Election Day Hangovers...

Lauren sat down at the table, "Am I late?"

"Nope, we were early." Emily passed her a menu.

"So, don't take this the wrong way, but you look really tired."

Lauren laughed at Mandy, "Well I would be offended, you look tired is normally code for you look like shit, but I do look like shit and I am tired."

"Were you up watching election returns? I finally gave up. There are going to be too many late ballots to count to know who all really won for awhile. But it looked good for the blue team. Not as good as we wanted, but good."

"No, I didn't even pay attention to that for long. Tyler and I broke up."

"Yeah, Halloween right? When he ditched you at Julianne's party..." Mandy paused then, "Oh don't tell me you took him back after that!"

Emily rolled her eyes, "Seriously?"

"He left you at the party and walked out with Candy, or Misty, or Sunshine or whatever the fuck her name is."

"Suzi. And she had a family emergency and he helped her out and then he was gone for much longer than he had planned and by the time he got back I had left."

"And he couldn't call or text you to tell you that?" Emily asked.

"He lost his phone at the party and didn't realized it so he couldn't."

Mandy smirked, "Right."

"No, really, I didn't believe him either but Julianne vouched for him."

"Seriously? I can't believe that."

"Yep, her exact words were, 'OH my god, I so don't want to tell you this, but I totally did find his phone on the floor in the bedroom where we were storing the coats. It was kind of half under the bed, you know? And so yeah, he left it there, but you could still be mad about it, right? I mean, this doesn't mean he still didn't walk out and leave you there. So you could still be mad.' So yeah, she vouched for him losing his phone while still not really vouching for him."

"Why would she still want you to be mad?" Mandy was confused.

"There was a friend of hers at the party that I talked to for a while that she wanted me to be dating. So, Tyler and I still together she doesn't get to pretend that she was some sort of matchmaker in a meet cute story."

Emily and Mandy laughed. "Okay, that sounds like Julianne. But she was right. He still left."

"He did. And he did it because Suzi needed him and he really likes to be needed. But he didn't sleep with her, or anything, it was not great, but at the same time, if he had had his phone and could have let me know it wouldn't have been that bad."

"Girl..."

"Okay, yeah, it still would have been, I guess. But I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt."

"And since you two broke up last night I'm guessing he didn't deserve it?"

"I just can't be that girl, you know?"

Emily shook her head, "What girl?"

"The one that lets herself come second. Tyler constantly said that he liked how smart I am, how independent, how strong, but this wasn't the first time I was left behind while he took care of someone else. Suzi for sure, but others as well. He likes being the hero. I don't need him to be one. So he keeps finding other places to be heroic."

Mandy and Emily shared a quick look.

"What?"

Emily smiled, "Well, we are just glad you finally realized that. He was trying to make you his damsel in distress and you never were. It was tiring to watch him do it."

"What do you mean?"

"Didn't you ever notice he would try and make your problems his problems? Or tell you how to do things and then get mad when you explained why that wouldn't work?"

Lauren stared at Mandy for a minute thinking, "He wasn't mad, he was just..." she trailed off. Her friends were right. For how much Tyler had talked a big game about like a strong, independent, woman, he really never did. He wanted to be in charge and she wasn't that girl.

"Oh well, it's done now. What are you ordering?"

--------------

Andrew sat on the couch flipping through channels.

"You know you could actually stop and watch something for longer than a few seconds."

"Sorry, just bored. I've been feeling restless lately." He tossed the remote to James, "You can be in charge."

"Why don't you call that girl from Halloween, ask her out?"

"I don't think so."

"Why not? You two hit it off really well right?"

"Yeah, we did. But she went back to her boyfriend, the one that ditched her for the Playboy Bunny that night? I just can't date a woman with that low of an opinion of herself. You know? I want a woman who is strong and smart and independent and would kick a jerk like that to the curb."

"You could convince her, you know, ride in on your white horse and whisk her away from all that!"

"No way, I'm nobody's hero."

Home...

Flying in from Michigan on Sunday I watched out the plane window for the first glimpse of the Cascade Range. It never fails to make me happy. Even when we are flying in to Seattle and not Portland so I'm more likely to see Rainier than Hood. My favorite is flying in to Portland on a clear day and seeing Hood to Sisters and beyond. All in a row. Volcanic mountain to volcanic mountain.

Even when it's cloudy, like it was on Sunday, the tops of the mountains often are above the cloud line. So you have a sea of white cotton clouds and then the peaks of the mountains. Always a little snow or ice on them, they still have glaciers though they are getting smaller each year.

I don't know why it makes me so happy. I don't know why I try to capture a picture almost every time. I don't know why I nudge Brent to look as soon as the first one comes in view.

Wait...I do know why.

Because it's home.

I say it all the time. We live in a beautiful part of the country. I love the Pacific Northwest. We have trees and waterfalls and mountains and valleys and the ocean and in the Fall the leaves are gorgeous. I was actually disappointed when Christopher was in college in Vermont and we were there in the Fall one year. I had heard how spectacular their leaves were and they were...well...okay. Mostly one color. Which can be pretty. But when you are used to getting orange and yellow and red and purple all on one street, not even having to hike out anywhere, it's a little bit of a let down.

Flying in to New Mexico I am always happy to see the Sandias. Sometimes I'm shocked at how green the Rio Grande Valley is, or how brown, depending on weather. But I'm rarely struck by how pretty it is. One time flying out at sunrise I got good shots of the mountains at their best. Because I do love the mountains. Albuquerque gets great sunrises and sunsets. But other than that it's mostly just miles and miles of browns. I'm usually bracing myself for the bad landing, a lot of crosswinds, and then whatever is going to come next after we get off the plane. Being the black sheep means a lot of tongue biting and a lot of letting it slide. Things I'm not really great at, but I do it when I'm home to keep the peace.

And I say home in referring to New Mexico out of habit. Because it's where I come from. Michigan is Brent's home. We go back home for visits and for football, depending on the time of year and the state. But it's different, going back home versus coming home.

Flying in and seeing the Cascades, that's coming home.

I live here. I raised my child here. I feel like I belong here. Something about it speaks to me.

And that first site of a volcano above the clouds...it's home.

Adult Education...

Conversation:

"That is a racist thing to say."

"Explain to me how it's racist please so I don't make that mistake again."

Explanation follows and both walk away feeling better about each other.

Or at least this is how I think it should go.

It usually goes more like:

"That is a racist thing to say."

"I'M NOT A RACIST HOW DARE YOU!"

Conversation over.

I've talked about this before, but I see it still so it still bothers me so much. If you say something offensive, and you might, almost all of us do at some point in time, then don't get so defensive about it. Ask why it was offensive. See if you can understand. And you might not agree at the end of the discussion. But at least have the discussion. Learn something. Practice a little empathy. See if you can understand a different point of view.

I also hate the people who take the stance that it's not their job to teach you. And I get it, it's tiring. It's frustrating. It can piss you off when you've had the 20th conversation that week about the same issue. I see your point that it's not your job. But it's not a job, it's a gift you are giving. And on the flip side if you have knowledge and you don't share it then you are partly responsible for the ignorance in the world.

I will give you an example in my life. I don't know much about the trans community. I mess up ALL THE TIME in what I say, or how I refer to people, or questions I might want to ask but don't know if I should or how. I'm not familiar. But I have friends and family who are. The other day a friend posted an article and in the comments friends of theirs were talking about TERFs and the problem that transwomen face because of them. I had no idea what a TERF was. Now luckily in the article they posted TERF was defined (trans exclusionary radical feminist) so then I knew. But if the article hadn't defined it I would have felt comfortable asking them to tell me what TERF meant. I wouldn't have even hesitated for a second.

Because they teach. In fact their wife teaches as well. I've talked about Cami before in these blogs. We went to highschool together and she and her friend Stephanie allowed me to ask all of the questions while I was figuring out what I thought and what I believed. Cami stayed in that teaching mode and does so much more now. And her spouse with her. They are a teaching couple. And I'm grateful for that. I've learned things that I wouldn't have known otherwise. And I cannot imagine where I would have ended up if the answer Stephanie gave to me to the first question I asked was, "I'm not your teacher! Figure it out yourself!"

(Full disclosure on learning and continuing to learn, I don't know what pronouns Christian uses so I sent a message before I started writing this asking. I haven't heard back yet so I'm using they/them and will change if I hear differently. EDIT: he/him or they/them works for him so I'm leaving the they/them but will switch back and forth when talking about him in the future if he makes another blog appearance. Just because I want to keep you all on your toes.)

And I've seen the argument out there about the world of knowledge at your fingertips. And I see how that might work, if you could dictate where people got their information. But just imagine you don't want to answer questions about race or gender or sexuality or religion or whatever it is that you are being asked and the person then goes to the internet for that knowledge. How comfortable are you that they are getting 1. accurate information and 2. helpful information. I think it's just as likely that they will find reinforcement for why their idea is the right one and you are full of shit.

If you don't teach them, someone else will.

And for those of us who end up on the other side of the conversation, be willing to learn something. If someone is giving you the gift of their time and their experience take it from them in good faith. Listen. And not only listen, but hear them. Do your best to understand what they are saying.

Again, you might not agree. I've had those conversations. I've talked about it with cultural appropriation conversations and some things I just don't agree are wrong. And I usually explain why. I also have knowledge and experience; my culture and my ethnicity don't match. Add my New Mexiconess to being raised by parents who fully believed in the melting pot theory of America and so adopted traditions from friends and neighbors their whole lives. So my DNA results came back "Damn, your are white!" but my life is much more blended than that. I don't consider it offensive that I absorbed the culture where I grew up and consider it part of me. I don't consider it offensive that I do some oddly Catholic things around the holidays even though I'm agnostic at best and was raised Protestant. It's part of who I am. And if you are offended by that then I can only try to understand why you would be and try to explain why your offense will not change my core. And when I get recognized as being New Mexican by my chola lean I can only give a half smile smirk and say, "It's all good, no."

So basically it's just a reminder blog today. If you know more, teach more. If someone is trying to teach you, let them. Don't get so defensive if you are being asked to learn and don't give up if you are being called to teach.

We keep talking about how the world needs to be more civil. How we need to find common ground. How we need to come together in the middle. This is how we do it. By learning more. By listening more. By understanding more.

Give it a try, okay? It's really not so bad.

Costume Party...

They both sat at the same time.

"Oh, excuse me, did I bump you?" He was balancing a plate of snacks and a drink and the bench was fairly small. 

"No, did I bump you?" She had been teetering on much too high heels and had just needed to sit. 

The empty bench had probably been meant for one but there weren't a lot of options around the room for sitting so neither one of them really wanted to move. 

"Here, if I turn and sit on the end facing away a little I think we can both fit easily." He straddled the end of the bench giving her just a little bit more room to get both butt cheeks on the seat. 

"Thank you. This is great." She smiled at him and then, "What are you?"

He'd been waiting for the question. "I'm 'That Guy'."

She looked confused. She wasn't sure if that was some meme or TV show, she wasn't really good at keeping up with pop culture. Work took a lot out of her. "Sorry?"

"'That Guy' you know the one. That guy who had no plans to go to a Halloween party so he didn't bother with a costume and then his friends all shamed him in to going and said it was fine there would for sure be other people who didn't dress up and..." He waved around the room at the party. Where every single person was in an elaborate costume. "Well, I'm 'That Guy' the worst thing to be at a Halloween party."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Ask me what I am." 

He looked at her, "I was thinking Vanna White?"

"Nope, but I might steal that. I'm a Magician's Assistant."

Now it was his turn to look confused. He scanned the crowd a little bit.

"Don't bother, you won't find him. He pulled a great trick and disappeared right after we got here. Along with his Playboy Bunny ex-girlfriend. So no, 'That Guy' isn't the worst thing to be at a party. The worst thing to be is one half of a  no longer couple's costume."

"Ouch." 

"Yep." 

"OH MY GOD! LOOK AT YOU!" The squeal came from the crowd and made its way toward them. The crowd parted to reveal their host Julianne, "You look so good!" 

She stood up and gave the hug that was expected. He smiled and nodded.

"I didn't know you two knew each other! What a small world!" Julianna was always very enthusiastic and right now hosting her party and a few drinks into the night she was on full. "What are you?"

She sighed and started to talk when he put his hand on her arm, "Allow me to explain. She's a Magician's Assistant and I'm the audience member that was pulled up on stage for the trick. We're now hiding back stage waiting for the big reveal."

Julianne put her hand over her mouth for a second, "Oh my gosh, a concept costume! That's so fun!"
There was a crashing noise from the kitchen, "Oh no! I'd better go check that out! So glad you guys could make it! And really bummed I hadn't ever thought to fix you up before. This really works!"

"Oh no we aren't...." she started to explain but Julianne was already making her way toward the kitchen. 

"I'd say I'm sorry about that but it kept me from facing Julianne throwing together a costume for me."

She laughed, "Oh god, yes, she totally would have done that! Painted whiskers on you or something!"

He held out his hand, "Well now that we are part of a concept couples costume I guess I should introduce myself, I'm Andrew."

"I'm Lauren."

"Nice to meet you, Lauren. Can I get you a refill on that drink? Those shoes look nice with your outfit but they don't look comfortable for walking."

"That would be great. Thanks."

"Save my spot, such as it is." He smiled at her and took her empty glass toward the makeshift bar. 

She smiled, it might not be such a terrible night after all. 

Meetings...

"Don't look up. Don't make eye contact." EB whispered.

"What?"

"Don't look up. If he sees you he will come over here."

"Who?" And with that she looked up.

"Shit."

"Oh hi! Are you new? I don't think we've met, I'm Jerry."

She reached out her hand, Jerry? Well that was unexpected.

"I don't use my title. I think it's a little overdone."

EB rolled his eyes, "He heard Kris doing it, so..."

"That's not true! I was doing it long before that! I just don't think I need to lord it over everyone else that's all."

"Sure..."

Jerry turned away from EB a little, "So, anyway, nice to meet you...?"

She paused for a moment. "I just go by my title."

Was that a blush? Maybe. "Oh, I didn't mean to...I mean...I didn't know...I just..."

"It's okay. I've just never really needed anything else. I mean the letters and notes come to me that way, imagine the confusion if I was like one of four Janes right?"

"Oh yeah, sure. I get that. Very practical."

"But since we're asking awkward questions, why are you here? Aren't you busy this time of year?"

EB made a strangled noises somewhere between a snort laugh and cough. "Sorry, allergies."

Jerry turned ever further away from him. "Well, it's not really that busy. That Shulz fellow pretty much shut me down."

"I'm sorry?"

EB stepped in toward them, "He's blaming the cartoon. He thinks that it damaged his reputation."

"It did! A complete misrepresentation of who I am and what I do! He made me, well, boring first off, and unreliable to boot! What child wants to put their faith in someone who doesn't even show up?"

EB shrugged his shoulders, "But you are kind of unreliable. I mean you don't visit all of the houses, only some, and even then only sometimes. What exactly is your criteria?"

"I only visit children who can't celebrate on their own. Sometimes sick kids, sometimes kids who parents worry about them out at night. It's complicated, you wouldn't understand."

"You're right. It just seems a little arbitrary. And honestly that Shulz guy did you a favor in a way. Before that nobody really knew who you were at all. Even now they get you confused with The Hea..."

"DON'T EVEN SAY HIS NAME!"

She took a half step back to really look at him. And EB was right, he really did resemble the other guy. Maybe they were brothers.

"So, anyway, without a lot to do, I have time to come to a mixer or two. Get to know the community. Meet new people." He smiled. It was kind of a creepy smile now that she noticed the resemblance to the other guy.

"Well it was nice to meet you. I don't get to a lot of these, I don't really have a busy season. Though next week will pick up a little. I think it's the Milk Duds that does it."

EB laughed. "I'll keep that in mind. Maybe add a few caramels to my rotation for you. Assuming you like to be kept busy?"

"It makes the time go faster, but I have to admit that sometimes it's a bit overwhelming. Nothing worse than getting back and realizing you missed a few stops. But the good news is that a next day pick up works pretty well. I'm not tied to a day like most of you are."

Jerry broke in, "Do you think you would like some help? Like I said, I'm not really that busy anymore and even though I can't get around as fast as Kris or even EB I have resources. I could use the work. I mean, I'm not begging, I'm just offering my assistance."

She actually thought about it for a moment. She was way overworked. She wasn't kidding about sometimes missing pickups. And that really was the pits. It could work out. Jerry could see she was really considering it and smiled again.

She pictured one of his pickups not going smoothly and little Suzie Sweetheart 6 years old waking up to see him looming over her bed...

"Maybe not. I mean I don't think we should be cross working, right? It would just confuse the kids."

He nodded, disappointed but not really surprised. "Yeah, I get it...okay well I think they are about to shut down the bar so I'm going to grab another apple cider, can I get you anything?"

She smiled and held out her glass, "No thanks, I'm finishing my milk now. Strong bones and teeth you know!"

"Yeah, sure. Okay, see you around."

EB watched him walk toward the bar, "I'd feel a little sorry for him, but that Shulz guy really did have him nailed. Hit or miss with the job, kids had to start going door to door to do it for him. No pride in his work at all. And honestly, I think he slacked off because he was moonlighting as The Headless Horseman and got carried away with that gig instead of his original shot as The Great Pumpkin."

The Tooth Fairy nodded, "It's tempting though, right? To do something else? I've just never got the time. So many teeth."

EB's ears twitched, "I've never thought about it. I think what we do is honorable and just and..."

From behind him came a low growl, "Don't make me tell the lady about your time in the theater....Harvey..."

"Oooh...Krampus, so nice to meet you." Her wings practically vibrated.

EB hopped off, why did they always like the bad boys?

Half Baked...

Last night as we were heading to bed we had a massive storm roll through. Tons of rain and wind. So I had a hard time falling asleep. Then I still woke up at 2 AM (guessing, I don't look at the clock, so I actually have no idea but it feels like 2 so I always think it's 2) as usual. Then cat napped my way to Brent waking up.

While all of this not sleeping was going on I was thinking about stories and writing and I got a great idea. For the rest of the year (along with other pieces) I would do a holiday type series. A set of characters doing things around the holidays. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, maybe Veteran's Day and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa as well, I don't know who they are yet so it could be any or all of them.

I really like the idea. The only problem is I have no stories for them. I have an idea of a story framework, but no people, no dialog, no situations, not even a vision of an interaction.

I have my Christmas people, the set of four stories that started with I Believe (do you all remember them?) and I sort of have a group of Halloween characters that have come in and out of stories, but nothing as tied as the I Believe group. But I Believe started with an idea of an adult woman who believed in Santa Claus and then the people around her wanted to talk too, not as an idea to write a Christmas series. Even the twin Santa and Krampus stories I have started with an image and then spun from there. I had no intention of writing Santa and Krampus paired stories.

But I do like the idea of a Holiday Series. That's why I'm writing this blog right now. I'm getting that inner brain spinning going. I want it to become a real tangible idea so if I get some words on paper it might help that along. That's the idea anyway.

The writing process is a weird one for me. I've written about it before. I want to be published, not just me posting something and saying, "TA DA published!", but someone else out there in the wide world saying, "Yeah, this should be published." But on the other hand I don't care about making money off of my stuff. I don't care about finding a bigger audience.

But part of me is like I want the recognition that I am good at this. Which then I stop and think, Why? I think I'm good. Brent (who, by the way,  just walked by the study and said, "Write, Monkey write!" I'm including that because it made me laugh out loud and I think we all should laugh out loud a lot) thinks I'm good. A lot of the time you all reading this think what you've read is good. So why do I need anything else? And I don't. Not really. I think I'm good. That's the part that keeps me writing and hitting publish. And yet...I want that outside stranger to validate it just once. Even though I think I would get a hit of "YEAH!" that would last about a week and then I'd be back to writer world where I think I'm good (except on days that I'm sure I'm a fraud and what did that stranger know anyway I mean SOMEONE published Twilight and the accompanying fanfic 50 Shades so who are they to fucking judge me....) and well you see...

But part of becoming a successful published writer really seems to hinge on planning. You get story structure lined out. You write in your framework. Then you read. Then you have others read. Then you edit. Then you have others read again. Then you edit again. Then your editor and publisher take cracks at what you submit. Then you do it all again and again. And oh my god that sounds awful to me.

So I end up back here where I write and hit publish so quickly that a year or two later I read my own work and don't remember it!

And those are the thoughts I have to sweep away to make a series work in my head. The side tracks and windy paths that I start going down when what I really want is group of people who are connected somehow and how they navigate the holiday season and is it supernatural, or romance (I've done it, don't laugh), or just slice of life stuff, or a blend? Are they always together, or does it start with one and build? Or start with all and they separate and then come back together? Is it just my bar people? Or is it a family?

Or does this just slip away into the recesses of the notebook of ideas?

Because that happens a LOT! People sometimes give me ideas to write about, and often I take them and do a story that was NOT AT ALL what they had in mind when they gave me the idea, but more often it's not that I'm lacking in ideas, it's just that they are all just starters.

Half baked ideas.

I need some oven time.

But I'm too distracted by the raw cookie dough.

Holiday theme...

What are you people doing?

Who are you people?

Why should I care about you?

Do you even exist?

Welcome to the brain of a frustrated writer....

It's half baked.

(Winky face, half smile, emoji)

Binary Complications...

I'm really bugged right now by this conflicting narrative that happens.

The dueling arguments of yes/no simplistic arguing contrasted with the (in a lot of cases same people) super complicated conspiracy theories.

So right now we have a leaked memo that the Trump administration wants to do a gender lock at birth. Doctor looks between the legs, this is your gender, it goes in to a registry and that's that. A little more restrictive than we have now where gender is recorded on the birth certificate but (depending where you live) can be changed later. It's a male/female that's it dynamic. Simplistic. It's an attack on trans* rights. Which is what it's designed for, and even more than that, it's a voter encouragement issue.

I say even more than that not because I think attacking trans* rights isn't more serious, it's because this was a leaked memo that was (I believe) leaked just for the purpose of riling up the Trump base. They cannot stand the idea of trans* rights. Just can't. The number of times I've seen people make the gender binary argument is well in to the who the fuck are you people who don't ever read scientific studies numbers.

Because gender isn't a one or the other thing. It's just not.

But that's their argument. If this then that.

Gun control. Same thing. If I say I'm for gun control you want to start screaming about confiscation. I never said that. I think we can have a lot of really good laws and practices in place that don't take all the guns away. I have friends and family that hunt. I have friends and family that live out in the wilderness (or at least not within a quick response zone from the police) I have friends and family who are incredibly well trained and safe with their firearms. I don't have any urge to take their guns away. It's not a if this then only that argument. I've made it a lot. I believe in the well regulated part of the second amendment.

Policing. Same thing. If I post about a bad cop doing something bad I'm not anti-police. I'm pro-police. I like that there are police out there serving and protecting. I get that they do a really important and extremely hard job. But I don't think they are perfect and I do believe that circling the wagons and drawing a blue line around them when one screws up doesn't do any good. The same way I want a doctor who has committed malpractice removed from the hospital, I want bad cops removed from the force. It's not a simple yes cop/no cop issue.

Border security, if you're not in favor of an expensive and ridiculous wall you are obviously open borders. Well, no. We need to be smarter about immigration, that doesn't mean building a massive wall that won't work and will do other damage and it doesn't mean throwing the whole system open and giving up. It means we need to look at all of the issues and find solutions, or at least try and find solutions. It's not a wall us in or tear it all down binary. And it never has been.

This simplistic thinking gets us in trouble. Nuance is important. Finding common ground is important and yet, we can't seem to get there.

Then we flip the scripts and we have conspiracy theories.

The Clintons kill everyone who is a threat to them, well except for the people who have actually caused them problems. Somehow they were skipped, but still read this three page document of all of the people that have DIED that they KNEW!

False flags! Mass shooting happens and it didn't really happen it's all about stealing your guns. Except when a mass shooting happens what we do is buy more guns so really if there was a false flag wouldn't it be the gun manufacturers and sellers that benefit from it? So...

Right now we have the guy who sent bombs in the mail. We don't know what was going on there. Not yet. But it's already out that the super conservative bumper stickers that plastered his van are "too new" to have been on there for any time. By sending them to Democrats it's obviously a Democrat plot to scare Democrats. To do what? To vote? Democrats are already highly motivated, bombs would scare them away not to the polls right?

The caravan coming from Central America. Supposedly the Democrats set it all up to influence the midterm elections. But border security is a Republican issue for getting votes. Why would Democrats start a massive migration caravan right before midterms when they know that scaremongering around immigration gets Republicans to turn out in massive numbers?

And that's always the problem with conspiracy theories. They don't hold up. They are too complicated, too many things have to be disregarded to make them work, too many things that have nothing to do with the issue have to be added to it to make it work.

So I'm bugged right now.

I'm bugged by people who ignore Occam's Razor and bugged by people who want to overly simplify things. Which seems kind of contradictory. But it's really not.

The simple explanation for an event is usually the correct one.

Not everything is a yes/no if/then proposition.

Basically I just need people to stop bugging me.