That Type of Woman...

She knew exactly when she became "that type of woman." Or at least she could narrow it down to a one month period in her life. She had always wondered what "that type of woman" could possibly think, or believe, or feel, and then she knew.

She never said anything though. She didn't want anyone else to know that she was "that type of woman." After all hadn't she and her very smug friends always looked down on them? Pitied them? Which would be the worst thing of all. To be pitied. She didn't even allow self-pity. At least not for long. Oh sure there was a stretch where she thought she deserved some special consideration, some allowance, but that didn't last. Once she accepted that she was in fact "that type of woman" she only had herself to blame. Or give credit to.

The only thing she would change if she could would be to apologize to the women she had judged before. But she knew if they were like her they would want everyone to pretend they didn't know. That they assumed they were hiding that they were "that type of woman."

Was it an age thing? She wondered about that. She had always worked with mainly women. She knew attitudes changed as each generation came in to the office. Those a few decades older than she was would have blamed her. It was because she had put so much focus on her job. Really they were all taking a risk of it by working. The women a decade younger than her would put the blame squarely on him. How dare he do such a thing. And on the other. To betray a sister like that? She was the worst. And the much younger would laugh at the idea of labeling anything anyway. Wasn't that just like ownership? It wasn't natural. People needed to be free.

She didn't blame the other woman. She owed her nothing. They didn't even know each other. How could she feel any sort of responsibility towards a woman whose only connection was an obviously strained marriage to an attractive man? As for the younger ones, she had watched their attitudes around commitment change as their partners did. It was easy to live with no labels when you weren't really serious about your partner. But as soon as you started to envision them as the father of your children? Well ideas about faithfulness soon followed. She assumed it was biological.

As for her generation? They had always sworn to each other that they would not be like the generation before. They would not put up with bad behavior. They would insist on monogamy. On faithfulness. On true partnership. And they would do so while pursuing their dreams as well. It wasn't their responsibility to meet every need he might have. Every thought that might enter his head was not to be taken as law. They would never be that sort of woman. The type that stayed when the man strayed. How sad and pathetic those women were.

But then she found the evidence that she was in fact "that type of woman." Even if it was unknowingly. She had spent some time processing the information. And re-evaluating everything she knew about her life and her past in light of it. Then she confronted him. He first tried to lie, then to explain, and finally to ask for forgiveness. That was when she discovered that she was also much crueler than she ever knew.

She withheld. She could see that it hurt him and she didn't care. Or more accurately she enjoyed it. She wanted him to hurt. She had a business trip during that time. Sitting in the airport on the way home she noticed someone had left a hotel room key, one of the new electronic ones. Hadn't she just read a story about the information stored on those keys? She picked it up to take home with her, just in case. She didn't want someone to have their information stolen because she left it there. When she was unpacking he noticed the key. And the fact that it wasn't from the hotel she stayed in. She could have cleared up the confusion, but didn't say anything. He didn't get to ask her about such things right now.

Later she realized she had probably helped hide someone else's infidelity. A key to a hotel they were not supposed to be in. She laughed and it was bitter.

But then she admitted to herself that she would rather move forward with him than without him. They started therapy. He said it wasn't her fault. He was feeling old and unattractive and he had been stupid and vain. She had been surprised. How could he have felt that way? He was still the most attractive man she knew. She told him that. He said he had stopped believing her. Not because of her, but because of him. He felt tired. Worn. The other had made him feel better about himself. Therapy was like pouring rubbing alcohol on an open wound.

They worked through it.

Eventually he asked about the hotel room key. She was still tempted to tell him it was none of his business. She told him the truth. He cried. She was too good for him. He would spend all of his time making up for his failure. She didn't want that. She didn't want to think about it. The therapist said that was an option. That they could close that chapter and just move forward.

And so she became "that type of woman." The type that forgave. That didn't leave. That moved forward.

She came to think of it as strength instead of weakness. That leaving would have been easy. But staying was better.

So now she knew what "that type of woman" thought and felt and believed.

She still wished she didn't.



(Writing prompt: That Type of Woman, there is another direction I thought about taking this but when I first read the prompt I had The Pina Colada song going through my head and I have issues around it so this tied in to that and here we are)

Day Six...

So...I had a few really good days. Did the clear out notifications once when I posted a blog. Made birthday wishes through the reminder on my phone, not even going to a page to do it. Feeling a little good about my incredible will power and commitment to this diet...

Then yesterday ate a Super Sized Big Mac Meal in the parking lot of McDonald's...hypothetically.

It started out innocent enough. I got a notification when I logged on to my computer. So I looked. Then I was scrolling down my page catching up on bits of bobs of news...I miss you guys. I really do. After a long scroll of one more look and then I'm done I closed it out. But then I got a notification on my phone and before I thought about it I clicked through and opened Facebook on my phone for the first time in days. Ugh.

So today was the recomit day. But...Guys, Belgium beat Brazil and I HAD to see Nico's joy for myself. Really that was all it was...just a peek to see someone who was going to be SUPER happy about it. AND then True Facts had sent me an update to a new video so I watched that but does that even count? I mean it's really YouTube right? But then...well I had a box of donuts in the parking lot of Krispy Kreme.

Diets are not my strong suit.

Cheating on diets? Now that I'm a pro at!

So back to it. Again. But we're only 6 days in so it's okay. I'll break the habit. Or at least I will get through the month.

I'm learning a few things already though.

First off, being off Facebook does not in fact make me any less cranky about what our current White House inhabitant is doing. I'm still yelling at the TV and radio when people are stupid about what he says and does. I'm still disgusted with my fellow Americans who voted for his skanky ass. I'm still amazed at how blatant he is about his disgustingness and how THEY praise him for it. So Facebook isn't the issue here. It's not Facebook, it's me. It's like an old Malcolm in the Middle episode where the girl says, "It's not you. It's me. I've decided I can do better." It's not you, it's me. I'm disgusted by him. I wish we had done better.

Secondly, I really do miss you guys. I love my introverted way of interacting with everyone. I get to be part of your lives and not have people breathing my air. It's really pretty perfect. So after my diet is over I imagine I will not do this again. At least that's what I think at Day 6. We will see if I get past this part by day 31.

And third, it's not really freeing up a lot of time in schedule like I thought it would. What I've discovered is that Facebook was a filler. Like cleaning the bathrooms yesterday I had moments where I thought "I should check Facebook" and normally I would have. But it's not like I got the bathrooms clean in an appreciable lesser amount of time. And maybe that will change once World Cup is over and I'm not sitting on my ass watching soccer for a few hours. Maybe it's just that I've replaced one time suck with another. We will see soon on that one. But for now? It's not as you would notice.

Fourth,  I feel like my diet is going to make you all thinner. Sort of like when I go on an actual diet Brent loses weight. I think my not posting about politics and every thought that comes in my head is probably making it better for all of you. Less angry rants. In any case it's at least freeing up a spot on your feed for someone else to post. Though I am sure they are not nearly as funny as I am. I mean, really. I'm so funny.

And last, I miss my laugh emojis. Can you tell? I like to make people laugh and Brent is going to get tired on the onslaught of pent up status updates soon enough.

Okay, so there is the Day 6 update. I also have a short fiction piece bobbing in my head that I'll try and get out this weekend. It's another scene from a life thing. So don't expect any resolution. But if you read my stuff you should know that by now...

*sigh*

Okay, I'm going.

Really.

Diet time...

Happy 5th of July!

The Fourth of July is my least favorite holiday.

I know that puts me on a few people's lists of undesirable but that is part of why I really don't like it.

I hate forced patriotism. I hate fake patriotism. I hate being told how to behave. I hate being told the right way to be any one thing. I hate rudeness. All of these things seem to get wrapped up in the 4th of July now.

It wasn't like that when I was a kid. I'm not sure if it's because I was a kid so I didn't notice or if it's because of 9/11. But I think it's because of 9/11. See when I was a kid I remember the church having these "big" 4th celebrations. There would be a potluck and fireworks in the courtyard. Now here is a weird thing that probably only one person who sometimes reads my blog will get, but using the courtyard at the church was kind of a cool special thing. The way the church was built there was the fellowship hall side and the main sanctuary side with a hallway of classrooms linking the two. The kitchen and some of the classrooms opened on to a courtyard that was between the two spaces. It was used for VBS and 4th of July. I think maybe volleyball later, but volleyball was big with the youth group after I left so I don't know for sure if it was played in the courtyard or the parking lot. Anyway...it was kind of cool to use a space that we normally didn't use.

Everyone would pool their fireworks and we'd have a bigger display that way. There was also this giant board for the spinners. Every year a group would nail a bunch of spinners on the board and link the fuses and try to get a massive display of those going at once. I'm not sure it ever worked right. But we all would wait for the grand finale of the spinner board to see. I feel like it was kind of a Clark's mom in Christmas Vacation moment...it didn't work, but we could all see it in our heads and it was lovely. Kind of like how I ended up feeling about religion as a whole. But anyway...

Here is why I think it's 9/11 that ruined the 4th for me. When we were stationed in Idaho Falls before 9/11 they had a 4th of July parade every year. It was a great small town parade. A lot of fun, but nothing major. Just kids and a band or two and the local organizations of whatevers marching. And then Melaleuca would do a big display over the Falls at night. It was the first time I'd ever seen fireworks set to music. You tuned your radio to a local station and it synced up. Mostly. Not like now where the fireworks practically dance, but it was pretty cool...

Okay, I just went and looked up the spelling of Melaleuca to make sure I got it right and found a website for the fireworks display, I guess it's a bigger deal than I realized,(Largest display West of the Mississippi!) or more likely since it was only a few years old when we were there it wasn't as big of a deal. BUT it lends itself to what I don't care for now. Instead of just being a 4th of July fireworks display it's called the FREEDOM CELEBRATION!

The 4th of July is patriotism on steroids. And I get it, it's our birthday, believe me, I am never someone to say don't make a big deal out of your birthday, but even for me it's a bit much.

The rudeness makes me tense. Fireworks in Oregon are limited. You can only get the ground ones and they can only shoot sparks so high. But in Washington (except for Vancouver city limits this year) you can get anything your heart desires. So of course people here drive across the river and get the giant fireworks there and bring them back. This is why everytime someone makes the gun argument about Chicago's strict laws I roll my eyes so hard I see double. If the state next to you doesn't have strict laws it doesn't matter. We have cars.

Anyway...the week before the 4th the fireworks start. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! At midnight on the 4th some asshole sets off a round of loud ones. And at midnight on the 5th another (or possibly the same) does it again. Like those strings of the loud poppers. What is the point of those? Just to make noise? They aren't pretty they just scare dogs and cats and probably the veterans that you will swear to me I'm disrespecting by wishing fireworks except for the professional displays were illegal all together.

Because I do.

When we lived in California I was shocked the first 4th that rolled around and there were no fireworks to be had. Nothing. You didn't set off your own. See July is the middle of fire season out West and California figured out that limiting the amount of fire out there was a good thing. So yeah, no fireworks for you. Except for the professional displays. And there were plenty of those. I really liked it after I got used to the idea. No middle of the night wake ups. No baying terrified dogs. No worries that the drunk guy next door was going to launch a bottle rocket on to my roof and burn down my house. It was lovely.

But that's not what we have here. We still have the fire danger, and the scared pets, and more PTSD afflicted vets than ever before, but people want their fireworks dammit and if you say otherwise you're just unAmerican!

And then there is the extra level of forced patriotism now. It's all about celebrating the military. And the flag. And wrapping ourselves in we are the greatest glory. And I don't dig that. It's too much. I don't need 7 flags to prove anything to you. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually a fan of America as a whole. I think we have a lot of areas for improvement, but I love my country and wanting it to be better isn't a negative to me. But the dude over there wearing the flag as a swimsuit while wiping his dirty mouth on a throwaway stars and stripes napkin will tell me that my lack of patriotism means I should move.

It's become a test of "real America."

Which I take back to 9/11. After the towers fell people got SUPER patriotic. I lived in a military town at the time and everybody had flags out. They had flag magnets for theirs cars, flags flying from their antennas, they started wearing flag pins. Not just politicians, though you better believe they did, but everybody. I didn't. I have a weird thing about the flag and the flag code. There are actually rules about how to treat the flag that most everybody ignores. It makes me a little cranky. Not just because they ignore them but because they then want to tell everyone else about respecting the flag.

We also started this weird fetishization around the military after 9/11. Where somehow everyone who ever served is a good guy and you can't question them. I'm sorry, I grew up in a military town, my husband served, my dad served, my father-in-law served, that's not how it works. There are a lot of really good people in the military. There are people who do amazing things; who do them under incredibly difficult circumstances. Who deserve not our lip service thanks but actual benefits and help when they return. And then there are assholes. Major league assholes. The military has a sexual assault problem. The military has people who serve because there are still judges giving youth the option of jail time or military service. The military has people who wouldn't have passed the intelligence level test or the psychological evaluations pre 9/11 but when the recruitment and retention levels got too low they were lowered so now these people are serving. Good people put on the uniform and do amazing things. Bad people put on the uniform and are still bad people.

But you aren't allowed to say that.

I mean you aren't supposed to. I still do. And I get called a lot of names. And told to move to Canada. Or Venezuela. Ironically by a lot of people who never served or had a family member who served.

But I'm not patriotic enough for them.

Because you have to wrap yourself in the flag, blow up shit, and pretend that the military is home to only superheroes to be good enough in this country.

It's the most American of all of our holidays. Not just because it's a celebration of our start, but because it's a reflection of our worst traits. But with sparkles so we can pretend it's not.

So I'm glad it's the 5th of July. I'm glad that the neighbors will use up their fireworks here soon and we won't have the sound of mortars going off all night. I'm glad the disposable flag plates and napkins will get put away for another year.

I love my country but my compatriots try my last nerve at times.

Play the Game...

She watched the fields fly by outside her window. That's what it looked like. Even though she knew the fields were staying still and she was the one moving on.

"You hungry?"

She looked over at his profile. He never took his eyes off of the road ahead even when he was talking to her. "Starting to get that way."

"There's a little Gas and Go up ahead. We can grab some snacks there when we fill up, or we can wait for a restaurant."

"Why don't we ask them if there is any place close by. If not we can grab snacks. Maybe we should grab snacks for later just in case anyway." She didn't know how far they were going so couldn't really plan how hungry she might be when.

"That sounds good." He focused on the driving again.

She was kind of amazed how focused he could get. She had pointed out interesting things here and there but he never wavered. Just looked straight ahead with a few glances in the rear view mirror from time to time.

She went back to watching the fields. They were headed east. She would have rather gone west. Toward the coast. Through the forests. But instead they were headed east through the farmland. Acres and acres of the same. She should have been bored by the sameness, a few cows counted as something new to look at out here, but it was all lovely in its own way. The wheat was ready for harvest so it was waves and waves of golden stalks swaying in the barely there breeze. "I wish I had a camera."

"Why?"

"Why? To take pictures. It's really pretty. It would be nice to remember."

"I've noticed most people don't look at the pictures they take. They put them up on social media and then forget about them. They don't take pictures to remember, they take pictures to show everyone else where they are that others aren't."

She thought about it. Was that true? Did she only take pictures to show off where she was that they weren't? She dismissed it. That would mean she cared what other people thought. And she was fairly famous for not doing that. Sitting in office after office while authority figures lectured her on appropriate behavior that all pretty much boiled down to "what will people think?" She didn't really care. The only time she worried about what people thought was when it could directly get her in trouble.

"Did you want me to pick up cigarettes at the gas station?"

She turned to him and stared. Had he been reading her mind? She thought she had put out the cigarette fast enough when he was walking toward her group of friends. She guessed not. "Well that would be against the law, now wouldn't it?" She tried to make it a joke.

"Technically, it's against the law for the gas station to sell you the cigarettes. It's not against the law for you to have them or for you to smoke them. Just for them to sell them to you. Which you either already know, or don't care about."

"Got me there."

"So do you want cigarettes?"

"Can I smoke in the car?"

"No."

"Then no."

He nodded and kept driving. She wondered how long it would be but was refusing to ask. If he wasn't going to share details neither was she. She had turned it into a game. So far they were tied, but it felt like he was probably winning. She wasn't really used to that. She normally won everything she chose to play. Even if most people didn't realize they were playing. One of those authority figures had told her that being clever was all well and good but someday she would do well to be kind instead. She had just broken the arm of kid in her class. Kind was out of the question. But since she had refused to say why she had done it, and he certainly wasn't talking either, the authorities had had no choice but to put it down to kids just roughhousing.

Really rough. But he, nor anyone else, had touched her foster sister against her wishes again. At least not while she was living with them. She only played games to win.

Usually.

They were approaching the Gas and Go. "Do you want to wait in the car or would you rather get out and stretch your legs?"

"We've been driving for four hours. I really need to get out and pee."

"Oh. Yeah. Okay."

She couldn't believe he didn't need to. But then again she had had a Big Gulp right after school and he might not have. Who knows, maybe he was a once a day pee person. She had a foster brother for awhile that only went twice a day. Once when he woke up and once when he got home from school. He said he had trained himself to use the bathroom only when other people were not going to be around. There was no more vulnerable place to be than a bathroom. She had thought about waiting outside the door when he was inside just to jump out and scare him. But that would be a really shitty thing to do. Everyone needed some time that they felt secure.

When they pulled up to the pumps an overly excited Golden Retriever mix came bounding up to the car to greet them. "Gracie! Gracie, you get back here! You don't know that they want to talk to you!"

She laughed. Gracie apparently did not care what they wanted. She wanted pet. They both obliged. "Excuse me, where is your restroom?"

"Gracie, sit! Just around back. Here you go." He handed her a key on a long wooden dowel. "Gracie might follow you. I'll tell her no, but she has a listening problem."

She laughed. "Some of us do."

She thought she heard a soft snort from the direction of the pumps.

She peed for what felt like 10 minutes. Thank goodness they stopped when they did or she would have been forced to water the grain fields. She had a vague memory of doing that as a child. Being on a road trip where bathroom breaks were pulling over on the side of the road. She tried to remember more about that, but there just wasn't anything there. Had that been with her family, her real family, or with another set of foster parents? She just didn't know anymore. She washed her hands and checked herself out in the mirror. She was going to be 18 in a few months. Out of the system. On her own. She had been waiting patiently for that day for as long as she could remember. Something big on the horizon.

She pet Gracie for a little bit longer while she waited for him to settle up the bill and ask about restaurants. He came out with a bag full of snacks and a few sandwiches. "There isn't anything for another few hundred miles, they sell homemade sandwiches here so I picked up a few of those. We can eat in the car."

"Sounds good." She thumped Gracie on the side a few times and wished her luck in life then climbed back into the car and they were on their way again.

She didn't know to where. She didn't know how far. She just knew when the stranger had pulled up after school and said "Grab your things, it's time to take you home." she had gone.

You play the game. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you don't.

Day 3...

July 3...the longest month has only just begun...I don't know if I can make it...I think it qualifies as the dumbest thing I've ever done...

Okay, maybe not. I mean let's face it, I've done A LOT of dumb things.

When I quit smoking getting past the physical addiction was the easy part. I tapered off of smoking in just a few weeks. It was the habitual, ritual part that I had a hard time with. YEARS later I would be doing something and find myself reaching for cigarettes. Breaking a habit is extremely difficult.

This is extremely difficult.

There is a lot of positive reinforcement for this habit as well. It's how I interact with friends. It's how I get to see the world outside of my town. It's how I share experiences with people in other countries in real time. (sorry about the World Cup texts, Brent, I just have to share my excitement/disappointment and you are stuck with me) Basically I love Facebook.

BUT...

It's also how I spend way too much of my time. I moved it from my homescreen on my phone and the number of times I open Amazon (the app that is in it's old location now) shows how little I pay attention to opening Facebook. So far that's not been an issue. Open it, roll my eyes at myself, close it. I'm really hoping that habit is gone by Prime Day next week or that could be bad as well.

Another negative I talked about is the onslaught of bad news and anger at the news. I just need a break. But at the same time I really like seeing how other people feel about current events and it's really difficult not to share stories, podcasts, news tidbits, my personal so enlightened take on everything. Like yesterday when they found the boys in the cave and they are all alive? Oh holy cow...I got all teary eyed and just had to sit with it and not share it. Which is how we all lived our lives for ages. But not how we do it now.

Like I said before, it's a diet not a fast and that's good because I've "cheated" a few times. I cleared out notifications on Sunday and again yesterday. I just could "feel" them in there. The counter going up, it made me twitchy. I can only battle one piece of crazy at a time and so the "clear it out" crazy has to be dealt with while I'm battling the "I hate to feel addicted" crazy.  I think that should rectify itself with time anyway. When I post blogs I would guess I will scan my notifications and deal with anything that looks like it's actually an issue and not just a notice. And as I only post the cross posts from Instagram and some birthday wishes those should dwindle naturally anyway.

When I quit smoking I started chewing on straws to keep my hands and mouth busy. I sort of did the same thing with adding a cross-word puzzle game to my phone. My logic is that while I'm breaking the habit of Facebook I will play my game when I absentmindedly pick up my phone. But I also know that I will get bored with playing cross-word puzzles within a few days so when I stop playing those and put down the phone my hope is that the habit of picking it up for a reward will be gone. That's the working theory at least. We will see how it goes.

So Day 3. I'm still dieting. I've cheated on the diet. And the living room is still not painted.

I'll let you know if anything changes.

But don't bet on the living room.

Seriously.

It's been two years.

Judgements...

I have a friend who will not ever say a negative thing about a famous black man. As a black man himself he feels like the world we live in is already hard enough on black men so he will not tear a brother down.

I have female friends who post memes about not ever tearing another woman down. That they will only build up other women. They feel that world we live in is already hard enough on women that they will not add to the mix.

I do not subscribe to either of these principles.

My feelings on equality are that if you have a bad idea I am not going to first look at the color of your skin, your gender, your sexual orientation or anything else to say I think that's a bad idea. Now I will defer to people who have more experience, I would never tell my black male friend that I as a white woman understand the black experience more than he does. And I will tell my male friends to have several seats when they explain to me what feminism is. But I don't give people a pass for bad ideas because of who they were born as. And at times I am boggled by the choices they make, Log Cabin Republicans I'm looking at you.

Trump is getting ready to pick his next Supreme Court Justice and there is a lot of talk about Amy Coney Barrett getting the nod. And the talk is already focused on how women will HAVE to support her or look hypocritical. Ummm...no. She's an uber religious, uber conservative justice, why in the world would I support her? Just because she has a vagina? That's the sexist part, just incase you were lost here. Supporting women for no other reason than they are women is ridiculous. Women can be just as bad or just as good as men. Just being a woman does not instill in you magical powers.

I also read a story that talked about how Trump was excited about the prospect of nominating the first conservative female justice to the Supreme Court. Reagan called and he'd like to show you the first female justice of the Supreme Court. Though she does bring me to the second part of my latest argument these days....

Justice O'Connor did not vote to overturn Roe v. Wade and as such now she has been relegated to the disappointment pile for conservatives. Because that is the end game. It always has been. And right now Trump is playing this stupid game and the media has been stupidly parroting it. He says, "I won't ask any of the nominees about their feelings on Roe v. Wade." HE DOESN'T HAVE TO! The list he was provided is made up of judges who are on record as opposed to Roe v. Wade. And a lot of other progressive items. These are pre-vetted justices. Please stop acting like he is looking any further than the most conservative of the conservatives.

"Oh this is settled law." STOP IT! We had an overturning of voter rights and free rider in unions. Both things that had been before the courts before and had precedent that was ignored. And remember my rant the other day about how in THIS session the court contradicted itself in its judgements about the bakery and the travel ban. This is an activist court. I know conservatives think that that only applies when progressives are in charge, but please believe this court now, and this court when Trump gets his next appointee is a solidly activist court.

Now there is actually a little bit of concern brewing in the conservative community. They are starting to see that there is a real possibility that Roe v. Wade will actually be overturned. Crazy right? THEY are worried. Two main reasons, what else will they campaign on once it's gone? And the second there is actually only a minority percentage of Americans that want it overturned. Sure there are limits that people want, or they want to stomp around and say that it should be illegal, but to actually make it illegal? Well...now...slow down. I've talked before that even people who argue about abortion don't really believe their position on abortion. Well pretty soon they are going to be faced with what happens when their rhetoric becomes law.

The dog who finally catches the car.

So I don't care if it's a woman who sits on the bench that casts that decisive vote or a man, all I care about is that it's happening. And there isn't a thing I can do to stop it. Because a large portion of our country couldn't be bothered to vote. We've let the uber conservatives run the show and this is now the show we have to live. So yeah, conservatives, you did this as much as progressives. Now we see where it leads.

Vote.

Vote in every single election.

Make sure your voice is heard.

The fringes of your party are going to. You need to as well.

The center will not hold if you won't hold it.

Diet Time!

So I'm going on a diet in July. I've been mulling it over for awhile, it's actually on my long term list of things to get done this year. Not the official goals, but the running list of things to work on, like painting the living room (two years and counting since I picked the color), and getting Brent's Navy certificates framed nicely (at the framers right now but oh holy shit that was so much more expensive than I thought it would be). So anyway, it's on the list.

Dana's visit triggered me to follow through. I spent the weekend ingesting a lot fewer things than I normally would and it felt good. So looking at a need for July's monthly goal coming up and I thought, yep, time for a diet.

A social media diet.

Not a fast, I just can't wrap my head around that. I have too many people that I only keep up with through Facebook. But a diet. I won't be posting on Facebook directly for July. I say directly because my picture of the day will move to Instagram and I will cross post from there. Same with Selfie Saturday. And any blogs I write will hit my blog page. But the multiple status updates aren't going to happen. And I won't be spending time on Facebook reading other things as well. That's the hardest part for me. Like I said, I have friends who I only see on Facebook so letting that go for a month will be hard.

But I need to take a break and walk away from the daily onslaught of information. I need to process things in the world in my own space without the rush of information coming in at a fast and furious pace. But even there I am going to curtail my news intake for July as well. I'll still be pretty informed, I can't not be, that would make me REALLY crazy, but I am going to be under informed for me. One news story about an issue. No looking for other perspectives. Just when I hear it or read it the first time, then done.

I'm not actually sure how it's going to go, but I want to try it out. I spend a lot of my time online. Like the majority of my time. Even when I'm doing something else I'm checking news, or my friend's feeds, or posting pictures. It's a lot. And it's habit at this point. I will check my phone. Put my phone down. Then pick my phone up and check it again. Never really paying attention to the fact that I JUST checked it so nothing new could have possibly popped up.

I need to break away from it.

So a social media diet. No direct posting on Facebook. No mindless scrolling through the feed. No checking and double checking my Google Newsfeed. Instagram posts, but don't replace mindless Facebook with mindless Insta. Messenger so if you need to talk to me reach me there. Google Newsfeed once a day to keep up with the world without getting overwhelmed with the world.

I'm not sure how it's going to work but who knows, with all of the extra time maybe I'll get my living room painted...