And The Hits Just Keep Coming...

 I was thinking last week that I needed to sit down and write another pandemic post since things had changed yet again. We added fire to the rest of it. Went from you need to stay home to avoid germs to you need to stay home with your doors and windows shut tight and wet towels around anything that might not be sealed well and don't run any outside air exchangers and you are still going to feel like you've been running behind a diesel truck for a week...

The West Coast burned. California started, as is their way lately, and then we had a huge wind storm Labor Day weekend and transformers blew, and campfires weren't put out correctly, and it looks like a few arsonists as well. And the winds kept blowing. And the incredibly dry forests just went up. Closer to the city here than most people were comfortable with. And little towns that were set up in the mountains, in our temperate rain forest, burned to the ground. People have lived in those areas for decades but this time the winds came early, our normal high winds in the winter cause enough issues, but man add in the dry hot weather and...disaster seems like too soft of a word. Devastation. Destruction. California, Oregon, Washington, all on fire. All sitting under a thick bank of smoke that made our air quality "Extremely Hazardous."

And then there were the politics. I mean sure, there are always politics around these massive fires. One side yelling about FOREST MANAGEMENT and the other about CLIMATE CHANGE and it's really BOTH. We had bad forest management policies for years, we did too much to control small burns which led to way too much over growth that provided fuel. We also started building further and further into the woodlands and the whole reason to have a house in the forest is the forest so there aren't fire breaks and open spaces around the houses to provide at least a fighting chance.

There are those that want to point to logging and how that will save the forest, but it won't. The logging areas in Oregon burned as well. And the sort of great illustrations they give you about spaced trees don't spread fires are really good, except that's a really expensive way to log. Clear cutting and replanting (replanting only because it's the law here) is the actual way to make money logging. But if there were money in that sort of tagging and felling dead trees, and clearing out some of the undergrowth, then yeah, that could be good. But there isn't so it's really just hot air from the people who don't want any sort of regulation. And what we don't need right now is more hot air.

And then we had the extra political momentum of the Conservosphere spreading rumors that Antifa was meeting in the forest to burn them all down. And they won't let go of that. Anytime an arsonist is arrested they scream I TOLD YOU! like that meth addicted, mental unstable, long criminal record for similar acts, guy is Antifa. And then there was some looting, as there always is because some people are assholes, but the rumors hit that marauding bands of Antifites were coming from the city to steal their good burned stuff. So then you had people setting up road blocks to "protect" their things.

 And here is where I get it.

A little.

These communities are losing everything. Entire neighborhoods are gone, entire towns are gone. What is left in the ash is all that they have, and when people steal that from you? When it's all you have to remember a whole life by? Sure, you are going to be upset. But the people out there (Lars Larson, I'm looking at your skeezy face) try and make it also a political war? That's just as despicable. Using someone's loss to inspire their hate is vile. So anyway, we ended up with armed citizens pulling people over and threatening journalists by gun point and it was and might still get deadly. We have way too many armed angry people in America and you can just feel that it's about to go really really badly. Very much like the clashes between the protestors and the counter protestors downtown. When people are angry and armed you get violence. It's a fairly simple equation.

But I didn't sit down to write about it because I felt lousy. And my eyes were burning. And I just thought I'll wait until the air gets better, because it has to get better soon. And then the rain came yesterday and the air got a good scrub and it got better and Ruth Bader Ginsburg died.

For Fuck's Sake.

I saw a great comparison made, Ruth Bader Ginsburg was the Thurgood Marshall for women's equality. She means so much to so many of us. She was an incredible role model. A force to be reckoned with. Small in stature and large in intellect. She made me feel better about the world even when she mostly had to write dissents. Because she knew that by putting forward strong dissenting arguments she was helping future generations to fight those battles. She should have been able to retire a few years ago when the cancer came back, but she didn't because she was trying, you know she was trying, to hold on until Trump was out of office. Because she knew, just like you and I know, that McConnell would never hold himself to his own standards he made up in 2016. 

There have been a few times in my life where I could physically feel grief. Yesterday was one of them. When I read the headline that she had passed I felt the blood drain from my face, the bottom dropped out of my stomach and my hearing went whoosh. Despair and grief blending into an almost overwhelming feeling of loss. 

Her death would always be hard. She was huge. She was so important. But...now?

Now her death signals another ultra conservative on the court. Three picks for Trump. Trump. Who should not be president. Trump who got his first pick when McConnell kept it from Obama when McConnell KNEW the Russians were interfering on Trump's behalf, don't ever forget that part. Trump who will get his last pick when McConnell rushes through a pick to make sure he gets his way because he can see that national temperature lately has been running very cold toward Trump being reelected.  

Another young super conservative justice who will do their best to undo everything that has been done. Who has no reason to change or soften with society because they got their job by being a throwback. The courts are lost for decades. And it's so frustrating. I tried so fucking hard last election cycle to make progressives understand it wasn't about Clinton, it was about the Court. Clinton was for four or eight years, but the court was for decades. But you know her emails and they just didn't like her and...Fuck you. Again. Fuck you.

I feel despair. Like honest true despair. It feels like the upcoming election no longer matters. Trump might be gone but the damage he and Mitch have done to the courts will last for the rest of my life. For most of Christopher's life. For a good chunk of the formative parts of Liam and Kelsey's lives. It's just so disheartening. The social progress that we've made is going to be undone. Voting rights have already been slashed. Reproductive rights. LGBTQ+ rights. Human rights. We're in for another fight, but this time there won't be a doubt as to how it's going to go. Roll backs are coming.

So yeah. Pandemic update. The world is on fire and McConnell is holding a lighter. 

Fuck. 

Occupied...

Did you know that there is a psychological phenomenon that happens when you try to get someone to change their beliefs by force? Not like physical force but that forceful YOU'RE AN IDIOT HOW DARE YOU? argument style. It will take someone who might have been persuaded otherwise, or someone who had some nuance in their argument and harden their beliefs like a rock.

We have a Federal Force occupying Portland right now pulling people off of the streets in covert arrests. Lobbing tear gas at people and shooting them with "less lethal" munitions. In the head.

Let me say it again. Occupied. Like we are a foreign country at war with the United States and they have moved in to take over.

The city of Portland.

In the State of Oregon.

Occupied.

These federal forces weren't asked for by our local mayor or governor. They were sent by the president to try and feed red meat to his base. And that's what they are doing. Fox News and OAN are showing the tear gassed protesters on loop. Like this is a good thing.

And I get it. The spray paint on the buildings and broken glass is not attractive but police brutality and extrajudicial killings are a bit beyond that don't you think?

I view it like I view the mask debate that we shouldn't even be having. Yes, sure, wearing a mask is uncomfortable and inconvenient but my mother-in-law is still dead so...

Sure, the protests have been large and traffic has been blocked and there is graffiti and broken glass but George Floyd is still dead.

And yes, the first couple of nights there were groups of people who used the protests as a cover to loot downtown but Breonna Taylor is still dead, and nobody has faced any sort of punishment for that.

And sure, it was a bummer to watch them take down the elk statue in the middle of downtown because it was being damaged by the bonfires being set but Tamir Rice would have graduated from high school this year if he weren't, you know, dead.

And I could go on and on about this. You know the list of names is long.

So Trump has decided to make Portland his focus on protests. Instead of the brutality. Instead of the imbalance in our justice system. What has been decided is that the protests are the issue. And what better way to meet protests about police brutality than with more brutality?

If you read the statement that Acting DHS Secretary Wolf put out about why they are here and what they are doing it's either terrifying or ridiculous or a mixture of both but in different ways depending on who is doing the reading. He lists all of the (clutch your pearls) horrible things that have been done in Portland since the protests start. Most of it is graffiti. Violent anarchists graffitied the Hatfield Courthouse Get that? Violent anarchists did that! People with spray paint tagged the courthouse. But I guess with a lot of attitude so.... violently? There are also a lot of other dubious claims in his list. The number of people attacking officers, for instance. Not really. Not unless you count yelling, "STOP THAT!" or "NO JUSTICE NO PEACE!" as an attack. Which, apparently he does.

There was also this little gem in the release: "A federal courthouse is a symbol of justice - to attack it is to attack America." No it's not. And no it isn't. A federal courthouse is a building. And to be perfectly fair right now it's as much a symbol of injustice as it is justice. And to attack a building (again, spraying it with paint) is not attacking America. Protest is our language of change. The whole fucking country was founded on protest. Though, if you study it the Boston Tea Party was as organic as the Tea Party movement hundreds of years later...but I digress.

And then again we see the dubious nature of the claims. The whole thing has been live-streamed every single night. It's no longer the official word of the police is the only one we get. We get the videos. We see what is actually happening. The feds shot a man in the head this last weekend. Their official stance is that he threw an incendiary device at them. Ohhhkay...except what he did was move the tear gas canister (or smoke, I wasn't there I couldn't smell it, only see it) away from him that THEY threw at him. Then they shot him in the head. He was holding a boom box over his head at the time. Both hands full. You tell me how this was justified?

And again, the canister they said he threw at them? THEY FUCKING BROUGHT IT AND TOSSED IT. It's amazing to me to watch. They throw the things at the protesters and if the protesters send them back THEN it's a riot and all hell breaks loose. But see, the cops are the ones in gas masks and riot gear so aren't they prepared for it?

Look at who is dressing for a riot to see where the rioting is starting.

And read the articles. We watched one last month evolve from the reports of people tossing firecrackers to the police saying they were being bombarded with IEDS. IEDS. Shut the fuck up. You are trying to make people envision roadside bombs in Iraq when you got a string of blackcats tossed at you. There was a report yesterday when ACTING Secretary Chad Wolf decided to come to town and they said that some officers had their clothing singed from firecrackers. Oh my. Singed clothing. Meanwhile, Philando Castile is still dead.

They've moved on from reporting having water bottles thrown at them as justification for tear gas and batons to FROZEN water bottles. Because people like me kept pointing out they were awfully scared of water.

(Sorry this is so long but goddamn it I'm just so tired of this bullshit)

And now there have been reports of police being shot. And that's horrible. It always is. Being a police officer is a dangerous job. But here is the thing, when you post a story about a cop being shot as a response to why protests against police brutality are happening you are saying something really bad. You are enforcing the us against them narrative. That cops are separate from us. That they are somehow on one side of battle. And they aren't supposed to be. That's what all of this is fucking about. They are supposed to be part of us. They are supposed to be a protective force for actual justice. Because there are bad guys out there. But when you reply to a Black Lives Matter post with a Blue Lives Matter answer you are saying that Black and Blue lives are in opposition to each other and that is EXACTLY what we need to fix.

First off blue isn't a life it's a fucking job. If you can take off the color at the end of the day and blend back into the crowd then it's a choice not a whole life. Secondly, stating that you think blue is more important (which is what you are doing) is super problematic. And third, when a police officer is shot and killed the vast majority of the time an arrest is made and the guilty party is sentenced. Meanwhile the cops that killed Breonna Taylor are still on the job, save one.

Being a police officer is a dangerous job. Being a citizen shouldn't be.

Defund the police (for those of you with stubborn brains, you can think of this as re-fund or right fund, whatever you need; don't be an asshole you know what it means). Take some of those out sized budgets and redistribute them to other programs that might actually be helpful. Mental health. Job training. Housing. Community based resources that fix issues at the root.

Demilitarize our local law enforcement. You are seeing right now in real time what happens when you arm police like a military force. They treat AMERICAN citizens as enemy combatants. There is a theory that part of why concussions got worse in football is because the equipment got bigger. It provided a sense of invincibility. Why have big helmets and shoulder pads if you aren't doing bigger hits? Why have a tank and gas masks and full body armor if you aren't going to use extra force and tear gas?

Stop thinking that a few diversity training classes are a fix. They aren't. I mean, come on, ANYONE who has ever had a job and had to do training courses they didn't want to knows how seriously they are taken. Even if you don't have a problem with the message you generally view it as a waste of your time when you really need to be working. They are an ass covering mechanism at best and completely ineffectual or reinforcing the We are Better message at worst. Seriously.

So you know that psychological phenomenon I mentioned at the beginning? We live in the suburbs. The protesting doesn't really reach out here. We see parts of downtown boarded up and painted on the weekends when we drive through after picking up breakfast. (And it's really only a core of downtown, the videos and reports would have you believe it's a much bigger area than it is) My take on it has been it's a mess and I hope that we see some real change come of it. Now? Now that the feds are here and shooting people in the fucking head as well as pulling people off the streets in covert arrests? Well let's say that the nuance in my argument is fading into a rock solid belief.

Get the fuck out of the city. You weren't asked for. You don't belong here. You are making it worse. YOU are the violent fascists the anarchists warned us about.

Vote in November. Get Trump out of the White House. Get these thugs off of our streets.

Defund the police.
Justice for all.

For. All.

Rant Block....

I haven't written a really ranty blog in awhile. It's not that I am not feeling ranty, it's just that everything I'm feeling ranty about I've written about before. Which then pisses me off. Why are we constantly circling the same issues?

For instance...

The Trump administration is trying to limit access to food stamps. Again. This is the bill they tried to get through Congress on one of the agriculture bills and it was rejected. A few people running for re-election realized this was not a good look.

But Trump and Sonny Perdue? They are like, fuck those guys and their whiney, I'm hungry. I mean just DON'T BE POOR amiright? Of course, they aren't being that blunt, but that's really kind of the gist of it. Even though it's completely short sighted. Even if you think that somehow being poor is a sin, which the Republican party seems to, doing this will make the issue worse.

What they are trying to do is get rid of some overlapping areas of qualifications that states are using. Things that are a little less stringent. They want a federally mandated line of qualification.

Which some would say, okay that's fine, why is that a big deal?

Well, it will drop a lot of people off the qualifying list. People who are using food stamps to supplement income. To make ends meet. And it's not like they will suddenly have more money. They won't. So they will be faced with a choice. Do without, or make even less money. They also want to reduce even further the amount you are allowed to have in a savings account and still qualify. Which is one of the best ways to lift people out of poverty, by the way, having money in a savings account to cover the emergencies that pop up.

But this new ruling will force people to not have savings accounts and to not take that promotion, or work that added shift they've been offered because it could throw them off of the food stamps and they don't have enough extra to cover that expense. Things that are supposed to be helpful the bridge the gap while you advance are going to be put as a road block instead. You can't make more money because then you will have less. More in your paycheck, but it will have to stretch further than it did.

The Trump administration is touting the savings, but is it savings if people are going hungry? That seems like a really high cost to me.

But I've made this argument before you see. I'm not saying anything here I haven't said before. We've (using the broad we, not the we as in I agree we) we've decided that being poor is a sin and being really poor is basically criminal. We don't want to look at the hard fixes. We don't want to actually do what works. Did you know the best way to end homelessness is to home people? Not make them qualify for a bed in a facility, or take a drug test, and pass a series of you have tos, but to just put them in a home? There have been studies done and that's really what works. It's called Housing First, google that shit, it's really interesting.

BUT...we don't want to do that because "it's not fair." See we get so wrapped up in thinking that someone is getting something we aren't, or something we paid more for, that we can't get past that. And I get it...but get over it. First of all, it's a better deal for all of us if we make those "unfair" choices. (again, Google it all) It's cheaper in the long run. Less in emergency services, less in policing, less in community cleanups, it's just a better deal. Like significantly better. So get over it. It's a bargain.

We want people to be successful right? Isn't that the end game? So we need to be honest about what it takes to get people there.

Food and shelter is a good start.

Let's stop taking away the baseline from the poorest while we cut taxes on the richest. If you want to discuss what is and isn't fair, that might be a better place to look.

But I've said all of this before and it's just so frustrating to say it all again...

Didn't Make the Gratitude Cut...

This almost became my Daily Gratitude post today but it seemed a little off theme. Even though I think I have made a similar DG post before, probably phrased nicer, but anyway...

Grateful today for seeing the last post by a true blue asshole in my On This Day Feed.

Last year today I tossed one of the people who had probably known me the longest off my friend list.  He finally crossed the line so far, and had done it so often that the memory of that sweet kid from elementary school and high school could no longer keep up. Because he wasn't sweet anymore. He grew up mean. And the worst kind of mean, the kind that cloaks it in religion and patriotism, which gives an even worse name to two areas that tend to have bad reputations anyway.

Now, to be fair, I have very little patience in June. Anyone who knows me knows this. I will not tolerate much. If you make it until July I might apologize for being a bitch in June and if you can stay until August I am very magnanimous then. But June? Forget about it. I mean Brent used to make sure he was in Germany for a good chunk of June every year. Okay, I'm kidding, he didn't do it on purpose, just the way it worked out with a conference he attended, but it did work out for him. He got to leave during the worst of it.

Though I've gotten much better. I haven't yelled at anyone. Now, some of you are pointing out that I'm not a yeller at all so that's not really a gauge, but what I mean when I say I haven't yelled at anyone I mean I haven't been aggressive, mean, used tone, snapped at...and when I say anyone I mean anyone who didn't deserve it.

Sometimes people need your attitude. They really do.

But honestly, it's not bad this year.

Grief is like that. Losing people. You never really get over it but you learn to deal with it. You carry it as a part of who you are now, but you don't let it lead the way anymore. It's there. Just not THERE. Usually.

Sunday will be the worst of it. It's that magical time when Father's Day and the day Dad died sync up. The first time was horrible. It was still really raw. Brent was in Germany. Christopher was home from school, which was great for me, but poor guy, knowing that Mom could fall apart at some point during the day, but who knows if or when. But we made it through. Just like we've made it through all of the other years, and now here we are again.

Sunday is Father's Day.
Sunday is the 8th anniversary of Dad's death.
Sunday is my mother's 87th birthday.

And my mother is starting to show her years. When we went back home last month we all saw it for the first time. I mean, obviously my mother has aged, but this time she had moments where she was old. She's living more and more in the past. Repeating stories from when she was younger. One about my grandmother defending my father to people who wanted to look down on him was a favorite. And I'm glad she told it. I had never heard it before. It was nice to think about my mother's mother defending my father. Because my dad was a really good man and I'm glad they realized it.

She stopped using the phone last year so I hadn't really spoken with her much so it seemed kind of sudden. But my guess is the slower slide has been happening for a long time and our visits back we just haven't had enough time to notice. This time I pretty much forced her hand into seeing us more than she normally does. I decided to think that she would only choose one family meal because she wanted to make sure we had time with friends and Brent's family. But we went back to see family. To see her and Brent's mother. The rest was extra if it fit in. So I pressed the issue and got one family dinner, one breakfast with her and my brother before they headed out to the casino (she has a routine and doesn't like to break it) and one more breakfast with just her. So we got more time. Which is good. She's almost 87 and as she says (all the time) it could be any day now.

Women in my family can live in to their 90s and even past 100. I think she would be disappointed if she does. She misses Dad and wants to join him. I feel that for her.

So yeah, June is not my best month for patience.

But it felt so good to see the post where I unfriended that asshole. Because it left more time in my life for people who didn't grow up mean.

Grateful for time. However much we have left.

Would You?

I had a dream last night about moving stones being a sign of a miracle of sorts. But the end game looked really horrific from the outside looking in.

Let me try to explain the dream, then where my head was when I went to sleep, and then what I think about it all.

There was an historical site. A stone path that had been set down during a war (?) or just a time in history when there was fascist rule. It wasn't Nazism and the reason I know this is because it was accepting of homosexuals. And the Nazis executed anyone who was homosexual. But it was definitely fascism of some sort. But anyway, each stone represented groups that were included in the reign. If you didn't have a stone in the path you weren't a part of it.

Over the years that it had been out of power the stones had been shattered. In the dream those bits of stone were on the move.

The stones are moving.

This was the almost religious chant that you would hear places. "The stones are moving."

And they were. Seemingly on their own the stones were moving away from the others to reform and make a new path and patterns.

A miracle in action.

Now there was a lot of arguing, remember these stones were originally put there by fascist who killed people who didn't agree with them.  So as groups started to coalesce around the moving stones there were other groups who said, no. This is not okay. Because as the stones were seen as a miracle the old philosophy behind who put them there was reviving with it.

And as I was waking up I thought, What would you do to belong? To be special?

Because I see that a lot. The longing for belonging. I think a lot of extremist groups feed that and nurture that. What would you ignore? What would you dismiss? What would you accept just to belong to a group that promoted you as special?

Yesterday afternoon a friend had posted a meme. It was incorrect and me being me posted a link to what was wrong with it. Which led to another friend of theirs saying I shouldn't selectively point out truth because it's more complicated than that. After a little bit of back and forth I just posted Okay and left the discussion. Okay from me very rarely means I think you are right. It generally just means I'm done with this discussion. Depending on how heated the discussion got it translates to "there is no real discussion happening here so I am out" or "Fuck you." People who know me know which one they just got.

But anyway, it was, to me, a ridiculous point to make. Facts always matter. Even when you agree with tone of the message, the point they were making, the facts have to matter. If they don't then lying doesn't matter. And if lying doesn't matter then we are all lost. And yes I say that knowing full well that we have a Liar in Chief right now and I still think it matters.

So there was that part.

And then there was the shooting in New Zealand. As it started to unfold I thought, if that were here it would be an angry young white man who had been radicalized by the far right. Well it wasn't here but that's who it was. And he left a manifesto so we know that's what happened. American Terrorism export.

There were details that really bothered me. He live streamed it. So there are recordings out there of him slaughtering people in their house of worship. And those videos will be watched and shared and he will be lionized in a part of the world. He will be a hero to them.

It also bothers me when it's a house of worship. Schools and churches bother me more than any other place. Because we are our most vulnerable or send our most vulnerable to those places. I'm an atheistically leaning agnostic and it still hits me hard when it's a place of worship. But this is where people who you hate can be found. For the confederate wanna be it was an historical black church, for anti-semites it's temples, for radicalized alt-right it's mosques. You know you are going to find gatherings of people you hate in these places. At their most vulnerable.

And again, why do people join religions? To belong. We all are just looking for a place to belong.

So as I went to bed last night I was thinking about terrorism, I was thinking about the world we live in. I was thinking about how it's all so messed up.

And in my dreams the stones moved. And I asked what would you do to feel like you belonged? And what would you do if there were others telling you that you are special, that you are better than, that you are more important? Would you follow? Would you take your place in line? Would you be so glad that you are part of the #blessed that you ignored what was happening to everyone else?

This morning watching my friends react to the news I am heartened that they aren't falling in line. That they are horrified. That hearts are breaking. Even if it's not "us" because it is us. We are all us. And we need to make sure we understand that. Because there are others out there that are okay with what happened. I saw a comment today from someone with hash tag I stand with the shooter. Because "they" are the enemy. This was a comment on a friends post:

 The outrage?

What do people expect?

People being murdered all over Europe by them, children being murdered at concerts by them, they did nothing to stop it, hiding their criminals at their mosques.

I’m not saying I condone it, I am saying it was coming.

I told him he was an asshole. And that I might not condone the language but that he had it coming. (And we all know that the language I would have condoned would have had the work fuck in there. You are a fucking asshole, so I was truthful)

We need to be US now more than ever. All of us. People want a sense of belonging and if we let the factions pick off and radicalize the vulnerable these things will still happen.

I could get into the whole cycle of terrorism and what I believe the US has done to perpetuate it and now play both sides of it. But what I really would like to see is those of us who aren't in the government band together, to say no more. To not put up with people we know saying shitty generalized things about other religions. To push back when the "special" talk comes up. And to listen to people who need listened to so they don't go find those fringes.

We all just want a sense of belonging. Let's stop radicalizing people and start to heal.

Please.

Snowflakes...

So I'm sure you guys have seen it, those soft, candyass, easily insulted snowflakes are at it again. This time it's over a song and a kid's Christmas special. I swear to god they just take everything so fucking personally and try to ruin EVERYTHING.

Who the hell cares if a radio station you've never heard of won't play a song you probably don't even like? And honest to fuck when was the last time you even watched Rudolph? You seriously want to have a fit because someone else doesn't like these things? Really? In the season where people keep insisting that fruitcake is edible this is the hill you want to die on?

Oh...wait, you thought I'd be bitching about those damn millennials right? Yeah, no. And trust me when I say I get how ironic this blog is, because I don't care what other people like or don't like and I do not get the joy people take in getting offended at other people's offendedness. Seriously. Who the fuck cares?

First off the song, I like it. I've always liked it. My favorite version is probably the version with Ella Fitzgerald. It's been part of my Christmas playlist forever. I've always thought of it as kind of sexy and playful. When Christopher was in high school (or possibly first year of college) he questioned my love for it. Made me stop down and really listen to the lyrics again. It led to us having a discussion about changing norms. And how when the song came out, and even when I was growing up, it didn't seem problematic at all. I was raised in a situation where women were responsible for not only their own sexual desires but also the men around them remember, and the woman is the one facing the backlash to her reputation. She needed to "put up the fight." Christopher pointed out that that is part of our problem now. We've raised generations of boys to men who think that no means maybe.

And he's right.

In a modern context the song has real issues.

But historically it doesn't.

But he doesn't have that history. He was raised by a mom who told him no means no and to be extra careful when alcohol is involved because a tipsy yes the night before can turn into an oh no that's not what I wanted the next day. So for him, the fact that I love a song about getting drunk and saying no/yes was weird.

I get it.

I still like the song. But I get it. I understand why it's weird to him. And I understand why it's weird to other people in his generation. I'm not mad at him. I'm not insulted by them. I listened, I understood the issue he had, I will not make him listen to the song. But I'll still belt it out when he's not around.

That's the way it's supposed to work when you have different ideas. Listen to their whys and how comes and then make your own choices. The radio station (or stations as it spreads) that aren't playing the song anymore made their choice. Now you have to turn to the hundreds of versions that are out there in the world and listen to them on your own. Oh how horrible...

The TV show? Come on. You want to tell me that you never thought to yourself the same things? We watch a lot of Christmas movies and have our favorites. And though we love Yukon Cornelius and The Bumble and I have a soft spot for the Island of Misfit Toys we've always called this one the one where Santa is a dick. Because he is. And the whole message of Rudolph is that if you are different people are going to be assholes to you until they figure out that your difference is something they need, then they will celebrate you and act like they didn't shove you in a locker in 9th grade...

It's the geek fantasy in stop motion. You know the one, you've seen it in movies and read it in books and maybe lived it in your head. The one where the dork from high school goes on to make a million and show up at their high school reunion with the great car, the nice suit and the hot wife? Or the one where the awkward girl takes off her glasses and becomes a beauty queen? (yeah, let's delve into the problems with those later)

Rudolph is that story.

If you want your kids to watch that's up to you. If you take what Huffpo post in a video so seriously that you need to call liberals mentally ill you should probably take a bit of a media break, Tucker Carlson I'm side eyeing you right here.

Again, we watch it. Sometimes. But it's not our favorite. Because it's the one where Santa is a dick. We prefer Santa Claus is coming to town where Santa finds a hot wife and The Year Without a Santa Claus where The Heat Miser and Cold Miser sing wonderful songs while Santa's still hot, but older now, wife saves the fucking day because Santa got a cold and didn't want to get out of bed....

 So just stop. Stop buying in to the outrage machine. Just because someone doesn't like something you do you don't have to get mad. Just because someone else is offended by something doesn't mean you have to care. You can listen, try to see why they are bugged, that's polite, but you don't have to agree, and you surely don't have to find their offendedness so offensive that you have to get defensive about it.

Let it fucking go.

The millennials aren't ruining your Christmas by not liking Baby It's Cold Outside or Rudolph. They are only ruining your Christmas if they insist on bringing you fruitcake.

I'm Not a Pacifist...

I don't take a lot of shit.

I don't put up with a lot of nonsense.

I have no truck with fools.

I'm not a bystander by nature.

You all know that.

When you are hit in the face you see stars. Mostly nose hits do that. A solid jaw hit can actually drop you unconscious because of the nerve that runs along there. But nose hits, cheek bone hits, those can make you wish you were dropped they hurt so much. Eye sockets? Fragile things. Even if the orbital bone doesn't break the eye swells easily. Nature's way of protecting the eye from damage. Pretty genius really.

If you hit someone in the face your hand hurts. If you hit them hard enough your whole arm feels it. Your hand is solid. The bone you are hitting is solid. The impact stops the momentum so all of the energy has to go someplace.

That funny shot in a movie where someone who has clearly never hit anyone before shakes their hand out? That's real. It's a shock. You don't think you should hurt. You are the one hitting after all.

If you have never been hit at all, let alone in the face, the first time it happens is a shock.

If you are lucky and you get hit in the face, it is the only time you are ever hit in the face.

But if you have been hit in the face, or hit a few faces yourself, you know what it feels like and what to expect. So you are prepared when you might get into an altercation.

I think there are violent people in this world and nonviolent people.

I also think that violent people can learn to curb their violence and nonviolent people can be pushed to violence.

But there is a divide. Even people who have worked very hard at curbing their tendencies can feel it sometimes.

The itch in your hand that creeps along. That makes you feel your fist curling. Or maybe the itch is your subconscious trying to get you to uncurl your fist. I'm not sure.

Saturday before the game we were eating dinner, watching football, and wasting time at BWW. The table behind us had 4, (maybe 4, I didn't turn and look, not by choice, we'll get there) guys watching games. They had been drinking for awhile. Loud. Obnoxious. Told the waitress to smile. Which sets my jaw. Her facial expression is none of your goddamn business...

That was the first time Brent leaned over and put his hand on my knee.

See, Brent knows that if I lose my cool it's not good for anyone around. So he works as my Jiminy Cricket. And as everyone else's protector. Because first I'm going to say something, then I'm going to do something. Jiminy reminds me that's not the right thing to do.

They kept up the "banter" with other fans in the bar. And by banter I mean screaming at them about their team choice. Now, here is where I have to say, as much as I swear and as much as I don't give a fuck about good words and bad words I also don't like it when people swear loudly when kids are around. You don't know how those kids are being raised. You have no idea what their families are like. So watch your mouth. It's just common fucking decency...

Brent's hand on my knee again.

And then one of them started peppering in the gay slurs. The f word that I don't use. Ever. The one that I even have a hard time with hearing my gay friends use as they try to reclaim it. Because of assholes like this one, who use it as a slur. As a slam to insinuate that teams, coaches, players are somehow less than.

And now I'm not even supposed to turn around. Brent is holding eye contact with me, and his hand is firmly on my leg. Because I'm going to lose it. And if I turn around they are going to read it in my face and as soon as they say anything I will be off.

I am not a bystander by nature.

BUT...

I'm there with Brent and with Christopher.

I was raised around assholes like the dude at the table behind me.

The type that get drunk and obnoxious and use the f word as a slur.

I know that the moment I unleash on them, they will want a fight and they won't be coming after me.

Because that wouldn't be the "manly" thing to do.

And as there are three of us at that table. And as there is one of us who can tell you what it feels like to punch and be punched and still come up for more and as I love the other two people and have no urge to drag them in to my fight even though they are pretty big guys and most likely could handle themselves, as I believe even nonviolent people can be pushed...but I don't want to push the nonviolent people in my life so...

I had to remain quiet.

And it still pisses me off.

It was the safest call to make.

On one hand it was the right call to make.

The unclenched fist hand.

If I had been there by myself I would have said something.

That's the other hand. The clenched one.

Which is slightly insane, I get that. There were 4 (?) of them and one of me.

But as Brent put it as we walked away they would have been shocked that the one they needed to worry about was the one they wouldn't have been worried about at all. Until they realized their mistake.

Because I have no quit when that is flipped.

And, as Brent also said, they wouldn't have understood what I was telling them when I explained why what they were doing was offensive and they needed to knock it off.

Their ignorance radiated off of them.

Just like my anger radiated off of me.

Brent is a good man for a fighter with no quit to be married to. When he sees the rise, he puts his hand on my knee and makes me consider the consequences.

I fucking hate considering the consequences.

When you hit someone your hand hurts.

When you don't your conscious does.

I'm not a pacifist by nature.

Why Is This Still a Thing?

Reading my on this day posts from 2 years ago and it's all about the outrage over Kaepernick kneeling.

Next year I will have those posts PLUS outrage over Nike using him in their latest ad campaigns.

AND I still have friends who don't know why he is kneeling.

Who want to argue with me about why he is kneeling.

Even though he (and those that protested with him) are on record REPEATEDLY saying why they are kneeling.

Because those people are more concerned about their outrage than they are about the reason why he kneels.

Why is this still a thing?

Why aren't you listening?

I should put out a few caveats here...

I don't watch much NFL and I don't like Colin Kaepernick. Those things are even sort of tied. He was the quarterback of the 49ers when I was still a HUGE football fan. He was the quarterback when the team last went to the Super Bowl. I still didn't like him. Even then. I didn't make it a secret that I didn't like him either. I thought he was spoiled and self centered. I thought he was a sign of a badly managed team, in the fact that they kept talking about wanting quality character guys and then kept signing guys who beat women, or used drugs, or had DUIIs or kissed their own biceps, didn't give credit to their teammates and wore the hat of another fucking team in the off season.

I never got over my dislike for the management, or mismanagement, of the 49ers and stopped watching them. Then without a team to follow I stopped watching most NFL games. I'll watch a playoff game here or there, I'll loosely follow the Lions to see how they are messing up this year, I'll have the Super Bowl on in the background while I read...but I'm not a NFL fan anymore.

But Colin Kaepernick? Well, I still can't say that I like him. But now I respect him. Now I've seen him do something that wasn't selfish. That wasn't spoiled. That actually was something outside of himself trying to make the world he lives in better.

And that's what he's doing.

He kneels because he wants to call attention to injustice. He donates money to causes to help advance people less fortunate than he is. He sparked a protest and a movement even though it caused him to lose his main job. And stop with the he lost his job because he's not a good enough quarterback. That's nonsense. He lost his job because of the baggage he brought with him. And that's a valid reason why teams might shy away from hiring him. When the president of the United States turns his following against you, that's a lot of pressure. But stop trying to say that wasn't why he lost his job. It makes you look silly.

He kneels because he was told that sitting was disrespectful to members of the military and as he was not protesting the military he knelt instead. It's all out there. It's well documented so stop trying to say it's about the troops or about the flag.

AND even if it was? So fucking what? Are we not allowed to protest military actions? Are we not allowed to say that war is bad? Stop trying to deify the military. We don't need to do that. That's not why they serve. They serve for a lot of reasons but if you get down to the whole basic "protecting our freedom" part of it, protesting is a freedom we have. So they fight for your right to kneel. Stop acting like the people who sign up to fight for our country are so soft they can't handle a little criticism. Trust me they can take it, and a lot more than you can ever imagine. But...

That's not why he kneels.

And can we stop with the bullshit about protesting on the job? They aren't kneeling while they are playing. They are kneeling before they take the field for the game. Patriotic displays are not part of the game or the job. And of course they protest while on camera, it wouldn't do much good to try and call attention to an issue if you aren't getting attention right then, would it? Don't be stupid.

And stop saying that because he has money he has no right to bitch.

THIS ONE MAKES ME CRAZY!

Of course he has a ton of privilege. He was raised in a middle class household. He went to college. He got his dream job. He made a ton of money doing it. He is dripping with privilege. And this is what you are SUPPOSED to do if you have all of those advantages. Help people who don't. Speak for people who don't have a microphone. Make a difference for people who cannot expend any extra energy on anything other than surviving. When you have a lot, you give a lot. That's what makes you a good person. Ignoring people who don't have it as good as you do? That makes you an asshole.

So yeah, I respect his choices a lot more now. He put it on the line. He took a stand, by kneeling. He's trying to make a difference.

And when you try to silence him, when you say that what he is TELLING you he is protesting isn't what it is, but it's something else, then you are just showing that you are part of the problem.

Not listening, not wanting to fix an issue, or to understand why someone else feels it's an issue, not even being willing to engage in another form of thought. You don't have to agree with him, but instead of disregarding the fact that he's telling you it's about social injustice and changing the narrative to something you can pretend to get pissed about, how about you just say, I don't think there is a problem here. I don't think that the police have an issue. I don't think there is a racial component. You can do that. You don't have to agree with him. But to not listen at all? To scream over his quiet protest? That says something totally different.


And yes up there I said pretend to get pissed about. Because I still think the majority of people are pretending to be pissed. I saw A LOT of posts about Nike and sweatshop labor (none of them linking to the current articles about how Nike solved its sweatshop issues), and a LOT of posts about the problems Nike has been having with its corporate culture from people who had never given a shit about such things until last week. Seriously, you're not fooling anyone. You don't care about labor prices, you don't care about corporate culture, you don't care about the guy in the beer line still ordering his beer and not stopping and standing at attention, you don't care about the fact that you don't stand up in your living room when you hear the national anthem. You don't care that they are breaking the flag code every single time they lay the flag out horizontally, or wear a flag, or use the flag for advertising. So yeah, you don't actually care.

And don't even get me started on the people who seem to think the military now has a monopoly on the word sacrifice and that you can only sacrifice all of something if you die...stop it. Just stop it. Sacrifice comes in a lot of shapes and forms, and you can sacrifice all of one thing or another without sacrificing your life.

Stop making up things to be pissed off about.

Why is this still a thing we are doing?

Why aren't you willing to ask why there is still a feeling of racial injustice and imbalance? Instead of being mad at those trying to call attention to a problem why are you working so hard to change the subject?

You can be anti-bad cop and still pro-police.

I've said it a million times by this point.

The people that should be the most upset about bad cops are the good cops. The bad ones make it harder for them to do their jobs. They make it more difficult for them to connect with the communities they are serving. They destroy the trust that needs to be there between the police and the people they protect. I've blogged and status updated about it so many times you all probably quoted that along with me.

And if you can't even get mad about that, then at least shut up about what it isn't about. You think everyone should always stand? Then stand. But stop trying to make it about something that pisses you off instead of something you don't give a shit about. Your righteous indignation is self righteous at best.

Stop letting this still be a thing.

Happy 5th of July!

The Fourth of July is my least favorite holiday.

I know that puts me on a few people's lists of undesirable but that is part of why I really don't like it.

I hate forced patriotism. I hate fake patriotism. I hate being told how to behave. I hate being told the right way to be any one thing. I hate rudeness. All of these things seem to get wrapped up in the 4th of July now.

It wasn't like that when I was a kid. I'm not sure if it's because I was a kid so I didn't notice or if it's because of 9/11. But I think it's because of 9/11. See when I was a kid I remember the church having these "big" 4th celebrations. There would be a potluck and fireworks in the courtyard. Now here is a weird thing that probably only one person who sometimes reads my blog will get, but using the courtyard at the church was kind of a cool special thing. The way the church was built there was the fellowship hall side and the main sanctuary side with a hallway of classrooms linking the two. The kitchen and some of the classrooms opened on to a courtyard that was between the two spaces. It was used for VBS and 4th of July. I think maybe volleyball later, but volleyball was big with the youth group after I left so I don't know for sure if it was played in the courtyard or the parking lot. Anyway...it was kind of cool to use a space that we normally didn't use.

Everyone would pool their fireworks and we'd have a bigger display that way. There was also this giant board for the spinners. Every year a group would nail a bunch of spinners on the board and link the fuses and try to get a massive display of those going at once. I'm not sure it ever worked right. But we all would wait for the grand finale of the spinner board to see. I feel like it was kind of a Clark's mom in Christmas Vacation moment...it didn't work, but we could all see it in our heads and it was lovely. Kind of like how I ended up feeling about religion as a whole. But anyway...

Here is why I think it's 9/11 that ruined the 4th for me. When we were stationed in Idaho Falls before 9/11 they had a 4th of July parade every year. It was a great small town parade. A lot of fun, but nothing major. Just kids and a band or two and the local organizations of whatevers marching. And then Melaleuca would do a big display over the Falls at night. It was the first time I'd ever seen fireworks set to music. You tuned your radio to a local station and it synced up. Mostly. Not like now where the fireworks practically dance, but it was pretty cool...

Okay, I just went and looked up the spelling of Melaleuca to make sure I got it right and found a website for the fireworks display, I guess it's a bigger deal than I realized,(Largest display West of the Mississippi!) or more likely since it was only a few years old when we were there it wasn't as big of a deal. BUT it lends itself to what I don't care for now. Instead of just being a 4th of July fireworks display it's called the FREEDOM CELEBRATION!

The 4th of July is patriotism on steroids. And I get it, it's our birthday, believe me, I am never someone to say don't make a big deal out of your birthday, but even for me it's a bit much.

The rudeness makes me tense. Fireworks in Oregon are limited. You can only get the ground ones and they can only shoot sparks so high. But in Washington (except for Vancouver city limits this year) you can get anything your heart desires. So of course people here drive across the river and get the giant fireworks there and bring them back. This is why everytime someone makes the gun argument about Chicago's strict laws I roll my eyes so hard I see double. If the state next to you doesn't have strict laws it doesn't matter. We have cars.

Anyway...the week before the 4th the fireworks start. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! At midnight on the 4th some asshole sets off a round of loud ones. And at midnight on the 5th another (or possibly the same) does it again. Like those strings of the loud poppers. What is the point of those? Just to make noise? They aren't pretty they just scare dogs and cats and probably the veterans that you will swear to me I'm disrespecting by wishing fireworks except for the professional displays were illegal all together.

Because I do.

When we lived in California I was shocked the first 4th that rolled around and there were no fireworks to be had. Nothing. You didn't set off your own. See July is the middle of fire season out West and California figured out that limiting the amount of fire out there was a good thing. So yeah, no fireworks for you. Except for the professional displays. And there were plenty of those. I really liked it after I got used to the idea. No middle of the night wake ups. No baying terrified dogs. No worries that the drunk guy next door was going to launch a bottle rocket on to my roof and burn down my house. It was lovely.

But that's not what we have here. We still have the fire danger, and the scared pets, and more PTSD afflicted vets than ever before, but people want their fireworks dammit and if you say otherwise you're just unAmerican!

And then there is the extra level of forced patriotism now. It's all about celebrating the military. And the flag. And wrapping ourselves in we are the greatest glory. And I don't dig that. It's too much. I don't need 7 flags to prove anything to you. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually a fan of America as a whole. I think we have a lot of areas for improvement, but I love my country and wanting it to be better isn't a negative to me. But the dude over there wearing the flag as a swimsuit while wiping his dirty mouth on a throwaway stars and stripes napkin will tell me that my lack of patriotism means I should move.

It's become a test of "real America."

Which I take back to 9/11. After the towers fell people got SUPER patriotic. I lived in a military town at the time and everybody had flags out. They had flag magnets for theirs cars, flags flying from their antennas, they started wearing flag pins. Not just politicians, though you better believe they did, but everybody. I didn't. I have a weird thing about the flag and the flag code. There are actually rules about how to treat the flag that most everybody ignores. It makes me a little cranky. Not just because they ignore them but because they then want to tell everyone else about respecting the flag.

We also started this weird fetishization around the military after 9/11. Where somehow everyone who ever served is a good guy and you can't question them. I'm sorry, I grew up in a military town, my husband served, my dad served, my father-in-law served, that's not how it works. There are a lot of really good people in the military. There are people who do amazing things; who do them under incredibly difficult circumstances. Who deserve not our lip service thanks but actual benefits and help when they return. And then there are assholes. Major league assholes. The military has a sexual assault problem. The military has people who serve because there are still judges giving youth the option of jail time or military service. The military has people who wouldn't have passed the intelligence level test or the psychological evaluations pre 9/11 but when the recruitment and retention levels got too low they were lowered so now these people are serving. Good people put on the uniform and do amazing things. Bad people put on the uniform and are still bad people.

But you aren't allowed to say that.

I mean you aren't supposed to. I still do. And I get called a lot of names. And told to move to Canada. Or Venezuela. Ironically by a lot of people who never served or had a family member who served.

But I'm not patriotic enough for them.

Because you have to wrap yourself in the flag, blow up shit, and pretend that the military is home to only superheroes to be good enough in this country.

It's the most American of all of our holidays. Not just because it's a celebration of our start, but because it's a reflection of our worst traits. But with sparkles so we can pretend it's not.

So I'm glad it's the 5th of July. I'm glad that the neighbors will use up their fireworks here soon and we won't have the sound of mortars going off all night. I'm glad the disposable flag plates and napkins will get put away for another year.

I love my country but my compatriots try my last nerve at times.

Judgements...

I have a friend who will not ever say a negative thing about a famous black man. As a black man himself he feels like the world we live in is already hard enough on black men so he will not tear a brother down.

I have female friends who post memes about not ever tearing another woman down. That they will only build up other women. They feel that world we live in is already hard enough on women that they will not add to the mix.

I do not subscribe to either of these principles.

My feelings on equality are that if you have a bad idea I am not going to first look at the color of your skin, your gender, your sexual orientation or anything else to say I think that's a bad idea. Now I will defer to people who have more experience, I would never tell my black male friend that I as a white woman understand the black experience more than he does. And I will tell my male friends to have several seats when they explain to me what feminism is. But I don't give people a pass for bad ideas because of who they were born as. And at times I am boggled by the choices they make, Log Cabin Republicans I'm looking at you.

Trump is getting ready to pick his next Supreme Court Justice and there is a lot of talk about Amy Coney Barrett getting the nod. And the talk is already focused on how women will HAVE to support her or look hypocritical. Ummm...no. She's an uber religious, uber conservative justice, why in the world would I support her? Just because she has a vagina? That's the sexist part, just incase you were lost here. Supporting women for no other reason than they are women is ridiculous. Women can be just as bad or just as good as men. Just being a woman does not instill in you magical powers.

I also read a story that talked about how Trump was excited about the prospect of nominating the first conservative female justice to the Supreme Court. Reagan called and he'd like to show you the first female justice of the Supreme Court. Though she does bring me to the second part of my latest argument these days....

Justice O'Connor did not vote to overturn Roe v. Wade and as such now she has been relegated to the disappointment pile for conservatives. Because that is the end game. It always has been. And right now Trump is playing this stupid game and the media has been stupidly parroting it. He says, "I won't ask any of the nominees about their feelings on Roe v. Wade." HE DOESN'T HAVE TO! The list he was provided is made up of judges who are on record as opposed to Roe v. Wade. And a lot of other progressive items. These are pre-vetted justices. Please stop acting like he is looking any further than the most conservative of the conservatives.

"Oh this is settled law." STOP IT! We had an overturning of voter rights and free rider in unions. Both things that had been before the courts before and had precedent that was ignored. And remember my rant the other day about how in THIS session the court contradicted itself in its judgements about the bakery and the travel ban. This is an activist court. I know conservatives think that that only applies when progressives are in charge, but please believe this court now, and this court when Trump gets his next appointee is a solidly activist court.

Now there is actually a little bit of concern brewing in the conservative community. They are starting to see that there is a real possibility that Roe v. Wade will actually be overturned. Crazy right? THEY are worried. Two main reasons, what else will they campaign on once it's gone? And the second there is actually only a minority percentage of Americans that want it overturned. Sure there are limits that people want, or they want to stomp around and say that it should be illegal, but to actually make it illegal? Well...now...slow down. I've talked before that even people who argue about abortion don't really believe their position on abortion. Well pretty soon they are going to be faced with what happens when their rhetoric becomes law.

The dog who finally catches the car.

So I don't care if it's a woman who sits on the bench that casts that decisive vote or a man, all I care about is that it's happening. And there isn't a thing I can do to stop it. Because a large portion of our country couldn't be bothered to vote. We've let the uber conservatives run the show and this is now the show we have to live. So yeah, conservatives, you did this as much as progressives. Now we see where it leads.

Vote.

Vote in every single election.

Make sure your voice is heard.

The fringes of your party are going to. You need to as well.

The center will not hold if you won't hold it.

Be Better...

Yesterday morning I had to refrain from lecturing a large section of Facebook. The results for a primary in New York were in and the very progressive liberal beat the establishment Democrat. Which is great. That's what primaries are for. So districts can find the candidate that represents them best. This district felt that a young, super progressive, latina fit that bill much more than an older, moderate, white guy. Which I know, older white guys HATE when that is pointed out. But they do have a different perspective than not white, not older people do. I'm an older white woman, I get it and I'm not insulted, you should try it out as well...but anyway...

So that happened and that's great. But the reaction to it made me clench my jaw. The multiple posts about REAL Democrats winning. About how they are getting rid of the FAKE Democrats. STOP IT! Just fucking stop it right now. You don't get to decide who is a real and who is fake. You do get to say, I am a far left Democrat and don't vote for moderate Democrats when given the choice, but it is not the same. All you are going to do is make it impossible for ANY Democrat to win by further dividing a party that is already like herding cats to get anything done. You want a repeat of 2016? Because this is how we get a repeat of 2016.

Now, I get it, I am not exactly the right person to be worried about the future of a party that I've never belonged to, but as I am not even anywhere close to wanting the Republican agenda set in stone, I will vote with the Democrats and push the Democratic candidates. I don't feel like I have the luxury of a Republican vote right now. Not when we are looking at all three branches of government under one party.

Because yesterday should have shown you why infighting is not a good idea.

Trump got the stolen nomination and replaced Scalia with Gorsuch. That kept the Court pretty much the same. Maybe not quite as smart. As much as I hated Scalia's decisions he was awfully brilliant. Now Kennedy retires and though he has been more consistently conservative than not he did break ranks for equality cases. That's not going to happen now. The replacements all come from the hard Right list Trump was given while he campaigned as his "use this and conservatives will ignore EVERYTHING else and vote for you." He did, and they did. And here we are. And yes, this only shifts the court to even more right, it doesn't actually change the ideological makeup drastically, but it does change it enough. And Ruth Bader Ginsburg is 85 years old.

I spent so much of the last election cycle trying to get people who hated that woman to understand that they needed to hold their fucking noses and vote for her anyway that it would literally give me stress headaches. And yet they didn't. And wouldn't. And would tell me to stop bugging them about it. And now we have a court that is being set up to rule on gerrymandering, discrimination, religious preference, Roe v. Wade...and we lose. We being progressives. We lose. Each and every time.

Just this session the Court contradicted themselves in decision making process to give conservative wins. In the case of the bakery not serving gay people it was well the committee member made statements showing negative attitudes toward religion (saying that religion has been used to justify slavery and the holocaust, which it was by the way) so the whole decision is tainted. THEN saying that they had to disregard the things Trump said about the travel ban  (I, Donald J. Trump, am calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering this country, among a whole host of other things) and only focus on the ban itself. What? How is that okay? If they had done equal measurements and said that the bakery case was tainted AND the travel ban (the 3rd version or as Giuliani said on fucking air, the version of the Muslim ban that they could do that would pass the courts) was tainted I'm okay with the reasoning though disappointed in the bakery case. If they said that the ruling on the bakery case had to be taken without consideration of what the member of the committee said AND that the Travel ban had to be taken without consideration of what Trump said I'm disappointed the other way but still it's consistent. But this? This is bending the circumstances to find a ruling you want. And this is what we are in for.

Trump says he can pardon himself. You know who will get to decide that? The Supreme Court. You think you were mad when they gave Bush the election over Gore. Just wait.

Momentum going in to the midterm elections was with the Democrats. There was a taste for change. It generally happens that the American people shift the Houses to opposite of the party in the White House. With the gerrymandered districts and voter suppression that's more difficult for Democrats to start. And, let's face it here, Democrats have been AWFUL about showing up at the polls in non-presidential years which is how the gerrymandered districts and voter suppression laws have been able to be passed. But THIS time the momentum was there. Trump is as awful as we thought and there needs to be a check and so THIS time with some former Republicans actually disgusted by him as well we might have seen that blue wave. But...Republicans have always understood the power of  SCOTUS appointments and they vote for SCOTUS appointment control and right now they are getting as solid of a reminder as they can that they need to vote for SCOTUS appointments.

Democrats have never understood the power of the Court.

Republicans have always understood the power of the Court.

If you continue infighting over who is a REAL Democrat and refusing to vote when FAKE Democrats are on the ballot Republicans win. Every single time.

Be smarter. Be more strategic. Be better.

We are all depending on you.

Equality.
Reproductive Rights.
Health Care.
Immigration.
Religious Discrimination.
Voter Rights.

Whatever it takes for you to understand that this is important, focus on that one.

For fuck's sake, focus!

You Still Don't Get It...

Direct message this morning was a link to a story about the picture of the little girl crying next to her mother at the border and the attached story that they weren't separated after that shot.

"What do you think about this????"

My reply was, "I think that's great. The photographer didn't know what happened to them after they got on the van and I'm so glad they weren't separated."

Lots of dots... (the symbol Facebook gives you that someone is typing a reply) lots of waiting.

Lots more dots.

Then no dots.

More waiting.

Dots again.

"It was all a lie. You should be mad that they proved it because now you can't use her to make some sort of liberal point."

"What was a lie? There are over 2000 kids that were separated. That's not a lie. The fact that this little girl wasn't is a good thing. I'm glad. That's what I want. I want the 2000 reunited. I want her to stay with her mom. I want families to stay together."

"You just want to blame OUR president."

"I just want the families put back together. We can talk about the rest later."

"The media just wants to blame Trump...."

And off to the races with the whole Clinton started it routine.

How many times do I have to write it out? I don't care who you feel the need to blame as long as you get mad about what is happening. If it makes you feel better to put it on Clinton or Obama or Santa Claus I really don't care. What I care about is it stopping. Which it looks like it is, though I don't really trust that because there are still a lot of people who can't seem to care about it.

And I don't get that any more than they get me.

These are kids. It really shouldn't be a partisan thing that we aren't cruel to kids.

If you want to say that it's been happening just like this for years then okay, you say that. Though I would ask you why you aren't furious with Fox News and the rest of conservative media? A friend of mine who rarely posts anything political, he's a preacher and it's not good for him to alienate his flock, made the point that if it had been happening and the mainstream media was ignoring it then Hannity and O'Reilly and Limbaugh should have been talking about it. They should have been at the border with cameras and recorders and blasting it every night until it stopped. Because taking kids from their parents is wrong. And it's wrong no matter who is in office.

So if it was happening at the rate of 2000 in a month under Obama I have two questions for you, first off, where are they? That's a lot of kids, where did they go? And secondly, where was the outrage from conservative media? If they knew and they kept quiet they are despicable. If they knew that 2000 kids a month were being taken from their parents and they chose to focus on tan suits and latte salutes and Michelle wearing shorts on Air Force One and yes, even on 4 dead in Benghazi over 2000 kids a month, they really fucked up.

And I can tell you if they had been talking about? Showing it? Recording it? I would have been saying it needs to stop. I don't care who is in office. I really don't. The same way I posted articles about kids in Afghanistan loving cloudy days because that meant the drones weren't flying, the same way I said that dropping bombs on wedding parties was a funny way to gain peace, I don't care who is in office, it doesn't change my mind on the kids.

And the fact that you think I would be mad that a little girl got to stay with her mother means you really don't get it at all.

And that's the real shame.

I already know people care about the politics more than the facts (literally saw someone yesterday delete a fact list because they didn't "feel" it was what they believed). Facts aren't going to carry the day. But I really hope we get to a point where compassion can.

When you care about the politics more than the children then we are lost. Really and truly lost.

Consequences...

No, I'm not done talking about this, so if you want to tell me to stop you can just move along right now...

Roseanne (the TV show) was cancelled today because Roseanne the titular star went on a tweet spree that capped with a racist one about Valerie Jarrett. ABC said, "Oh hell no, this isn't us..." and cancelled the show. Of course I am full of cynicism about it because this is who she is. They knew that. They had to address it in press conferences when they rebooted the show, the whole "She's going to say or do something what are you going to do then?" Line of questioning. Which was met mainly with "Roseanne gonna Roseanne you know?"

And then the first night released and it was BOFFO! BIG TIME! RATINGS BONANZA! DOLLA DOLLA BILLS, Y'ALL! President is tweeting and calling and taking credit in campaign rally speeches (to which Roseanne was like, Oh no...thanks for the support Big Don but THIS IS ALL ME!)

So the network felt pretty smug about their decision. This was genius. Second season renewal! BAM!

Then the next week it was a little less genius.

And a little less genius.

And then at the finale it was 43% fewer viewers genius.

But still the network had to be fairly happy, right?

Guess not.

Because what Roseanne tweeted was racist and vile and not the first time she's gone to the black women as ape comparison. They knew. You know they knew. You know it was someone's job to scour all of her old tweets to be prepared for what might come. Like when she got ahead of the whole Hitler costume baking little children cookies. What a HILARIOUS joke that was and if you couldn't see that it was a HILARIOUS joke you're just a snowflake that doesn't understand satire. Or the whole PizzaGate conspiracy theory stuff, if we can't have differences in opinions we are all lost, 9/11 was an inside job belief, Oh come on you know she's just quirky...

Anyway...

They knew is what I'm saying. The people working with her knew, the writers knews, the crew knew, they all knew. ABC knew. It was always just a matter of time before the ratings weren't going to be good enough to ignore who she is.

It just came sooner than expected. And sure, I feel badly for the number of people who are out of work, except you knew. You knew who she was when you signed on. So...

And I feel a little badly for Roseanne in the abstract because she's finding out what so many others have, Trump gets away with all of this shit and you don't. Somehow he does not face consequences for his actions he just makes up bolder and brasher lies and his base eats that shit up. You, you don't get to do that. You have to face consequences.

So yeah, I'm pleased that ABC did the right thing even though I'm really cynical about their reasons. I'm glad that somebody out there faces consequences for their actions. I'm glad that she didn't just get to scream about FAKE NEWS! WITCH HUNT! NO COLLUSION! and walk away with people nodding behind her, fake news...witch hunt...no collusion...(By the way, five guilty pleas, 19 indictments, it's not a witch hunt, it's a hunt where there's bears to be hunt situation)

So today I'm glad that there are still consequences out there. Let's hope that sometime soon it makes it all the way to the White House. REAL NEWS! BEAR HUNT! POSSIBLY COLLUSION! DEFINITELY OBSTRUCTION! HE FUCKING ADMITTED IT ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! COME ON!

Sunday Slog Fest...

Okay we are down to the last two Sunday blogs you will have to suffer.

Good news! I had an idea break through on the story I was working on yesterday so I should be able to get it written next week. Of course it completely wipes out everything I wrote yesterday but that's okay, it needed wiped out. When it's not working it's not working. But hopefully this time it will all come together.

I've got two bitches to get off my chest for the rest of this blog so it's going to be slightly ranty and completely not related.

First off, we went to go see Deadpool 2 today. It was good, not as good as the first but that's only because the first was such a surprise and those aspects weren't really a surprise this time around. But it was highly enjoyable and we really liked it. So...here's the bitch. The previews are going and we get one for a raunchy buddy cop movie featuring puppets. I mean RAUNCHY like if you thought Avenue Q was a little tame this is up your alley. I leaned over to Brent (talking during the previews is fine) and said something about kids wanting to see it, and he said that there were kids in the theater right now.

What? You brought your kids to a Deadpool movie? And it's not like it's the first one so you thought maybe they were kidding with R rating. Deadpool is a hard R. There is nothing in it for kids. It's just not appropriate. I've had this bitch before which is almost always met with people saying they can't afford a sitter or their kids can handle it. No and no. If you can't afford a sitter you stay home. And your kids shouldn't be handling a movie made for adults. They just shouldn't. Did you know why we get tense and our palms sweat in scary movies? Because our fight or flight reactions don't realize it's all pretend. We can rationalize it, but we still feel it. Not good for kids.

You will survive having to wait. Millions of parents before you had to practice delayed gratification while they were raising kids, you can do it too. I have faith in you.

My second bitch is people who are assholes about things that have zero to do with them. This was specifically triggered by a friend posting about Pride and some asshole she is friends with coming in with a "What about straight people?" post. Now, I don't know this guy, but from what he posted and where he went (the intolerant tolerant bullshit angle) my guess is he has zero interest in attending a Pride event and it has nothing to do with him at all. But instead of just scrolling on by he needed to make it about him.

This happens all the time. And mostly with straight white people, sad to say. They don't like Pride because it excludes them. They don't like Black Lives Matter because it excludes them. They don't like ANYTHING that isn't straight and white because it excludes them. But they don't want to say that. They want to say things like "Shouldn't we celebrate EVERYONE." or "The tolerant LEFTIST like to call names when all I'm saying is that celebrating your own culture is insulting to ME." If it has nothing to do with you then shut the fuck up. How's that? I'm not a member of the tolerant left, by the way, that's something the right invented to argue against.  I'm a member of the don't be a fucking dick brigade.

So if you see a post about a cultural event that isn't your culture and you have a genuine question, ask it. For instance, you see a post about Pride and someone is asking for people to remember that sexuality is not carried like a sign so don't assume that hetero looking couple is there to site see, they could very well be part of the LBGTQ+ community. So your question is are straight allies welcome? To which you will get an answer. Spoiler alert, it's usually yes. But don't come in with a "question" that is really just looking for an argument masked as concern trolling. "But what about straight people, are you saying that no straight people are ever welcome at Pride festivities?" See the difference? One is, "I want to support you." the other is "I want you to acknowledge ME."

So now that I think about it, my two unrelated bitches are actually related.

Selfish.

Don't be so fucking selfish. It's not always about you. It doesn't have to be about you. You can wait to see a movie so you don't damage your kids, you can show some respect for cultures other than your own and understand that they don't have to cater to you to be valid. You can not be rude. Don't be rude to your kids by dragging them someplace they should not be, don't be rude to people who are already facing discrimination in joint spaces and are just looking for a place to celebrate their own world.

Just stop being such a selfish, rude, asshole, mmmkay?

And again Deadpool 2, funny, enjoyable, not for kids.
Pride festivities, open to everyone but allies remember you are there as an ally don't try to make it about you.

Not Today...

I have a really great idea for a short story. The plan was to write it today for a little Friday Freaky Fiction. I'm hoping that I have a rush tomorrow of inspiration and time and get it done then instead because it's not happening today.

Today is another school shooting day in America. Another day where my feed is full of rhetoric and hate and the same old talking points and we wonder why our kids keep facing school shooters.

I also have a lot of Yanny/Laurel leftovers and the one I found to be fascinating that I posted today where I could change what I heard based on what I told myself I was going to hear. Now, I have two friends who have kids the age to play with the toy that had the recording, neither of them could make the recording sound like anything other than what it actually was. They knew it too well. Their facts were solid, you might say, so their brains rejected any other option. Fascinating.

The Yanny/Laurel recording sounds like Laurel to me. Can't force the change, can't hear something else unless I go to the postings that have adjusted the frequency to higher and lower so people could hear what others heard. But I hear Laurel when it's set "right" and I cannot hear anything else. In this case my facts are solid, but if given a different angle I can hear what you are hearing, I just know it's not right.

How often do we intentionally change the frequency to hear only what we want to hear?

People talk a lot about bubbles. We live in our own bubbles of people who think like us and act like us and believe like us so we wrongly assume everyone else thinks, acts and feels like us. We narrow our fields down over and over again so the only people we interact with are in our bubble. It's normal. Most people don't like conflict and many people cannot handle differences of opinion without it becoming a nasty conflict.

The other night I told Brent that I think it's only fair from here on out if someone calls me a libtard I get to call them a Republicunt. Usually this is where he says no. Instead he said, "Sounds fair." Because I'm tired of it. He's tired of it. We should all be tired of it. I am super progressive and very liberal, neither of those should lead you to make it an insult. I have facts to back up what I feel. I've read and researched what I believe. I also know there are areas where I am more conservative because I believe in those stances as well. I'm fiscally conservative. I don't think we should have programs we can't pay for. I just disagree with capital R conservatives what the programs deserving funding are, and honestly at this point about the funding programs instead of increasing debt load. There are discussions we should have and compromises we should make. But they no longer happen.

And part of that is people adjusting their frequency to hear what they want to hear. Anti-vaxxers, birthers, flat earthers, climate change deniers, 9/11 conspirators, second amendment junkies, and on and on. There are facts, scientific facts, research, reality based evidence, out there that we should listen to. But you change the frequency so you tune out anything that doesn't agree with what you already believe.

There are other countries in the world with stricter gun laws and they don't have the mass shootings, and single shootings, and gun suicides that we have. You can study it. But you ignore it. Change the frequency and find something else more in line with what you believe, or change the frequency so when I say we need to screen, register and insure you hear we need to confiscate all of the guns and probably throw the gun owners in jail for good measure. 


We are the only developed country that has turned climate change in to a political divide. There can't be warming because I had to wear a sweater today. How's that for your frequency change? Anti-vaxxers can be shown article after article about safety and the real reason we have a vaccine court and they will change the frequency and find a website devoted to the things they already believe and they will put aside everything else because this is what they want to hear.

On and on it goes.

Don't like what you are hearing? Change the frequency. Find something you want to hear more.

And then be boggled at people who know what is right, their facts are solid, who refuse to hear what you do. Even if they can understand what you are hearing, they keep telling you that you are hearing it wrong because their facts are straight and you have just adjusted the frequency to your own happy place. How can they be so sure they are right? Why trust science when you have all of these feels?

It's frustrating.

Stop ignoring the preponderance of evidence just because it feels better to believe that one blogger who agrees with you. Even if that one blogger is me. Though I would think it would be a rare situation where the preponderance of evidence is against what I'm saying. Even though I hear green storm, I know the right answer is brainstorm so I'm not going to tell you that I'm right. I'm not. My frequency is just off.

It's okay to be wrong. It's okay to even feel like it would be more comfortable to be right, yet you know you are wrong. It's okay to look for more evidence. It's not okay to ignore anything that goes against what you think and find the one obscure thing that agrees with you and act like they are the same weight.

No false equivalence in our frequency range, okay?

Ninety-nine scientists to one means that it's more likely the 99 are right. Stop arguing that the 1 is just as valid. If they were then there would be others who agree.

So yeah, I'm not writing fiction today, but trust me, it's a good one. I'm already pleased with it and I haven't even written a word.

All Apologies...

The press is confused. Again. It's a pretty standard way of acting for them now. I find it to be disingenuous at best and incredibly ignorant at worst. They keep waiting for an apology from the Trump White House about an employee saying that John McCain's opinion didn't matter because he was dying. They (the press) keep expecting this apology and how it's important instead of paying attention to the fact that Trump doesn't apologize and not only that his base loves him for it.

His base is made up of the same people who hated Barack Obama using diplomacy instead of fear tactics. They called his approach of admitting the United States shouldn't act unilaterally an apology tour. They despised him as weak for not blustering his way through speeches in foreign countries and instead listening and seeking advice and heeding it when necessary. His base loves that Trump is a bully. They cheered when Melania Trump said if you hit him he hits back 10 times harder. And they love that his idea of hitting is nothing more than someone not being obsequious.

The bullying, unapologetic, strongman, wanna be dictator is what they like. And the press somehow doesn't get that and expects an apology. It's just common decency! What? Common decency left the building when Trump walked in. He campaigned on uncommon vileness and they.ate.it.up. So...stop being stupid, Presspeople, and start remembering who you are dealing with.

The response from the White House has been one I've expected. "Let's talk about the really serious issue which is the leak." And you know what? On one hand Sarah Huckabee Sanders isn't wrong, the fact that everything is leaked is a serious issue. But it's an issue coming from inside their own house. The leakers are people they hired. There is no Deep State sabotaging them, they are doing it themselves. But on the other hand, no, that's not the only really serious issue. It reminds me of a philanderer being caught because their partner read their emails or texts. Yes, you are right, they should not have invaded your privacy, HOWEVER, there is still the issue that you're cheating that needs to be dealt with.

The fruit from a poisoned tree argument only goes so far. We know the leaking is bad, we know that you are mad about it, but we also know that you work in a group that thinks "joking" about a man dying of brain cancer is hilarious meeting material.

And on that note, as a progressive, liberal, cultural elite, education is a good thing, West Coast snob I am expected to apologize for not understanding the "average" American in the heartland. We still hear it today a year and half after the election. We just don't understand them, they are just so tired of being talked down to, they hate that we think they are ignorant or bigots or racists. We need to apologize. Well no. That would show weakness and I know that you hate that shit. And since you aren't being obsequious to me and telling me how smart and pretty and thin I am I have to assume that you are hitting me so I should hit you back 10 times harder. Because you like that. Right?

I'm kidding. Joking. Mocking. But it's true. I'm supposed to be apologetic to the Right while they continually make excuses for no apologies ever. Yet I do get you. I do understand you. I know that there are a lot of you that voted how you did for a variety of reasons. But understanding you doesn't mean agreeing with you. And I'm not going to apologize for that even if you think I should.

So, no, the Trump White House doesn't apologize, unless it's a nonapology apology. Either the, "We're sorry you were offended by that." or the forced apology of the Susie you apologize right now, "Sooooorrrryyyy" type. And I just wish the media would stop acting like they will. Yes, we all know (or at least more than half of us know) that they should but the fact that the rest of them LOVE that they won't means that they won't. Trump governs for his base. And he's not one bit sorry about that. Stop expecting him to act like it. He loves only those that love him. And he only cares about catering to his base.

Yeah, I know he said that: "I pledge to every citizen of our land that I will be president for all Americans..." but we all also knows that he lies. So stop acting surprised about that too.

Don't Make Promises...

When I worked in advertising one of my guiding work principles was to always under promise and over deliver. It's a phrase a lot of people in the service industry use and it can be a little trite when you hear it all of the time but I firmly believe in it. It used to make one of my clients crazy when I wouldn't promise to some deadline or the other. I would say, "I will try my best." or "I can get it to you on Tuesday for sure, I am not sure about Monday." He would respond, "You are just trying to look good by being faster! You are under promising!" And he was half right. I was under promising. If I wasn't sure I could do it in a tight timeline I told people that. Now I also worked my ass off to get it done quickly and usually got it to them early, but not always. So I wouldn't promise to do it earlier than I was positive I could get it done.

Under promise and over deliver.

Make sure you are only committing to things you know you can do, but then work to do more.

It's stuck with me even in my life now. I can see it in my constant goal setting. It makes me crazy when I set a goal and cannot reach it. That's why you will often see me set one goal and then have a stretch goal as well. I am pretty sure I can hit the first mark, but will strive for the second. Even to myself I try not to over promise.

Because here is the thing, you do the over promise thing one to many times and people stop believing in you. Even if it's you yourself that you need to believe in. I know, Brent knows, my friends know, that if I say I will do something I will do my damnedest to get it done. And if for some reason I don't, I will work extra hard to make it up to you with something else. I don't give my word a lot. I'm not a big false promiser. I'm an I'll try, I'll work on it, I'll see, much more often than I will. But once I say I will, I really mean I will.

I write lists. I take notes in my phone. I send myself meeting reminders. All because I don't want to give my word and then fall short. And I know that I might because I'm also pretty multi-focused at times. (sounds better than flighty) I don't want something important to slip my mind. And sometimes it does. So if I tell you I will do something for you, the next thing you will often see if me whipping out my phone to put it on my calendar. "Oh it's not that big of a deal!" Yes, yes it is. I just told you I would so I will and this way I really will.

It makes me crazy when people promise things and don't follow through. Or constantly say one thing and then do a completely different thing. Your word is the only thing you have that is truly yours and if you break it over and over then I know that you aren't to be trusted. You are broken. And I won't depend on you to be anything other than broken. I would much rather hear from you that you will try to do something (Yoda was wrong, sorry, but he was) and then fail rather than that you will for sure do something and then have you not follow through. Don't promise me something you cannot deliver.

Looking at Trump tweet insults this morning after calling for unity last week just reinforces this belief. He's a broken man, running a broken system, that we are all supposed to trust in to keep their word. It's why I wouldn't last in politics. I would want to deliver results and would meet up with the people I was supposed to work with to get them done only to discover that nobody keeps their word...it's not a good way to run a local co-op let alone a country. When did we as a country give up on expecting our elected officials to keep their word? When did we decide that politicians just lie so there is no reason to expect better of them. When did we decide that their word was not only not their bond but worse than used scotch tape but that was okay with us and we would vote for them again?

I don't get it. It's just not my way. It's ridiculous.  It's broken.

We need to figure this out. We need to start voting for other people if the people who are supposed to represent us aren't. We need to demand that when they speak they speak the truth. And if they don't deliver they need to have a really good reason why not.

We deserve some under promising and over delivering.