Take a picture it will last longer...

So back in the summer of 2009 an online friend of mine started this challenge; taking a picture every day for a year. Just a random picture of their day. I loved it. Loved looking at his pictures and seeing his world. Another friend picked it up and I loved looking at hers as well. So I thought, Why not? And decided that my birthday would be a great place to start. So August 20, 2009 I posted this:

And that started POD, (picture of the day). It turned out to be a good year for it. It was C's senior year so I captured a lot of the milestones, the lasts and some firsts. It was a fun challenge. Some days were easy to decided what to take and some were really hard. But it made me think about my world and what I wanted to share with people, and what I didn't. After the year was over I stopped. Because that's what you do when a challenge is over, you stop. Though out of the three of us that first started it I was the only one to make it the full first year.

Then I realized I was missing it so I started again on October 1, 2010.  I liked the 10/1/10 start date. And I did another year. This time documenting a year without C. Our first year as empty nesters. And as it turned out I also ended up trying to figure out what pictures to take on a trip home for my father's funeral. POD isn't always something happy. And then that year ended and I took my last POD shot on 9/30/11.

Slight change over the course of two years. My hair was long enough to harvest in the middle. I finally found a skin treatment that worked (not without other side effects but those got under control after I stopped taking the skin pills thank goodness) and I zoomed a little tighter. But it was a nice neat wrap up for POD. I was done with that. And then...

Well then friends of mine in Australia started posting these themed POD shots from Fat Mum Slim. I thought it was very cool. I had missed a few days so almost didn't do them but then decided to just play catch up and do them anyway. So January 2012 started a new challenge with daily photographs. Get a theme, find something to fit.  This was a different sort of thing to think about. Some of them were easy, a time of day, what you had for breakfast, some were not so much, sometimes it was an emotion or a prompt that didn't work easily. Trying finding Sunshine in February in Portland. But it was fun.

I did it for a year.  Starting with January 1, 2012

The prompt was You. Pretty basic. And dang my hair grows fast! Then ended it a year later with December 31, 2012 the prompt being Self Portrait.

You can tell I was a little more creative in my interpretation of the prompts by then. And as I had picked it up from friends other friends picked it up from me so again I got to see everyone else's pictures and not only that but also their interpretation of the same prompt. 

And then I stopped again. This was three years of taking pictures every day, surely that was enough.

Then I took this seminar on happiness  and decided that POD made me happy. So I started again. March 1, 2013 L is for...

Lazy...

And I've been doing it every day since then. So add another year plus to the tally. Now we are up to just over 4 years of picture of the day starting and stopping. A few months off here and there. And I've reached the end. Again. 

The prompts aren't much of a challenge, actually wait, that's not really true. the prompts can be really challenging, but often they aren't much of an inspiration. I like to try and tell a story with the shot. Because, you know, storyteller...

Anyway, sometimes there isn't one to tell. Or not one that is really interesting anyway. I almost stopped last month. But then I found I was taking the pictures and just not posting them so I thought, well, obviously I'm not done yet...but as the month went on and I realized that I didn't have much creative to add I knew it was time to hang it up. I've covered a lot. C's last year of high school and all four years of college including graduation and getting his first job. The loss of my father and of George (like I said, not always happy) a few trips to Disney, a few to New Mexico one to Hawaii, friends visiting and visiting with friends. And I've had the chance to share all of that with other friends. I've gone from hauling my camera around with me everywhere to having a camera on my phone that's probably better than my old camera was! It's been a good run and now I'm done. Again.

Let's see how long it lasts this time.

July 31, 2014 Rise 

and fall.....of POD.

And one more bonus shot for the blog...

I'm making a face that would be the title of this blog if I only knew what to call it...

August is two days away. I wanted to do some sort of goal-a-palooza for August. But I have no idea what to do. I've been puzzling on it for a few weeks. Right now I just feel like a 10 year old with a room full of books, a bike in the garage and $20 in pocket money..."I'm booooreeed...I have nothing to do...."

What about the books? I've read them...
What about the bike? It's hot outside...
What about the money? There's nothing new to buy....

Yes, I really do have conversations in my head like this.
But it's more:
What about the books? I'm not sure what to read next.
What about the Book? I'm not sure what to write next.
What about the blog? I don't have any ideas.
What about the gym? enh...I went already
What about a hike? I don't want to go by myself.
What about getting a job? Hahahahhahaa!!!
What about....

And by this time I've flopped on the couch and am CLEARLY ignoring myself so why even bother...

Things that I could be doing:
Writing (always)
Home improvement things (still debating what needs done but it is more important to Brent to do them than it is to me to not do them so as is the rule in our house we will do them)
Normal chore type things
Meal planning
Wandering around someplace, the mall? a bookstore? downtown?
Getting a pedicure (now this one sounds promising)
Planning a list of things to do in August to have NEW GOALS! (umm and here we are again)

Hmmm...I guess I'm still puzzling it out. Doesn't bode well for August being a goal heavy month but that's okay, there is always September.

And Oooh! I just got notice from the library that The Stand is available. Now at least I know what to read (re-read?) next...Mr. Flagg, I've missed your diabolical ways...

Street of Dreams....

No really, this blog is about The Street of Dreams. It's not a metaphor. It's an actual thing.

So last year we went to The Street of Dreams and realized how very much we wanted to move. The indoor outdoor space, the kitchens, those were the things that made us realize that no matter what we do to this place it's not going to be what we really want. And thus started the year of looking. And we ended up realizing that what we really want doesn't really exist.

We want a smaller place than we have now. This place is a four bedroom three bath with a bonus room. We use two of the bedrooms. The master bedroom and one as an office. The downstairs bonus room has been C's space, my work space and is now my workout space though I do most of my working out at the gym so it gets used once a week or so and that's only if I can't make it to the gym at all. Basically it's a giant underused room. Now that C has moved out the two bedrooms upstairs that he used are empty. Well mostly empty. His old desk is waiting to be sold so it's in one room and our luggage is in the closet and I have stolen the closet in the other for my boots. So...basically two more underused rooms.

What we need is a place with two bedrooms. One we can use as a master suite and one we can use as an office/guest room for when C visits. Which two bedrooms isn't hard to find. The hard thing to find is two bedrooms PLUS a nice big kitchen.

Home builders sort of assume that if you are only in need of two bedrooms you really don't need a decent kitchen. But one of the things I really don't care for here is the kitchen. I can make do with the counter space. I can make do with the odd cabinet arrangement. But I can't do anything about the smoke that fills the house when I use my cast iron. Not because I'm a bad cook, thank you very much, but because the hood over the stove is..well...it's a microwave. There is a vent under the microwave but it doesn't go anywhere so the smoke just recirculates. So anything cooked at high heat, or fried, or strong smelling, doesn't go anyplace but all through the house. Ugh.

I want a nice big kitchen with gorgeous flat counter tops for baking with a big stove top with a giant hood and could I get double ovens because that would rock. Yes, a lot of you are very confused about this since you all know I don't cook. But like I say, just because I don't, doesn't mean I can't. I am actually really good at it. I just haven't. But the more and more I try and get away from processed food and food like stuff the more and more I realize I am just going to have to cook it all myself.

So what we've discovered is that we want a place with two bedrooms and a really big nice kitchen. Oh and a little outdoor space. That's private, wooded would be best. Backing to the forest or a green space would be awesome. Is that too much to ask?

Well yeah. It actually sort of is. That's what we've found. We can get the big kitchen but they come in big houses. We can get the two bedrooms but they come in tiny houses with dinky kitchens. We can get the outdoor space but...well sometimes the house is just a wreck, sometimes it's too big, sometimes it's too small. Just any number of issues. So we've decided what we have to do is either build our own or remodel someplace that has a nice lot and good bones. Which then you look at bills and budgets and we are staying here for a few more years. Just until the college loans are paid off.

Which leads us to the next question, how much do we want to put in to this place while we stay? And we don't agree. I am all for nothing or nothing much, Brent is realistically looking at what it would take to bring this place back up to snuff for resale and for our own enjoyment while we are here. So we are doing the home improvement tango. He moves...I back up...he dips...I turn my head...

And part of that dance was another trip to Street of Dreams to look at the things we liked last year and see if they stuck.

So a nice view is great. The houses were in Happy Valley this year so almost all had some sort of Mt. Hood view. Though from odd places at times....

This was a walk-in closet. With a view of Mt. Hood. See what I mean?

Don't we all need a shower with neon lights?

I did like this touch. It's a tree and branches, all metal work. Nice way to let in a little light between rooms.

So..I love the drama but could only think about what a bitch it would be to dust those nooks...

Now THIS is what I'm talking about! GIANT kitchen, dining room combo.

I just thought the blue booties really made the outfit...

So other than a few more shots of Mt. Hood those were the only pictures I took. Which is sort of funny since I didn't even take any of the builder we really liked. Who would have made the perfect home for us...if only we could have sliced off the top floor. The main floor, that's all we needed. Two bedrooms, great kitchen, decent outdoor space, though not as private as we would like, but still...pretty darn close to perfect.

Last year Street of Dreams set us off on a year of looking. This year, it just firmed up that we aren't looking right now. The houses were all just okay. The lots they were on weren't private enough to cause location envy. The spaces were too big for what we want to cause house envy. The kitchens...well...they still made me sigh. But for the most part our reaction was...enh...

I guess we already know what we are dreaming of.

Paid off college loans.  That's the dream... *sigh*

Paint by numbers...

Years ago I bought a painting. It was the first piece of ART I had ever purchased. Before that we had prints and framed posters, but nothing that was an original piece, that was created by someone we knew, that nobody had the same thing. It felt very grown up at the time.

And then I got it home. And suddenly it felt like a mistake.

The painting that I had loved just a few hours before, that I had thought about buying for weeks before I actually did, was all of a sudden not so great. Not even not so great but a really expensive mistake. How in the world could that have happened?

Location. Location. Location.

See the artist was the husband of a woman I worked with. The first time I went to their place I was blown away. Their entire house was like an art gallery. Every room had pieces Ron had done. The main living room had his latest collection. Space scenes. Specifically the Hale-Bopp Comet. He painted on glass. Windshields from cars. Giant dormer windows. Huge impressive pieces. All different, but all in this theme. It was amazing. The piece I liked the best was a little different than the rest. Smaller, done in blues instead of the oranges of some of the other ones. But I loved it.

And I finally decided to buy it. As a friend I got a decent price so less than he would have sold it in a gallery but still a significant amount of money for us at the time. I loaded it very carefully in to the car and made my way home. Bringing it in to our house and deciding where to hang it....and...well...

The house like an art gallery was the perfect place for this piece. The very normal (normal seems good here, not sure what else to call it) house did not. Instead of a tiki bar in our dining room, we had a dining room table. Instead of a nail table with an airbrushing machine in our family room we had a sectional. Instead of an art gallery in our living room we had a couch. See? Just not quite the same. And this was a really strong picture. It stood out. And I regretted buying it. Because instead of loving this piece like I had now I looked at it and thought about how much I had spent, and it's not like I could return it, and how it absolutely did not go with our house.

A few years later C decided he wanted it in his room. And when we moved up here and his room was painted a brilliant blue it really did look nice in there. It fit. And I could once again look at it and think, I really like that piece.

Location. Location. Location.

The art didn't change. But the surroundings did and that made all the difference. It was a good lesson for me for future purchases. I can like something, even sort of love it, but that doesn't mean it's right for my house. Art has to work with the surroundings. It becomes a part of your whole world when you bring it home. And it should enhance everything around it. Not overwhelm it.

Now C has moved out and he didn't want to take the piece with him. A friend of a friend had mentioned once how much they liked the painting and so I have passed it along to him. He likes it, his daughter likes it. It's gone to a good home. And as silly as I know it sounds, that makes me feel better about giving it away. It's something that was created. An art piece. A painting. Someone made that. And now someone else can appreciate it.

I just hope they have the right place to hang it...

Time waster...

Sitting in a car dealership waiting for my car. Driving back and forth to Bend put the miles on the car pretty quickly so it's already time for the 15,000 mile service. So here I sit waiting. With plenty of time to kill. And nothing to talk about...

Or write about as the case may be.

I have a little fiction bouncing in my head but a public space doesn't work for me for writing fiction. I tend to read sections out loud over and over to check the flow. Not sure the woman sitting here waiting with me would appreciate that so much. Also she's watching Kathie Lee and Hoda and I can feel my brain cells falling asleep the more they talk so I don't think it's a good creative space for me, man...

So here I sit with time to fill and nothing to say.

Doesn't that always seem to be the way? The time you find clothes you adore you have no money but as soon as you are ready to go shopping everything is lame. All you want to do is sit down and read a book but as soon as you have time to do so you find that what you really want is a nap. Work is slamming busy and you need a break and when it comes you are bored out of your mind.

Let's see...what to fill the blog with...

My garage is full of bookshelves. C took all of his books and such with him when he moved out and it left nothing but empty shelves in his rooms. Former rooms? No, that's not right, they are still rooms, they just aren't his anymore. The rooms that were formerly his... Anyway... The empty shelves. The walls with no pictures just hooks. Brent took all of that down to the garage. Well not the walls, but the hooks and hangers. So now I have two empty rooms with holes in the walls to deal with. Looking towards the time we sell now. So patching and painting a neutral color. Not the brilliant blue it is right now. Cleaning the carpets. Getting a spare bed for when C visits. A futon or hide-a-bed most likely.  Something that will double as something else when we move in to the as yet unfound, no timeline for when it happens, new place.

And along with the two empty rooms I have a very full garage. I'll put the shelves on Craigslist. Cheap. Give me a few bucks and come get them and they are yours. And yet there will be someone who wants them for even less than I will put them up for. Someone who will offer me more if I just deposit his check and write him another for the difference. And someone who will say they want them and then never show up. At least that's the way it will go if the past is any indicator.

And there is also the temporary bed that C has been sleeping on for the past decade plus. See what happened is when we moved from Colorado Springs back up to Oregon we sold everything looking to buy new when we got here. Including C's bed, which to be fair was a race car bed so it was ready to be replaced anyway... So we got up here and friends of our had just gotten new furniture for their daughter's room and had this twin bed frame that had drawers under the bed and a nice storage headboard and it would work just fine. Except they lost a piece of it in their move. So the foot board was never found. And we had to basically nail the puppy together in the room to make it work. And then the mattress he picked out was a cheap thing. We thought fine, he can have this set up for a few years then we will get him something better....

And yeah, that never happened. We asked a few times, do you want something new? And nope, he was fine. And then college came and it seemed silly to get new when he was only going to sleep on it for a few weeks at a time and then he bought his own new set up when he moved to Bend so now...well...finally the temporary bed is going away. So that's in the garage as well.

The car was in the garage as Brent moved all of the pieces in yesterday. So now I have a garage full of shelves, an old bed and a slot just big enough for the car. Which was weird pulling in this morning after the gym. I actually have to think about it when I park for awhile. I like having the extra space so I will be hopeful to sell things or give them away quickly.

Know anyone who needs some inexpensive shelves?

Or wants to haul away an old twin size mattress?

Or has anything interesting to talk about while I sit for the next few hours waiting for my car?

Whew...that was close...

A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked if I had an address she needed. Sure I did. I just needed to look it up real quick.

And thus started the great freak-out of 2014.

See our network drive crashed a few months ago. Which was no big deal because we have another drive that mirrors it. Just bought a new drive, transferred the back up, badda bing, badda boom, no problems. Until I went to find that address and discovered that the documents file wasn't there. No addresses, no copies of letters, no back up of old things we had kept. Dang it.

So we dug back out the old drive that had crashed and I took it in to our computer guys, Happy Hamsters, who have fixed laptops and drives for me in the past. And crossed my fingers. They ran a few tests in their "Free 10 minute evaluation" and found that it wasn't going to be simple and more extensive searching would need to be done to recover anything. If they could. And time is money, bayyyybee... Okay he didn't say it like that but he did let me know that it wouldn't be cheap. Which left me with a moment to decide what to do. 

I've gone back and forth with sending out the Christmas letter anymore. C is grown and doing his own thing, we don't move as often as we used to. Life is pretty settled so I had been thinking about stopping it anyway. This would be the perfect excuse to do so. And as far as other documents what was really on there that we needed? Back ups of things on my laptop, for me, but I would just back them up again someplace else. And what else...and then I remembered. I sent Brent a quick text, "Do you have your dad's book anyplace else?"

Yep, the book Jack was writing while he was in Afghanistan was on that drive. And nowhere else.

So that answered the question of paying to have it recovered. "Yes, please, do your best."

And they found it. And recovered it. And transferred it all on to a working drive. Whew...

Now I need to read it.

See I've put off reading it since he died. Cowardice. That's one reason. I have a really strong voice in my writing and I have been worried that Jack did as well. I know he did when sending notes or emails, so I was worried that opening that file and starting to read that book I would be "hearing" my father-in-law. And for a long time I wasn't ready. First because of how cheated we felt losing him so early. Then because we lost my dad as well and it was too much. But now, well now I know I need to get to it. I don't want to miss my chance to read what he wrote. To see that side of him. 

The other reason is that it still makes me a little angry that he was writing. That he wanted to be a writer. See years and years ago when C was little, like 2 or 3 maybe, I first explored the idea of writing. And my in-laws discouraged me. Hard. "Everyone thinks they can write." "Writing is very difficult." "What makes you think you can do this?""Most people who write are not very good at it." "There is a big difference between liking to read and being able to write."

Ouch.

So I never talked to them about writing again. And it took a long time before I thought about it as a viable thing for me to do. I kept hearing "Everyone thinks they can write" echo in my head. Because it is sort of true. A lot of people think they can write. Or have a great book they are "writing", really just thinking about, or a really clever blog that you should read. Or a book that uses taint in the title and they have NO IDEA why that's freaking hilarious!

And writing is difficult. When I do a fiction piece if it's a small quick one I put up here on the blog or a longer one that I stress over and edit and re-edit and change and rearrange and try to get just so, either way it's something I made. Just me. And putting it out there in the world for other people to read, it's scary. Each and every time. Because sometimes it does suck. Because writing is very difficult. 

They weren't wrong. But finding out that Jack was writing, that he wanted to write? In a way it felt like a small betrayal. How could he have told me not to pursue something that he himself wanted to do? Why would he do that? My only guess is that someone had discouraged him along the way. And that the times he had tried his hand at writing he had discovered how difficult it can be. That he was trying to share that wisdom with me, but just did it badly. Crushed the plant before it really had a chance to take root.

But the good news is we both decided to give it a try. He was doing something he wanted to do and I will get a chance to read what he wrote. The bad news is he didn't get a chance to finish his book. Because he waited to try. And we never know just how long we have to finish.

The other good news is if I hate it we don't have to have that awkward conversation...

Faraway friends...

I posted this morning on my Facebook feed about this guy I have seen lately. He sits by the side of the road with his camera and his binoculars. I am sure he's watching and photographing birds. But it's fun to speculate what he might be doing otherwise. But anyway...when I see him I think of a friend of mine who lives in Canada who photographs birds. Actually he photographs a lot of things, but he is on a bird kick right now. So when I would see this guy sitting in his lounge chair with his camera on the tripod in-front of him waiting for the birds I would think of my friend in Canada. Then this morning he was joined by a woman with binoculars, I am guessing his wife. Which made me think of friends of mine in Indiana who are a married couple and avid bird watchers.

That's the thing with online friends you might not "see" them face to face daily but you can "see" them in a lot of other ways.

Last night a friend of mine from Arizona sent me a message asking me to tell the Universe to hush up since you all know the Universe and I spend a lot of time talking. I told her it didn't work like that. The Universe is like a drunk at a party. If you try and ignore it, it just keeps getting louder.

Another friend of mine who lives in another part of Canada than the bird photographer is one of those guys that just doesn't get bugged by things. Shit comes and shit goes, but he just moves along. Usually. Except he reached his point this week where he had had enough and needed to recharge. So he went to the river. Posted that sometimes all you need in life is a book, a river and a rock to sit on. And then today he posted a picture of himself by the river, relaxed and smiling again.

And I thought. I need to go to the river.

Really I need a trip to beach, but the river will do.

I've posted before that I don't get embarrassed easily. I just don't. Usually when something happens that would or should be completely embarrassing my first thought is "Wait until so and so hears about this!" Because it's funny. I had one today that should have made me want to duck and run but instead I couldn't wait to go tell some friends who I knew would appreciate the story. Because it was funny, and funny trumps all.

Last weekend I saw I post on Facebook, it was one of those picture posts. A closed book with the line, We all have stories we don't tell. I nodded as I read it and then read people's comments. Opening up and telling things about themselves that they normally wouldn't. Their issues. Which you all know all of mine. I post about them. I take them out and look at them then put them back away. It's my way of dealing with them. Weight, boredom, lack of direction, laziness...my issues.

But you know what's awful? When you think you don't have an issue, or are at least over it and you find out you aren't.

And here is where we tie all of those random paragraphs together.

I had something happen last week that truly bothered me. Deeply. And on a couple of levels. The first because it was embarrassing and the second because it shouldn't have been. Not just because it never should have happened, but because I should be over such things by now. But I'm not. I just haven't had to deal with them since I was much younger so I had no idea it was still lurking there in my psyche. And it has put me in an off mood for almost a week because of it. And I kept trying to ignore it, up to and including telling myself over and over to let it go. Grow up and get over it.

Instead I just need to acknowledge not just that yes it bugs me deeply but that it's okay that it does. It doesn't matter why or what or how come, it just is, and that's okay. I'm not going to get more detailed, we all have stories we don't tell, but I just wanted to say that yes the Universe shouts when you ignore it. And friends don't have to be close enough to touch to touch you.

So thank you, Dana, for reminding me that when the Universe is talking I need to listen because it's not going to stop. And thank you, Kevin, for reminding me that sometimes what you need is a river, a book and a rock to sit on and then to let the river just wash it away...

It's a bench not a rock, but it worked just fine.