Monthly Goals...

Uh oh.

So I decided this year to set monthly mini goals as well as the yearly goals and to make most of those goals in service of the bigger things. This month was a blog a day. It catches me up for the blogs I was behind and puts me a little ahead for other months I might not hit my 13 (average needed each month to hit the yearly goal). Great! Perfect! Totally forgot about the holiday weekend, no big deal I'll just carve out time to write and what's that you say? Out of town? Oh well...

So now I'm looking at not being near a computer on Saturday and Sunday (I know, it's almost a relief to not have odd weekend blogs right?) and missing my monthly goal.

Which isn't that big of a deal. Not really. I mean there is nothing riding on this, they are just things I set up for myself. I don't get paid, or not paid, or fired, or anything really. I just do them because I'm kind of odd and I like to have something I'm working toward. So it's no big deal that I will miss my goal.

At all.


Really.


Except that's not how my brain works.

Now I'm bugged that I set a goal for myself and then put a roadblock in place that makes it extremely difficult to reach.

And no matter how much I logically know this is not a big deal there is a voice in the back of my head saying, yeah but it is.

And you know what?

That's okay.

I'm a bit obsessive. It doesn't usually prevent me from living a pretty normal life. For me. I get that my normal is not your normal but I also fully understand that your normal would drive me insane. It's taken literal years to get to the point where I can take my forms of crazy out, look at them, polish them up a bit, and not feel less than because of them. You know that feeling right? The one you get when someone tells you how you should be? What you should be doing? How you should be feeling? For a long time I would tend to agree with people. Yes, I should be more social. Yes, I should be less obsessive. Yes, I should conform more to the outside expectations of me.

But then I realized if I did all of that I wouldn't be me. And I'm really pretty amazing. Yes, I'm obsessive but that means I get shit done. Yes, I'm absolutely not overly social. Infact large gatherings sap my energy and leave me feeling drained. But that means that I cherish the friendships that I have and I so love the people I have chosen to be in my life. Yes, I have exactly zero fucks to give for people telling me how to live my life, but that means that if I take your advice on something you know it was really solid advice.

So what does this mean for daily blogs? It means my obsessive brain is whirling around trying to decide how to write three blogs in the next day and a half and post them on a time stamp so I still get a blog a day up without actually writing a blog on Saturday and Sunday. It might be two days of haiku, but it will be something.

Because that's the way I am.

And I am amazing.

And so very crazy.

But I'm okay with that.