Wake Me Up...

Dude...so August. Am I right? 

It was, to put it mildly, humbling. 

I really did think I could just muscle my way through and be back to normal. Or at least really close. Fake it until you make it and OF COURSE I was going to make it!

As you know that did not last long. I realized that there was no forcing my way through it. Not just yet. 

Cake and Compliments Month might have seen its last days. And you know what? That's okay. It served its purpose and we had a good run. Birthday month might now always just be August. Once I wrapped my head around that it was actually easier. 

I wasn't continually feeling like I was supposed to be feeling something different than what I was feeling. Like I was somehow letting people down by not being sunny. Even though most people wouldn't have had any idea I wasn't. I mean, we are all still in our own little bubbles for the most part. 

But anyway...I finally stopped beating myself up over not being able to just move on from the world's worst August two years ago. And once I did that it was better. I mean, I wasn't happier. I wasn't suddenly inspired to sing and dance and throw rose petals at the world, but I also wasn't trying to force a smile on a face that wanted to sit still. And sometimes that's enough. 

So...what else? 

I spent another three weeks in physical therapy. Which was a bust on one hand and really beneficial on the other. The bust is that it's not a matter of simply retraining the movement in my foot and TA DA healing. The benefit is that now I know that what I'm doing to manage the toe and ankle actually are the right things to do. Or at least the only things that can be done. See if I move the foot in a way that lines up the Achilles' tendon correctly so there isn't strain there it puts stress on my damaged big toe. But if I shift my foot to take the stress off of my toe it misaligns my tendon. There isn't a way to do both. So I have to balance it. Which is worse? Which can be managed easier? Which will do the most damage if it flairs up? 

Those are the things I was doing naturally. And the things I will go back to. Without dropping a few hours and few hundred dollars a week on PT. And without spending part of the week recovering from the manual therapy sessions. Whew!

FINALLY got some breathing room in my reading goal. Finished my reread of The Sandman series and it did what I had hoped and put me ahead by 5 books for the year. I also realized that I don't remember a bit of Y The Last Man so I might read that again. And then, because I loved it so much, another go a Saga. But I'm not sure when I will do those. I have a lot of books on my Kindle right now begging for attention. Currently reading A Slip of the Keyboard which is the second to last of the Pratchett books on my list. Technically The Shepherd's Crown is the last of the Discworld books and it's the only one of those I have left to finish that series (after how many years?) but I wanted to read his two collections of short work as well. And A Slip of the Keyboard was released before The Shepherd's Crown and it has some essays about his Alzheimer's and writing with that so it seemed like a good fit before the last book.

I also might be stalling just a little bit on finishing because I know that that book is the end. Hard stop. THE END.

Weight was pretty steady, which was good considering the amount of effort put to PT made other workouts lighter. And the fact that I ate what I wanted when I wanted to. Because it might not be cake and compliments month but it's grief month and that needs chocolate.

Writing was slow. (See August is the pits) But I am still ahead for the year by 8. I readjusted the monthly "need load" for the last quarter of the year and if I write 9 blogs a month I'll be good there. I need to hit 13 more pieces of fiction so I'm hoping for some inspiration soon. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to hit the submission goal. I have done zero effort toward that and unless something magical happens I'm not sure I will. It just hasn't been a year that felt like it needed any other rejections. 

And finally the POD/Daily Gratitude. The FMS blend of those two last month was nice but actually a bit challenging. A lot of times my gratitude isn't about something that can photographed. So it was a nice way to think about broadening or narrowing my focus as needed. And it also seemed like it made for a good stopping point for those for awhile. I'm taking my gratitude practice back to private, don't ever give up practicing gratitude, I swear it makes a huge difference in your life. And I'm stopping POD for awhile. I don't know how long. I've stopped and started a few times over the years. But for now it just seems right to stop. 

So now we are in September. Tomorrow is the 14th anniversary of Jack's death. It's the one we've lived with the longest. And the one that had receded into the background of our lives right up until Ann died and then it was super fresh again. But I think that's mellowed out again. We will see how we feel tomorrow. 

End of September we are going to Disneyland, as long as nothing changes. Still excited about the trip but not as over the moon as I was before the resurgence of Covid cases. It's not as big of a celebration as I had hoped. Not as much a return to before times normalcy as a this is how we live now normalization. Which, honestly, could be fine as well. Changes happen. All of the time. We just normally go through them slowly so we don't notice. This was a big monumental shift in life and now we adjust. 

In Disneyland. 

Yay!!

So don't wake me up when September ends, make sure you hit me up around the 24th so I don't miss the good stuff.