Random note time.
I think the greatest disservice parents can do for their children is teach them that life is fair. It's not. You know it. I know it. But why do we insist on teaching our children that things should be fair? Is it that we are trying to make a better world through them? If so that's just silly as well. No matter what life will not be fair. If your definition of fair is all things are equal that is.
I see parents playing games with their kids and they let them win. Drives me nuts. If you ask those parents why they let their kids win they will tell you, It's just not fair for us to win all the time, we are adults and smarter. Okay, so what you have taught your child instead is that they are UNBEATABLE, they are the best and brightest and smartest. And now when little Johnny plays against another child who has also never lost a game in their life you have a problem. Someone is going to lose. And don't you wish you had taught Johnny how to lose graciously now.
Christopher never won a game he didn't deserve to win. Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, Hungry Hungry Hippos, Monopoly, Risk, none of them. If he could play the game he could play to win. Granted, I grew up in a family where UNO is a blood sport. I think the family motto is "it's not really a game until somebody cries" but still, Christopher knew when he was little and knows now if he won the game it was because he won the game, not because someone let him win.
We have taken the sense of competition out of kids. Everyone gets a trophy, every one gets a prize and everyone plays. Which I think is great, until about 4th or 5th grade. Then they need to work at it. If they want to be on the team, make the team. Work harder than the other kids, be better. Then you get to make the team, you get to start. If you want to be in the band, you better practice and if you want to sit in first chair you better practice more. I didn't make the team/band/whatever and it's just not fair! You think so? You think it would be more fair if you did make the team and little Suzie who has been working at being the best volleyball player she can be didn't get the playing time she deserves because your Cheetos eating, TV watching self has to get her minutes in as well? That's not fair.
Christopher goes to a performing arts high school. To get in he had to submit an application, write an essay about why he wanted to attend and audition for the band director. If he hadn't done these things he would not have gotten in. If he hadn't been good enough at playing the trumpet he would not have gotten in. Now kids have to submit an application and they do enrollment by lottery. Why? Because the Beaverton Superintendent decided the old way wasn't fair. He's right. It wasn't fair. It was discriminatory towards kids with an aptitude in the arts. Dancers, musicians, graphic artists, writers. You had to have a talent, a gift and a drive to be better at it to get in. Now you have to have a pen. Think it's a good idea? How about a school divided between those that had to work to get in and those that were randomly chosen? How do you think that is working out? Funny thing is the first blush of kids to get in by lottery most of them only went for a year then transferred back out. They thought it would be an easier school than others and that's why they wanted in. It's not. You have to take all of your regular classes PLUS your art classes. It's harder. Especially if you don't have an aptitude and drive for art.
Come on parents, teach your children that fair is for people who are afraid to work. I always say that God doesn't give with both hands. It's short hand for if someone is excellent at one thing, odds are they are lousy at something else. So work on what you are excellent at! Push yourself to be the best! It's okay to stink at dancing if you are a math whiz! It's okay to be the prettiest person in the room, just admit that you couldn't kick a ball to save your life! Fair? There is no fair. Teach your kids that and they will be happier and better adjusted. I promise. And if they aren't? Well life's not fair...
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