They stood before their friends and family hands tied together with red cords. The official placed her hands on top of theirs....
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bear witness for our friends. The last time many of us were together in one room was 15 years ago when we last met to bear witness for this couple. We watched as they were joined in matrimony, the two becoming one. We listened to their vows. We congratulated them. Then we drank their liquor and danced the night away. Can I get an Amen?"
And the crowd responds with an Amen and some scattered laughter.
"Today we are gathered again to bear witness."
And with that she started to unwind the cords from their hands.
"We understand that the road they have walked has not been smooth. It was not what they expected when they joined here in front of us so many years ago. When they made their promises. And now they come before us again so that we might witness the one become two once more."
The crowd watched the untying of the cords. The smooth way her hands moved as she talked.
"Many of us refer to a marriage as failing if it does not last forever. I do not agree. These two standing before you had a successful marriage. Not everything is destined to last forever. Some things are made to last for a day. Or a week. A year or 15. But their marriage was a success. They shared their lives, their dreams, their hopes, and then they shared the decision that they wanted to no longer be tied to the dreams of the other."
And with that the officiant held up the now released cords from the couple's hands.
"Some ties are easily undone. However some are not."
And with that the cords were held up to show there were four.
"Much time has been spent over the past few months dividing property, reaching agreements on housing, on names, on time. And this has been no different. Many of you were once here. Making the vows that they will soon be making. Remembering how difficult some were to keep."
Laughter again from the crowd bearing witness
"Four blood vows were made during this marriage. Four times an agreement that cannot be undone was reached. These cords represent half of each of you. The best half. And the best parts of your marriage. The part that lets you know it was a success. And now, though the couple is no longer, the family remains. New promises will be made. Please hold your hands open."
As the couple opened their palms she laid the cords across them.
"Do you vow to remember that these four lives are in your hands?"
"We do."
"Do you vow to never say something negative about their other parent when the children are in ear shot?"
Laughter again from the crowd
"We do."
"Do you vow to abide by the parenting agreement laid forth between the two of you before this ceremony?"
"We do."
"Children please join us."
As the four children joined their parents at the alter they also held out their hands. The cords were wrapped over them as the officiant began speaking again.
"We have spent some time meeting as well. These four and me. We've had a lot of talks about how much this sucks. Because it does. And we've had a lot of talks about how much better this will be for their parents. Because it will. And we've also talked about how they have to resist the temptation to play one parent off of the other. Because that temptation will come, or has already come. Right?"
Four sheepish grins met her stare.
"But mostly we talked about how they are loved. And how this decision does not change that."
And with that the cords were finished. Wrapped around the hands of the children with their parents holding them.
"This vow is a blood vow. This vow does not end at 18, no matter what people will try to tell you. You are tied for life, the six of you. Tied by blood, by bond and most importantly by love.
By the powers vested in me by the State of Oregon I pronounce you a family. You may kiss the children and shake hands with your parenting partner.
And to all of you. Thank you for bearing witness to the end of one chapter and the beginning of the other. The family asks that you join them for a reception, split 50/50 in cost, where you may drink their booze and toast their new futures."
......
Having reached the age where more friends are divorcing than getting married I've had the talk with a few of them about the end of marriage. And more than one has stated how anticlimactic it all is. That final point where the papers are signed and filed and the marriage is done. There is nothing. No trumpet blast. No shift in feeling. It's just...done. So today as yet another friend goes through it I started thinking and I wondered, what would it look like if we treated the divorce like the marriage?
If we did pre-divorce counseling like pre-marital counseling to iron out the details, like the no bad talking in front of the kids. Huge that one. Trust me if your ex is an ass the kids will figure it out, you don't need to be the one to tell them. And you don't want to be the one to tell them. Because they know who their parent is, and if you are spewing hate in that direction there is a good chance they will wonder if some of that is coming their way as well. Also reaching a parenting agreement. Like no major decision will be made without the other parent. And setting the frame work for reasonable expectations and then no butting in when it's not your night. Like Dad grounds the kids for not doing their homework you can't unground them when they get back to your place. Little things you would do if you were still together, but now need to do the same even if you aren't.
And if there was a ceremony how would it look? I've seen the tying of the cords in a few weddings and I liked the symbology. I thought it would fit in this service to be an untying and then retying in a new formation.
Not sure how many couples could actually do this in a friendly manner, but if we treated a divorce as a change instead of a failure maybe that would make a difference as well. The legalities get handled, alimony, child support, custody arrangements, asset division, but there is no acknowledgment. No shared moment to mark the end of one part of your life and movement on to the next.
And I think we need that in life. We do it with births, with deaths, with marriages, with milestone birthdays and anniversaries. Maybe we need to start doing it with divorce as well.
An un-coupling ceremony.
Just an idea.
Monday, August 18, 2014
Friday, August 15, 2014
Stand over here for a minute...
I had a really creepy experience at the gym today. There was a guy who used every machine I did, right after I used it.
Doesn't sound bad when I say it right? But here is the story.
I'm still doing my rehab exercises. So I only use a very small handful of machines. Seriously, like four. Three for my legs and one for upper body, the upper body is because if I am going to be in the gym working on my rehab I need to have something for me that shows results to keep motivation up, so arms and upper back it is. ANYWAY...
The first time he did it I only noticed because I thought he might be OCD or something. There are two leg extension machines and he waited until I was done with my second set and jumped on the one I was using instead of the empty one next to it. Odd, but some people like certain machines. I avoid a few treadmills because they aren't smooth so I get it. Then he followed and did the same with the hamstring curl. I did my first set, did a stretch, did my second set and as I was walking away BAM! He's on it. Again I thought, well that's a little odd but quads then hamstrings not so unusual, and there is only one of those machines. Then I did lat pull downs. This time my first set was over I went to the bench I use for bridges and he was on the machine I just left. Not the empty one next to it, the one I left. When I went back for my second set I used the other machine. Then he did as well. As I went upstairs to finish out on the treadmill he sat down on the bench I had just been using.
It creeped me out.
Enough so that I looked for him when I left the gym. I made sure to walk out with someone else. And when I noticed a car pull out behind me on to the street I took a different way home than normal.
I did all of these things because as a woman I was raised knowing that if I am creeped out by someone these are the steps to take. Because he didn't do anything wrong. Not really. And I don't even know if he was being a creep on purpose. And if I was a man I probably wouldn't have noticed it at all. But I'm not so I did. And if he is there again next week and does the same thing then I will have to make a decision, report the odd behavior to the gym, again, he's working out on the same machines as me isn't much of an odd thing, right? Or change the time I work out. Which is most likely. And what women do. Avoid the creep. Should I have to? No. But will I? Yep. That's the way my world works. Because I'm a woman.
...
So as Brent and I are heading in to work this morning I'm checking my Facebook feed and I tell Brent, "you know I've discovered I can tell a lot about where people stand on an issue just by what they say. If they talk about the shooting in Ferguson versus the riots in Ferguson that tells me something about their world view right there." And then while I was at the gym the reports started coming out that Michael Brown was a suspect in a robbery before he was shot. I've got Fox News on one side and CNN on the other. Both reporting this like it's an "Oh well that explains it" moment. And after I got home I saw things on my newsfeed that seemed to echo the same thing. "See? He deserved it."
What?
Because if stealing a pack of cigarettes is punishable by death then I just hope the statute of limitations has run out on the things I lifted from Walgreens while I was in high school. Yes, I was a petty thief. Candy, gum, cigarette lighters. I pocketed more than a few things. Does that mean I should have been shot? I've also used some strong arm tactics in my day. I had a bit of a temper. I've been in some altercations. Would that have justified my death? And how would people have responded to my picture on the news instead of his?
Do I think Michael Brown was an innocent angel on his way home from choir practice? No. Do I think the video they are showing of him robbing the convenience store shows that he was an intimidating guy? Yep. Do I have any real idea of what happened that night? Not really. But do I believe that black men in our society are treated differently by the police than white women? Yep. Absolutely. Without a doubt.
Why?
Because I've seen it. When the whole Zimmerman thing was going on I wrote about an experience I had in college here. I also have friends who have shared their experiences with me about encounters they have had. And what they have had to teach their sons about encounters with the police. These are men who are middle class and above. Men with good solid jobs. Family men living in the burbs. I've known many of them since we were kids so I can say out of the group of us I was the bad apple much more than they were. But they've each got at least one story to tell about an encounter that was terrifying. Because of the color of their skin. I don't doubt it for a second. Why would they lie to me?
We need to be able to figure out a way to talk about these sorts of issues that repairs them. And the first step is understanding that though you personally might not have ever had an issue it doesn't mean there isn't one. Listen to people who are different than you are. Broaden the colors in your crayon box. And really listen. When a black friend tells you about an encounter they had where they were followed through a department store by security pay attention. This is their story. When a female friend tells you about the creeper on the bus who tried to grab her butt, listen. This is her story. Just because it's not your experience doesn't make it not real. And once you start to understand that other people's stories are real. That this is really happening, then we can start to figure out together how to change things.
Because change comes from understanding.
Peace comes from empathy.
I think you saw an example of that last night. The protests remained peaceful when the police didn't show up in riot gear. When they engaged with the protesters instead of rolling by in armored vehicles. Calmer heads prevailed.
You are never going to reach a point of understanding if you are not willing to try to understand. So next time take off your metaphorical riot gear and listen. Engage. Ask questions. And listen to the answers you get.
You only get one world view. But you can do your best to broaden it.
Doesn't sound bad when I say it right? But here is the story.
I'm still doing my rehab exercises. So I only use a very small handful of machines. Seriously, like four. Three for my legs and one for upper body, the upper body is because if I am going to be in the gym working on my rehab I need to have something for me that shows results to keep motivation up, so arms and upper back it is. ANYWAY...
The first time he did it I only noticed because I thought he might be OCD or something. There are two leg extension machines and he waited until I was done with my second set and jumped on the one I was using instead of the empty one next to it. Odd, but some people like certain machines. I avoid a few treadmills because they aren't smooth so I get it. Then he followed and did the same with the hamstring curl. I did my first set, did a stretch, did my second set and as I was walking away BAM! He's on it. Again I thought, well that's a little odd but quads then hamstrings not so unusual, and there is only one of those machines. Then I did lat pull downs. This time my first set was over I went to the bench I use for bridges and he was on the machine I just left. Not the empty one next to it, the one I left. When I went back for my second set I used the other machine. Then he did as well. As I went upstairs to finish out on the treadmill he sat down on the bench I had just been using.
It creeped me out.
Enough so that I looked for him when I left the gym. I made sure to walk out with someone else. And when I noticed a car pull out behind me on to the street I took a different way home than normal.
I did all of these things because as a woman I was raised knowing that if I am creeped out by someone these are the steps to take. Because he didn't do anything wrong. Not really. And I don't even know if he was being a creep on purpose. And if I was a man I probably wouldn't have noticed it at all. But I'm not so I did. And if he is there again next week and does the same thing then I will have to make a decision, report the odd behavior to the gym, again, he's working out on the same machines as me isn't much of an odd thing, right? Or change the time I work out. Which is most likely. And what women do. Avoid the creep. Should I have to? No. But will I? Yep. That's the way my world works. Because I'm a woman.
...
So as Brent and I are heading in to work this morning I'm checking my Facebook feed and I tell Brent, "you know I've discovered I can tell a lot about where people stand on an issue just by what they say. If they talk about the shooting in Ferguson versus the riots in Ferguson that tells me something about their world view right there." And then while I was at the gym the reports started coming out that Michael Brown was a suspect in a robbery before he was shot. I've got Fox News on one side and CNN on the other. Both reporting this like it's an "Oh well that explains it" moment. And after I got home I saw things on my newsfeed that seemed to echo the same thing. "See? He deserved it."
What?
Because if stealing a pack of cigarettes is punishable by death then I just hope the statute of limitations has run out on the things I lifted from Walgreens while I was in high school. Yes, I was a petty thief. Candy, gum, cigarette lighters. I pocketed more than a few things. Does that mean I should have been shot? I've also used some strong arm tactics in my day. I had a bit of a temper. I've been in some altercations. Would that have justified my death? And how would people have responded to my picture on the news instead of his?
Do I think Michael Brown was an innocent angel on his way home from choir practice? No. Do I think the video they are showing of him robbing the convenience store shows that he was an intimidating guy? Yep. Do I have any real idea of what happened that night? Not really. But do I believe that black men in our society are treated differently by the police than white women? Yep. Absolutely. Without a doubt.
Why?
Because I've seen it. When the whole Zimmerman thing was going on I wrote about an experience I had in college here. I also have friends who have shared their experiences with me about encounters they have had. And what they have had to teach their sons about encounters with the police. These are men who are middle class and above. Men with good solid jobs. Family men living in the burbs. I've known many of them since we were kids so I can say out of the group of us I was the bad apple much more than they were. But they've each got at least one story to tell about an encounter that was terrifying. Because of the color of their skin. I don't doubt it for a second. Why would they lie to me?
We need to be able to figure out a way to talk about these sorts of issues that repairs them. And the first step is understanding that though you personally might not have ever had an issue it doesn't mean there isn't one. Listen to people who are different than you are. Broaden the colors in your crayon box. And really listen. When a black friend tells you about an encounter they had where they were followed through a department store by security pay attention. This is their story. When a female friend tells you about the creeper on the bus who tried to grab her butt, listen. This is her story. Just because it's not your experience doesn't make it not real. And once you start to understand that other people's stories are real. That this is really happening, then we can start to figure out together how to change things.
Because change comes from understanding.
Peace comes from empathy.
I think you saw an example of that last night. The protests remained peaceful when the police didn't show up in riot gear. When they engaged with the protesters instead of rolling by in armored vehicles. Calmer heads prevailed.
You are never going to reach a point of understanding if you are not willing to try to understand. So next time take off your metaphorical riot gear and listen. Engage. Ask questions. And listen to the answers you get.
You only get one world view. But you can do your best to broaden it.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Which one of us is selfish again?
This week I've watched my friend group mourn for Robin Williams, a man that (as far as I know) only one of them knew personally. And I've watched and read how his death opened the door for a lot of people to talk about something they don't usually talk about. Depression, but more than depression, suicide. And it's been interesting, enlightening, infuriating and moving to read all of the points of view.
And then today is Thursday so I checked my blogs to see if I had one posted close to today's date I could put up for Throw Back Thursday and there it was the blog (blogs?) about my trip to Toronto. Which not only touched on Toronto but on the death of a friend's father. By suicide. Which got me thinking again about the issue and also about how my belief system around it has changed.
Growing up and even in to my 30s I held a very firm line about suicide. It was selfish. It was cowardly. It was the worst thing you could do. Part of that was shaped by my religious beliefs growing up. Suicide was murder. It might be killing yourself, but it's still not okay in the frame work of the church I grew up in. It was also shaped by the suicide of my grandfather and my former brother's-in-law father. They were both addicts and most likely their suicides were accidental. I know my grandfather's was. He used attempted suicide as an attention getting method. Just one time he kicked the chair out from under him before my aunt could get there to rescue him and hear all about how awful everyone was. I had no mercy or pity for either of them.
But as I got older I started to think about it a little differently. Oregon has death with dignity laws. I think it might be the only state in the union that does, I know at the time the law was passed it was. But basically if you are terminally ill and wish to end your life you can get the drugs and the assistance to do it. The Dr. Kevorkian stance. That you have a right to end your own life when you choose to do so. And that you should be able to get medical assistance to do it in the least painful way possible. We do it for our pets, it's crazy that we don't do it for ourselves. I know a lot of people who don't bat an eye at do not resuscitate orders but can't wrap their brains around this concept. It's the same thing. I don't want heroic measures taken if you know I am going to be alive only by machine but I also want to be able to leave on my own terms if I am dying of a wasting disease that is taking my health in pieces. Physical or mental.
So then I had lines. Suicide was fine if I could couch it in euthanasia terms. But if it was anything else I still would tell you that it was selfish.
But when my friend's father took his life and I watched her deal with it, waiting for the anger at him for doing it, anger that didn't come, I had to ask why. Why wasn't she pissed off? He killed himself. How selfish. And she said, it was his life. He was done. Who was she to tell him he couldn't. And I had to rethink it all again. Who was being selfish? Me or him? I wanted him to be alive. He wanted to end it. Now, I don't know why he killed himself. I didn't know the man. I just know his daughter. But I still felt like I could have feelings about how he died. If he had been suffering from a terminal illness and killed himself I would have had sympathy, why couldn't I now? And so I did.
Then a local man here killed himself. And I can tell by how I wrote about it that my view point had shifted. Partly because I knew he suffered from depression. So I knew that the decision to kill himself was made from a very dark place. Depression is an illness. Not depression with a little d, the I'm having a bad day and I want to watch chick flicks and cry in my ice cream, but Depression. The dark cloud that settles in and tells you that nothing, nothing is worth it, especially you. I wrote about my friend Jenny here. She's not the only friend I have that suffers from this sort of imbalance.
Where your brain is fighting you every damn day of your life. The chemicals aren't right. There is no simple snap out of it. It's medication and meditation and counselling and exercise and friends who check in on you and all sorts of other things to keep you on an even keel. And then sometimes it all stops working and you have to start again. Though you are trying to get better while your mind is telling you that it's not even worth trying. There are some incredible stories out there about people who suffer from depression. The level of darkness that they are swimming through on a daily basis is impossible to truly grasp.
And this is where people often are when they make the choice to kill themselves. We say, oh that's so selfish, think about the family you leave behind. When often they think their family will be better off without them. Because the depression tells them so. Tells them that they are unlovable. A burden. A fraud. A fake. A mess. A nothing.
The best essays I've read on depression all have one over arching theme. Depression lies. It tells you to stop when you just need to keep going. Because if you do keep going it will get better. You will get out of the darkness again. Sadly I can't tell you that you will never go back, but you will get out. But that's the problem with liars, sometimes they are so good at it you can't hear the truth. And when that happens we lose people. People we loved. People we respected. People we wish were still here.
But instead of blaming the person like I used to I now understand I need to blame the disease. And that it stole another light out of the world.
Depression lies. Don't listen. Keep fighting to make it through.
In the US you can call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
And then today is Thursday so I checked my blogs to see if I had one posted close to today's date I could put up for Throw Back Thursday and there it was the blog (blogs?) about my trip to Toronto. Which not only touched on Toronto but on the death of a friend's father. By suicide. Which got me thinking again about the issue and also about how my belief system around it has changed.
Growing up and even in to my 30s I held a very firm line about suicide. It was selfish. It was cowardly. It was the worst thing you could do. Part of that was shaped by my religious beliefs growing up. Suicide was murder. It might be killing yourself, but it's still not okay in the frame work of the church I grew up in. It was also shaped by the suicide of my grandfather and my former brother's-in-law father. They were both addicts and most likely their suicides were accidental. I know my grandfather's was. He used attempted suicide as an attention getting method. Just one time he kicked the chair out from under him before my aunt could get there to rescue him and hear all about how awful everyone was. I had no mercy or pity for either of them.
But as I got older I started to think about it a little differently. Oregon has death with dignity laws. I think it might be the only state in the union that does, I know at the time the law was passed it was. But basically if you are terminally ill and wish to end your life you can get the drugs and the assistance to do it. The Dr. Kevorkian stance. That you have a right to end your own life when you choose to do so. And that you should be able to get medical assistance to do it in the least painful way possible. We do it for our pets, it's crazy that we don't do it for ourselves. I know a lot of people who don't bat an eye at do not resuscitate orders but can't wrap their brains around this concept. It's the same thing. I don't want heroic measures taken if you know I am going to be alive only by machine but I also want to be able to leave on my own terms if I am dying of a wasting disease that is taking my health in pieces. Physical or mental.
So then I had lines. Suicide was fine if I could couch it in euthanasia terms. But if it was anything else I still would tell you that it was selfish.
But when my friend's father took his life and I watched her deal with it, waiting for the anger at him for doing it, anger that didn't come, I had to ask why. Why wasn't she pissed off? He killed himself. How selfish. And she said, it was his life. He was done. Who was she to tell him he couldn't. And I had to rethink it all again. Who was being selfish? Me or him? I wanted him to be alive. He wanted to end it. Now, I don't know why he killed himself. I didn't know the man. I just know his daughter. But I still felt like I could have feelings about how he died. If he had been suffering from a terminal illness and killed himself I would have had sympathy, why couldn't I now? And so I did.
Then a local man here killed himself. And I can tell by how I wrote about it that my view point had shifted. Partly because I knew he suffered from depression. So I knew that the decision to kill himself was made from a very dark place. Depression is an illness. Not depression with a little d, the I'm having a bad day and I want to watch chick flicks and cry in my ice cream, but Depression. The dark cloud that settles in and tells you that nothing, nothing is worth it, especially you. I wrote about my friend Jenny here. She's not the only friend I have that suffers from this sort of imbalance.
Where your brain is fighting you every damn day of your life. The chemicals aren't right. There is no simple snap out of it. It's medication and meditation and counselling and exercise and friends who check in on you and all sorts of other things to keep you on an even keel. And then sometimes it all stops working and you have to start again. Though you are trying to get better while your mind is telling you that it's not even worth trying. There are some incredible stories out there about people who suffer from depression. The level of darkness that they are swimming through on a daily basis is impossible to truly grasp.
And this is where people often are when they make the choice to kill themselves. We say, oh that's so selfish, think about the family you leave behind. When often they think their family will be better off without them. Because the depression tells them so. Tells them that they are unlovable. A burden. A fraud. A fake. A mess. A nothing.
The best essays I've read on depression all have one over arching theme. Depression lies. It tells you to stop when you just need to keep going. Because if you do keep going it will get better. You will get out of the darkness again. Sadly I can't tell you that you will never go back, but you will get out. But that's the problem with liars, sometimes they are so good at it you can't hear the truth. And when that happens we lose people. People we loved. People we respected. People we wish were still here.
But instead of blaming the person like I used to I now understand I need to blame the disease. And that it stole another light out of the world.
Depression lies. Don't listen. Keep fighting to make it through.
In the US you can call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
A Match Made in...
Jerry slid in to the booth with his drink in hand.
"How was your date?" Annie smile at him. Well smirked as much as smiled.
"I take it you've already heard from her?"
"Oh yes. She had a lot to say."
"I'm sure she did."
"So fill us in! What did she think of our Jerry?" Carla asked.
"Asshole. I think that pretty much sums it up."
"Wow, nice first impression there, Jer, good job." Carla patted Jerry's shoulder.
"I'm the asshole? Me? I'm the asshole?"
"She said you yelled at her for supporting the troops." Annie said.
"You yelled at her for supporting the troops? Seriously, Jerry?"
"I didn't yell at her for supporting the troops. Okay, maybe I used a bit of tone with her, but I didn't yell at her."
"Oh well that makes it better, you just used tone with her for supporting the troops." Carla shook her head.
"Just wait a second, let me tell you about the evening before you all judge."
Annie waved her hand, "By all means, tell us how the evening lead to you yelling at, excuse me, using tone at her about supporting the troops."
Jerry looked at his two friends and started, "So it started before the date actually. Carla, you know that Annie fixed us up right? After telling me that this girl she worked with would be perfect for me. Perfect. So I call Bella and make plans. She wants me to pick the restaurant. Great. I ask her if there was anything she didn't like so I could avoid it, she said, no she likes everything so I was free to pick. I took her to Gino's."
"Oh I love Gino's, they have the best bread, I need to go...." Carla trailed off when Annie and Jerry both looked at her, "Sorry. Go on."
"Anyway, so we get to Gino's and sit down. She opens the menu and shakes her head, 'Do you think they have gluten free pasta?'
I'm shocked, 'Oh no! Do you have Celiac disease? I had no idea, Annie never mentioned it, we can go someplace else.' Oh no she tells me that she has a gluten issue. She is staying away from it because she's read so many things online that talk about how you should, and then she says she needs to go wash her hands because the menu was sticky and she would just figure it out she was used to working around other people not understanding the seriousness of gluten issues.
So she leaves the table and I'm trying to decide what the hell I've signed on for. Gluten issue? What the actual hell? Issue? That's new. And it's even worse than intolerance and sensitivity. Now it's just an issue. Since when is it okay to have issues with gluten? And if you do have issues why don't you tell someone that when they ask where you want to go for dinner so they don't pick an Italian restaurant! So then she comes back to the table and the waiter comes over.
She starts in on him. How is this made, what is in it? Pretty much every dish they have she wants dissected so she can dismiss it. She wants to talk about every single thing. Even things that obviously have gluten, like, oh I don't know, every pasta dish on the menu! He finally suggests that she get their marinara over the steamed vegetables, a lot of people who are avoiding gluten really like that. She's fine with that, perfect. Then he asks is she wants cheese. And now we are off talking about if the cheese is from GMO free cows. But she doesn't say it G-M-O she says geemo. It took me forever to even figure out what she meant. Geemo free. It has to be geemo free. He tells her they use organic milk so it should be fine."
Carla tried to suppress a little giggle, "Sorry, but I can just imagine your face by this point!"
"Oh and it just kept getting better. She asks me what I think of her name, see she used to go by Izzy but then after Twilight came out she changed to Bella because that way people would think she was like Kristen Stewart when they heard the name and she figured that would give her some sort of advantage over other people. I'm not sure what advantage, she didn't let me ask any questions just moved on to her next topic.
And it's politics. Politics. On a first date. Who does that? And she starts in on how horrible it is that everyone wants to blame other presidents for issues going on now when they didn't have anything to do with it. I told her that actually you couldn't always blame the sitting president for what was happening because the policies could have been set in previous administrations. I told her that part of what you were seeing now you could picture with a ladder image, say that the rungs of the ladder were previous presidents and the way we got to where we are now was by each consecutive step, we didn't just wind up at the top of the ladder, we had to get here somehow. And that the two sides holding the ladder together were really more of an issue than any of the presidents. If the two sides keep pulling away then you can't anchor the step and go anyplace. So we needed to figure out a way to get the democrats and the republicans willing to at least talk to each other again or our entire system was going to fall apart.
She just looked at me horrified then said, 'So the only way to get ahead is by climbing on people? That's awful.' And I started to try and explain what I meant but then dinner came. And she had issue with the steamed vegetables. Seems that there was broccoli in the mix and she had heard that broccoli was bad for your thyroid. I asked if she had thyroid issues and she said no, but that with all of the radiation making its way over from Japan all the time that the government won't even talk about she didn't want to risk it. I told her that I was pretty sure cooked broccoli wouldn't be an issue and that it's only raw that people with actual thyroid issues have to worry about. She made the waiter take the plate back and remove all of the broccoli anyway. And then proceeded to tell me about how you shouldn't eat fish anymore or swim in the ocean because of Japan and Fushimama, yes, Fushimama. She said when she was in Florida visiting her sister she couldn't believe no one was worried even a little bit. I told her that she knew Florida was the Atlantic right? She said, 'Yeah, the Atlantic Ocean.'
Finally after a few more interesting discussions about global warming and the people who don't believe in science arguing that it's not real right in to a discussion on vaccines and how they are dangerous, dinner was over and I was able to make my break."
"And this is when you yelled at her?"
"This is when I used tone with her. She pulled out her giant key chain and put it on the table. Sparkly, gaudy, red, white, and blue key chain with I SUPPORT THE TROOPS on it. So I asked her, 'You support the troops. Cool. How?' she just stared at me. I pointed at the key chain again, 'You support the troops. What do you do? Do you volunteer your time at the VA? Do you donate to Wounded Warriors? Were you in the service? What do you do?' And she tells me, 'I support them!' And yes, I might have gotten a little snippy, I picked up the key chain and saw the Made in China tag still attached, 'Is this it? You bought a key chain and think that's supporting the troops? Did you even buy it from a fund raiser?' And then she tells me she doesn't think she will accept a second date from me. I just started laughing. Like a crazy person."
Right at that moment a giant sparkly key chain was placed on the table, "It's true he did. Like a complete nut. Hey, I'm Izzy." Jerry looked on with a stunned expression as his terrible date joined the table and introduced herself to Carla.
"What..."
At this point Annie started laughing, "So you remember a few months ago when you told me I was too picky in my dating? That you were sure I was making up how awful some of these guys were? Well..."
"You set me up? Seriously? You set me up?"
"Yep. I was telling Iz about it at work and how mad it made me and that I wanted to teach you how bad it could be."
"And you volunteered to do that? To torture someone with a bad first date?"
"Oh yeah, without hesitation, it seemed like fun." And she gave Jerry a wicked grin.
"Unbelievable! I should have known that no one could be that bad! You hit every one of my hot buttons, every one. How could I not see it?"
"Yeah, I thought I lost you when I was talking about global warming, that you had figured it out when I talked about how horrible it was that the polar bears couldn't even get to the penguins anymore because of the ice flows. But nope, you were still buying it."
"Oh my god... You know I can't go back to Gino's now right? You gave the waiter such a bad time I am too embarrassed to show my face there!"
"Oh don't worry about it, he was in on it. When I went to wash my hands? I was actually tracking him down to let him know what I was doing and to slip him an extra tip to play along. Wasn't he great?"
Jerry just shook his head, "You played the long con on me, Annie, I'm impressed."
"Well I couldn't very well have fixed you up with Iz right after the conversation right? You would have figured it out for sure then. But a month later? After subtly talking her up to you? Telling you how great she was at her job, how much fun we had at work? No worries."
"I am stunned."
Izzy smiled, "Yeah, I can see that. Oh! And you know your ladder theory on politics? Interesting but I think you are missing the obvious. The side rails aren't the two parties, they are really the House and the Senate. If you don't have all three working together nothing is going to get done..."
And as Jerry and Izzy actually got to know each other, Annie leaned back and whispered to Carla, "I knew they'd be perfect together, but I'm glad I got to mess with him first."
"How was your date?" Annie smile at him. Well smirked as much as smiled.
"I take it you've already heard from her?"
"Oh yes. She had a lot to say."
"I'm sure she did."
"So fill us in! What did she think of our Jerry?" Carla asked.
"Asshole. I think that pretty much sums it up."
"Wow, nice first impression there, Jer, good job." Carla patted Jerry's shoulder.
"I'm the asshole? Me? I'm the asshole?"
"She said you yelled at her for supporting the troops." Annie said.
"You yelled at her for supporting the troops? Seriously, Jerry?"
"I didn't yell at her for supporting the troops. Okay, maybe I used a bit of tone with her, but I didn't yell at her."
"Oh well that makes it better, you just used tone with her for supporting the troops." Carla shook her head.
"Just wait a second, let me tell you about the evening before you all judge."
Annie waved her hand, "By all means, tell us how the evening lead to you yelling at, excuse me, using tone at her about supporting the troops."
Jerry looked at his two friends and started, "So it started before the date actually. Carla, you know that Annie fixed us up right? After telling me that this girl she worked with would be perfect for me. Perfect. So I call Bella and make plans. She wants me to pick the restaurant. Great. I ask her if there was anything she didn't like so I could avoid it, she said, no she likes everything so I was free to pick. I took her to Gino's."
"Oh I love Gino's, they have the best bread, I need to go...." Carla trailed off when Annie and Jerry both looked at her, "Sorry. Go on."
"Anyway, so we get to Gino's and sit down. She opens the menu and shakes her head, 'Do you think they have gluten free pasta?'
I'm shocked, 'Oh no! Do you have Celiac disease? I had no idea, Annie never mentioned it, we can go someplace else.' Oh no she tells me that she has a gluten issue. She is staying away from it because she's read so many things online that talk about how you should, and then she says she needs to go wash her hands because the menu was sticky and she would just figure it out she was used to working around other people not understanding the seriousness of gluten issues.
So she leaves the table and I'm trying to decide what the hell I've signed on for. Gluten issue? What the actual hell? Issue? That's new. And it's even worse than intolerance and sensitivity. Now it's just an issue. Since when is it okay to have issues with gluten? And if you do have issues why don't you tell someone that when they ask where you want to go for dinner so they don't pick an Italian restaurant! So then she comes back to the table and the waiter comes over.
She starts in on him. How is this made, what is in it? Pretty much every dish they have she wants dissected so she can dismiss it. She wants to talk about every single thing. Even things that obviously have gluten, like, oh I don't know, every pasta dish on the menu! He finally suggests that she get their marinara over the steamed vegetables, a lot of people who are avoiding gluten really like that. She's fine with that, perfect. Then he asks is she wants cheese. And now we are off talking about if the cheese is from GMO free cows. But she doesn't say it G-M-O she says geemo. It took me forever to even figure out what she meant. Geemo free. It has to be geemo free. He tells her they use organic milk so it should be fine."
Carla tried to suppress a little giggle, "Sorry, but I can just imagine your face by this point!"
"Oh and it just kept getting better. She asks me what I think of her name, see she used to go by Izzy but then after Twilight came out she changed to Bella because that way people would think she was like Kristen Stewart when they heard the name and she figured that would give her some sort of advantage over other people. I'm not sure what advantage, she didn't let me ask any questions just moved on to her next topic.
And it's politics. Politics. On a first date. Who does that? And she starts in on how horrible it is that everyone wants to blame other presidents for issues going on now when they didn't have anything to do with it. I told her that actually you couldn't always blame the sitting president for what was happening because the policies could have been set in previous administrations. I told her that part of what you were seeing now you could picture with a ladder image, say that the rungs of the ladder were previous presidents and the way we got to where we are now was by each consecutive step, we didn't just wind up at the top of the ladder, we had to get here somehow. And that the two sides holding the ladder together were really more of an issue than any of the presidents. If the two sides keep pulling away then you can't anchor the step and go anyplace. So we needed to figure out a way to get the democrats and the republicans willing to at least talk to each other again or our entire system was going to fall apart.
She just looked at me horrified then said, 'So the only way to get ahead is by climbing on people? That's awful.' And I started to try and explain what I meant but then dinner came. And she had issue with the steamed vegetables. Seems that there was broccoli in the mix and she had heard that broccoli was bad for your thyroid. I asked if she had thyroid issues and she said no, but that with all of the radiation making its way over from Japan all the time that the government won't even talk about she didn't want to risk it. I told her that I was pretty sure cooked broccoli wouldn't be an issue and that it's only raw that people with actual thyroid issues have to worry about. She made the waiter take the plate back and remove all of the broccoli anyway. And then proceeded to tell me about how you shouldn't eat fish anymore or swim in the ocean because of Japan and Fushimama, yes, Fushimama. She said when she was in Florida visiting her sister she couldn't believe no one was worried even a little bit. I told her that she knew Florida was the Atlantic right? She said, 'Yeah, the Atlantic Ocean.'
Finally after a few more interesting discussions about global warming and the people who don't believe in science arguing that it's not real right in to a discussion on vaccines and how they are dangerous, dinner was over and I was able to make my break."
"And this is when you yelled at her?"
"This is when I used tone with her. She pulled out her giant key chain and put it on the table. Sparkly, gaudy, red, white, and blue key chain with I SUPPORT THE TROOPS on it. So I asked her, 'You support the troops. Cool. How?' she just stared at me. I pointed at the key chain again, 'You support the troops. What do you do? Do you volunteer your time at the VA? Do you donate to Wounded Warriors? Were you in the service? What do you do?' And she tells me, 'I support them!' And yes, I might have gotten a little snippy, I picked up the key chain and saw the Made in China tag still attached, 'Is this it? You bought a key chain and think that's supporting the troops? Did you even buy it from a fund raiser?' And then she tells me she doesn't think she will accept a second date from me. I just started laughing. Like a crazy person."
Right at that moment a giant sparkly key chain was placed on the table, "It's true he did. Like a complete nut. Hey, I'm Izzy." Jerry looked on with a stunned expression as his terrible date joined the table and introduced herself to Carla.
"What..."
At this point Annie started laughing, "So you remember a few months ago when you told me I was too picky in my dating? That you were sure I was making up how awful some of these guys were? Well..."
"You set me up? Seriously? You set me up?"
"Yep. I was telling Iz about it at work and how mad it made me and that I wanted to teach you how bad it could be."
"And you volunteered to do that? To torture someone with a bad first date?"
"Oh yeah, without hesitation, it seemed like fun." And she gave Jerry a wicked grin.
"Unbelievable! I should have known that no one could be that bad! You hit every one of my hot buttons, every one. How could I not see it?"
"Yeah, I thought I lost you when I was talking about global warming, that you had figured it out when I talked about how horrible it was that the polar bears couldn't even get to the penguins anymore because of the ice flows. But nope, you were still buying it."
"Oh my god... You know I can't go back to Gino's now right? You gave the waiter such a bad time I am too embarrassed to show my face there!"
"Oh don't worry about it, he was in on it. When I went to wash my hands? I was actually tracking him down to let him know what I was doing and to slip him an extra tip to play along. Wasn't he great?"
Jerry just shook his head, "You played the long con on me, Annie, I'm impressed."
"Well I couldn't very well have fixed you up with Iz right after the conversation right? You would have figured it out for sure then. But a month later? After subtly talking her up to you? Telling you how great she was at her job, how much fun we had at work? No worries."
"I am stunned."
Izzy smiled, "Yeah, I can see that. Oh! And you know your ladder theory on politics? Interesting but I think you are missing the obvious. The side rails aren't the two parties, they are really the House and the Senate. If you don't have all three working together nothing is going to get done..."
And as Jerry and Izzy actually got to know each other, Annie leaned back and whispered to Carla, "I knew they'd be perfect together, but I'm glad I got to mess with him first."
Monday, August 11, 2014
Silver and gold...silver and gold...
Okay, maybe no gold, but silver. Though technically no silver either. I'm getting the last of my silver fillings removed today and a brand new crown put on the tooth. I used to have 10 silver fillings. Can you believe it? More filling than teeth in a few of them. Over the years Dr. Chung has taken them out and replaced them with composite resin fillings. Now Dr. Youngblood is taking the last one because the tooth around it is starting to crack. But this is one of those more filling than tooth ones so a new crown it is.
Which makes me extremely nervous.
As you can tell by the fact that I had 10 silver fillings at one point in time, I've had a lot of dental work done. A lot when I was very young. This filling, for instance, I've had since I was a kid. Most of the fillings in my mouth were from when I was a kid. I don't want to say that the dentist we had for awhile was unethical but it seems odd to me that my teeth were just super rotten up until around the age of 11 or 12 and then they were fine. Which also corresponded to when we switched dentists. The major work I've had done over the years has been taking those old fillings out and replacing them with new. Which has sucked. I have a whole section on the right side of my mouth that was filled, then taken out, then refilled, then take out. Then a crown, then taken off, then a root canal and then another crown. Awful.
And this was after the first go round of taking out a failing filling and Dr. Chung discovering that my trigeminal nerve is flipped. A very rare occurrence but really awful when you are doing dental work and can't figure out why your patient won't go numb. This was a big part of my fear of dental work. I knew if I was going to get a filling it was going to hurt, no matter what. No matter how many shots they gave once they started drilling I would feel it. And so for years if I was getting work done I just sucked it up. Just do it and do it quickly.
This tooth is on the other side of my mouth so I am hopeful that it numbs quickly with no issue. I'm also hopeful that the crown is all that's needed and we won't have to go through months of back to the dentist visits and then ending in a root canal anyway.
Hopeful, but really nervous.
Which is why I'm writing this blog.
Because I keep thinking about it and it's making me crazy.
Half an hour until the appointment. Sweaty palms. Butterflies in my stomach.
*sigh*
Okay, well, this helped.
And by helped I mean not at all.
But thanks for listening to me whine.
Silver and gold...silver and gold...
Which makes me extremely nervous.
As you can tell by the fact that I had 10 silver fillings at one point in time, I've had a lot of dental work done. A lot when I was very young. This filling, for instance, I've had since I was a kid. Most of the fillings in my mouth were from when I was a kid. I don't want to say that the dentist we had for awhile was unethical but it seems odd to me that my teeth were just super rotten up until around the age of 11 or 12 and then they were fine. Which also corresponded to when we switched dentists. The major work I've had done over the years has been taking those old fillings out and replacing them with new. Which has sucked. I have a whole section on the right side of my mouth that was filled, then taken out, then refilled, then take out. Then a crown, then taken off, then a root canal and then another crown. Awful.
And this was after the first go round of taking out a failing filling and Dr. Chung discovering that my trigeminal nerve is flipped. A very rare occurrence but really awful when you are doing dental work and can't figure out why your patient won't go numb. This was a big part of my fear of dental work. I knew if I was going to get a filling it was going to hurt, no matter what. No matter how many shots they gave once they started drilling I would feel it. And so for years if I was getting work done I just sucked it up. Just do it and do it quickly.
This tooth is on the other side of my mouth so I am hopeful that it numbs quickly with no issue. I'm also hopeful that the crown is all that's needed and we won't have to go through months of back to the dentist visits and then ending in a root canal anyway.
Hopeful, but really nervous.
Which is why I'm writing this blog.
Because I keep thinking about it and it's making me crazy.
Half an hour until the appointment. Sweaty palms. Butterflies in my stomach.
*sigh*
Okay, well, this helped.
And by helped I mean not at all.
But thanks for listening to me whine.
Silver and gold...silver and gold...
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Back that up...
So I had an awful nightmare last night. Terrible. Scary, awful stuff. And as I often do in nightmares I changed it. Lucid dreaming. When you are aware that you are dreaming and change the dream. I do it a lot in nightmares. As most of you know I have extremely vivid dreams. Lots of details, very realistic. Which is great when it's a cool dream, awful when it's a nightmare. And I have some doozy nightmares. So years ago I started trying to be aware of dreams when I was in them and change them. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. Depends how deeply I'm asleep, I think. The deeper the better really. If it's a lighter sleep I think I wake up before I can shift the dream, if it's deeper I can have that moment of realization that it's all a dream and start to shift the dream.
What normally happens is like last night, I took an awful dream and made it less awful. I sort of backed up the dream to the spot where it all went terribly bad and started over. It was still a nightmare and it wasn't great, but at least I shifted the worst part away and changed that outcome. I haven't quite yet figured out how to take a nightmare and just make it a good dream. It's like the bad part leaves a shadow that doesn't quite go away. But it's better.
So after I woke up from the dream I thought what a great skill that would be in real life. You are having just an awful day and you stop and think, nope, this is not how this is going to go, let's back up and start again. And then you shift a few things. The coffee doesn't spill. The shirt doesn't rip. The accident never happens. The day might still not be great, but at least it wouldn't be awful right?
Except, of course, there are those times where you are having a spectacular day and you run in to someone who is having a terrible day. If they restarted their day would it screw up yours? Would you be in the middle of an excellent day and have it start again and have things subtly shift so it wasn't nearly as great? Still a good day, but the ripple of change would make it less than excellent.
And would we ever get out of a day? I mean there is always someone who would want to shift and restart just to make it better, or perfect, or just to fuck with someone else. What would the rules be? Or would it be like lucid dreaming? Some people can do it and some people can't. And some people are like me and can change certain things but not others while other people could create something entirely new out of whole cloth?
How many times in one day could you back up and start again? And would you need permission from everyone involved? Like in my dream I just backed up the dream. The people in the dream had no say because they weren't real. But if you could actually do it? The people would have their own days going as well and might not take too kindly to you backing it up while they were trying to move forward. And if you had to have everyone in the area agree to back up and start again how long would it take to reach the agreement?
And as I thought about all of these things I realized...this is why I have insomnia.
What normally happens is like last night, I took an awful dream and made it less awful. I sort of backed up the dream to the spot where it all went terribly bad and started over. It was still a nightmare and it wasn't great, but at least I shifted the worst part away and changed that outcome. I haven't quite yet figured out how to take a nightmare and just make it a good dream. It's like the bad part leaves a shadow that doesn't quite go away. But it's better.
So after I woke up from the dream I thought what a great skill that would be in real life. You are having just an awful day and you stop and think, nope, this is not how this is going to go, let's back up and start again. And then you shift a few things. The coffee doesn't spill. The shirt doesn't rip. The accident never happens. The day might still not be great, but at least it wouldn't be awful right?
Except, of course, there are those times where you are having a spectacular day and you run in to someone who is having a terrible day. If they restarted their day would it screw up yours? Would you be in the middle of an excellent day and have it start again and have things subtly shift so it wasn't nearly as great? Still a good day, but the ripple of change would make it less than excellent.
And would we ever get out of a day? I mean there is always someone who would want to shift and restart just to make it better, or perfect, or just to fuck with someone else. What would the rules be? Or would it be like lucid dreaming? Some people can do it and some people can't. And some people are like me and can change certain things but not others while other people could create something entirely new out of whole cloth?
How many times in one day could you back up and start again? And would you need permission from everyone involved? Like in my dream I just backed up the dream. The people in the dream had no say because they weren't real. But if you could actually do it? The people would have their own days going as well and might not take too kindly to you backing it up while they were trying to move forward. And if you had to have everyone in the area agree to back up and start again how long would it take to reach the agreement?
And as I thought about all of these things I realized...this is why I have insomnia.
Friday, August 8, 2014
C-c-c-c-c-ombo blog....
I have been going back and forth today trying to decide which blog to write. The kind of positive, kind of goofy, kind of silver lining blog, or the kind of ranty, kind of pissed off, kind of cynical blog.
So you get both. Because in a way they are tied together. And I said I was going to be more me this month and there is little that is more me than an odd mix of positive cynicism.
Okay, so I have tried and tried to make sure I stay away from the comments on public posts because, well, people are idiots. But I still look. It's like a train wreck, even if you know it's going to be bad, you look. So I decided to change it up. Make it a game. I thought I am going to look so instead of trying and failing to not look I will just look. If I am curious why a post gets 576 comments I am going to guess what most of them are, take a peek and see if I'm right. Usually I am. Which is sad. So I decided that's not that fun of a game. Even though being right is fun, (Oh come on! You know it is!), it's not enough. So I thought about it, what could make this actual fun? Something amusing to me? Something enjoyable?
So I decided that as I was scanning the comments seeing the idiots in full preen I would look for that one comment, or two, or three that were well thought out. Positive, insightful, actually read the article they are commenting on and have something to add to the discussion or just made me laugh. Because in a feed of hundreds of comments there has to be at least one. Right?
And usually there is. Sometimes you have to be patient. Because the idiots speak first and they speak the loudest and the most often. Why is that true? That those with the least to say, say the most?
Anyway, usually there is something in there that's good. Now the rules are that it has to be someone I don't know to count. Because I have a few friends who do comment on public posts and those show in my feed. And because they are my friends you know they are smart and funny and actually add to the discussion, so they don't count in the game. That would be stacking the deck. So I have to find someone posting something that is insightful (I don't have to agree with their point of view it just has to be insightful) or positive or funny that I don't know. And that makes it the game.
The silver lining game. The positive post game. The fun with idiots game. The constructive comments game. I'm not sure what to call it yet. But it's a game now. It's sometimes a really hard game, but that's because my rules are for me. I don't count "I'm praying for you" as a positive insightful post. I know a lot of you would. But that to me is a post that is a meaningful as "Bless you" after a sneeze. You might really be going to pray for them, but it's a knee jerk post. It's a what you should do post. Have to try harder. So I look. And sometimes you find a gem of an exchange like I posted on my Facebook status this morning:
"I have zero fucks to give about this stupid show."
"If you had zero fucks to give you would not have commented. Was that your last fuck?"
"Zero fucks"
"You have taken your last fuck to give and placed it in my hand. Do you want your fuck back? I have more fucks to give. I don't want to take your last one "
Not really adding to the conversation or dealing with the article that was linked but I laughed out loud at it. Because I recognized someone else out there playing their own game with posts. (Also true confession, I polished it just a bit for the status update, I'm a writer, I can't help it, but the exchange was basically this one)
So I am playing the game.
But because I am playing the game I am also again exposing myself to some of the nastiest of the nasties out there. And here is the ranty part of the blog....
SO...this morning someone linked a series of pictures from a FoxNews anchor about Christian refugee children in Iraq and how ISIS is going to kill them. Horrible. Really really awful. But it made me pause as I read her link. ISIS has been murdering people for awhile. A long while. It's been a terrifying story that has been unfolding for awhile. But I guess when it was just one group of Muslims murdering other Muslims it wasn't a big deal? Because make no mistake, that's what the picture was about. Christian children. We must do something now to protect the Christian children. Hmmm...
Okay... so how does this fit with the very same people screaming about sending the large groups of Christian children at our own borders back to Central America? If you are posting about the Christian children in Iraq being in danger because they must either change their religion or be killed and yet you are not concerned at all about the children who are seeking refuge here because they must either change who they are or be killed there is something wrong with you.
Now I know that part of this is the same as my politics. Because I don't belong to either party I think it's easier for me to see them both as idiots when they are being dumb. I don't feel the need to couch what I say with "Well they do it..." or "We have to do it so they don't win..." or what ever nonsense you are selling yourself. Religion is the same for me. I am not quite atheistic but I am strongly agnostic. So when you are posting about saving the kids in Iraq and not the kids at our own borders I can only see one issue. You don't love the little Christian children nearly as much as you hate the Muslims.
It's the only piece that makes sense to me. You have two groups of kids being terrorized. One group is running from extreme violence, gangs, rape, theft, murder. Join the gang or die. And you have another group running from extreme violence, FGM, rapes, murder. Change religion or die. And you are only concerned about one of these groups. So you tell me why.
You want to talk resources, can we afford to take in refugees? Well can we afford to enter in to war in Iraq again? You want to talk illegality of crossing the border. They are refugees on the run for their lives. If you have the Iraqi people who can get out streaming across borders over there would you judge them for it? Now I'm not saying we shouldn't do something to help in Iraq. I think ISIS is terrifying. But I've thought that for awhile. I didn't need them to start killing certain people to make me think that. Killing anyone was bad.
Ask yourself why you care more if the picture says, "Christian Children" instead of just children. And then look deeper and ask yourself if your opinion of the Israel/Palestine issue would change if the Palestinians were all Christian. Does their religion change your opinion on their deaths? And if it does then what is wrong with you? Seriously, ask yourself that question. Spend some time with your bible and find a biblically sound answer to that question. The verse that tells you to love your neighbors as yourself except if they are a different religion. Or the one where Christ tells them to bring the little children to him, but only the Christian ones, the rest he really has no time for. And then ask yourself what the hell is wrong with you that you would love and follow a god who only loves and protects some of the people he made. Though you won't have to ask yourself that question because it's you putting the qualifiers on your capacity to love. Not the book you should be reading.
(deep breath)
And that's the problem with the game. Sometimes it's just not fun.
But sometimes it is. Especially when people swear. Cuss words are always funny...
So you get both. Because in a way they are tied together. And I said I was going to be more me this month and there is little that is more me than an odd mix of positive cynicism.
Okay, so I have tried and tried to make sure I stay away from the comments on public posts because, well, people are idiots. But I still look. It's like a train wreck, even if you know it's going to be bad, you look. So I decided to change it up. Make it a game. I thought I am going to look so instead of trying and failing to not look I will just look. If I am curious why a post gets 576 comments I am going to guess what most of them are, take a peek and see if I'm right. Usually I am. Which is sad. So I decided that's not that fun of a game. Even though being right is fun, (Oh come on! You know it is!), it's not enough. So I thought about it, what could make this actual fun? Something amusing to me? Something enjoyable?
So I decided that as I was scanning the comments seeing the idiots in full preen I would look for that one comment, or two, or three that were well thought out. Positive, insightful, actually read the article they are commenting on and have something to add to the discussion or just made me laugh. Because in a feed of hundreds of comments there has to be at least one. Right?
And usually there is. Sometimes you have to be patient. Because the idiots speak first and they speak the loudest and the most often. Why is that true? That those with the least to say, say the most?
Anyway, usually there is something in there that's good. Now the rules are that it has to be someone I don't know to count. Because I have a few friends who do comment on public posts and those show in my feed. And because they are my friends you know they are smart and funny and actually add to the discussion, so they don't count in the game. That would be stacking the deck. So I have to find someone posting something that is insightful (I don't have to agree with their point of view it just has to be insightful) or positive or funny that I don't know. And that makes it the game.
The silver lining game. The positive post game. The fun with idiots game. The constructive comments game. I'm not sure what to call it yet. But it's a game now. It's sometimes a really hard game, but that's because my rules are for me. I don't count "I'm praying for you" as a positive insightful post. I know a lot of you would. But that to me is a post that is a meaningful as "Bless you" after a sneeze. You might really be going to pray for them, but it's a knee jerk post. It's a what you should do post. Have to try harder. So I look. And sometimes you find a gem of an exchange like I posted on my Facebook status this morning:
"I have zero fucks to give about this stupid show."
"If you had zero fucks to give you would not have commented. Was that your last fuck?"
"Zero fucks"
"You have taken your last fuck to give and placed it in my hand. Do you want your fuck back? I have more fucks to give. I don't want to take your last one "
Not really adding to the conversation or dealing with the article that was linked but I laughed out loud at it. Because I recognized someone else out there playing their own game with posts. (Also true confession, I polished it just a bit for the status update, I'm a writer, I can't help it, but the exchange was basically this one)
So I am playing the game.
But because I am playing the game I am also again exposing myself to some of the nastiest of the nasties out there. And here is the ranty part of the blog....
SO...this morning someone linked a series of pictures from a FoxNews anchor about Christian refugee children in Iraq and how ISIS is going to kill them. Horrible. Really really awful. But it made me pause as I read her link. ISIS has been murdering people for awhile. A long while. It's been a terrifying story that has been unfolding for awhile. But I guess when it was just one group of Muslims murdering other Muslims it wasn't a big deal? Because make no mistake, that's what the picture was about. Christian children. We must do something now to protect the Christian children. Hmmm...
Okay... so how does this fit with the very same people screaming about sending the large groups of Christian children at our own borders back to Central America? If you are posting about the Christian children in Iraq being in danger because they must either change their religion or be killed and yet you are not concerned at all about the children who are seeking refuge here because they must either change who they are or be killed there is something wrong with you.
Now I know that part of this is the same as my politics. Because I don't belong to either party I think it's easier for me to see them both as idiots when they are being dumb. I don't feel the need to couch what I say with "Well they do it..." or "We have to do it so they don't win..." or what ever nonsense you are selling yourself. Religion is the same for me. I am not quite atheistic but I am strongly agnostic. So when you are posting about saving the kids in Iraq and not the kids at our own borders I can only see one issue. You don't love the little Christian children nearly as much as you hate the Muslims.
It's the only piece that makes sense to me. You have two groups of kids being terrorized. One group is running from extreme violence, gangs, rape, theft, murder. Join the gang or die. And you have another group running from extreme violence, FGM, rapes, murder. Change religion or die. And you are only concerned about one of these groups. So you tell me why.
You want to talk resources, can we afford to take in refugees? Well can we afford to enter in to war in Iraq again? You want to talk illegality of crossing the border. They are refugees on the run for their lives. If you have the Iraqi people who can get out streaming across borders over there would you judge them for it? Now I'm not saying we shouldn't do something to help in Iraq. I think ISIS is terrifying. But I've thought that for awhile. I didn't need them to start killing certain people to make me think that. Killing anyone was bad.
Ask yourself why you care more if the picture says, "Christian Children" instead of just children. And then look deeper and ask yourself if your opinion of the Israel/Palestine issue would change if the Palestinians were all Christian. Does their religion change your opinion on their deaths? And if it does then what is wrong with you? Seriously, ask yourself that question. Spend some time with your bible and find a biblically sound answer to that question. The verse that tells you to love your neighbors as yourself except if they are a different religion. Or the one where Christ tells them to bring the little children to him, but only the Christian ones, the rest he really has no time for. And then ask yourself what the hell is wrong with you that you would love and follow a god who only loves and protects some of the people he made. Though you won't have to ask yourself that question because it's you putting the qualifiers on your capacity to love. Not the book you should be reading.
(deep breath)
And that's the problem with the game. Sometimes it's just not fun.
But sometimes it is. Especially when people swear. Cuss words are always funny...
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