Gotta get those dots...

The original weather forecast for today put as 100 which is miserable hot no matter where you are but when you are of the belief that anything over 85 is torture it's really the pits. We are in a really hot stretch. After a crazy warm winter that led to no snow pack which means the state is dry. Well dry for Oregon, not like California dry which has been doing this for a few years now, but dry. But the heat and the dry makes it look like a bad bad fire season and miserable summer on the horizon. Which means that I will be whining about the heat all summer long. Brent is really excited. He's not a big fan of the whining. He could have said on more than one occasion, "You grew up in the desert for goodness sake!" Well yeah, sure, but I left it....

So yesterday when I picked him up from work he asked what the weekend plans were and I said, "Laying around whining about the heat?" he wasn't on board for that so I told him my plan B. Get up early and go up to Multnomah Falls and hike to the top before it gets too hot then we can go from there. See, I have to get those dots and if I don't get them early when it's not as hot the odds of me getting them late when it is are slim to none.

Since he's very supportive in most all of my wacky obsessions he was on board for an early hike so off we went.

In all of the years we've lived here I've never actually gone to the top of the falls. We have either been with people who couldn't make it all the way, the trail has been rained out or the bridge has been bashed in by a boulder. So I've gone to the mid point but never all the way up. Brent and C went a few years ago when Kim and Dave were visiting but it was the weekend Dad died so I was back in Albuquerque and missed it. Today I was going to the top! The sign says it's a mile and the trail is mostly paved now so it should be easy peasy lemon squeazy right?

The bottom. Normally we go to that first bridge and turn around. Not today!

Oh wait...11 switchbacks? Uh oh...

Looking down on the parking lot and lodge from about halfway up. I might have been taking pictures to stall.

Wait a second...you said the whole hike was a mile, how can I be only at 7 and be at a mile??

No matter how exhausted sometimes a side trail must be explored.

Because then you get to places like this one. 

This is standing at the top of the falls looking down. Wheeee....

Little falls and pool above what we think of as the start of the falls.

Time to head back...Back up the stairs...oh my...

Just to show a little perspective on one of the switchbacks and how steep they could be.

Looking back up at the falls from the bridge area. Made it!

So the mile sign was a lie. And considering it tells you it's a mile from the base area and from the first bridge I should have guessed that...I was just too focused on doing it. Bring water. Go when it's still cool outside. Expect to sweat like a pig. But also do it sometime if you can. It's gorgeous.

And just to be humbled a bit, Dave did the hike before he got his knee replacement surgery. If I had felt like giving up at any point that would have stopped me. I won't be out stubborned!

And? I've got all my dots...

It's a good day...

The first blog I ever wrote was in reaction to Oregon Ballot Measure 36 which amended our state constitution to define marriage as being between one man and one woman. I was sick to my stomach when it passed. Just so sad and upset. So I wrote a quick blog. It was on another platform and has long been gone, but it was the first ranty blog I ever did.

I can remember thinking there was no way it was going to pass. How could it? Nobody I knew was going to vote for it. And yet, it passed. And the state I lived in put wording in to our constitution that some citizens were less than others. I was sick. I cried.

That was overturned last year and I was so relieved. It spent almost 10 years on the books and it was finally gone. And I cried again. Relief and joy.

Today was even better.

Today it doesn't matter what state you live in, where you were married, what your neighbors think or the church down the road believes, you can get married. Freely. Openly. With all the rights that brings with it. Marriage equality.

I was in the car when the news came out. When the first reports of how SCOTUS had ruled hit the air. And the tears started. I am really glad that I was pulling in to the parking lot of the gym as I heard because I couldn't have stopped crying if I wanted to. Tears of joy this time instead of sadness. Relief that the ruling was on the side of more rights, not fewer. Joy that friends who were married in states where it is legal now didn't have to worry about job transfers or even out of state visits. That their marriage was now legally recognized no matter where they went.

My Facebook feed has been filled with joy today. People sharing the news over and over again. It's huge. It's amazing. It's important. I have liked so many status updates I'm afraid Facebook will think I'm a spammer and deactivate my account.

A few years ago talking to C I told him that I didn't see this happening in my lifetime. That the bigotry was too entrenched. I am so glad I was wrong. The sea change that has occurred over the past decade is astounding. And the changes will keep coming. People will see that everyone is the same. That we all strive for the same dreams. The same hopes for our future and the future of our children. We will get to the point where it will be odd to think of a time that this was even an issue. I am so looking forward to that time.

Now, I'm not naive. I know this ruling isn't going to change hearts overnight. Hell the murders in Charleston and the debate over the Confederate battle flag this week should show us that deep held bigotry doesn't just go away. But the shock over the murders and the call to take that flag down do show us that change keeps rolling. It keeps coming. We just have to keep pushing.

But today? Today I am just happy. I am smiling. I am crying. I am filled with joy.

Equality.

Still a work in progress...

A few years ago I wrote this really enlightened blog about being kinder to myself and realizing that I look fine. And how I was going to do better at it and all of that good stuff.

And I realized today that you never hear about that from me. You hear about me saying my workouts are frustrating because I'm not making the improvements I want. You hear me talk about dieting and the frustration in finding that balance between the incredibly strict diet plan I would need to follow to stay at a low weight and the enjoyment I get from eating the way I want to eat. But I haven't said that I still try to be kind to myself and flattering to myself.

I do. I still try to practice that. Some days are easier than others, I will give you that, for sure. But I still try to make sure I smile at myself in the mirror. I still try to make sure I wear clothes that make me feel pretty. I still try to give myself the compliment I would give to other people. And today is a working on it day so you get pictures and examples.

Why is it a working on it day? The workout and diet frustrations I talked about earlier. I have two big old zits that are making me insane. I'm almost 47 years old for fucks sake I shouldn't have gray hair, wrinkles and zits. So when I realized that I was doing the harumph harumph harumph I took a deep breath and started in on the positives.

See those shadows? Those are muscles. I'm not flexing here, that's just lifting up my arm and I can actually see muscle differentiation. And that flare out at the side? More muscle.  My arms and lats are coming along nicely. 

See that arch? I really like my eyebrows. I couldn't be half as sarcastic as I am if my eyebrows didn't do this wicked arch.

Okay, this one needs a longer explanation because it's kind of a plus and a minus shot. I wanted to get the full skirt in as well as the shirt. I love a swishy skirt. You all know that. And this is one of my favorite shirts. I call it my Greek Goddess shirt. See the straps and the way they twist? It's very Greek to me, and the color reminds me of green goddess salad dressing so it's my Greek Goddess shirt. And it's also quite flattering for my figure. Which is where the minus of this shot comes in. I tend to take shots from angles where my curves are downplayed. The eyebrow shot above? It was cropped to get just the eyebrow but the whole shot shows a lot of cleavage. It's not something I would generally show. Even though I rock a lot of cleavage usually. My friends tease me about the accidental cleavage shot all the time because I will crop and turn and angle to make sure that the first thing you see in a shot ISN'T my boobs. So I downplay them. But the truth is I love my big boobs. They are lovely. They flatter my big hips and my big butt. They give me balance. And they rock in my Greek Goddess shirt.

So there is a front shot of the shirt. Big boobs and all. And it shows the full curve of my figure. Big boobs to the smaller waist that flares back out to the not as small hips. The same curve goes on from the side. I have no angles, I am just a collection of curves stuck together. And that's perfect for me. I'm built for comfort not for speed and that suits me just fine. 

Work in progress. Someday the positive self talk days will be the only self talk days. I'm sure of it. But until then I will keep reminding myself that...

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough...and doggone it...people like me. 

More Stories...

I've been meaning to re-read Elfquest for awhile. One of those things that I kept thinking about but not doing. Then I realized I was 5 books behind in my reading challenge for the year and thought, I can make up 5 books and get a little bit of padding by tearing through the 8 Elfquest books. (I keep picking up these 800 page books so instead of getting credit for 2 books, I get credit for 1 even though I'm still reading a ton!)

So yes, it's gaming the system a little, but it's my game so it totally counts. If I get behind again I've been meaning to revisit Sandman as well so I'm covered there.

Okay, so anyway, I've talked about the books before. That I really think as much as anything else they shaped my world view. My belief systems. I was young enough when I read them the first time, published every 4 months as comics, waiting ages for each new issue instead of being able to devour them in a few settings like I do now, anyway...young enough when I read them the first time that they really resonated with me.

I was never in to Dungeons and Dragons and honestly (and I know this is sacrilege) I found Lord of the Rings to be dull. But Elfquest? Those were my elves. Especially the Wolfriders. Maybe the Go Backs a little...but mostly the Wolfriders. I had a crush on Skywise, I thought being a healer like Leetah would be incredible but Nightfall was who I wanted to be when I grew up. I spent a lot of time reading and re-reading those books. Writing fan fiction in my head where I was part of that tribe. Cutter's quest was my quest.

Reading them again is like rediscovering an old friend. There is still comfort there. Knowing what happens, where they end up, who makes it and who doesn't. The stories are familiar. Being older I see that it's all the same story that we all tell over and over in all of the big stories. The hero's journey right? But Elfquest was my first real hero's journey. The first one I felt the earth move for when I read it. The first one that didn't just entertain me, but changed me.

Now the funny thing is that on Goodreads you rate books after you read them. Five stars is the top. So far I've re-read three of the books and they are all four stars. You would think that for something that shaped me as much as they did they would have to be five right? But nope, they get four. Four is really good. The illustrations are beautiful. Though there is no wonder between Barbie and the Elves that I have never been happy with the way I look, why can't I look like pretend things? The story is good. But it's a little weak. Not something that I noticed at 10. And part of the weakness is due to the original format. There are reminders all through out the story of what has come before, but they are awkward, a character will think to himself, "Oh that's why there was an owl in the woods." I get it, you want me to remember the owl from two issues ago, or 5 issues ago, but trust your reader to remember. Or to go back and rediscover it on a second reading. (The Harry Potter books are great for that, re-read them all and follow clues you didn't realize meant something the first time through) But because of these awkward asides the story is just really good instead of great.

But as a whole? For the series? For the way it shaped me? For the resonance it has held in my life? I give it the full five geek stars. It's my lodestone. My holt. My soft pretty thing. And I will howl for the tribe in my dreams...

And I will catch up on the books I am behind in my Goodreads challenge. Whew...

And I still wouldn't mind growing up to be Nightfall.

Flip a coin...

So I cannot decide if I should stick to my guns and write the ranty blog that was forming in my head this morning or let it go and watch the video of the puppies again. The puppies were awesome and made me laugh. So I keep leaning toward them...

But...

Well that's sort of the problem that I wanted to address in the blog. See, I'm not sure anymore if people are woefully uneducated or just willfully ignorant. I think the truth probably lies someplace in the middle, but I'm not entirely sure.

Watching the interviews with people and reading the responses to stories on that flag being flown in South Carolina has been head shakingly frustrating. People trying to say that the Civil War has nothing to do with slavery. That the choice of the KKK, the Dixiecrats and the segregationists of the 60s to adopt the Stars and Bars as one of their main emblems has nothing to do with racial intimidation.

And I know people who will try to argue with me on those points. And I just can't even with them. Just can't. Read what was written in the declaration of secession by South Carolina and their rallying call to get other states to join them, no wait, excuse me, not just other states, other slave holding states. "we ask you to join us in a Confederacy of Slaveholding states." Does that sound like it wasn't about slavery? You can scream states rights to me all day but the state right they wanted was to hold on to their slaves. 

It's like the American South is the only place where the losers wrote the history books.

And then there is the moment where they will tell you that other states NORTHERN states had slaves. Yes they did. You're right. And they will tell you that NORTHERNERS were racists. Yes they were. And BLACK PEOPLE even owned slaves. Yes they did. And guess what? NONE OF THAT FUCKING MATTERS IN THE BALANCE OF RIGHT OR WRONG! Seriously. I don't give a fuck who did what when, owning people is wrong. Discrimination is wrong. Flying a battle flag of an army that fought to keep the right to own people is wrong. And if you cannot understand that there is something seriously wrong with you. 

It's a sign of southern pride. Okay, why? What are you proud of that that flag represents? Why use that? Are you proud of the war? Of the fact that your ancestors fought to keep slaves? Are you proud of the treasonous history? Or of the fact that they lost? Which part of it fills you with the most pride, exactly? I'm curious here. Or is it some romanticized Gone with the Wind bullshit story you tell yourself about the good old days? Because, spoiler alert, they weren't good for everyone.

It's part of our history. That's another one. Well, sure it is. It's a big part of our history. And as such we should learn about it in school. We should see evidence of it in museums. We should understand that the wounds from that time, then Jim Crow laws that followed it, up to and including current attitudes today were all shaped by it. And denying it? Saying it wasn't what it was? That's not history, that's fantasy. And it's a dangerous one. It's one we see scars of today. And especially last week when a young racist with a stars and bars fetish went in to a historic black church and killed 9 people. You want to tell me again about how it has nothing to do with racial intimidation? 

It's not that he didn't understand what that flag means, it's that you don't. 

Are you woefully uneducated or willfully ignorant?

Now I'll go watch the puppies again....

Ch ch ch ch changes....

So this morning at the gym the "news" shows were all a buzz over the President using the n-word in an interview. And not "n-word" but THE n-word. And oh my gosh, how could he? And what does it all mean? And....well did you listen to what he actually said, because he was pretty clear in what he meant. Here let me quote the CNN article about the podcast:

"Racism, we are not cured of it. And it's not just a matter of it not being polite to say nigger in public," Obama said in an interview for the podcast "WTF with Marc Maron."

"That's not the measure of whether racism still exists or not. It's not just a matter of overt discrimination. Societies don't, overnight, completely erase everything that happened 200 to 300 years prior."

That seems really clear to me. But I know that for a lot of people they will stop at the use of the word and then make their own left turns and try to argue points that weren't made.

But the thing that had me nodding along was the idea of change coming not in what we say in public. That isn't where true change comes from. True change comes from what we say in private. What we say when we think only people who agree with us are listening. What we really feel. It's like the questions people ask, "If you knew you could get away with it would you...." If your answer is ever yes I would to that sort of question then you know what you truly feel. Because doing the right thing shouldn't be predicated by the audience.

You get a glimpse of it on Facebook. When people like a page, a meme, make a comment, that they don't realize is on a public setting so it goes to all of their friends. So you see a glimpse of them that you wouldn't otherwise. The things they would never say to you. The things they only feel comfortable saying around other people who feel the way they do. The things that let you get a glimpse at their true heart.

It's not what we've learned is and isn't polite conversation that marks true change, it's when we wouldn't use it at all. When it is completely out of the realm of possibility for you to think that way let alone say those things...that's when change has happened.

Racism.
Homophobia.
Classism.
Sexism.

You name the issue and I will tell you that knowing how to act in public doesn't mean anything until you change how you feel in private. One might hopefully lead to the other, but it doesn't always.

So ask yourself, what are you saying in private? Or to people who you know think the way you do? What are you saying in those instances and are they things you would feel comfortable with sharing in an open forum? Face to face with someone who doesn't feel that way. And if you aren't, if you have two sets of words, two sets of attitudes, ask yourself why.

And then fix it.

That's when true change happens.

Happy Father's Day!

Father's Day is a tough one in our house. We haven't really ever celebrated it as a big deal. We don't do what I call the made up holidays. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, none of them get a big celebration. C usually buys us a nice present, which is lovely but unnecessary, we wish each other happy day on "our" respective days and then let it go. I do make sure to send flowers or some sort of gift for Mother's Day and as both of our fathers are dead we don't have to do that for Father's Day.

Which is why it's a tough one. As you all know my dad died the week of Father's Day. One of the worst memories of that week was sitting in the living room of my mother's house when the UPS guy delivered the gift I had gotten for my dad for a day he wasn't alive to celebrate. It was horrible in a way I cannot even describe. And it was also the last Father's Day gift I bought. Brent's dad passed a few years before my dad so that was that. But it's not like the day stops happening. It keeps coming. And we still don't have our fathers around. So it's tough.

But as we both had dads, and Brent is a dad, I didn't want the day to pass without at least something...

So...to all of you dads out there...

Happy Father's Day to the dads who are soft...

The dads who let you do things mom never would...

The dads who start you on a career path young...

The dads who let you go to follow your dreams...

The dads who teach you not to take it all so seriously...

And the dads who coached you through life...

To all of the dads out there, happy day, we love you.