Rules.

I hate to shop. For those of you that know me this isn't new information. I would love to live in a world where I opened my cupboard or my refrigerator and there was just food there. I like to cook but don't do it very often because this miracle food delivery system has not happened yet. Planning and shopping are not my strong suit.

And clothes shopping? Forget about it. I pretty much hate shopping for clothes. I am built in a challenging fashion for fashion. Parts of me are too big and parts of me are too small to fit off the rack clothes. Tailoring is a thing I am having to deal with now. (for dresses I have started using eshakti and I have to say I love them) I also wear a lot of sweaters because they have stretch to cover the areas I need them to without being giant in the areas I don't. But even knowing that I can get things tailored, and it's not me that's wrong it's just the clothes aren't right for me (thank you years of watching What Not to Wear for that) it is still a brace yourself and deal with the slam to your self esteem day when I have to shop. 

What this means is if I find something I like I buy it in all of the colors I can. I also tend to stick with the same sorts of styles. Cardigans and tank tops? Yes, please. And the biggest thing is that unless my weight shifts so much that I cannot squeeze into something at all or it is falling off of me completely I will wear something until LONG past the date I should have given it up. My "On this Day" feed often has pictures of me wearing the same thing 9 years ago that I'm wearing right then! And even if it's not the same thing, it's similar.

Because that's the other thing I do. I buy similar things. Over and over. I've mentioned cardigans and sweaters. Those are staples. I love a sparkle, but not too much so if there is something with a touch of glitter thread or a subtle sequin and it ends up in the closet. Polka dots. You all know how I am about my polka dots. And one I realized today. A sweater with a horizontal stripe. Which is so weird because every single article you have read (as a woman) since you were first interested in such things tells you to stay away from horizontal stripes. They make you look wider.

So if they are so universally unflattering why do clothing manufacturers still make them? Doesn't that seem odd? I mean, you know that nobody looks good in them, but you still put them out there. And even odder, why do people then buy them?

These are the thoughts that went through my head this morning as I pulled on my sweater with the horizontal stripes in black, burgundy and brown (the staples of my wardrobe). Why in the world would I continually buy sweaters with horizontal stripes when everyone says not to? 

Oh...yeah. Because that's who I am.

Don't tell me don't or no unless you have a really good reason. I will follow rules if they make sense. To me. I will take them as a challenge if they don't. In our family we say I understand the concept of rules, as they apply to other people. I really don't like them for myself. I'm contrary by nature. I chafe against people telling me how to behave, how to dress and especially how to think. I actually distrust law and order types. I think if you aren't willing to question the why you are dangerous in the hands of people who will abuse the system. 

It's complicated. Because, as I said, I will follow rules that make sense to me. And I have little patience for people who break rules that are in place for safety reasons. And I also fully understand that breaking rules comes with risk. I know there are rules I break on a regular basis that could get me pulled over and ticketed. Speed limits are sort of misnomers I think, I am obviously not limited by that speed, I can go much faster. But I know that I will face a consequence if I get pulled over. And I will never drive fast in bad weather or heavy traffic. Control and safety are big issues. So I break rules, but I don't respect people who break rules and aren't willing to face up to them. 

You will not find me on the Edward Snowden cheering squad, for instance. He broke the law. Serious safety issues to the people in those records. Military safety. Our safety. And he ran like a punk instead of facing the consequences. You feel strongly motivated to do something like that and want to tell me it's all about being a patriot, a good American? Then don't head to China and Russia with our confidential items in your hands. You weren't responsible, you were reckless and dangerous and you put your own feeling of moral superiority above the actual physical safety of the people you exposed.

I am not a big fan of Wikileaks. (Again, someone who is "brave" enough to release stolen documents but not brave enough to face consequences for those actions) I don't care who they are targeting, I think it's dangerous to cheer for cyber theft. Yes, the information that can be gleaned from such leaks might be helpful, but what is the damage? We all want OUR security protected but we also want to read the leaks that they have illegally stolen? Doesn't make sense to me. I am not a fan of Chelsea Manning and it makes me grit my teeth every time she is quoted in an article. She wasn't heroic. She was dangerous. But at least she faced the consequences so that's better than the others. 

So you see, I can be law and order. Ish. But the rules have to make sense. To me. 

And I understand that I will disagree with many people on those issues. What I consider an important rule to follow you won't. And what you consider important I won't. But I do think you should ask yourself why you think what you do. Are you just one that thinks no rules are important and everyone should just do what they please and somehow it will all work out? Or are you one of those that thinks all rules should be followed no questions asked just fall in line and do as you are told? I think most of us are a little of both. But I also think most people aren't willing to admit that. They like to pretend they are pure. But I think they are intellectually dishonest.

I know someone who is a super law and order the cops are always right person. But at the same time was pulled over and given a DUII and was incensed that it happened. Said the cop was trying to show off for his ride along and that DUII is the only pre-crime we punish for. If you don't actually get in a wreck then why are you being targeted, hmmm? Expect the actual DUII is the crime. The wreck would be a secondary one. But they always support the police no questions asked if there is a shooting. Even though they firmly believe they shouldn't have been pulled over and the cop was in the wrong. They believe only in rules that apply to other people. Not the ones applied to themselves. 

And we all have blind spots like that. Areas where we are in direct conflict with ourselves on other issues. I've written over and over again about how we are all hypocrites at different times. How we all have conflicting views that we do the mental gymnastics necessary to hold both ideas as true. How anyone can be made to look like a liar just by quoting them on similar but not the same subjects and showing how their views differ. And I have a real problem with people who do it based solely on political affiliation though there are people out there that would say I do the same. That I give a pass to progressives I don't to conservatives. And maybe they are right. Maybe I am more willing to listen to the explanation if it's a progressive. But then again, maybe I'm not. I am disgusted by the stories coming out of Hollywood right now and I don't give a shit who they contributed to or who they praised or voted for. You have multiple women and men coming forward with the same stories and they have nothing to gain? Yeah, I am believing them, I don't care if you are an R or a D.  

Then I took a step back from the mirror and looked. Maybe it's because I actually look good in horizontal stripes.

(You totally forgot where this started, didn't you?)

Two points with that. First my head is a really busy place. These are the things that I think about when I should just be hurrying and getting dressed before the contractors arrive for the day. And secondly, it's so easy to get sidetracked in an argument. I made you think about two or three things other than the original thought of hating shopping. See? It wasn't even about the stripes originally. It was about shopping. 

I did it on purpose. It was a glimpse in to my head. Because I think people should understand why Brent never asks me what I am thinking. He knows the answer will be long and confusing. And I also did it because people want you to focus on other things. All of the time. You want to talk about Russia and they want you to address the cost of avocados. Not because they care about avocados, but because they don't want to talk about Russia. It's easy to get sidetracked. People much better at it than I am work on it all the time.

Because sometimes it's not just about the stripes.