Civility Schmivility...

I just finished Ben Sasse's book Them: Why We Hate Each Other--And How to Heal. It was interesting in parts and very frustrating in others. Part of the frustration was directly due to the Why part. The whole we just do not see the world in the same way. Now, to be fair, he does own up to it a bit at the beginning of his book. He says that he's a conservative dude so his examples are from a conservative mindset.

It's part of why I wanted to read the book. And why I kept reading it even when I found it to be more frustrating than really helpful. I think Ben Sasse is a really reasonable guy. I think that he wants what is best for the country. I think he's got a good heart, and he's pretty smart as well. I always enjoy listening to him on radio programs and television shows. In fact the first time I heard him on NPR a few years ago I posted about him, that I might have finally found another old school style republican that I could vote for again. Because of all of that I've looked in to him a bit more and I've paid attention to him. I wouldn't vote for him. He's very conservative, I'm not. But I like him. I think he's genuine. Though we don't agree on policy or methods I think we would agree on a lot of other basic things.

But even with all that. Even thinking to myself that he's smart and concerned and a good guy he still did the blinders thing. While writing a book about how we need to get rid of the blinders. He used examples of outrages on the left that have been debunked. It makes me so frustrated when that happens. Because I cannot have an honest discussion with someone (or read their book with an open mind) if they are not willing to let go of ideas that have been proven false.

And yes, I know, the left does it too. Got it.

Which is, as you know, one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. Whataboutism. Even before I had ever heard the term Whataboutism or Bothsiderism I had been railing against it. It makes me crazy to see people excuse bad behavior because the other side has done it, or worse. What does that have to do with anything? You wouldn't accept that excuse from your child you shouldn't make it for your politicians.

But anyway...Ben Sasse had a little of that going on in his book and it made me read the rest with a healthy dose of side eye. That and his recommendations for how we fix our current problems seemed to be we all become conservative, religious, republicans...so umm...yeah...no. But he still sits on the bench with "Republicans I would be friends with." It used to be a pretty good sized bench, bleachers really. Now I wonder. But part of that is because a lot of the people that used to sit there moved to the "Independents" benches. They are waiting out the change in their party. I get that.

So speaking of that middle space...

While I was finishing up Ben Sasse (Sassypants as I am calling him, it's okay, he'd be fine with it, we could totally be friends) President Bush (the elder) died. First there was the traditional rest in peace posting. Then came the legacy posting. He had been ill for a long time so these were all pretty much ready to go. Which is slightly morbid on one hand, but also kind of nice on the other. He had enough of a legacy that people worked on them ahead of time to get the tone right. To cover what they felt was important to know. And then after those came the inevitable "OH NO! He's awful and here's why!" posts. It always happens with politicians. And often happens with anyone else. I mean Stan Lee got just over a day of mourning before the "here's all the awful stuff you are forgetting" posts. It makes me crazy. It's not the time nor the place. Give it a rest. Talking to C about it and he put it really well he said it's like people think if they don't get their correct the public record posts out right away the person who died will be cemented in history as perfect.

And that's not how it works. Not at all. There will be lots of histories written about George HW Bush. Lots of things that cover the whole of his life. The good and the bad. And there is plenty of both. How you feel about him depends entirely on what you focus on. I've always been a champion for him. He took the blame for Reagan's Voodoo Economics (even though that's his own term and he KNEW it wouldn't work, he still gets the blame for when it didn't work) and he doesn't get the credit for the things he did to stop the hemorrhaging and put back in some regulations and basically start us on the road to recovery which hit full force during Clinton's years so he get credit. (Whataboutism/Bothsiderism...right now the people trying to claim that Trump is fully responsible for the recovery last year and the year before are doing the same thing that people who tried to give Clinton all credit for Bush's work did. Trump and Clinton both added a few things, but both benefited from the previous administrations work) But I could just as easily find him to be the worst person ever because of how he handled (or didn't handle as the case may be) the AIDS crisis.

Considering how near and dear to my heart that is I could just put Bush in the irredeemable box and never look again. Which I haven't done. Because I feel like judging people from their 1980s stances on anything to do with homosexuality is a bad thing to do. Yes, there were people out there doing good things. Yes not everyone felt that being gay was a disease in and of itself. Yes, there were a lot of people on the right side of history as we like to say. But there were a lot who weren't as well. And that was the norm. And breaking out of societal norms is difficult and takes time. And we really need to have a path where we forgive the sins of the past and look at who people are now.

So...

I like President Bush (the elder). I liked the friendship he formed with President Clinton. I liked the good they did toward charity work. I give him credit for what he did as a president (Fiscal policy, international work that made the ending of the Cold War go a little smoother than it might have, ending Gulf War One on the terms that it was started) I didn't vote for him. I sure as hell didn't vote for his son. I wouldn't have agreed with him on a lot of policy things, but I did agree with him on others. There was a balance there.

And mostly I saw him as human. As a person. Not as a figurehead of REPUBLICAN SCUM WE MUST RAIL AGAINST!

And I think we need to look for those things more.

Now, the caveats. I do not view Trump that way. I find him to be awful and his R isn't why. I find the people that still stand by him and swear they are the good guys to be puzzling. I don't see the world the way they do, and to be perfectly frank, I never want to.

So I'm not expecting us all to just get along and be fine.

I'm not expecting you to ever just shush about the really important things just for the sake of getting along with each other.

I'm not expecting you to say that your neighbor is good at math so his confederate flag isn't that big of a deal.

There are true and actual things we should be upset about and never give an inch about.

But not everything is one of those things.

So try to find common ground with the basically good people who just disagree with you on some policy items. Try to keep your mouth shut when it's appropriate, and the days following someone's death are appropriate days for that. Try to understand that your signalling isn't more important than someone else's grief. Basically be better.

And try to help other people be better as well.

We need to all figure out how to do that to make sure this grand experiment keeps working.