Let Me Explain...

I'm an over explainer.

This shouldn't be shocking to any of you as you are all reading my blog where I spend 75% of my time explaining why I think the way I do.

But even with the fact that I am an over explainer I am misunderstood at times. I will post a blog and get feedback on it that puzzles me. "That wasn't what I said at all." I will go back and read it again to see where the misunderstanding happened. Then I make the decision on if I should explain a little bit more or just leave it be.

Often I leave it be.

That's part of writing. What I write is what I feel. What I think. What I am trying to convey. But every person who reads what I write has their own framework they are bringing to the process and at times what they get out of it is not what I thought I was putting in. If it's a strong misunderstanding, one that would leave the reader thinking I meant something totally different, I will try and clarify, but if it's just a point of view that is a little different I don't.

Which is really hard for an over explainer.

I find this happens in real world discussions as well. Sometimes you have to just walk away from a discussion knowing that the person is never going to understand what it is you are trying to say. Sometimes it's because you cannot find the right words to explain yourself and the more words you add the more convoluted your point becomes. Often it's because the person you are talking to isn't really listening to understand, they are listening to respond, so you never had a chance. And sometimes it's just that your point of view is so different from theirs that they don't have the head space to understand what you are saying. At least not right then.

When I took Kinesiology in school my instructor wanted us to read the chapters before she lectured on them. She would tell us, you aren't really going to understand what it is you are reading and that's okay, I just need you to have a folder to put all of this information in when I lecture on it. The first time you get new information your brain isn't entirely sure how to process it. But the next time it's somewhat familiar so it has a place to look. A folder of information. Then when we would go back and study again we could access all of this information that was all stored in memory much easier. So she wanted to make sure when she tossed out the words "gluteal cleft" or "olecranon process" in a lecture we weren't all staring at her blankly, instead our brains were going, "wait! I've heard this before!" And then we were able to tell our asses from our elbows. (SO FUNNY, GUYS!)

But we needed to have it over explained. New information needs time to be absorbed. So even if we are having a discussion with someone who just isn't able to hear us because their world view has never taken in the point of view we are sharing we are still doing something. We are laying the ground work for the next time they hear that information. Or sometimes offering a counter point to what they had always taken as the only way to see things. At the time you might think what you've said was rejected completely, but maybe a little piece stuck in that folder someplace. So the next time they are hearing the information they always viewed as the only way to see it, they think, well, actually this could be and they fill in what you were trying to explain before. Even a closed mind can sometimes be opened that way.

So I'm an over explainer. And I'm okay with that. I will let you know, when you try to tell me you understand what I am saying before I've finished saying it, that you might not so just let me finish. I will keep talking even when it seems like nobody is listening. And I will keep listening when people are talking so I can understand what they are trying to explain as well. That doesn't mean any of us have to change what we think, by the way, but we should try to understand why people think what they do. And sometimes that means listening to an over explainer, over explain.


(For those of you that read my fiction and are like WAIT A MINUTE! YOU LEAVE SHIT OUT ALL THE TIME! Yeah...I do don't I? When I leave things out in those pieces it's because I think you have your own explanation for what has or is about to happen. Sure, I have an idea, but maybe yours is better so I want you to have that.)