Did She Know?

It's always been of much debate in my household if she knew what she was going to say before she said it. 

We watched the news conference, like everyone else. It was going to be the moment where there was compromise met. When the years of fighting would stop. It was going to be historic.

Of course it was still historic.

Clearly my mother was in the camp that she knew what she was going to say before she said it. My mother seemed to know what she was going to say, so why would she believe it hadn't been planned all along? When we asked her why she had always been sure how the news conference would end, what would be said, she told us, "Because it is the way things go."

Which didn't really tell us much. 

But she was right. 

It is the way things go. 

My brother thought it was spur of the moment. That she was taken over by emotion. That if she had thought about it longer, thought about the repercussions, she wouldn't have said what she did. My older sister told him that of course that's what he would think. And of course that's why it happened. 

He didn't like that. 

She didn't care.

I always wondered why she agreed to the press conference in the first place if she knew what she was going to say at the end? 

My mother said it was hope. She had to agree to it because she had to have a sliver of hope that they would honor their word and it would end better. And if she hadn't been there they could have lied, again, about what was negotiated, what was agreed on. They could have painted her as the liar and say she did not negotiate in good faith. 

My mother didn't think she negotiated in good faith because they only had bad faith to offer her. 

I remember watching the news conference. Watching them talk about what was agreed on. The terms that they had come to. I remember thinking how odd that she would agree to something like that. I must have said it outloud because my mother said, "look at her face, watch her eyes." and you could see it then, very clearly. This is not what she had agreed to. This is not what they had negotiated. 

Why would they lie? Why would they come to an agreement then announce something different? Why would they do it and expect her to go along with it?

My mother said because that's the way things go. 

She was right. That is the way things go. 

My mother pushed the buttons that closed the storm shutters, pulled the metal gates over the doors and windows. The ones that protected the house against almost all outside storms. She opened the gun cabinet and unlocked all of the weapons. 

My brother asked why she was doing that. 

She held up her hand to quiet him and continued watching the news conference.

And they talked about the agreement. How she had agreed that things would go back to the way they were. How she had agreed that they really did know best. We watched her face and her eyes. They kept talking and smiling then one of them called her to the microphone to say, "Yes I agree." 

Why would they expect her to do that?

Because that's the way things go. 

They were so used to getting their way that when they decided that all of the negotiations were just words, words that they could change, when they decided that the world would keep benefiting them, and only them, they believed it to be true. They had to have believed it to be true or they wouldn't have called her to the microphone.

"On this day. This historic day, we all come together in agreement and peace."

And they handed her the microphone. 

And she smiled.

And they relaxed and patted each other on the backs for a job well done.

And we watched her face and looked at her eyes as she looked into the camera and said, "Burn it all down."