I don't think that means what you think it means...

I found a new word last week that I decided I loved.

Deepity

It was as a comment on one of those picture postcard wanna be a meme things that at first glance seems fairly profound but completely falls apart if you break it down. Now don't get me wrong, I love a lot of those picture postcard wanna be a meme things. I really do. And I've had my share where when I read it, it struck me and when I shared it I found out that other people either absolutely did not see what I did, or didn't get it the way I did, or pointed out that it really didn't mean what I thought it did. And then I saw this word that described that. Deepity.

So being me I went searching for how it came about. This is what I found on RationalWiki: "Deepity is a term employed by Daniel Dennett in his 2009 speech to the American Atheists Institution conference, coined by the teenage daughter of one of his friends. The term refers to a statement that is apparently profound but actually asserts a triviality on one level and something meaningless on another. Generally, a deepity has (at least) two meanings: one that is true but trivial, and another that sounds profound, but is essentially false or meaningless and would be "earth-shattering" if true."

Then they gave a few examples like There is no I in Team and Without God Good is just O. And a few others like that.

And then after reading that I fell out of love with the word.

I'm so fickle.

But here is why. I liked the idea of deepity, the way the person who was posting it meant. It was something that seemed profound but really fell apart. Researching where it came from it became more clear that it was really meant to mock metaphorical language. I can't get behind that part of it. I like my metaphors. I like my word play. I like a sentence that means more than one thing depending on where you are when you read it. And I really really really dislike smug bastards who want to mock you to feel better about themselves. And that's what this started to really seem like.

Now don't get me wrong, I have a hard time sometimes not pointing out to people that by dropping a word or changing the order of the phrase they are using they are not saying what they think they are, but that to me is being someone who loves language and word play. Pointing out that your little personal self -help mantra is a load of shit? That's totally different. See the difference? If you say you could care less and I let you know that you really mean you couldn't, that's different than telling you that nothing tastes as good as thin feels is a ridiculous statement because taste and feeling are not the same sensation. So nothing feels like chocolate tastes either. They are different things. (though to be fair, this particular mantra doesn't work for me on any level, metaphoric or not, I've been thin and I've had some incredible food, thin doesn't stand a chance)

I know someone right now using a phrase they have fallen in love with that makes absolutely no sense. None. So much so that I spent an afternoon googling it in various formations to try and figure out where he picked it up. Because it's like their sign off now. End of an argument drops the phrase like a mic and leaves the thread. I finally found something close. But they've dropped a critical word. So what they are saying and what they think they are saying aren't the same. I thought about asking them, "What in the hell do you think you are saying here?" but I haven't. Instead I watch how often they use it, the confused reactions they get to it, and wait to see if I will witness the time they realize it makes no damn sense. Why? Well because this amuses me...

But now I am search of a new word. One that means what I thought deepity meant. One that perfectly captures that feeling you get when you read a pretty picture postcard memelite and people are fawning over the deep profound message and you are cocking you head like the RCA dog going...ummm...what?

Oh! And the picture that started it all? Here you go...

It seems like it should be deep right? I mean it has the moody back ground. The sort of ambiguous pattern there in the lower right corner...the short phrasing making you pause to really get the full feel for it...

But it's just passive aggressive bullshit.

Turn that background red. Put the print in bold. Say what you mean. Which I believe...and I am good at this interpretation stuff so don't be upset if you missed it... was...

Fuck you. 

Now to find a new word for a new word that didn't mean what I wanted it to mean...

Are you a goooood witch? Or a baaaad witch?

So yesterday in my blog I mentioned that I taught C to use his powers for good and not evil. Even if evil could be funny. And I've written a lot about choosing happiness and staying away from things that don't make you happy. Today I'm going to talk about the flip side a bit.

So last night a friend of mine linked me to an article he read. It was ostensibly about a word he and I disagreed on for years. But that's not really what the link was about or the article it linked. See there was this paper written that was researching the effects of hostile, benevolent and ambivalent sexism on daughters when practiced by their fathers. The paper was written by two professors and the sample size was 86. Two professors at Marquette University and the article was abstracted in The Medium. A Marquette University school paper.

It was an interesting read. But Marquette University. Two professors. Eighty six subjects. Can you and I agree that this is small time? Insufficient sample size to draw any sort of real conclusions, though there were trends that warranted further study. Written because that's what professors do. They posit theories, do studies, analyze, then do more. Science, bitches. Interesting, semi-dry reading, done back in 2012. Possibly opening a door to discussion about what exactly benevolent sexism is, and if you think it's an issue or isn't. Maybe even talking about the messages we send our kids about gender norms and how that affects their self-esteem. That is if you went and read the actual article, or the actual paper. But that's not what was going on. That's why I say the article linked was ostensibly about a word. It wasn't.

It was about making people angry. It was "wouldn't it make people angry if..." Not "wouldn't it be funny if..." because they weren't trying to be funny. They were trying to make people mad. To make sure there was a divide. That's what they were after. Don't believe me? This is the first paragraph of the linked article "Have you ever called your daughter “princess” or, if you are a daughter, have you been called “princess” by anyone? If so, you are sexist scum." And the link that was posted by our local guy "More garbage being spouted by liberal professors..."

Tell me how that's supposed to lead to anything other than anger? And honestly, reading the comments that were posted, people didn't even get that far. They read the title of the article, the link comment by our local guy and were off and running. The comments ranged from insulted, you can't tell me what to call my kids, to homophobic, oh yes, lots of homophobia, to insulting liberals, to telling people to eat a dick. Because ...reasons.

And you see this all the time. The talking heads out there that only have one reason to get up in the morning. Stir discontent. They aren't fostering discussion. Aren't bridging gaps. Aren't working toward an understanding between people with different points of view. Oh hell no. If that happened they would be out of work. They want you angry. They want you sure that when god was giving out brains the (fill in your opposite party member here) thought he said grains and since they were going Paleo that week they skipped out. Which is why the original guy found an article on Marquette University's website. About a paper written in 2012. With a subject pool of 86. Tell me that his research department wasn't, isn't, searching for shit just like that. "Wouldn't it make people angry if..."

It's the same reason why the conservatives point to Bill Maher as if he speaks for all liberals. And why liberals point to Rush Limbaugh as if he speaks for all conservatives. Because they know it will piss you right the fuck off. Because they have extreme points of view. They are good at making people angry. It's their job. And pointing at them is someone else's job. The Bill O'Reillys of the world naming their pinheads. But none of it really represents the majority of people. Just the loud ones.

So what I want you all to do for me. Just as a favor. Just for awhile. Is when you read an opinion piece that is obviously, OBVIOUSLY, working at just stirring up hate and resentment, you back away. Or at least tell yourself, "You know, self, this person is only doing this to manipulate my emotions. What a douchebag."

Don't let them do it. Don't be the pawn in their little game of "Wouldn't it make people angry if..."

Read. Study. Learn. Find friends you can have discussions with. Share opinions with. Bridge gaps with. Because that's how we make it better. That's the only way.

For instance, here is one part of the article and the paper that was really interesting, that those out there screaming their heads off about "I'll punch a liberal in the face if he tells me what to call my daughter!" would have seen and should have calmed them down if they had actually read it. The girls that were called princess by their fathers had higher self-esteem. So is it the word? I doubt it. My guess would be it goes back to the results of other studies that show that girls who have good relationships with their fathers have a stronger sense of self. It makes sense. Your parents are your first relationships. If that goes well it gives you a pretty strong foundation right?

And just so you know where I stand on the whole princess thing...

My sister was the princess in our family. The long hair. The ringlet curls. The pretty dresses. I was the short haired, wearing my brothers' hand me downs, helping dad in the garage work on "projects" girl. But we both had a good relationship with our dad. Just different. The word isn't the issue here. The relationship was.

And the reason I don't like to be called a princess? Well...

Why settle for Princess when you could be Queen?

Wouldn't it be funny if...

This blog is eventually going to have a bit of a spoiler in it from Guardians of the Galaxy. If you haven't seen the movie yet you should probably come back and read this again another time.

You should tell a pretty girl she's smart and a smart girl she's pretty. That's the advice I gave to Brent years ago. It comes from growing up the smart one. I always liked to be told I was pretty. And my best friend who was the pretty one like to be told how smart she was. Being told I'm smart or her being told she was pretty was expected. It's what people did. It didn't make it much of a compliment. But if you find a smart girl and tell her she's pretty? Now that's unexpected and taken as much more of a compliment.  I wouldn't have believed you, but at least it would have been more unexpected.

Really, deep down, what I want you to tell me is that I'm funny. Funny trumps all. Always has. My dad was funny. My mother is nice and people talk about her smile and her laugh and how much they like that but my dad? My dad was funny. People talked about how he made them smile and made them laugh and that's even better.

If I can make you laugh, that full on true laugh? My day is better. I want you to smile when you think about me. Because your first thought is something funny. Or just that you know if you spend some time with me you are going to laugh. Tell me I'm funny. And be funny yourself. Then we will be friends forever.

But this comes with a warning...I'm funny. But I'm dark.

I told you about watching Bob's Burgers with C in Burlington and him saying that Louise reminds him of me. Now in the episode we were watching she was basically conning people for pie. And pretending to interpret for her sister but really just making up what ever amused her and saying that instead. When I pointed this out C said, "And?" Hmmm...so then we were watching another episode and she was messing with her sister pretending that a cow was sending her secret messages in its poop. Because it amused her. Again C's reaction was, "See?"

Okay...so this weekend we went to see Guardians of the Galaxy and when I talked to C on Sunday he had gone as well so we talked about the movie. And he said, "Rocket reminded me of you..." So in the movie Rocket Raccoon is like this mechanical genius and they are going to break out of prison. He needs a battery, a control pad from a guard's arm and the electronic prosthetic leg from one of the prisoners to break them out. Everyone goes about getting him what he needs, he matches the battery to the control panel and boom they are good to go! "What did you need the leg for?" "I didn't. I just thought it would be funny to make you take it." And that's what reminded C of his dear, sweet, mother.

And I laughed.

I could act insulted. And I tried with the Louise thing. But neither Brent nor C bought it for a second.The big grin on my face as I yelled, "HEY!" probably didn't help my insulted act at all. Because I'm not insulted that my son sees a character that is basically uncontrolled Id and thinks of me. I think it's funny. And it's somewhat true.

I have to say somewhat because no good parent is ever solid Id. You have to put aside things you want when you have kids. There are a lot of times you make decisions based strictly on what is best for them, not you at all. And not at all what you want the most or what you think would be the most fun. Being a parent (a good one at least) often means stepping back and being the grown up.

However...all that being said...anyway...

I still think it's funny. And it makes me smile that that is how he thinks of me.

Because I raised him on a steady diet of "Wouldn't it be funny if...." added to Roald Dahl books and Lemony Snicket stories and any number of darker than midnight comedies. He knew from a very young age that we in this house found certain things funny that other people might not. And that if he and I were riffing on a joke we might (probably would) take it a lot further than other people (including his father) and still think it was hilarious. "Wouldn't it be funny if..."

As a parent I did my job in teaching him not to use people for his own amusement. Even if it would be funny. But I also never really squashed that sense of humor about life. About the absurd things that happen. The things people say and do that are ridiculous. The ways they could be used against them in the most hilarious of ways. Use your powers for good not evil. Even if evil can be really funny. Don't actually do them... but..."wouldn't it be funny if..."

I never stopped sharing those thoughts with him because one of the best things in life is to make him laugh. That doubled over full on laugh. Another thing that makes me ridiculously happy? Seeing how much he digs making me laugh that same way. "Wouldn't it be funny if...."

Everything's secure...ish...

So everyone has insecurity issues sometimes. Okay, maybe not everyone, but I already wrote about Nadine. But for the rest of us, there are days where we are just almost crippled with that feeling of "oh no I can't!" I have said before that I have a good deal of impostor's syndrome and you all know it's true because you read my blog where I spill my secrets, well they aren't really secrets since I spill so many. And I wrote a few weeks ago about getting hit with an issue that I didn't even still know I had. And you all know I've been drifting for a little bit trying to figure out the what next for me.

So this morning as I was working out and my "surprise me" playlist went for all of the slower songs with the heavy lyrics I started thinking. Still trying to figure out the goals thing, trying to decide what to do. I was listening to Dawes and the lyric "is anyone that's making anything new only breaks something else" just flared in my head. And then of course in the song it's quickly followed by "Oh you can judge the whole world on the sparkle that you think it lacks. Yes, you can stare into the abyss, but it's starin' right back" And it lead me to thinking that maybe what my goal right now should be is to stop worrying about what other people think I'm breaking and go back to being my own sparkle.

How many times do you let someone else decide who you are? Big ways and small ways? I've talked over and over about the whole potential thing, and the fact that I've never ever been able to figure out what to do as a "grown up" and that I am starting to figure out that that is my point. My purpose is to not have a purpose. To not figure it out. To always question and look and see and share. To be the most me I can be, and that means curiosity, a drive to share what I see and a strong level of dork. But how many times do I step back and change what I was going to do because of someone else's issue?

I post a lot on Facebook. And there are a number of people out there that feel the need to point it out to me. "How many posts is this today?" Which gets the split reaction from me, the Good Denise/Bad Denise response. Usually Good Denise answers "A lot" with a smiley face, while Bad Denise seethes, "You tell me, asshole, since you are obviously keeping track" And Insecure Denise pauses before posting the next thing and thinks about it.

They have been painting the house for two weeks. TWO WEEKS... anyway...today I was cleaning house and had my music up singing along while I cleaned. I noticed the ladder up by the window as they were going to start painting the trim and my first thought was to turn down Neil and stop singing Forever in Blue Jeans. What a dorky song. But then I thought...why? I love the song. I have no qualms about loving it. And I don't even know the people painting my house so why should I care if they think I have lousy taste in music? And I thought to myself, how many times do we do this? Turn down the radio because we think the people in the car next to us might not think our music is cool enough? Too many times I think.

Looking at Facebook and Twitter and any number of articles that are posted there is a strong current right now of people trashing other people to make themselves look better. Did I say right now? I meant always. It's always there. You see it in political ads, they spend all of their time telling you how awful the other guy is instead of telling you what exactly they are going to do. You see it in tweets about movies or music or TV shows, the put down of something you like or you watch to make it look like they are smarter, cooler, better. And you all know how I feel about the Book/Movie people and their snide comments.

So what is going on when I've posted my 5th post for the day and someone wants to tell me about it? Why do I then hesitate to post again? Or conversely why do I then post 6 more things in rapid succession? It's because I'm buying in to what they are saying. And I don't have to do that. Facebook has a button they can click to unfollow me and another one to unfriend me completely if my abundance of posts bothers them.

And how often to we buy in to an opinion someone shares about us that we don't really agree with? I don't drink much and I am an early to bed, early to rise person. Even if I don't sleep much I still am in bed by 10 during the week 10:30 on weekends and out by 6 or 7. And this seems to bug the crap out of people. There is a lot of talk about my lack of drinking and staying out late. Like sobriety and an early bedtime are personality failings. That I am somehow missing out on the world because of them. (I am working on a short story that was born from this idea, I think it will be a good one, there are aliens in it) And there are times where I buy in to that idea. Which is ridiculous. But I can't help it. It's human. But I shouldn't. Not ever. Even when I am feeling smug when the Saturday afternoon hangover posts start rolling in. I shouldn't do that either.

How many times have you seen a post on Facebook by one of your more passive aggressive posting friends and seen the responses of people wondering if it was about them? I tend to stay away from such things because it makes me crazy. If you have a problem with someone tell them. Don't post "some people need to learn how to constructively present criticism..."

But here is the big secret. The big truth. It's not about you. Ever. It's really not. Even if it is clearly about you, it's not about you. It's about them. What's the famous quote? Your opinion of me is none of my business. Because it's their opinion. It's all about them. Not about you. Not really. And I have to keep that in mind. You are bothered that I post a lot. You are bothered that I am sober. You are bothered that I eat incredible food and take a picture to share it. You have issue with the fact that whole world is fascinating to me so I want to share it. None of that has anything to do with me. And when I am frustrated with what someone else is doing I have to keep in mind that it's not them either. It's me. Why am I frustrated? What bugs me? Is there a valid issue here? Or am I just over tired and over done?

Now here is where it gets tricky for me. Thinking about other people is part of who I am. I want people to be happy. I want them to live great lives. I don't want to be rude. I want to be inclusive. If you tell me a word I've always used is offensive I'm not going to call you out on being too PC I'm going to try my best to take that word out of my vocabulary, because to not do that would be rude. And I cannot abide by rudeness. So what do I do when someone is snarky? Or posts something that makes me angry or sad or feel less than?

Honestly, I bitch to my family about it. They have to love me. It's a rule we have. Even if I am being horribly, awfully, disgustingly, bad, they still have to love me. They get to tell me I'm being an asshole as well, but they still have to love me. And trust me, they can tell you there are times they get an earful, or a paragraph worth depending on which family members get hit with the barrage. And we bitch for a bit, the release valve is reset and I am able to put it all back in perspective. Though they know my triggers and can see them coming, "prepare for barrage in 3, 2, 1..."

So where does this leave me now?

With my August goal.

It's a nebulous one. Much harder to track, but worth the time I think.

This month I am going to work really hard at just being me. If I feel like posting 30 times in a row I will. If I feel like spending a day absorbed by the fascinating world of whatever and then share it with you, I will. If I feel like rocking out to Neil Diamond then I will. And what you think of it? That's really none of my business.

Take a picture it will last longer...

So back in the summer of 2009 an online friend of mine started this challenge; taking a picture every day for a year. Just a random picture of their day. I loved it. Loved looking at his pictures and seeing his world. Another friend picked it up and I loved looking at hers as well. So I thought, Why not? And decided that my birthday would be a great place to start. So August 20, 2009 I posted this:

And that started POD, (picture of the day). It turned out to be a good year for it. It was C's senior year so I captured a lot of the milestones, the lasts and some firsts. It was a fun challenge. Some days were easy to decided what to take and some were really hard. But it made me think about my world and what I wanted to share with people, and what I didn't. After the year was over I stopped. Because that's what you do when a challenge is over, you stop. Though out of the three of us that first started it I was the only one to make it the full first year.

Then I realized I was missing it so I started again on October 1, 2010.  I liked the 10/1/10 start date. And I did another year. This time documenting a year without C. Our first year as empty nesters. And as it turned out I also ended up trying to figure out what pictures to take on a trip home for my father's funeral. POD isn't always something happy. And then that year ended and I took my last POD shot on 9/30/11.

Slight change over the course of two years. My hair was long enough to harvest in the middle. I finally found a skin treatment that worked (not without other side effects but those got under control after I stopped taking the skin pills thank goodness) and I zoomed a little tighter. But it was a nice neat wrap up for POD. I was done with that. And then...

Well then friends of mine in Australia started posting these themed POD shots from Fat Mum Slim. I thought it was very cool. I had missed a few days so almost didn't do them but then decided to just play catch up and do them anyway. So January 2012 started a new challenge with daily photographs. Get a theme, find something to fit.  This was a different sort of thing to think about. Some of them were easy, a time of day, what you had for breakfast, some were not so much, sometimes it was an emotion or a prompt that didn't work easily. Trying finding Sunshine in February in Portland. But it was fun.

I did it for a year.  Starting with January 1, 2012

The prompt was You. Pretty basic. And dang my hair grows fast! Then ended it a year later with December 31, 2012 the prompt being Self Portrait.

You can tell I was a little more creative in my interpretation of the prompts by then. And as I had picked it up from friends other friends picked it up from me so again I got to see everyone else's pictures and not only that but also their interpretation of the same prompt. 

And then I stopped again. This was three years of taking pictures every day, surely that was enough.

Then I took this seminar on happiness  and decided that POD made me happy. So I started again. March 1, 2013 L is for...

Lazy...

And I've been doing it every day since then. So add another year plus to the tally. Now we are up to just over 4 years of picture of the day starting and stopping. A few months off here and there. And I've reached the end. Again. 

The prompts aren't much of a challenge, actually wait, that's not really true. the prompts can be really challenging, but often they aren't much of an inspiration. I like to try and tell a story with the shot. Because, you know, storyteller...

Anyway, sometimes there isn't one to tell. Or not one that is really interesting anyway. I almost stopped last month. But then I found I was taking the pictures and just not posting them so I thought, well, obviously I'm not done yet...but as the month went on and I realized that I didn't have much creative to add I knew it was time to hang it up. I've covered a lot. C's last year of high school and all four years of college including graduation and getting his first job. The loss of my father and of George (like I said, not always happy) a few trips to Disney, a few to New Mexico one to Hawaii, friends visiting and visiting with friends. And I've had the chance to share all of that with other friends. I've gone from hauling my camera around with me everywhere to having a camera on my phone that's probably better than my old camera was! It's been a good run and now I'm done. Again.

Let's see how long it lasts this time.

July 31, 2014 Rise 

and fall.....of POD.

And one more bonus shot for the blog...

I'm making a face that would be the title of this blog if I only knew what to call it...

August is two days away. I wanted to do some sort of goal-a-palooza for August. But I have no idea what to do. I've been puzzling on it for a few weeks. Right now I just feel like a 10 year old with a room full of books, a bike in the garage and $20 in pocket money..."I'm booooreeed...I have nothing to do...."

What about the books? I've read them...
What about the bike? It's hot outside...
What about the money? There's nothing new to buy....

Yes, I really do have conversations in my head like this.
But it's more:
What about the books? I'm not sure what to read next.
What about the Book? I'm not sure what to write next.
What about the blog? I don't have any ideas.
What about the gym? enh...I went already
What about a hike? I don't want to go by myself.
What about getting a job? Hahahahhahaa!!!
What about....

And by this time I've flopped on the couch and am CLEARLY ignoring myself so why even bother...

Things that I could be doing:
Writing (always)
Home improvement things (still debating what needs done but it is more important to Brent to do them than it is to me to not do them so as is the rule in our house we will do them)
Normal chore type things
Meal planning
Wandering around someplace, the mall? a bookstore? downtown?
Getting a pedicure (now this one sounds promising)
Planning a list of things to do in August to have NEW GOALS! (umm and here we are again)

Hmmm...I guess I'm still puzzling it out. Doesn't bode well for August being a goal heavy month but that's okay, there is always September.

And Oooh! I just got notice from the library that The Stand is available. Now at least I know what to read (re-read?) next...Mr. Flagg, I've missed your diabolical ways...

Street of Dreams....

No really, this blog is about The Street of Dreams. It's not a metaphor. It's an actual thing.

So last year we went to The Street of Dreams and realized how very much we wanted to move. The indoor outdoor space, the kitchens, those were the things that made us realize that no matter what we do to this place it's not going to be what we really want. And thus started the year of looking. And we ended up realizing that what we really want doesn't really exist.

We want a smaller place than we have now. This place is a four bedroom three bath with a bonus room. We use two of the bedrooms. The master bedroom and one as an office. The downstairs bonus room has been C's space, my work space and is now my workout space though I do most of my working out at the gym so it gets used once a week or so and that's only if I can't make it to the gym at all. Basically it's a giant underused room. Now that C has moved out the two bedrooms upstairs that he used are empty. Well mostly empty. His old desk is waiting to be sold so it's in one room and our luggage is in the closet and I have stolen the closet in the other for my boots. So...basically two more underused rooms.

What we need is a place with two bedrooms. One we can use as a master suite and one we can use as an office/guest room for when C visits. Which two bedrooms isn't hard to find. The hard thing to find is two bedrooms PLUS a nice big kitchen.

Home builders sort of assume that if you are only in need of two bedrooms you really don't need a decent kitchen. But one of the things I really don't care for here is the kitchen. I can make do with the counter space. I can make do with the odd cabinet arrangement. But I can't do anything about the smoke that fills the house when I use my cast iron. Not because I'm a bad cook, thank you very much, but because the hood over the stove is..well...it's a microwave. There is a vent under the microwave but it doesn't go anywhere so the smoke just recirculates. So anything cooked at high heat, or fried, or strong smelling, doesn't go anyplace but all through the house. Ugh.

I want a nice big kitchen with gorgeous flat counter tops for baking with a big stove top with a giant hood and could I get double ovens because that would rock. Yes, a lot of you are very confused about this since you all know I don't cook. But like I say, just because I don't, doesn't mean I can't. I am actually really good at it. I just haven't. But the more and more I try and get away from processed food and food like stuff the more and more I realize I am just going to have to cook it all myself.

So what we've discovered is that we want a place with two bedrooms and a really big nice kitchen. Oh and a little outdoor space. That's private, wooded would be best. Backing to the forest or a green space would be awesome. Is that too much to ask?

Well yeah. It actually sort of is. That's what we've found. We can get the big kitchen but they come in big houses. We can get the two bedrooms but they come in tiny houses with dinky kitchens. We can get the outdoor space but...well sometimes the house is just a wreck, sometimes it's too big, sometimes it's too small. Just any number of issues. So we've decided what we have to do is either build our own or remodel someplace that has a nice lot and good bones. Which then you look at bills and budgets and we are staying here for a few more years. Just until the college loans are paid off.

Which leads us to the next question, how much do we want to put in to this place while we stay? And we don't agree. I am all for nothing or nothing much, Brent is realistically looking at what it would take to bring this place back up to snuff for resale and for our own enjoyment while we are here. So we are doing the home improvement tango. He moves...I back up...he dips...I turn my head...

And part of that dance was another trip to Street of Dreams to look at the things we liked last year and see if they stuck.

So a nice view is great. The houses were in Happy Valley this year so almost all had some sort of Mt. Hood view. Though from odd places at times....

This was a walk-in closet. With a view of Mt. Hood. See what I mean?

Don't we all need a shower with neon lights?

I did like this touch. It's a tree and branches, all metal work. Nice way to let in a little light between rooms.

So..I love the drama but could only think about what a bitch it would be to dust those nooks...

Now THIS is what I'm talking about! GIANT kitchen, dining room combo.

I just thought the blue booties really made the outfit...

So other than a few more shots of Mt. Hood those were the only pictures I took. Which is sort of funny since I didn't even take any of the builder we really liked. Who would have made the perfect home for us...if only we could have sliced off the top floor. The main floor, that's all we needed. Two bedrooms, great kitchen, decent outdoor space, though not as private as we would like, but still...pretty darn close to perfect.

Last year Street of Dreams set us off on a year of looking. This year, it just firmed up that we aren't looking right now. The houses were all just okay. The lots they were on weren't private enough to cause location envy. The spaces were too big for what we want to cause house envy. The kitchens...well...they still made me sigh. But for the most part our reaction was...enh...

I guess we already know what we are dreaming of.

Paid off college loans.  That's the dream... *sigh*