Monday, December 11, 2017

Making a List...Checking it Twice...

I have SO much to do!

Okay, not SO much to do, but a few things to do.

Today's list is set. Grocery shopping, butcher shop, a couple random stores, some household chores. When I was driving home from the gym I had a PLAN! Take a shower, write the grocery list, start the laundry, run the errands, grab some lunch as a treat, head home. BOOM! That even leaves plenty of time to write in the afternoon.

And yet, here it is, 12:30 and I've done exactly two of those things. I did shower. And I started laundry. But then I read a lot of random news stories. I played two games of solitaire. I berated myself for not doing the things that I said I was going to do then I decided to write a blog "real quick" to clear my head which was supposed to be after the errands, and really it was going to be a new fiction piece. So yeah...I'm killing it today.

I still need to do all of those things, and I'm pretty sure I will get to them but...

Procrastination is one of my worst qualities. I just find so many things to do that getting to my list of things I really want to do today doesn't always happen. I see an article that looks interesting, or I decide to play a quick game while I wait for the last few minutes of the laundry cycle to pass, or I start thinking about a story I am going to write and before I know it an hour has passed. Or more.

I also know that right now the procrastination is strong because I am already thinking about next year and what I should do there. Specifically if I am going to bite the bullet and go back to work. I don't want to, but I feel like I've been letting Brent carry the financial weight and it's not fair to him. But I also know that after this long out of the work force anything I contribute is going to be almost symbolic. So is it worth doing?

I mean, there were times when C was little that we figured out after childcare and the extra expense of two workers I was making just a couple dollars an hour, and we NEEDED those couple dollars. So I've worked for less, is what I am saying, this time it would just be money toward retirement savings instead of child care. So trying to decide if I should or shouldn't. Do we need the money later that much or can I cut spending now to make it better? Which I have already started. And if I go back to work it really puts a shift in the way we live our lives right now. I lose all of the freedom to take care of things without planning (as I am showing I prefer to do) and I can't just travel when Brent can, I would have to plan vacation time and would I be bored since any job I'm qualified for now is a crap job? Can you go back in as a junior go getter at almost 50? Especially after being top banana in the bunch at 40? So yeah, I'm stressing a bit about what should just be a suck it up sunshine decision. But I HATE suck it up sunshine decisions.

Okay, anyway, onward!
Today's revised list!
Wrap up the Whining Blog
Change Laundry Around
Write Grocery List
Men's Wearhouse
Grocery Store
Keep thinking about Santa story for blog
Try to stop obsessing about a job you don't even have yet


Really...I'll get to it...just one more quick check on Facebook...

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