A deep as a mud puddle....

Well it's official. Word came from my new podiatrist that like boot season before it flip flop season has been cancelled. He let me know that my normal way of being, strappy sandals, heeled boots, barefoot otherwise just wasn't going to cut it anymore and I would need to start wearing Ugly Shoes™. Which was not the deal at all. The deal was I went to the doctor he said, "Blah, blah, blah." I did "Blah, blah, blah" and then I was fine. But looks like that's not the case. Unless and until it gets bad enough for surgery I just have to treat my feet differently. And since surgery isn't really something either one of us wants I have to change the way I treat my feet.

Which means most of my summer shoe wardrobe has been relegated to the "sometimes" pile. Along with a good chunk of my winter shoe wardrobe. And my workout shoes. And then the fact that I'm supposed to start wearing shoes around the house as well instead of going barefoot. All of this is just driving me nuts. I love boot season and strappy sandal season. I love the summer when I can slip my shoes off and be barefoot where ever I am. If it's sitting on the grass someplace or at the beach walking in the sand. These are the joys. Working out barefoot? Yes please. I've been doing the minimalist shoe thing during the summer since forever...

Now I get to wear Ugly Shoes™. I mean, practical shoes. Shoes with a lot of structure. Shoes without a lot of flex. Shoes that keep my toe inline with my foot so shoes without much of a heel. And when I do this I get to avoid surgery and hopefully minimize any pain in my foot. This is a good thing. Fixing the problem without meds, without surgery, without cortisone shots. These are all good things. I'm thrilled. Really. As Brent put it I get to shop for all new shoes! Yay. And then he also said, "You're going to pout the whole time right?" And  yes, I probably will do that too. But I will try not to. I will try my hardest to see what a great thing this is.

So while all of this is going on I looked in the mirror this morning and thought to myself, I've had really good hair days the past two days, maybe I should rethink cutting it all off. Growing it out longer might be what I want to do instead of going back to the super short cut. I think I will change my mind. And then I realized that these two things were completely related.

Shoes for me are one of my few super girly areas. I love shoes the way that women stereo-typically do. There aren't a lot of other things about me that are stereo-typically girly. But my love of shoes is. But I have a hard time with shoes because I have an odd shaped foot, so getting a pair that fits well and looks cute is a major big deal win for me. And I love it. Strappy sandals and flip flops in the summer are easier than pumps. There is room for my wider toe box and I don't have to worry about my narrow heel. And I can get super cute ones for super cheap so I could wear (and have) a different pair every day. And there is nothing like a really cute pair of shoes to lift my mood. When you go to put on that skirt that somehow shrunk in the back of the closet and so you are bummed? Throw on your cutest gold sandals with the skirt you have to wear instead and you are fine. Especially with a fresh pedicure to show off your bright red toes.

Ah...here we go with the other big truth. Shoes don't care how much I weigh. I have had clothes two sizes smaller than I am right now and 4 sizes larger. But the shoes? Pretty much the same. Yes, there is a little play when I get bigger or smaller, but basically the shoes stay the same. When I was at my larger size I could still put on a cute pair of shoes and feel attractive. Right now I'm at a good size for me (yes, Skinny Bitch is still clamoring for about 10 pounds less but we shut her up with cake) so the shoes are just bonus. But when I am heavier? The shoes are the thing. And now I will have to rethink my work out choices so part of me is panicking a little as to what that is going to mean with my weight. Can I maintain and not do the higher impact aerobics? And still eat that cake??

And so the focus switched to my hair. BOOM! And I almost didn't catch myself doing it. See here is the thing, when my hair is really long that becomes all people notice. I can be heavier or thinner and it won't matter because I will be, "You know Denise, she has the really long hair?" No one will even notice my shoes because they won't get past the hair. I know this from past experience. I've had it really long a few times and I know how attached other people become to it. Trust me, if you know someone with really long hair ask them what happens when they think about cutting it off. People get possessive. You can't! Don't! Horrible!

Hair has always been a big deal to me. When I was little I had to keep it short. My sister had long hair and my mother said she would never ever go through that hassle again. So the pictures of Susan were of this gorgeous little girl with fat sausage curls and then there was me.

And it still does that weird little kick out to the side at this length

When I got old enough to take care of it myself I grew it out. Then when I got older I decided to grow it out and keep growing it to see how long I could get it. I was thinking Crystal Gayle when I started. But once C was born I realized that an extra 20 minutes to wash my hair was just not in my schedule so down to my butt was as far as it got before I cried uncle and cut it off. David (our hairdresser) donated the hair to locks of love and I kept it shorter, bob to shoulder, for quite a few years. Then I decided that I would grow it out and donate it again. And I did that twice. Then off it all went. And I've reached the point where it's time to cut it off again. I'm going too gray to grow it out and donate it so the thrill of growing it out just isn't there. And honestly I think I look better with shorter hair.

Or at least I thought so until I discovered I couldn't use my shoes for my girly outlet. Because see, when I was little and my hair was short I got called a boy a lot. And my sister took great relish in that fact. Long hair was for girls, short hair was for boys. Now there is no one on god's green earth that would mistake me for a boy anymore but I guess there is still a part of that living inside me. That feeling of, will I still be feminine if I cut off my hair and start wearing plain shoes? I don't have a lot of girly things to give up, if I give up these two what does that mean?

And then I had to ask myself why I cared. I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin. No matter what size I happen to be at the time. (hush, Skinny Bitch). It's all vanity and I get that. There are more important things to worry about in life and I get that too. And I'm smart and I'm funny and I'm turning in to a Stuart Smalley joke right before your eyes...

So today I watched a few episodes of one of the girliest TV shows out there and found myself fascinated by the time and money these women were putting in to their weddings and recognized again that I'm just not that kind of girl. And as I get ready to go to the hockey game tonight and I put on my sensible shoes it will be okay because that's the kind of girl I am. And short or long hair, low or high heel, barefoot or sensible shoes aren't going to change that.

Oh and I'm not giving up my pedicures....