September 2007

These two posts I separated from the rest. You will understand why when you read them.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

The call...
Current mood: sad

We have been preparing ourselves for "the call" for probably two years. Nine years ago my father had quadruple bypass surgery. Three years ago he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. This past year it was discovered he had COPD; the tissue of his lungs is dying, hardening so that he can no longer take a full breath. He is 77 years old. For the past 20 years he has been the oldest living male in his family history. So we have been preparing ourselves. Today we got "the call".

But it wasn't my mother on the other end of the line, it was Brent's.

Brent's father who survived not one but two tours in Vietnam. Who just spent a year in Afghanistan. Who has been patrolling the border between New Mexico and Mexico for the past 8 months dealing with drug runners and coyotes (the people, not the animals, though that could be debated...). Who was only 58 years old. Suffered a massive heart attack Saturday night and died. We weren't ready for that call.



Monday, September 17, 2007

stress much....
Current mood: melancholy

One final out of three finished.

Two more days of training my replacement to go.

Three total days left of going in to that job.

The trip home is finished, the Memorial Service done.

Though the shock and stress of losing Jack so unexpectedly has not really faded much. It's more of an ignoring and avoiding thing right now. If I stop and think about it, it's all still right there. I am living with regret and sadness right now over so much...the conversations I wanted to have with him about Afghanistan, but wanted to give him time home before barging right in. The unfinished book I will never get a chance to have him sign at his publishing party. The time that Christopher will not be able to spend with him. The calming and tempering effect he always had on Ann. The extra pressure and responsibility that Brent is now facing. Wondering if maybe we should have had another child just so Christopher never has to face that. It's just so much...
2:09 PM