Who Are You?

I've written on this topic before and I probably will again so you can skip this one if you feel like it's all been said before.

Who are you? Like down deep who are you? And are you good at showing people?

I'm pretty solidly an open book. I mean come on, I write a blog that is 50/50 fiction and nonfiction. The fiction is my soul bled out on paper. The deepest recesses of my psyche. The most honest revelations of my...okay, yeah, it's the shit I write because it amuses me but you all knew that. I was trying to be artistic and deep, but you know that's not me. Why? Because of the other 50% of this stuff. The navel gazers. The political rants. The actual "THIS IS WHAT I THINK" stuff.

I also post (roughly) 300 Facebook status updates a week capturing the thoughts that flit through my head on an hourly basis. I share news articles and videos and memes that amuse, interest, or intrigue me. Or just make me laugh. Because I love a good belly laugh. And making other people laugh? So good. Even if it's by posting someone else's funny stuff. I will take the shared laugh. If it's my own joke? Well that's just a damn good day.

This week I got two flashes of who people think I am. One was someone making a post about how miserable I must be, how bitter and angry and all that good stuff. The other one was just a few minutes ago. Dana sent me a writing prompt for a story that she could totally see me writing.

Now both of those things happened because of what I put out in the world. But, and this is the important part, not just what I put out but how they are interpreted.

See the bitter, angry one was in response to my post about being a happy person. They couldn't see that that could possibly be true because I post about the political situation often. And I'm not happy with it. So they felt that if I wasn't happy about the current administration I couldn't possibly be happy in life. It's an interesting take. And I guess I could see if you knew nothing else about me and only paid attention to what I post about politics and not the rest you could walk away believing that. It's about what you put out in the world but it's also about what people pick up.

The writing prompt was because it was about dead people just living their best lives. Okay, not exactly, but it was about someone interacting with dead people and not realizing it. Most of you can guess why she thought that was something I would find interesting. It's about what you put out in the world and what people pick up.

Now in the case of the post about me being angry I pushed back. I don't think that's me and I clarified who I view myself to be: a happy person who is not happy with an administration. I don't even think it's that complicated to be both. Now will the person who thinks I'm doing permanent damage to my psyche by paying attention to the things I think this administration is doing wrong change their mind? Probably not. But that isn't my concern.

In the case of the writing prompt, I had to really laugh, because I have a story in my vaults about something very similar. Same wheelhouse for sure. She nailed who I view myself to be as a writer.

Sometimes people will get what you are putting out there in the way you mean for them to, and sometimes they won't. Sometimes it's that you aren't being clear and you do need to explain a little more. I mean if wrote stories about umm...things normal people write stories about and she sent me a prompt about dead people I'd be like, "hmm...maybe my characters need a little more life to them." (imagine an eyebrow waggle here)

And sometimes it's not you at all. It's them. If she sent me a prompt for a normal story and then was disappointed when she got my twisted take on it that would mean she's been pretending to read my writing all of this time and though that might be understandable, it's not on me.

See?

So who are you? And are you putting that face out to the world?

I have friends who don't put out the controversial stuff because they don't want to cause strife. And that's fine. That's who they are. But that's not me.

I have friends who only post serious topics. They don't want to write limericks for their poetry hating friends just for the laugh. And that's fine as well. That's who they are. But that's not me.

I have friends who only post memes. I have friends who only post pictures of their food. I have friends who only post pictures of their cats. But the majority of my friends post a variety of things. And I'm glad that they do. It gives me a fuller reflection of who I think they are.

Who I think they are.

Because it's not just about what they are putting out there it's about what I am picking up.

So did it bother me for someone to get something about me so fundamentally wrong? I'm writing about it aren't I? Of course it did. And I actually went back through my posts to read what I had been putting out there. To see if I had been especially negative or angry. To try and get where they were coming from. Because I think the basic human condition is we all want to be understood. And to be that deeply misunderstood made me wonder why. But after looking again and asking myself if this was something I felt the need to change I went with no. This is who I am. I am the person who can post a funny story about how long it takes me to pick out a couch on the same day I post a link to a story on the latest insane thing Trump said. It's not up to me what someone else picks up.

But it's a good reminder. When you are interacting with people, online, or face to face, be yourself. For me that's my full self. The Good Denise, the Bad Denise and the, oh you know there's not an Ugly Denise so don't even look for her. (big Lucille wink here) For other people it's only a small slice of who they are. So be who you want the world to see you as, and never assume what you are seeing from other people is all they have to show.

For some of us it's most of it.

For most of us it's only some.

Be aware of what you are putting out there and also what you are picking up.

And thank you, to my friends who get me. All of the pieces. I appreciate you and someday you might even get to be in a story where you aren't dead. (wink)

(yes, I was messing around with verbal emoji, it amused me)
(lady shrugging her shoulders in a what are you going to do way)