Writing...

I sat down to write today but opened the wrong program.

I'm working on something else that isn't for publication just yet but opened this by accident instead of that file. 

I could close this down and open that to write (and I might) but figured it was probably a good sign that I need to put up a few more blogs here this month. I've been slacking after all.

Figured I'd check in with you on my less news is best news program and how that's going. 

It's hard. 

I mean the not watching news on TV has been pretty easy. It's just a case of not turning it on. I've decided I will probably pick back up The Story, which is a local news program that does news from a slightly different angle. Usually focuses on one or two important local things a week. Answers questions from viewers, interviews local figures. It used to be one of the best online communities out there, no trolls, but then...well...we can't have nice things online so that stopped. 

As far as my social media feeds go I've dropped all of the politicians (local and national), the news organizations and the talking heads. I still have a couple of people that are news related. Jessica Yellin and Heather Cox Richardson and A Starting Point. I don't feel like any of those give me skewed just to get me mad posts. Though they still sometimes do. Jessica Yellin does News not Noise and is good about breaking down what is actually important in stories. Heather Cox Richardson does historical/current perspective so I learn as much about the past as I do the current situation. And A Starting Point gives multiple sides to discussions but without the CROSSFIRE! arguing nonsense. Though I have been skimming Yellin and A Starting Point instead of reading in depth. Still trying to keep the volume turned down.

But it's hard to avoid everything because I have a pretty politically active group of friends as well. So they are posting. And I found myself reading their linked articles. I need to slap my hand away from them. I mean, I read one that tried really hard to put the blame on how the pandemic was handled last summer on Biden...because....reasons? So yeah, I need to either hide those friends for now or just remind myself not to look. 

I'm not sure if I've noticed a difference in how I view the world just yet. I mean it's only been a few days. And like I said it's not like I'm walking around in a news and opinion free zone. And there is a good chance that my view of the world is just pretty well set at this point. I mean, I'm 52, I'm not sure how much I'm going to change. But then again, the past few years have changed me quite a bit so maybe? But I'm 52. So maybe not. 

And on that note I've started to come to the conclusion, or maybe not started, just firming up a bit more, that I am never going to feel the same way about some people as I did before. The whole "I don't unfriend over political views" or "If we all thought the same way it would be boring" or "I am able to be friends with people with a wide variety of views" is still more often than not sanctimonious bullshit. It really is. It's a way of saying, "I'm better than you" without saying it flat out. But those who can stay friends with someone who has shown you a really dark side of themselves isn't a virtue. At least not to me. It means your moral center is a little off its mark. I can be polite, I can be professional, I can have adult interactions when I have to, but I wouldn't call myself a friend. There have been people who are gone from my life. There are people who I am socially entangled with so deeply that walking away would make it awkward for someone else so they stay, but hidden. But they aren't friends. 

And there are people who I love the idea of them. I love the past we had. I love the memories I have, and to save those I need to not interact with them anymore. Their current self is fucking up my memories of their past self. The one I only knew the top layer of. Because that top layer is fun and great and joyful. But damn if I had known that right under the surface instead of a wonderful living human being it was a smelly tarry mess stuffed into a flesh suit I would have walked away then with no regrets. 

And I'm sure there will be more that will be walked away from in the future. I mean that's sort of the point of this experiment right? I'm trying to see the good in the world more (which is honestly pretty much my baseline, it goes with the happy at the core thing) and if you are fucking that up for me then you are going to have to go. I just don't have space in my life for people who are cruel. People who still preach the prettied up but basically put grandma on an iceberg float line for fighting Covid. People who see the PEOPLE living on the street as the problem instead of the SYSTEM that put them there as the issue. People who punch down. Who think that the only way to feel good about themselves is to have someone to feel bad about. Who think that rights and opportunity are part of a zero sum game. Those people, as they show themselves, will be moved behind a door and the door closed. 

I want differences of opinion in my life. I want a variety of ideas on how to make the world work. I want to see things I disagree with. I want to see things that challenge me. I want to see things that make me think. Things that make me strive. Things that make me change my mind. But that is different than things that break my heart. That try to infuse my soul with a little bit of that stinking sticky tar. That try to convince me that my problems are caused by someone who has it worse than I do. 

So I keep looking at what I'm going to change. What I'm going to drop. What I'm going to add. What I need to shift my focus on. 

I mean, I'm 52 years old. I know who I am. I know what I want out of life. I have no time for smelly, sticky tar souls. And I have no fucks left to give for people who try to tell me I should.