New Phone....

"Did your phone come with a camera?"

"They all come with a camera now. Seriously, when was the last time you updated your phone?"

"Okay, it's been awhile. But I know it's time. What about all of the things I have on this phone? Like my contacts and pictures and things, can they transfer them over to a new phone?"

"Maybe. You will have to ask the salesperson. They've always been able to transfer my things, but I didn't wait five years between phones to upgrade, so I'm not sure if that will make a difference."

"Okay. How about phone messages? Will those transfer?'

"I don't think those are actually stored on the phone, I'm pretty sure you are just accessing them from your phone. So as long as you don't change carriers or phone numbers those should be fine, just double check when you make a decision."

"Okay. I think I know what I want to get then. I just want a plain phone but with a camera. I don't need one that does games and web-surfing and all of that stuff. I just need it to make a phone call and to have a camera."

"Okay, come on now, how old are you? You sound like my mother, no wait, my grandmother! Look, get a smart phone, it will honestly change your life. You know how bad you are at directions? You can get one with a map program that will give you turn by turn directions just like a GPS in your car. You know how much you hate waiting in line? You can download a game to play or a book to read and the time will go by before you know it. You can check Facebook, or Twitter or send an email, or a text. Just join the rest of us in the present day. We've missed you while you stubbornly hung on to the 90s. Join us...the water's fine."

"I don't use Twitter, I don't like to text. I haven't been on Facebook in months, I can print a map. I always have a book in my purse. Why would I need a phone to do all of that for me? I wouldn't even be replacing this one except the case is cracking."

"You just hate change. That's all this is. But trust me, just do it. You will be glad that you did. And you haven't been on Facebook in months? Seriously? When was the last time you were on?"

"I went on like 5 months ago. I changed my relationship status and got 4 dozen 'Oh no...I thought you two were meant for each other' messages. I couldn't bear another one so I haven't logged on since."

"Are you still not over it?"

"Oh, no, I'm totally over it now. But once I didn't log on for a few weeks I started to feel guilty that I was ignoring everyone and then the longer I was off the worse I felt about suddenly popping back on and then it just seemed like it was too late to do it now. But I'm totally over the breakup. Moving along in life. Life is good. I am getting a new phone!"

"Oooohhhhkay....not sure that getting a new phone means totally over it  but it's better than shaving your head and joining a monastery, remember when that chick Sandra from college did that? People are so weird."

"Yes, they are.
Excuse me? Sir? I think I'm ready to pick out my new phone. I want one with a camera and I need to transfer all of the contacts and pictures and phone messages from my old phone to my new one."

"I can help you with all of that. Contacts and pictures are easy. Phone messages are automatically stored in our system for six months so those you will have access to just the same as you do now."

"Wait, what do you mean, for six months? If I don't delete them won't they always just be there?"

"Well no. After six months they automatically delete. If they didn't clear out the system on a timely basis the storage needs for all of those voice mail messages would be enormous.
Miss? Miss? Is she okay?"

"Hey, wait up! Where are you going? You were going to get a new phone remember?"

"Oh, yeah, I will.  I just needed some air and to sit down. And get some air and sit. I'll be fine. I think I must have locked my knees while we were standing there talking. Sorry, I'll be fine in a minute, I just need air. And to sit. Just give me a second here okay?"

"Okay, look, I'm going to go back in the shop and pick out a couple phones I think you will like and you can come back in and look at them once you are feeling a little better okay?"

"Yeah, sure...that would be awesome. I will be there soon. Just give me a minute."

"Please enter your password....You have one saved message. Message sent Five months, three weeks and two days ago. To play message press one."

"Hey, um, it's me. We need to talk. Give me a call back, okay?"

"To save message press 1. To delete message press 2..........."

What's your story?

So today while I was dusting the study I noticed a guy sitting in his truck parked out in front of my house. Now this isn't an unusual situation, I live at the end of a cul-de-sac in a neighborhood where people are apparently super confused what their garages are supposed to be used for. But anyway, this guy and this truck I hadn't seen before. Then a little later I came back in to the study and he was still sitting there in his truck. Hadn't gotten out. Nobody had gotten in with him. He was just sitting there. Chewing. Hunh, odd...

So I kept doing my thing and while I was dusting the upstairs windowsills I look down in to the cul-de-sac and he is still sitting there. Half and hour later, still sitting there. And I thought to myself, "what is his story?"

Now, if you have a lot of friends who write, which I do, and you read a lot of different authors, which I also do you end up with a lot of different answers that bounce around inside your head for the answer to that question. And just to amuse myself I started thinking about all of the ways my friends or the books by other people I read would answer that question. Here are a few for you to share:

Obviously this guy is an alien. He is sitting in his truck in the middle of a suburban middle class neighborhood trying to figure out how to act normally. He needs to be able to blend in, you see. He's an advanced scout for his race. He's been given a humanoid body which he learned how to use and he has taken some basic training classes on his own, obviously very advanced, planet but now he wants to hone his craft a little bit. He already made a mistake when buying the vehicle  He thought all Americans would drive trucks but is now realizing that to really fit in he should have gotten a Subaru. He is determined not to make the same mistake twice.

No, no, no.  That's not it. He is a jilted lover who is parked outside his ex-fiance's house hoping to get a glimpse of her as she leaves for work. His heart is breaking in two over the split and he is just positive if she sees that he is willing to sit for hours outside her house just for the quickest sight of her she will realize that he loves her and she will forget all about the restraining order....

Oh wait! He grew up in the neighborhood. Back when it was all farm land. His parents owned the big farm house on the corner and this subdivision was the field he played in as a child. Now that he is a hugely successful businessman he is feeling a little lost and untied from his roots and was hoping that a trip back to the farm would ground him. He is sitting in disbelief that all of the land has been converted in to houses. But if he looks hard enough he almost feels like he can still see the apple orchard where he used to spend every fall....

OH! No! He did grow up here but he's a serial killer and this is where he made his first kill! The police are hot on his trail and he knows it's only a matter of time before they catch him so he came back home to revisit the bones of his first victim. He is trying to decide if he could make one last kill on his old stomping grounds before he is caught....

He's a cop! He is chasing a lead on a serial killer (I have read a lot of serial killer books, I admit it) and he is watching the house of a woman who fits the profile of his victims. He knows that she is home and is debating whether or not to knock on her door and warn her or keep waiting hoping to catch the killer as he comes to get her...not realizing that the killer is already in the house!

So what is this guy's true story? This is what I really think. I think he is probably the foreman from the construction crew working across the street. He didn't want to go too far away for lunch but wanted to leave the job site so he could get a break to eat his sandwich. He thought this would be a nice quiet neighborhood to eat in peace but right about now he is rethinking that...see there is this woman who keeps staring at him from her house and she's kind of freaking him out...he is wondering what her story is....

Week 6 recap...

Okay, it's a short one.

Workouts went well. I mentioned skipping Wednesday's workout in my ironing blog last week and I actually am planning on doing that again this week. The switch to the Jillian workouts from the Karen Voight daily series were a big step up.  Going from 30-40 minutes of light aerobic and then focused toning to 45 or 55 minutes of intense circuit training kicked my butt.  Today during my toning workout I was doing mat work and my workout towel was just out of reach, I went to use the edge of my shirt to wipe some of the sweat from my face and discovered there wasn't a dry spot on my shirt to use! So I will do myself a favor and skip Wednesday again this week and then pick it up next week after I have had these two weeks to adjust. Still doing Zumba and Yoga daily as well and won't switch those out until the end of this monthly cycle. But I think for this week two days off instead of one is a good idea again.

I finally broke the lose weight one week gain it the next cycle. Didn't gain any this week! Yay! I didn't really lose any either, but I didn't gain so that's good. Not that the lose, gain, lose, gain cycle wasn't amusing me, but it will be nice to not have to lose what I gained plus a little extra this week.

I'm still not overly worried about my food. Once I started tracking the calories sort of took care of themselves. Just needed to watch those portion sizes again and all was well. I'm never going to be happy giving up my goodies so I need to just make sure they are treats instead of  everyday things and watch the rest of what I am eating so that what I do eat is worth the cost to me. And to really enjoy what I do eat, which isn't really an issue for me, I love my food.

So what are my current goals? First off to make it through my Jillian workouts without cussing. Then to make it through them without doing any of the modifications. Then to make it through them with heavier weights. I am pretty sure that's going to take me through this cycle as well as next month's cycle.

The next set of goals is to keep on listening to my body. If it feels like I need to cut back a little then cut back, with no guilt. And then to keep going. Even if I need to take an extra day off for a couple weeks I am still working out a few hours a day for 5 days out of the week. That's a pretty significant increase from when I started and that's something I need to keep in mind and be proud of.

Okay, so that's the end of the first 6 weeks. Ta Da!

Ironing out the details...

What household chores do you absolutely hate to do? Which ones do you really enjoy? I hate to dust. Hate it. Growing up in the desert living with a bunch of pack-rats dusting was the worst job ever. Moving everything off of a shelf to dust it only to have a fine layer of dust collect again before you could even finish the room was frustrating in the extreme. It's one of the things I really like about living in Portland. I can normally dust every other week and you can't tell. I say normally because it's been a very dry summer and there is construction across the street so this summer it's back to weekly dusting and still having a layer of grit over everything. Ugh.

Today I ironed. I have been planning on ironing for a few weeks but the heat came on in August and didn't turn off until today. And even if you like to iron the thought of standing in the third floor of the house ironing when it's 90+ outside just isn't appealing. Ironing is not a summer job. But here is the thing, I like to iron. I like the meditative aspect of it. It's very soothing. I like the fact that you have something to show for it at the end of the chore. Like painting, I love to paint. If someone would do the prep work part, which I don't like doing, I would probably change the color of our walls once a year. There is something soothing about the repetitive motion of it, and something satisfying about being able to point to a newly colored wall, or a freshly ironed shirt at the end and know you did that.

I also like how much freedom it gives you just to think. Ironing isn't complicated so your brain can puzzle on problems or issues or just be creative while you work. I also like the memories I have with ironing. I remember ironing Brent's uniforms when we were first married. Even though now I am really just smoothing out the wrinkles instead of pressing and starching things I still have an urge every once in awhile to starch in some military creases, just to see if I still remember how. I always felt a sense of pride when he would pass inspection in a sharp uniform I had ironed. I was good at that, not so good at haircuts, but really good at pressing a uniform.

I also remember all of the hotel rooms I have ironed in over the years. I ironed more when travelling than I ever did at home. I can remember feeling horribly for Erin Andrews when the pictures of her ironing in her underwear were released. I can't tell you how many times I have done the same thing, pressing a suit or blouse before heading out for an event. The invasion of her privacy, and how I knew I had done the same thing and never once worried about someone looking in the peep hole at me, just made me angry for her. 

What did I accomplish today while ironing? Well aside from a closet full of shirts that now look a little less wrinkly, I worked out a piece in the Practical Magic series that has been bugging me. I have two separate pieces that I want to weave together for the next chapter and I think I have finally figured out how to do it. Look here tomorrow to see if I did. I thought about working out. Or not working out as the case may be. See today was the first day in 6 weeks where I just didn't work out. Not because I was hurt or sick or it was an off day but because I couldn't find my give a damn.

I had it, but I lost it and couldn't find it again. See I was headed downstairs for the first workout of the day and the power went out. Well when you work out to a DVD in the basement no power sort of puts that on hold. So I read for awhile until my book ran out of juice, then I talked to some people on Facebook until I realized that if the power company had not clue when the power would be back on I should probably not use up all the charge in my phone. So then I washed dishes and pulled the birdseed weeds. Then I read a little of yesterday's mail. Then the power finally came back on. Well by then I was hungry, it was the time that I normally have my between workouts snack. So I decided that working out while I was hungry would suck so I would have the snack then workout like normal and push the second workout to this afternoon. When it came time again to workout I still couldn't muster up the oomph to do it. Now I will say that part of it is because I switched things up this week and I am sore like nobody's business today. But still, I just didn't want to. So I didn't. 

And while I was ironing I thought about all of that again. And I decided that it was okay. That this is part of the learning curve for what I am doing. That some days I am not going to have it in me to do it. And that if I let myself off the hook today doesn't mean I will let myself off the hook tomorrow. I figure if I am treating it like a job this is just one of those less productive days at work that we all have every once in awhile. 

I also though about the book on the brain I have been reading and how to apply some of the learnings to my life. Which I've already started. See the more regular workouts as one, though I was doing that BEFORE I read the book and realized how incredibly important it is, I am still counting it. I also thought about what lousy multitaskers we are and why that is. Even if we think we are good at it we aren't. See that's why I can think while ironing, because it's not something new that I am trying to process. Ironing is a habit (another great brain book I just read, The Power of Habit), I do it the same way each time I do it, I don't think about it. Which leaves my brain free to wander. But if I am doing something like say, writing this blog, and I try to do something else, say check Facebook, my brain has to switch off of one task on to the other and it's not able to do them both at the same time. So I am better off not dealing with FB while writing at all. Which led me to the next conclusion which is that I see an even steeper drop off of my FB time in the future than I already have done. I get so much more done during the day if I don't log on to FB. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where the time suck happens.

And yes, because it's Fall and you all know my big changes always seem to happen in the late Summer and Fall I started thinking about what I want to do next.  August, September, October those are my resolution and changes months. Forget New Years and Spring, the Fall that's where it's at! So my brain was churning away at thinking about next steps in writing and publishing. I didn't hear anything back from the publishers I sent my children's story to this summer. Which sucks. Brent keeps trying to get me to e-publish but for whatever reason I can't seem to get too excited about that. Though I did just by a book on Kindle publishing so that might change. 

So today while I was ironing I thought of those things. I thought about my day. I thought about a couple of different fiction pieces I had in my head. I thought about the book I am reading on the brain. I thought about a lot of things. I had plenty of time. See if you don't iron all summer you end up with a couple hours worth to catch up on. So one of the other things I thought about was that I will be taking a day a week and ironing. Not only to stay caught up but to have the time to let my mind wander.

Because not all that wander are lost...but some of us are...

One month down 5 to go

This weekend marked the end of the first month of the 6 months of "what can I do?" fit program. So what did I do? I did a few things.

Weight was down 4.4 pounds. Not a lot but since it isn't the goal of this little endeavor that's okay. It dropped my BMI by a half a percent so that's good.

Overall I lost 4 3/4" off of me. That was pretty sweet. The toning and tightening is what I am really after so I will take the shrinkage.

I also added 4 sit-ups to the minute count and 3 inches to my stretch reach. Sit-ups are still in the average zone but barely. And the reach is still poor but I am pretty thrilled about an added 3 inches of flexibility. The best thing? I increased the number of push ups I can do by 50%. Moved from average to good in that little category as well. The end goal is to be doing full on plank push-ups instead of girly ones for the fitness test, but for the first month that's pretty fabulous in my book.

So what next? Well I'm changing up the routine. Don't want to get complacent. So I switched out Karen Voight for Jillian Michaels this month. Oh my goodness...I forgot how hard her stuff is. I have a feeling I will spend the first few weeks fairly miserable. I keep telling myself it's a good sore...we will see how long I can keep believing that. I have things on her first DVD (No More Trouble Zones) that I cannot do. Literally at all. Not modified, not adapted, not at all. But I remember at the beginning of last month saying how thrilled I would be when I could do the Karen Voight Yoga Strength workout all the way through and I made it to that goal (and was appropriately thrilled) so I am optimistic that I will make it to this one.  Worst case scenario I do these videos for two months instead of one. Tomorrow I do her 6 week Six Pack ab routine. I am pre-ouching...

So goals for the next 5 weeks (remember they count a month as five instead of four). Keep doing what I am doing and keep an eye out for over working myself. Yes, I need to remember to be realistic. I missed 4 work out days last month due to illness/injury and I would rather not miss more, but I need to make sure to take the time off if I need it. Brent and I were talking this weekend about the changes from when we were younger. Things you could suck up and work through in your 20s and even 30s just don't work through any more. They compound. Oh, you have a tweaky knee and you kept working? Here, have a wonky hip and a thrown back to go with it then....

I will remeasure and rephotograph (oh yes, there are pictures, I'm just not brave enough to show them) and re do the fitness tests then and let you all know how fabulous it went.

Have you lost your marbles?

You know those times when you read a book and you start to think it might have been written just for you, and just for you right in that moment? I read one of those this past weekend.  Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. This is one of those books that just to go back and read the things I highlighted as I was reading the book the first time would take another hour.

I had picked it up from the recommendation of The Bloggess but not read it yet. Then because she (Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess) was going to be on Katie Couric's show last week I Tivo'd and watched and it ended up that Brené Brown was on that episode as well. I was blown away listening to her speak about vulnerability as a strength. So I sent a quick message to a friend of mine that I KNEW would dig it as well and made plans to read the book as soon as I finished the book I was in the middle of. And I was not disappointed.

There is a lot of good stuff in this book but one of the images stuck with me so strongly I actually dreamed about it last night.  Ms. Brown tells a story about teaching her daughter about trust. She related it the marble jar her daughter's teacher kept in the class room. When the class was collectively practicing good behavior marbles went in the jar, when they weren't marbles came out. And when the jar was full they would get a party. So Ms. Brown teaches her daughter that friendships and trust are like the marble jar. That as people earn your trust you put marbles in the jar and as they do things that lose it you take marbles out. She went on the talk about how a trust can be broken so severely that you seem to pick up the jar and dump all the marbles out or most likely you throw the jar on the ground and break it completely.

She also talked about our armor. And that most of us learn to put it on and take in off in middle school and that by the time we are adults we are all masters at our own armor. I had to laugh at this. I am double armed usually. Humor is the first level. As you are all shocked by right now. I will tell a joke if things are uncomfortable or if the focus on me is too intense. When the uncomfortable starts the jokes start as well. Sometimes it's just enough to give me time and space to think and sometimes it's complete misdirection out of a conversation or situation I don't like.

Then I have my real armor. The layer that is closest to my skin. Anyone who knew me in middle school or high school can tell you that back in those days it was more apparent than it is now. The visualization I have for this layer is spikes like on a porcupine. When I was younger the spikes were normally out. I didn't let anyone get close enough to me to see who I was. As I aged and mellowed and worked through the anger it was like I brushed them down. Added some conditioner to them. Smoothed them out. But they are still there. And if I get my back up the spikes can come right back out. And if you are standing too close when they do you will get cut. I can almost feel them raise when I am in a bad situation. Like the ridge along a dog's back. Because I have spent so much time trying to work past this when I feel myself starting to shut down and pull my spikes up and retreat I generally take some time and try to figure out what is going on and either calm back down and realize that everything is fine, or shut down the person causing my spikiness to react.

So I got to thinking about those times in our lives where the jar breaks. Where all the trust is gone and the marbles are scattered. What happens next? What if you try to fix the jar? I pictured super gluing the jar back together. But the problem is that you know the jar isn't as strong as it was. You know that it could break again at any moment. So you end up holding tightly to the jar to hold it together. But here is the thing with trust. To trust someone (put more marbles in that jar) you have to let go of the jar to grab them (show vulnerability) but to show vulnerability (be willing to let go of the jar) you have to trust someone. So you never put any more marbles in the jar. You just sit there holding a jar. And if you are like me you do it wearing a suit of spikes and spouting jokes.

Because no matter how many times someone says that you can trust them until you actually let go, show that vulnerability and give it a try you won't. And we are back to the cycle. To earn trust someone has to be vulnerable enough with you to trust them. And to trust them you have to be vulnerable enough to let them. And once the jar is broken how do you start to earn that trust back? And should you?

I think the bravest people of them all are the ones who let go of the broken jar and trust that it will hold the marbles. Or better yet just replace it with a new jar and start the path over.

I'm not there. I'm still practicing this whole vulnerability thing. Too many years of not trusting anyone enough to put marbles in any jars let alone a broken one.

I have a few broken jars in the recycle bin. I have some jars with marbles in them just starting to fill. I have empty jars sitting next to boxes of marbles waiting for the next chance. But most importantly I have two full jars on my windowsill right now that the sunshine can play through casting rainbows on my soul. And the owners of both of those jars have seen my joking side, my prickly side and my vulnerable side and still sit with me adding more marbles to the jars and enjoying the class party when I cook for Thanksgiving.

Seriously, you all, read the book. This is just the tip of the iceberg. The chapter on parenting had me in tears. And made me want to double check just one more time with C that I was a decent mom. But then I looked at that full jar again...and I knew.

It's a Multifaceted Ranty Type Thing....

Okay so you all know that there are times when a subject has been sort of half formed in my brain for awhile and then the stars line up and I.MUST.GET.IT.OUT.  Today is one of those days.

On my Facebook feed over the past two days I have had the normal variety of this is what I/my kid/my pet did and isn't it funny/sad/disgusting status updates. But along with those I have had an abundance of preachy posts. There have been preachy posts about politics ('tis the season). Preachy posts about eating meat. And preachy posts about religion. And for the most part I have refrained from commenting on them as I usually do. Because I don't care who you pray to or what you eat. I do care who you vote for because it can end up affecting me, but I also know that me pointing out how very very wrong you are isn't likely to make a difference.

So for the most part I don't post when I see something I don't agree with. Or I limit it down to only pointing out when something is actually factually wrong (though I know it doesn't matter and they will ignore it or decide my source is too biased for them to pay attention to) or when I am feeling feisty. For instance, today....well I posted on a link a vegan friend of mine, Chris, posted. Because though her facts were accurate they were misleading. And I hadn't poked at her in a long time about her posts so I went ahead and did it. And I ended up asking her a question I had been meaning to for awhile about her lifestyle choice, actually not just hers but all vegans. But then I left the conversation because I know that we can't discuss her choices for long without me getting offended.

See, I have a lot of vegetarian friends. I live in Portland after all and I think we probably have more and more variety than most places. So I've been friends with vegetarians, pescitarians, octo-lavo vegetarians, vegans and meatless Monday wannabes. And people who are doing it for a variety of reasons. Some who are vegangelical about it and some who are militant vegans. Now my friend who posted today is newly vegan. And as I say about any new conversion, there is no converted like the newly converted. So she is posting a lot about her new lifestyle choice and that includes the vast array of "isn't this awful!" films that are out there. It's part of the conversion process. And I've seen them all before over the years. Even prompted me to warn people what I would do if they sent me another one.

So why would I be the one to get offended if we kept up the discussion? If I've seen it all before, and I've had these discussion over and over again why would I end up mad about it? Good questions. And we will come back to them in a second.

Last year another friend of mine made a really thought provoking post about how much she didn't like the word tolerate, or being tolerant of people you disagreed with. I would link it to you but she made it as a status update and I am so not searching through a year or so of updates to find this one. But the reason why it stuck with me was because Kat made the point in her post that to tolerate something you must believe that you are right and they are wrong. That just by saying you are being tolerant of someone who doesn't believe as you do you are being condescending. You are implying that you have the moral high ground. Ever since I read that post I have been really conscious of the times I have used tolerant or tolerate. It always makes me think now. (Sometimes I hate having really brilliant friends who can write a status update that is deep and thought provoking like that. It means I have to work too hard to keep up!)

So taking that tolerant thought line and going in to the posts from my friends about their politics, religion and eating preferences. When you end up in a discussion with someone who you don't agree with where are you standing? Are you standing on the other side of an issue and making your point or are you on a soap box full of righteous indignation preaching down to the unenlightened? And do you even know where you are? I will tell you that on the issue of gay rights I am on a soap box. I know it. I am fully aware of it. Yes, what you believe on this issue colors my opinion of you. I understand what you are telling me about your religious beliefs and it makes no difference to me. I can know that we are never going to agree and accept that. And be tolerant of your belief. Your ignorant not as good as mine belief.

So one of the political posts from a friend came with the tag line, "Even someone on the left could understand this." Even someone on the left. Let that sink in for a second. The implication being that people on the left are somehow mentally deficient. It happened to be a post about economics so I watched it. And he was wrong. I don't get it. It was all about trickle down economics and how it's good sound policy. Nope, sorry, it's not. It's good sound theory. But when we've put it into practice what we discovered is that people don't act like the model. Instead of trickling down they find bigger buckets to store the wealth in, like say, bank accounts in the Cayman Islands. And when another friend of his who leans left pointed that out he was met with the condescending, "you just don't get it" head pat. Don't get it? We lived it. Twice. And now the candidate you wants us all to vote for would like to give it a go again. Third time's the charm? But you see the basic stance there? It's the "I know better." There is no room for debate there. It's strictly a place of feeling superior talking to those they find inferior. And you get it from both sides (see my stance on gay rights).

Religion. Oh gosh. Here is the basic standard bearer of all "tolerant" things right? What's the most famous line you hear when in a discussion with someone about gay rights? Hate the sin, not the sinner. Is there a more condescending stance to take? Oh, honey, I don't hate you I just hate what you do. And because I hate what you do I am going to deny you the rights I have. But I'm very tolerant of you. So when I see the religious posts spring up I just walk away. Though I am always very tempted to say something I know that no good will come of it. We don't believe what the other believes, or doesn't believe as the case may be. There is no middle ground except of tolerance. Though I don't tolerate your religious beliefs. I just don't believe them. I don't care about your beliefs until they infringe on other people's rights.

So back to why I knew that I would get insulted if I kept up the discussion on my friend Chris' post. Because I know what she believes. And to believe what she believes (that meat is murder) that means that she believes I am a murderer. Now, I don't believe this. I think there is a huge and vast difference between animals and people. I know that the meat on my table comes from an animal, I know it had to die for me to eat it. But I also don't equate that to murder. I can have that argument in a lot of different ways depending on the person I am having it with. But I don't want to have it with my friend Chris, because I like her. She's funny and smart and a good mother and has a huge heart and is passionate about her choice to become vegan. And I like all of those parts of her. So I didn't want to get farther along in the discussion where she has to take the stance where she will tolerate my meat eating. I know that she does. I know that all of my vegan friends do. But it's human nature for that to hurt your feelings. When you really know that someone thinks less of you. So I don't pursue that line of discussion.

And I also know that my religious friends are waiting for my conversion and my right wing friends are waiting for my lean to shift. And I know they are doing it because they feel like they are right and I am wrong. And not only wrong but profoundly wrong. And less than. I've actually had people tell me that they knew what I believed they were just waiting for me to figure it out. Oh my....

So as we are hitting the full force of political season and as we talk about what we believe in passionately something to keep in mind is where you are coming from. Are you really listening to the other side or are you just being tolerant?

My stances:

Food. I don't care what you eat or what you don't. I'm an omnivore. I would be a cakevore but I'm trying to have more self control than that.

Religion. I'm agnostic. So both atheists and the religious get to be tolerant of me and I am accepting of both of you because I don't know which one of you is right. I just know that I don't know.

Politics. I lean left. Strongly. But I'm also pretty fiscally conservative. But in a left way. I think we should have the money to pay for new things which means we get rid of old things that aren't working and we look at our completely out of whack tax code and let those adjust as they need to. And as long as your politics don't veer off in to the crazy birther type areas then we can have discussions where I will listen to what you have to say and offer up my point of view. If they match great, if they don't, that's okay as well.

Gay rights. I will tolerate your point of view if you disagree with me.