Ch-ch-ch-changes...

I told Brent this morning that I feel like Bruce Banner. The secret is that I'm always angry.

It's like this low simmering rage that is just under the surface at all times right now. I have a very short fuse. You want to piss me off? I could give you a list of things that would do it. And some of them will be things like, breathing.

I'm pretty sure it's menopause. He thinks it could be Trump. Which made me laugh.

Which keeps him off the list of things that will piss me off.

Seriously though, it's tough. The rush of hormones is no joke. I wake up in the middle of the night with a puddle in the middle of my chest I've been sweating so much. I'm pretty sure this is where the stories of spontaneous combustion come from.

And then because I'm an insomniac anyway the added bonus of night sweats and menopause induced insomnia means even less sleep than normal which means an even shorter fuse. It's crazy.

My mother hit menopause when I hit puberty. It was not a fun house to be in. So at least I've got that going for me. It's only attitude from Alexa that will set me off. And YES she gives me fucking attitude, you should hear her.

Listening to an interview this morning with Judd Apatow about his show on Gary Shandling and how he was always looking for ways to be zen because he needed it. Then they mentioned George Harrison and how everyone thinks of him as the quiet Beatle because of the meditation and the way he held himself, but he wasn't the quiet Beatle, he was the angry Beatle and he used the meditation and the quietness to keep from snapping at everyone. I've always liked George the best. (not even kidding there, I always have)

And the real kicker is that this is just the beginning. I've been in perimenopause for a few years now. The symptoms have really stepped up over the last year but since I haven't yet skipped even a single cycle (they are no longer as regular as clock work but the hits just keep on coming) I'm probably in for a few more years of this.

Nobody talks about it. Or at least not enough. I feel like all of the normal fluctuations women go through get just a broad brush stroke. It's a big reason why I've posted about periods and hormones and the menopause symptoms I'm starting to get. We really need to normalize the conversation around what we go through monthly, and the changes we go through as we age. Either in to puberty or when we first go on or off birth control hormones, or during and after pregnancy and when the factory starts to shut down the hormone line. Women need to know what is normal so they don't freak out when the voice in their head all of a sudden tells them to ram their grocery cart in to the dude who just stepped in front of them without even looking.

I mean, if you didn't already have a few hundred voices in your head that sort of thing might freak you out. Me? I just thought...well no wonder I was such and angry teenager. This hormone shit is not to be fucked with in me.

The problem is, as I also told Brent, I'm just as angry as I was in high school but now I can afford a gun. And he said, "And you go to the gym and lift weights so you are a lot stronger." Which made me think for a second, "But I'm not sure I could take a punch in the same way." He replied, "You wouldn't recover from it as quickly, that's for sure."

Which is true. But that doesn't mean it didn't piss me off to be reminded of it...

Just kidding.

Really.

Mostly.

Keep Brent in your thoughts and prayers...the ch-ch-ch-changes are a'coming!