimistic feeling of past Democratic conventions. It was a freaking dance party during roll call. It was speakers talking about moving forward with a "joyful warrior" mindset. 

I am here for it. 

It filled my tank in a way that it has not been filled in a long time. 

Unapologetically optimistic about America's future. The belief that we can and will make a difference. Trump and his ideology can and will be defeated. Not running from the feeling of loving America and also believing she can be better. Those ideas are compatible. "In order to form a more perfect union" means we are always looking to improve. It's never we already formed the most perfect union so let's freeze in place. It's a movement. Forward progress. 

We're not going back.

Oh my gosh I loved it all. 

Now we just need to carry all of that with us. Bottle that feeling and put it in our pockets. 

Make sure your voter registration is up to date. Talk to your friends about checking theirs. Have a voting plan. 

Be ready. 

Because when we fight...we win.

And I am excited for the fight. 

Books Chapter 7...

 Books Chapter Six

“Okay, I’ll start at the beginning. Freshman year, pledge week.”

“I didn’t know you were a fraternity guy.”

“Are you telling this story, or am I?”

Gloria laughed, “Sorry, I’ll just sit back and listen. No questions.”

He raised his eyebrows, “Somehow, I doubt that. Anyway, I was pledging Deke, Delta Kappa Epsilon. It had always been understood that I would be a member and so I just followed that path without much thinking about it. Pledge week we were each handed a copy of the tome. It hadn’t even been released yet. This is a prerelease limited edition just for promising young men who will grow up to be the leaders of your country. Impressed?”

“Hardly.”

“That’s not surprising. But we each got a copy and were to read it and know it well enough that anytime a brother asked us a question about it we could recite back an answer. I was actually kind of stoked about it. I mean, pledge weeks have awful reputations of the shit they make you do, but reading? This was definitely my fraternity; these were my people.

Then I started to read it. As you mentioned, it’s well, it’s a lot. He is pretty sure he’s the smartest person to have ever written a book and really wants you to know that. I wasn’t really enjoying it, but I could fake my way through pledge week. No problem.

Then I noticed that all of my older brothers had copies of their own book to live by.  Also, a massive tome. Also, massively unreadable. Instead of Infinite Jest they all had Atlas Shrugged.”

“Oh no!”

“Oh yes. And not only did they all have it there were extra copies just lying around everywhere so you could pick one up and read it at any time. Just in case you were in the mood for some elitist bullshit. But I thought, well, maybe they hadn’t really read it any more than my pledge brothers were reading our tome. So, I asked a few about it. They were reading it. They were enthralled by the ideas. Not only had they read the book they had become Randian acolytes. They were better than everyone else and should be treated accordingly. They deserved every good thing and if that meant that someone else suffered, well was that really their fault?”

Gloria screwed up her face to keep from interjecting.

“Exactly. So, I quit. I packed up my bag and went back to my dorm only to discover that I no longer had a room in Berranger Hall. Everything had been packed up and was at Student Services and my room had been given away.”

“You had a room in Berranger Hall? You gave up a room in Berranger Hall? Nobody gives up a room in Berranger Hall!”

“It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. I had every expectation that I would be living in the Deke house. No need for the room. I was a shoe in there. No worries about getting washed out. When I quit the pledge process, I didn’t have a room anymore. At least not my old room. They found a space for me in Purgatory Hall.”

“Purgatory Hall?”

“The old dorms. They tore them down the next year to build new. But I was lucky enough to be one of the last residents. And during my year there I was grateful to have the tome. It was useful for propping the window open when the AC didn’t work. It was great at blocking the bathroom door that didn’t lock so you could have a minute of privacy. It was just the right height to stand on to wiggle the bulb in the ceiling so the light would work.”

“Ah, the physically using the book now makes sense. And metaphorically?”

“I carry it everywhere. It’s a weight. A constant reminder that I was set up in life to be able to carry more than other people. Not because I’m better, or stronger, or more capable, but because I was born into a family and system that set me up well. I should carry more because I can carry more. I’ll let it go, eventually, it will end up sitting on the bookshelf of my office or in my house, always a reminder that just because the world sees you one way doesn’t mean you have to see yourself through that same lens. You get to make choices. And sometimes they are going to mean losing your room in the best dorm on campus and staying in purgatory.”

“Hunh.”

“Not really what you expected?”

“No, not really. Maybe you should put some sort of ‘It’s a stepstool, not a book’ sticker on the cover?”

With a quick knock on the door and without waiting for an answer Ellie came rushing into the room.

“Hey! Here you are! Sorry, to interrupt but I don’t want to be late…and…Hey, Con. Wait, are you the TA for comparative lit?”

“Ellie, hello, lovely to see you. Yes, I am. You two know each other I guess?”

“Yes, actually, Ellie is the future best seller I was talking about earlier. Let me pack up and we’ll get going. And Con?”

“Short for Conrad. I started using my middle name a few years ago.” He turned to Ellie now, “I go by Peter now.”

“Short for your middle name, actually. It is nice to see you, and we should catch up soon, and again, I hate to be rude, but I really do need to pull Gloria away now.” Ellie paused for a second, “Would you like to join us?”

“Thank you, but I have someplace I need to be tonight. Gloria, thank you for the time tonight. Just a quick run with your proofreader and your paper should be ready to go. Enjoy your reading, ladies.”

Gloria and Ellie hurried out to the auditorium for Ellie’s reading. “Your TA is Conrad Peterson Berranger. Will wonders never cease.”

“Wait, what? Berranger?”

“Yeah, did you not know his last name?”

“He never said it. Just told everyone to call him Peter. Berranger, like Berranger Hall and Berranger Field?”

“Yeah, he had a falling out with his father a few years ago, big scandal, something about a fraternity, I think? His dad had him tossed out of his dorm room and everything. Big whispers at all the holiday parties that year. I always assumed he must have gotten in trouble at a party, brought embarrassment to the family sort of thing. But it was all just gossip.”

“Well, he did say he was a shoe in to make it. Interesting.”

“What is interesting?”

“The fact that you are reading your first chapter tonight and I get to be there to see other people realize what a genius you are.”

Ellie tried to glare at her, she was avoiding answering directly and Ellie hated it when people did that. But she’d let it pass tonight. Tonight, she was too nervous about her own story to get too wrapped up in someone else’s.

Books Chapter Eight

August Gonna August Cont......

It started with a text message. 

Brent: "hunh"

Me: "What?"

Brent: "That was (redacted) asking if the news was going to affect me."

Me: "What news?"

We hadn't heard a word yet but the leaks had started. Massive layoffs coming down the pike.

The next day the rumor mill at work was churning. There had been multiple leaks to news organizations and the numbers everyone was hearing were large. 

Then the announcement came that a company wide meeting was being moved up. 

Well shit. 

The meeting happened and the numbers were huge. Like I mentioned yesterday 15,000. Holy. Shit.

There would be three phases, early retirement, voluntary separation, then involuntary. There was a package offer for all of it. Which at first we didn't know, we thought it was if you did it voluntarily you got the package and if you waited and were let go, you got nothing, which is how it's been done in the past.

Yes, in the past. In the decades that Brent's been with Intel this is our (we want to say) third time through a massive workforce cull. Though this is the largest for sure. Each time it's happened before it wasn't the right time for us to leave. Katie was still young, or ready to leave for college. The packages were nice, but we are pretty fiscally conservative, not big risk takers at all when it comes to money. Brent's a former finance guy so it's in his personality makeup and I grew up poor so I'm always pretty convinced we are one step away from the street. 

But we have regretted not doing it. Especially since we've had friends who took the packages, went to work someplace else for a little bit, then came back to Intel later for higher pay. 

And this time he hit two of the three markers to make him eligible for the early retirement package. Which in the past he hadn't been eligible for that bigger offer. 

As the information came out as to what they would pay you to leave, and what benefits they would cover for how long we started looking at how we could make that work. We sent the information to our accountant to see the tax hit. We talked to our investment guy to see if we had the money to make it work. 

See, we've had a five year plan going for awhile. With a three year super stretch goal. Suddenly we had a five week plan with a three week planning period. 

A lot of sleepless nights and long discussions. What would we need to do to make it work? Could we make it work? Do we want to make it work?

And happening all around us making that decision were other people making the decision to stay or leave. Which if you stay and 15,000 coworkers don't, your workload is going to change. And they are not only culling a large chunk of the workforce but they are changing pay and bonus structures and cutting some benefits. So more work for less compensation. 

Also in the mix is the fact that he's almost 56. That's not old by any stretch, unless you are talking job hunting. Then it's practically ancient. So if he took the package from Intel with the plan of working for someone else would that even happen? 

Finally the tax ramifications came back; ouch. A little over a third of the pay out gone to taxes. And it would bump us into a higher tax bracket for the year so we would owe more on what he's already made. And then the results from our investment guy. They ran the Monte Carlo (computer simulations for future casting) and it came back 50/50 that we would have enough to last until 80. And since I'm planning on living to be 100 I had already given up 20 years of lifespan to even get that close. 

The biggest hits were the mortgage and health care. We have almost 10 years before we are eligible for medicare. We've been putting money in an HSA to cover the gap if he retires in his early 60s but cutting out five years of growing the account and starting to draw from it right now left us short. For those of you that don't live here, looking at getting health insurance for the two of us was between $15,000 and $30,000 a year. And that's just the premiums, not the deductible or not covered items (which with the 15K there are a lot of not covered items). 

Once we lined it all out, what we would need to do to make it work, what we would need to give up, what we would need to reduce, what the chances are that it would work out, after Brent talked to other friends in his network about the chances of getting another job (the tech industry as a whole is struggling so it was a giant risk) we decided to ride it out. As Brent said, when we penciled it out we discovered we didn't have enough lead...

He's not taking the voluntary early retirement. So now we wait and see if they come tap him on the shoulder and tell him he's going anyway. We don't think they will. They never have in the past, it doesn't seem like he's at risk now, but you never know. And if they do then we are no worse off than we would be if we took it now. In fact we'd be a few months better off, a few more months of pay and benefits before they ended. 

It's been stressful trying to figure it out. And if we had a year to get situated the decision might have been different. We would be able to move more easily (trying to move without an income makes getting a loan harder, not impossible, but much harder). We would have been able to really load up on the HSA and some other retirement investments and savings plans. But three weeks wasn't enough time. And especially knowing that he'd still need to work to be safe. As the finance guy said, "You already have a job that pays (this much) so why go look for a different job that pays less than that?"

So now we wait...

But we also got the chance to see what was really important to us as far as spending goes. The first thing we did was let Katie know that if we did it she would get less when we died and we wouldn't be as strong of a safety net for her if something happened in her volatile industry. So clearly our number one priority is still being able to help her if we need to. The second thing we discovered is that we would really miss travel. The idea of not being able to travel unless the stock market had a really great year was a little disconcerting. 

We still might look at moving. Even moving just across the river to Vancouver would save us money on the house and on taxes so that's a consideration we will explore. We also are still thinking about moving to a place where the cost of living is better. Just to help move that needle. One of our challenges there is politics. The cheapest places have the worst politics. And to be really fair our biggest challenge is me. I don't want to move. I love Oregon. I love that Katie is now close. It will be difficult to get me to uproot. But I'm willing to consider it. 

Here's where I worry we are making the wrong choice. Brent's dad died at 58. Will I look back in a few years and wish we would have made it work because I missed the chance to spend extra time with him? Or do we move forward knowing that Brent has made different health choices to break the early Mastenbrook male death trend? My dad was the oldest living Clifton male ever. He broke a bad trend. Brent could as well. But those are 2 AM thoughts...

Right now we just move forward like nothing has changed. Brent's sabbatical is still on the calendar, though we know that could end up not happening as they have to restructure work loads. If it does we will still take the trips we planned and already reserved but it will be a week off here, a week off there, instead of the full deal. And then he'll take it next year, or get paid out for it depending on what they want. 

And once we pass the involuntary time period we make plans for the things we want to do before he leaves the workforce and we enjoy the opportunities we have. And understand that he will need those breaks even more because it's going to be rough going covering for everyone else who leaves.

Assuming we pass the involuntary time period. October 1 is when they will have let everyone know.  

Wish us luck!

Wake me up when September ends....