Pull the Plug...

Two nights ago I was having a dream where I was fighting with someone. Like out of control yelling, angry, this isn't going to end well at all fight. In the middle of it I woke up. From dead asleep in the middle of a dream to waking up. And as I transitioned out of the dream I could literally feel the rage draining out of me. It was like I had been filled with a rage liquid and someone pulled the plug at my feet and it drained out of me. Started at my head and just lowered and away.

It was the oddest sensation.

As I started to drift back off to sleep I tried to hold on to that empty feeling. That no anger left, completely drained of it feeling. For one I didn't want to pop back in to the dream I was having and start the yelling match back up (it was about a wedding and planning and I think the woman I was yelling at was supposed to be my sister but wasn't? I don't know, but I was angry and didn't want to go back to it) and I also really liked that calm feeling. Drifting away very light and clean.

That feeling has stuck with me for the past two days. Not the empty one, but the feeling of the rage draining away. That sensation of rage being an actual thing that I was filled with instead of a metaphoric filled with rage. And there being a release valve someplace. A plug you could pull that would just get rid of it.

Wouldn't that be a great thing to find right about now? The world could use a good rage draining. Everyone is so Angry. Capital A angry. People are Angry. Political parties are Angry. Countries are Angry. Everyone has something that moves them from calm to pissed at the drop of a hat it seems. 

Yesterday I watched two friends post things on their Facebook walls and then have discussions with their friends about the post. One was from a liberal friend and one was from a conservative friend. And both of them were cool, calm and collected until someone posted an opposing political viewpoint. Then you could practically see the bristle. And the funny thing is both of them did the same thing. They went in to a defensive crouch. "I never..." "This wasn't..." "You did..." "You said..." Since I wasn't doing anything but stalking each conversation I was detached enough to see the similarities even though the original posts were nothing alike. 

This is our world right now. Everyone is braced and ready for a fight. 

I am. I admit it. We are coming up on a year since Trump's inauguration where he spoke about American Carnage and then went about creating it. And right now my conservative friends (the 5 I have left) are all bristling. They will say I hate him and so I won't give him a fair shake. I will say I would give him a pretty good shake if I could do it without the Secret Service getting upset. He fills me with rage. Every dismantling of an environmental protection, every utterance about good Nazis, every I didn't say shithole ask them they think I said shithouse, every tweet that undermines what he JUST FUCKING SAID IN A MEETING...yeah. He fills me with rage. And the fact that my conservative friends are willing to give it all a pass as long as the stock market goes up and their companies get tax breaks fills me with disappointment. And I have to take a deep breath and look for a way to not be that way.

So I would love to find the drain plug for the world. The one we could all get together and tug out. To feel that rage drain away. To have that void take its place. To feel that calm.

Middle East Peace Talks? Pull the plug first.

North and South Korea reconciling? Find that plug. 

ISIS? Wash them right down the drain.

Just less rage. Imagine that feeling. 

I'm going to find ways to find more of that. Like not engaging in the Facebook arguments. I will probably go back to not reading the public comments. I am torn on those things, I like to see what people are thinking, but the people who think are rarely the ones who post, if you know what I mean. I want my zen to be front and center, not my rage. And that means more thoughtful articles, fewer thoughtless comments. More books, fewer tweets. More righteous anger about things that matter, more getting a point across in a way that can be heard.

I mean, I'm not going to be quiet, god forfend, I am still going to talk about the things that matter to me. The things that make me angry. But I'm going to try my best to not let that anger build to rage. A little bit of anger gets shit done, rage shuts shit down.

Drain the rage.