If I Were You...

...I'd wanna be me too.

That's the song that I was dancing to and singing along with while cleaning bathrooms today. And it made me laugh. Because most people would not think at that moment in time, "I really wish I were you." I mean, I had a toilet brush in my hand and was scrubbing a bowl.

But I still sang out loud and shook my ass and twirled (after rinsing and putting away the brush) and had a great time with the song. On this same playlist is I Love Me. Another one that makes me happy to hear. And yes, another one that is kind of funny to sing to while cleaning. But as it is my cleaning playlist I do.

Because I do love me, and I do think if I were you I'd wanna be me too. Because I sing and dance while I clean the bathrooms, not in spite of it. I'm pretty solidly happy with myself and my life at all points in time.

Now, this is not to say that I am overly cocky about myself. That's not my way either. But I have to say the times I start to feel badly about myself it's not because of my voice in my head, it's because of someone else's. When I start to buy in to things that other people think I should do, or be, or act like, when I have had my fill of sideways snark. That's when I doubt myself the most. When I realize that expectations of who I should be aren't what I am.

And then I think...fuck that.

Because I love me. Baby, I love me. And if I were you, I'd wanna be me too...I'd wanna be me too...I'd wanna be me...too.

And honestly we should all do more of that thinking. When some one slides a little sideways snark your way about something you are doing, or saying, or being; think, fuck that. You don't owe them anything. Really. You don't. I am always amazed at people who believe that somehow I should behave in a way that makes them happy instead of me. "You shouldn't post that political rant." (yes, I should, this shit is important) "You are so angry." (I'm not angry, I'm just not agreeing with you, there is a difference)"Get a job."(YOU get a job) "Get a hobby." (I've got plenty of them and pissing you off might be my new favorite) "You should think what I think, dress how I want you dress, be who I think you should be."(Fuck. That.)  I've gotten any number of salvos like that tossed at me on Facebook and in real life. And my response is Fuck That and quite often, Fuck You.

When Brent was in the military any unsolicited opinion or bad advice was met with the phrase, "noted." It means fuck you. Well, not exactly, it's really I heard what you said but I will not be changing what I am doing thank you anyway. Noted. Your opinion has been noted. I know my personal happiness gauge is kept higher when I meet most unsolicited opinions that way. Don't worry about what other people think of you, because the real secret it that it rarely has anything to do with you.

Right?

But it doesn't. Most of the time it's their life that isn't going to way they want it to right then. They are mad, or sad or frustrated and so they see something you've posted and BAM! THAT'S IT! HOW DARE THIS OPINION BE HERE? And they post something nasty to you. It has nothing to do with you. You were just the thing they felt safe railing against. So your response should be "Eh who cares?" Or my interpretation of that, Fuck That. Now, because I am who I am I will give you a fight if you come looking for one. I feel that's just being polite. You obviously want to tussle so here we are, drop the gloves. (I'm smiling, but I'm not really kidding, if you come looking for a fight I will often give you one, I won't even be mad, I'll just be thorough.) But most of the time I will just ignore your post and move along. Because it had nothing to do with me. Not really. It was all you. And you can deal with your stuff on your own. Because I love me.

I also don't want it to seem like I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I will seek advice and I will look at what I am doing and weigh it against people's feelings. I do this all the time. I try not to do things that will have a negative effect on others. I try my best to be a decent human being. I really do care what Brent thinks of me, (for the record he's fond) and I will change my mind about opinions I am holding if someone presents another point of view that makes more sense than mine. So I am flexible, I am willing to change, it's part of what I love about me. ;-)

So, yes, I care what people think of me. But I don't care enough to change who I AM for their comfort. I will change what I THINK if I decide what I was thinking was wrong, or shown facts that show me I was wrong. But I won't change who I am. Do you see the difference? I'm not sure how to explain it. But there is a difference. Keep an open mind, but don't beat yourself up for not being someone else. Because all you are is you and no amount of sideways snark is going to change you in to someone else. Be you. Just like I am me.

And part of that, part of being me, is being someone who honestly believes that I have more fun cleaning bathrooms than a lot of people have in their whole day.

And if I were you, I'd wanna be me too...