Being a fangirl is hot...

When C was giving his capstone presentation at ACMA one of the kids listening to him talk asked him about Magic the Gathering. C's response was "I am a geek, but not that kind of geek." It made me laugh then and it has stuck with me. What kind of geek are you? I am a shallow geek. Not that I'm shallow, though I can be, but that I like a lot of different things but I don't dive really deep in to much. I'm not an immersed in one world geek. But one of the areas I come the closest is with Neil Gaiman. He writes. A lot. In a lot of different genres. And I will read almost everything he does. I say almost everything because he's written a couple of Dr. Who episodes and I am not that kind of geek, so I've never seen those.  But I have read his graphic novels, his fantasy stories, his kid's books, his poetry, his short stories, I've listened to his speeches, I follow him on Facebook, I am a Gaiman type of geek. So when my friend Tiffany let me know he was coming to town to promote his new book The Ocean at the End of the Lane I bought a ticket for myself and one for C (a mini-Gaiman geek) and waited.

And waited, and waited. Seriously I bought the tickets in April when they went on sale and the event wasn't until the last weekend in June. When you are that kind of geek that just seems like too long to wait. But I'm glad I bought the tickets right away, I found out they sold out in 2 hours. Two hours to sell 945 tickets. Yes, almost a thousand people were going to be there. And it was general admission seating so you needed to get there early. So I planned! Ish.

And here is where the day takes the turns that days do.

As you all know I've gotten weird about crowds in my dottage. I've never been a huge fan but I can fake it if I have to. Since I am now in a position where I don't have to fake it, I don't. The balancing act of when do we get there so we could get in and get decent seats vs. how long do we sit in the crowd starts. Doors opened at 2, the event started at 3 so I decided that really getting there and in line by 1:30 would be okay. We got downtown and found parking in a, umm, technically it was a parking garage. That's what the sign said, and it had 24 hour access and it was close to the event so in we went.

Parking is $8, not cheap for a Saturday afternoon, but it was close and did I mention it was 90+ degrees outside so close was good? So first off we do the I have a $10 to pay and she has no change dance. Fine, dig out the credit card, get that handled and as she hands me the ticket she says, "Here is the number to call if you get back after 6 so someone can let you in and out." Ummm...what? So much for 24 hour access, yes, you can get your car out after 6 but you have to call and wait. Well hell....maybe the autograph session will go quickly and it won't be an issue. "Park on second floor please."

We drive up to the second floor. Now imagine, if you will, what would happen in a house that wasn't designed for cars if they took the stairway and turned it in to a ramp. Yep. SUPER STEEP! Eep!! Okay, we make it to the second floor and parking spaces are arranged well, they are arranged. The first place I thought about pulling in had a pile of glass where someone's window had been busted out. This is super great. I pull in to another space, I think it was a space, who knows what it was really, and say a little prayer to the car watch gods that my windows will all be in one piece when the event is over and off we go.

The stairs out of the garage put us out a block away from the entrance (foreshadowing) so we cross the street and start the hike back up to the front. As we pass by Ringler's (bar in the bottom floor of the Crystal Ballroom) I see a line inside, "Oh," I think to myself, "Due to the heat they must have decided to put the line inside instead of outside that's nice" We go in, check at the front door that this is the line for the Gaiman event are told yes and we head to the back of the line. I'm doing the calculations in my head and if the line is from where we are, through Ringler's, up the three flights of stairs to the Crystal Ballroom we are probably about 250 people in. That's not terrible. So we wait in line for 25 minutes, get to the front where they are scanning tickets and....

This was the wrong line. Yes it was A line for the Gaiman event, but it was the early entrance pay extra line. Now if I had known about such a deal I probably would have taken it, but it was too late now. So back outside we go to get in the other line. Which has been growing since we got in the wrong line about a half hour ago. We follow the line from the front door, around the corner, back around another corner, back to the corner we passed walking out of our parking garage. Where you all notice I did not mention seeing a line before. So by being in the wrong line for a half hour I am guessing we are about 300 people behind where we would have been. Ugh.

But if we hadn't had to line up outside I would have missed this perfectly Portland moment.

So disappointed. And did I mention it was 90+ outside? So we wind our way through the new line and 20 minutes later we get to the front door. I hold out our tickets to be scanned and notice the first "uh oh" of the day that actually worried me. My hand is shaking. A lot. Well this isn't good. Up we go the three flights of stairs to The Crystal Ballroom and my shaking isn't getting better by the hike. Uh oh. Then we get to the event, get our copies of the book and go to sit down. And discover that no, they still have not put air in. Anyone who tells you that AC in Portland isn't necessary is lying to you. Just know that right now. We have stretches of heat during the summer and if you don't have AC you either have to head to the beach or know you are going to be miserable. AC is needed. The Crystal Ballroom now filling with 945 of my soon to be closest friends does not have AC. Uh oh.

But they do have free water! So off to get us big giant glasses of water! This will help. And the big fans will help. And using the index card they gave us to write questions on will help. It will be fine. I mean, how much hotter can it get really? And I'm from New Mexico for crying out loud, my heat genes have to kick in soon! Right?

And we are inside and waiting for Neil Freaking Gaiman so it's all good in the hood...

The very crowded hood...

And so we wait, and the crowd fills in even more and I notice a guitar on stage and wonder what the heck that is all about and then FINALLY it's 3 and we are going to start! Yay! Okay, well, not really. It's Portland so the 3 was an estimate. Another few minutes pass and the guy from Powell's hits the stage and is proud to introduce to us...

This guy...

Umm...what? Jason Webley. Apparently he sings a funny song about an aardvark though for us he did a song about a giraffe. And he had fans in the audience who were really excited to see and hear him and did I mention it's over 90 degrees outside and I am pretty sure pushing 100 inside? So a few songs from him, that I am sure were lovely and the bit about the giraffe was cute but just not so much my kind of geek, NOW we are going to see...

Stephanie Stricklen!

Again..umm...what? Though to be fair she was adorable and is that kind of geek and I enjoyed her piece about making art. Because I am that kind of geek.

And then.. well...

Shot with an iPhone to give you a feel for the distance

Reading from Ocean

Answering questions from the audience

Blurry but it was quick, she got a kiss. Squee!

Reading from the book proofs for Fortunately the Milk (will be published in September)

Okay, let me say right now that hearing him read is always a pleasure. I love hearing him do voices for his own characters, what does he "hear" when he is writing them? What is the cadence he builds in the story? All of that is just like sugar to me. And then the audience questions? Gold. The stories and extra bits he added to what seemed like straight up questions that would have been straight up answers? Loved it all. He is an odd one for an author. Being able to write doesn't mean you can perform. The fact that he is the voice on his own audio books actually shows that he can. Being entertaining while you wilt in the heat at the end of a very long book tour is a talent unto itself. 

Then the break came so they could set up for the signing. You have a bookmark that shows you what group you will be in so please be patient. Okay...I get up go use the restroom and notice that though I have been drinking a lot I'm not exactly showing that. Anyone who has ever had an issue with heat knows what I am saying. So I get us more water and go sit back down convincing myself that it's fine. They call the first group and I set my timer to see how long it takes them. They call the next group and I check, 17 minutes. So 17 per group and we are how many groups back? I look over at the people currently in line and see a woman that we passed headed back to back of the line. The first line. The early admittance line. She is in the second group. Uh oh. 

But there are big fans set up so that will help. You know except for the fact that after the talk people got up and went to stand directly in front of the fans to cool off. Great for them but you know TOTALLY BLOCKING THE AIR FOR EVERYONE ELSE! And then the line for the signatures actually went in front of the fan near us as well so the part that wasn't being blocked by the douchbag who has been told twice to please go sit down is now being blocked by the line. Okay...this is fine...I will just start reading and distract myself.

So I reach the fourth chapter and...give up. I had told C earlier that I wasn't feeling well and he had wanted to give up then. See we could trade our books in at the door for a copy that was signed that morning. What we would be giving up by not staying was a chance for him to sign my "Make Good Art" card and get a picture "near Neil" he wouldn't actually pose with you, 945 people you see, but you could stand near him and they would take your picture. And I am a big enough fan that this was a tempting offer for me. Near Neil. A signature on something that speaks to me. And then I stood up to get a little more air and...well...uh oh.

So I decided that my day with Neil should not end with him telling the story of the book signing where the woman passed out in line and vomited on her way down spewing creativity and bile on everyone around her.

We got home, I took a cold shower and drank another ton of water and Brent said, "I'm sorry the day was a disappointment for you" and I had to tell him that it wasn't. Yes, we ended up out in the heat for longer that was good for either of us. No I didn't actually get to be one of the 945 people who stood near him for a photograph or got a signature on an additional item. But I was able to hear him read from his new book and from a book he hasn't even published yet. I got to hear him comparing growing up in England to being in Portland in a very funny way. I got to listen to him talk about Clive Barker's fans and how grateful he is that his fans are different, but not that kind of different. And I got a signed copy of his new book. And I got to share it all with C. And I didn't vomit.

It was a good day. 

Neil Freaking Gaiman, people!