Well there you go...

I was listening to the latest Hidden Brain podcast today at the gym. It was talking about politics and a book about political hobbyism. And it was fascinating.

And enlightening.

It gave me one of those Ah ha! moments.

Which was sort of weird because I've been dancing around the idea for awhile and have even bitched about it multiple times, but I wasn't getting it as a full blown concept, just as a THIS IS BUGGING THE SHIT OUT OF ME!

It's all about how people are treating politics like sports. My team vs. your team. Your team sucks, mine rules. And they think that this partisan meme posting bullshit makes them politically informed and active.

It doesn't.

It just means you like the spectacle of it all. You like the tribalism. You like feeling like part of a group. You like the pat on the head when your group agrees with you.

And all of that is perfectly normal.

But it's really dangerous for our system.

I've been politically aware for a long time. I've enjoyed watching politics and trying to understand them. And then I take that information and talk about it. And my objective is to get you to see the world in such a way that you help me change it into a better one.

That's the step that has been missing lately with most people and the part that has frustrated the hell out of me.

I don't want a meme.

I don't want a BUT HER EMAILS response to a question.

I don't want any of that.

I want you to talk to me about why you think what you do and I want you to actually listen to what I am saying. Don't do the Amazon argument of "people who have made this argument have also made this one" and then try to argue with me over something I never said. Don't talking point at me. Actually listen to me and actually tell me what you think. Not what your team has told you to believe.

I can't enjoy being politically aware right now because there isn't actual political engagement from most people anymore. I don't want a lot of meme posting, I want idea exchanging. I don't watch opinion TV even if I could find a lot of people that speak to what I agree with, I've never found that helpful. I do read some opinion pieces in publications by people who I know from past experience have facts to back up what they are saying. But I want that to see what they think and why they think that. If it's just a bunch of cheerleading or bashing then I don't want to see it.

I want to see things that make me think about what I believe and why I believe it.

But because we are so tribal right now. Because we are so split into teams. Because I see a lot of people who like to say "both sides are bad" but never seem to point out when their side is being awful but are quick to do the other. Because people just want to tell me why I'm not progressive enough or I'm basically a socialist or I clearly don't understand the way the system works or that I clearly put too much faith in the system...

Because of those things I'm frustrated.

And at least today I got to listen to someone explain to me that I might be frustrated but at least I'm frustrated for a reason. It's really happening.


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Now there are those of you who might be getting ready to say BUT wait a second! You keep saying you are blue no matter who this November so how does that fit with what you just posted up there?

Well, it's because I don't view another four years of Trump as a political thing. I view him as an actual danger to our country. He's not a Republican. He's not a Democrat. As Blagojevich said about himself on the evening of his pardon he is now a Trumpicrat. I've called the group voting for him Trumplicans. It's the same. Trump is a different beast who demands different action. I do not care who is running against him I will vote for them. In a normal year I wouldn't consider Sanders or Bloomberg but this year I would vote for either of them without hesitation. This isn't a team thing for me. It's a Trump needs to go thing. And I hope that there is a lot of aisle crossing and independent agreement in this one. No memes, no teams, just get rid of Trump.

Fixed It...

When I was 12 I decided to trim my own bangs. So I did. And they were a little uneven. So I evened them up a bit. Then they were a little uneven the other direction. So I evened them up a bit more. Then a bit more. Until I ended up with a very short, very thick bang, on my very high forehead. I had fixed it until it was broken beyond repair.

Lucky for me it was right before class pictures so I have a lasting memory of what it ended up as...

Hot rollers, a perm and access to scissors...yeah...

I'd also like to say that I learned a lesson that day about over fixing, but considering the Groucho Marx eyebrows in 8th grade I'm going to say I didn't.

How many times do we do that? Fix something until it breaks? Like giving something that one extra turn of the screw and stripping it right out. One more breath of air into the balloon and it pops. One more "Are you sure you aren't mad?" question that makes the person REALLY MAD now.

We fixed it.

I realized this week that I had fixed something in my life like that.

I listen to podcasts and I read a ton of books and articles and right now even a textbook. I am constantly on the hunt for information about things that interest me. I am curious by nature. And there is only so much time in the day. So I listen to a podcast at the gym, I listen to one while I'm cleaning, I read when I'm eating lunch, I make sure I take time out to get a couple of chapters of Econ read. For a little bit I was trying to make sure I read a few pages of a book about the history of monopoly powers in the United States until I gave up because it was too boring and reading it was taking forever. I don't want to waste time on a boring book when I have all of these other interesting things to read. Because one of the rules when you write is that you need to fill your well with ideas.

And I really should be writing.

This is only my 3rd blog for February.

But lately when I sit down to write I haven't had much to say. Or it's only a fleeting thought. Nothing that is forming up into a full blog post. I really need to write. Because, as you know, if I don't write I don't write. Writing is a self perpetuating thing, when you write things flow easily and so then you write. But if you don't write then the gears get all gummed up and you don't write. Makes sense, right? Trust me, in my head it does. The more you write, the more you write, and if you stop, man, it's tough to get it going again.

Anyway...the way I generally write is in stages. There is the idea that flashes in my head. If it's a fiction story sometimes it's a scene or a bit of dialog, if it's nonfiction it's, more often than not, an argumentative statement in my head. And then I start to think about whatever it is that I really want to say. I flesh it out. I see where the story is going, or what the argument I'm trying to make is. And then once I think I know exactly what it is I want to write I sit down at the computer and write. Now quite often I don't write the brilliant story or masterful argument I had formed in my head, it will take a different direction as it flows out, but it's similar. Or at least flavored by. The La Croix of writing...

But lately I haven't gone from the first step to the second. The percolating part. I've been so busy filling up the well I forgot that I need it to have room for my own thoughts. I need a well that is full of new ideas and great writing by other people, but I don't want a well that is overflowing. I need to be able to take what I've read, what I've heard, what is going on in the world and mold it into something new. And to do that I need to get bored.

Or not necessarily bored, but open to being bored. Repetitive movement with just background noise is the best. Listening to music while I lift weights or while I clean house. I love the information from the podcasts during this time, it can make the time pass really quickly, but I need to have the slow time to make my own things. You know I am a big one on the Universe talking to you. For the past month (yes, month, just because it's talking doesn't mean I'm listening) I would hear a song that had inspired a short story. Last week at the hockey game there was a Katy Perry song on and I told Brent it had inspired one of my favorite things I'd ever written. Then it finally started to filter in. It was probably 4 times hearing that song at the gym, then thinking about it before the story came to me. Then it was writing it and finding out that what I thought it was going to be it wasn't. But I still love it.

But four times hearing it at the gym.

Then when I think about the "writing" I think about walking on the treadmill and cleaning the shower.

Repetitive movement that I don't have to focus on that gives me space to let my mind wander.

And then today as I was tidying up my binders I looked at the second thing I wrote last year and it was all about how I don't want to hire someone to clean my house because I use that time to work out stories.

Oh right.

Not just listen to podcasts. But work out my own thoughts.

So today I listened to Lizzo while I cleaned. Because I love Lizzo. And because I knew I wanted to write this blog about writing and needed the time to work it out.

So I need to find the balance on filling the well with all the good stuff out there that I want to listen to and read, and leaving the well empty so I can fill it with my own good stuff.

I need a little less fixing.

Ghost Tour...

"It was really the best one I've ever done."

Gloria was telling her friends about the Ghost Tour she had taken of the old prison complex in Australia.

"Normally they will tell you creepy stories about what happened, or who was locked up there. But they really put on a show.  One of the things was they used projections in each cell so when they would be telling the story about the prisoner you could see them. Super creepy and effective."

"So they added movies?"

"Yeah, but like in the Haunted Mansion at Disney, right? You know when you are looking at the dining room and there are ghosts that are clearly there, but also sort of translucent? It was like that. The prisoners were in the cells, just like they would have been, they would be reading, or pacing, or watching you while you walked by, but they weren't solid. Not actors playing the parts, well sure, actors played the parts, but filmed and then projected into the cells. I'm not sure how they did it, the screens must have been painted to look like the wall behind them, because the projections weren't flat on the wall. It really was like Disney, they would move through the cell."

"The projections would add something, I guess but I'm not sure it would be all that ghosty though?"

"Oh wait, that was just the start. Julie, you were there, you tell them," Julie just waved her friend on to keep going, "Like there were parts where you could hear the prisoners talking to you. Like specifically to YOU. 'I like that red blouse..." and if you stood too close to the cells you could feel a hand reach out and touch you. It was really scary!"

"Did they have any jump scare things? Like walking around a corner and a guard would jump out at you?"

"No, nothing like that. It was all really in keeping with what it would have been like when the prison was running. There were screams and stuff, but they were from the 'interrogation' and 'medical treatment' rooms. You could hear them, but they were muffled, because they were behind closed doors. You know?"

"They had screams from the medical treatment?"

"Oh yeah, it was a horrible place when it was up and running. They did experiments on the prisoners. One of them they described was doing surgery without anesthesia."

"So like Nazi shit?"

"Oh yeah, like Nazi shit. It was really bad. They had a medical journal out that you could page through and they did something with it where as you were looking drops of blood would fall on the pages. It was so good. I mean, you know, awful what happened there, but for a ghost tour? It was so good. Really creepy."

"I don't think I'd like it at all. I barely like the ones that don't do anything but tell you creepy stories."

"Yeah, I can see that it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, but I thought it was amazing. I can still feel the hand on my arm from when I got too close to one of cells. Like it was a fast reach out and grab. I almost wet myself!"

"I think I would have."

"Oh gosh, I have to get going! Next week for the movie?"

"Yep, that's the plan. See you then."

Gloria packed up her things and rushed off leaving her friends behind.

"Are you ever going to tell her?"

"I don't think so."

"Tell her what?"

"There weren't any screams or projections or prisoners grabbing out from the bars. At least for anyone else but her."

Normalization...

It's a slow creep sometimes. You don't even really realize it completely. Or you justify it so well that you manage to convince yourself it's okay.

The Winterhawks have come up with a new alternative logo. It's a stylized rose inside of a black circle (think hockey puck) I really like it. They revealed it with a cool little video showing how it ties in to the city nickname (The Rose City) and the first hockey club here (The Rosebuds). Then they used it for Pride night and Hawks Fight Cancer night where they took the normally red rose and made it rainbow and purple respectively. I really like it. 

They also have been using a red P inside of a hockey puck for other things. And I noticed that quite a few times when the Junior Hawk comes out for sixth wo/man they are wearing a sweater with that P on it instead of the Hawk Head.

I told Brent I think they are slowly moving to getting rid of the Hawk Head. Which he and I both agreed would be great. I'm not offended by Native American imagery as a mascot, or names for teams, because I'm not Native and so being offended on behalf of someone else rings a little untrue. But I don't like it. I don't like that it makes a large percentage of Native Americans and First Peoples really upset. And I understand why it would. And I see that it's causing them pain. And it's an easy fix to not do it.

I don't understand people who get really bent out of shape about it. I don't cheer for a logo, I cheer for a team. And if that team changes their clothes, they are still the team I'm cheering for. So yeah, change the logo. Do the least amount of harm.

And you, people who are screaming about changes, are not actually being harmed by your team changing its name or its logo. You aren't. The people who are actually being pictured as cartoon images or having a racial slur used as a team name, those are the people that get a vote on if there is harm. Not you, because you have ALWAYS worn a cartoon image of a Native American and now you have to wear something else, that's not harm. It's really not. And just because you have that one Native friend (not really a friend, just a guy you know, okay know isn't really right either, a guy you saw on the news once) who isn't bothered by it doesn't mean they get the only vote. 

In our marriage Brent and I have a rule when it comes to making decisions. The person who actually cares about something gets the vote. Is it important to you and not to me? Then you get the vote that matters.

Are you Native American? Then your vote does not matter. It really doesn't.

Now we come to the part where it's so easy to normalize things.

When we were talking about the changes I told Brent that I was really glad because I was uncomfortable with the Hawk Head gear. He was like, then we shouldn't have any. And took all of his things that he had out to put in the Goodwill pile. Just that easy. 

If it makes you uncomfortable you don't do it.

Oh right.

When we first started following the team I wouldn't buy anything that had the logo on it. If Winterhawks was spelled out with no imagery I would get that. I didn't care for the Hawk Head on the uniform but I couldn't really change that, but I could not buy into it otherwise.

Then it starts to seep. You learn the history of the team and how it ties in to the Chicago Blackhawks and it's not REALLY offensive because it's named for a person, not a tribe and keep ignoring the image it's really fine...and still not buying anything with the logo on it. 

But we are season ticket holders and you get gifts every year and those things had the logo on them.

And then finding any supportive gear without the logo got to be harder and harder. Some years they would have something most years they didn't. So fine. Since it's not really racist...

But I would still have a twinge when I would use my shopping bags or when I was wearing a t-shirt with the Hawk Head logo away from the game. I grew up in New Mexico, I know people who are really offended by the use, it made it uncomfortable. BUT I kept telling myself why it was fine.

Right up until Brent said, Don't do it. You are right, we don't like it. We buy things without it to support the decision to change. We shouldn't support it.

It's good to be married to someone with a black and white view when you are an overthinker. 

So I pulled all of our t-shirts, sweaters, scarves, glasses, mugs, rally towels, flags, jackets...and put them in a stack for Goodwill. I kept our bobble heads and our team pictures, the players are wearing the Hawk Head, but they didn't have a choice in that. The Hawk Head logo will always be part of the team history. And I'm not at the point where I will drop following the team over it, because it seems like they are getting ready to make the right change. If they don't, it will be a decision to face later. But for now what I will do is not contribute to continuing to spread the image. 

If the Winterhawks are planning on completely dropping the Hawk Head logo they are going to get a barrage of nastiness their way from people who are DEEPLY OFFENDED that they don't want to offend Native Americans. It will be ugly.

I hope they do it anyway. 

I cheer for a team, not a logo.

I'd love to be able to wear the team logo without any shame.

Normalization. It happens. We don't even notice it. We justify it. We allow for it. And it seeps in. Pay attention.

Now more than ever we need to be aware of the things that are  normalized.