It was an itsy bitsy teeny weeny....

Swim suit shopping.

It's a phrase that can strike fear in the heart of the staunchest woman. Squeeze your body in to an elasticized tube then stand in front of a three way mirror under florescent lighting. Now imagine yourself having fun in that suit.

No really, try. As you look at your winter white skin now tinged a bit yellow because of the bad lighting, seeing yourself from angles you were never designed to see yourself from. Judging yourself more harshly than any one else ever would. Imagine how much fun it's going to be to wear it in public. Oh yay....

I'm 45. I know that once I am in my suit and in the ocean or at the pool or even hiking around the resort I won't really think much about how I look in it. But I still hate shopping for the new suit.

This time we added the difficulty curve of trying to shop off season. So the pickings in the store are slimmer. I think I tried on 4 in stores that were even in the realm of maybe. I've been ordering online. Reading reviews. Looking for the key words like "I'm busty and..." "Suit runs big/small/true to size" "Great coverage" "Too much cleavage" and along the way discovering that your "true to size great coverage" might very well translate to my "Oh my god I can't breath and I'm pretty sure I don't want to risk a sun burn on THAT part of my body!"

Yesterday's box was from Lands End. They have some really cute stuff. On the models online. Trying to wiggle in to the tops yesterday was an adventure. At one point I thought I was going to have to call Brent to rescue me. At least they were full coverage tops. Just not quite enough coverage for me.

Because right now the trend seems to be "Miracle Thinning!" Well that means super tight and pretty low cut. The longer neckline makes you look ummm...taller? Well with my figure super tight with a really low neckline makes me look (to channel my father for a minute) like 10 pounds of mud in a 5 pound sack. And if I were younger, and if I were a different person, then that might not be so terrible. But I want to swim. And snorkel. And wave jump. And go down the slide at the pool. And have the bar tender make eye contact when I place my order. So I keep looking. A few friends of mine with similar problems (blessings?) gave me suggestions. So I am trying again.

But I will find something. It might not be perfect but it will work.

And I will know that once it's on and I'm in the water I won't really care. Because...Hawaii!