The Staggs family was like that for us from the start. We met when we moved up to Portland the first time. We were living in an apartment complex trying to decide what to do about a house and they moved in to the space diagonal from us. Now I have to say we totally bribed them into friendship the way the socially awkward do. We had cool toys. Our apartment had a little patio area and we had stuck C's outdoor toys in there. There was a slide and a sandbox and maybe something else, but it was brightly colored and looked like a mini-playground and their girls really wanted to come play, so we made them hang out with us. I'm not proud of it...
We would haul out lawn chairs on Sunday morning and drink our coffee and read the paper while the kids played. The friendship grew from there. They were from New Mexico as well so we bonded over that. Lindsey and C are the same age and Jaycee is a couple of years younger so we were going through the same parenting issues. When they found a house to buy we stalked them and moved in behind them. Well, okay, what actually happened was while we were helping them move Brenda and I decided to take a walk around the block and there was this house for sale in the neighborhood. Brent and I hadn't decided yet if we were buying or going to rent or where we would move but it wouldn't hurt to take a look right? And I fell in love with this house. It was gorgeous. Big bay window, high ceilings, giant back yard with a playhouse that matched the main house. And completely out of what our budget would be. So we looked and looked at other houses and finally gave in and bought that one. Though we did get them to lower the price a little so it wasn't so bad.
Anyway, now we were neighbors again. The kids played together we hung out together. Brenda spied on our water heater. We yelled at Jody to hush when you could hear his bark from two streets away. And we all got along. Mostly. I mean kids are kids. There would be times when C and the girls would be playing upstairs and you would hear *stomp, stomp, stomp* as they would all come down the stairs to tell you what horrible thing the others were doing. Now 9 times out of 10 it boiled down to Lindsey wanted to play one thing and C wanted to play another. Lindsey being the older sister was pretty used to things going her way. C being an only child was completely used to things going his. And Jaycee loved to pit them against each other. Oh, you didn't think we knew? We knew, baby girl, we knew.
Their personalities would come in to play then. Lindsey is the most headstrong of the three. She's always wanted things to go just so and when they don't she's not shy about letting you know she's not happy. Jaycee is our little calm in the storm. She's always been an old soul. But she's also a little sprite. More energy than you can shake a stick at. She used to use Brent as a jungle gym and when she got in to gymnastics I was amazed at the things she could do, girl could fly! So every once in awhile (or more than every once) she would stir the pot just to do it. And C? Well you all know what he is like. So he would be there trying to logic out the behavior of a 6 and 4 year old. Good times!
No, seriously, good times. We celebrated holidays and birthdays together. When we would go out as a group people had a hard time deciding which kid belonged to which set of parents and even which set of parents was a set! Since all three of the kids were little blondies most of the time it would be decided by people that it was Brent and Brenda that had the kids and Jason and I were the childless ones. I am not sure how many people we freaked out when they realized they got the pairings wrong!
Then they moved away. Then they came back. Then we moved away. Then we came back. Then they moved away. And we waited and waited and waited....
But the friendships endured. We went to visit a couple of times and we picked right up where we left off. You just know a friendship that is destined for the ages and this was it. They were the guardians for C we named in our will. We joked about going in to the nursing home together. The four of us confusing the staff when the kids came to visit and they had to figure out who belonged to whom again. It was going to be great.
Then a few years ago I started to notice that when Brenda would talk about what was going on it was always just her and the girls. Never Jason. Now I knew he worked a lot. Over the time that we've known them he's had a variety of jobs, always finding something new and better with a promotion and a move. And I knew he had to travel in his latest position so at first I sort of dismissed it as that. Then I finally had to ask what was going on. And they were splitting up. There was a story and I almost blogged about it as it was happening but that's not really my story to tell so I didn't. At the time. But during this last visit in Tucson Brenda asked me when I was going to write about them. So now it's time. Sort of...
I'm not going to get into the weeds of what happened because it's still not my story, but I am going to talk about it from the outside looking in. And how divorce and addiction and family and love and trust and all of that effects so many more people than you realize. How tied we all are. How the important people in your life aren't just in it, they are it.
But that's a heavy story and so I will post it in it's own space tomorrow. Because right now I'm washed in memories of these guys:
And I want to hold on to that for just a little bit longer.
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