And he's gay... (06/07/08)

Saturday, June 07, 2008

And he’s gay....
Current mood: thoughtful

Okay, so my parents and my middle brother came to visit a couple of weeks ago. There were lots of things learned and discovered during that week and I will probably be posting about it for awhile, but I figured I would start with this.

There are moments when you realize that the way someone thinks is so far away from the way you think you aren't sure you can see eye to eye about anything. What do you do when that person is your mother?

I have 3 nephews and one niece. My eldest nephew is really the only one I had much contact with when he was little. I didn't move away until he was 6 and for a few years I took care of him every day after his daycare before his parents came home. We are only 12 years apart so though I was an "adult" when I would come to visit I was close enough in age that we could still talk. The other two boys and the girl are all closer in age and were born either right before I left Albuquerque or shortly thereafter. I saw them on visits home and am starting to build more of a relationship with my niece now via email and myspace. But the oldest of the boys I actually felt like I knew. And I was pretty protective over him while he was growing up.

There is more back-story there but I will save it for my book...

Anyway...my mother is giving me the update on all of the "kids" (they are all in their 20's now, so not so much kids anymore) and she gets to my oldest nephew. He recently moved back to Albuquerque from New York City. His is in a musical and has another play lined up after that. Mom is telling me about spending time with him and comparing him to the other nephews and says he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't do drugs and then she said...."and he's gay". I just looked at her for a little bit, a little confused and then said, "yeah, I know, always has been, always will be" and she said, "well you just know with that lifestyle it's not what you would expect..."

Again I just stared at her for a little bit. Then had to ask, "just what do you think being gay means, Mom?" My brother looked up at that point with a little panic on his face...he could see the storm coming and knew he needed to take cover, but wasn't sure exactly where to go...and she says, "well you know they usually lead more of a decadent lifestyle" And I said, "most people lead either a pretty sober life or a not sober life or a life in the middle and I have never noticed it having anything to do with who you are attracted to."

So here is where I have to give full disclosure. If you want to set my teeth on edge talk to me about the "gay lifestyle" or the "gay agenda". I will go after you like a dog with a bone at that point. So to hear my own dear sweet mother who loves her grandson like she loves her life use "lifestyle" and assume her grandson would be out partying hard every night because well he's gay...

Then my phone rang and my 2:30 client was there...so we never got deep into the discussion, which is probably a good thing. A close friend and I once had an argument over gay marriage that ended with both of us in tears. I am just as incapable of seeing the other side in the argument as they are in seeing mine...

The only difference is I am right. :-)

I have to wonder if my folks got on the plane wondering how members of your own family could be so different from you cause I know I am.