Parenting Advice...

I'm an introvert. Brent's an introvert. C didn't really have a shot at being anything other than an introvert. I want to make all of this clear because the advice I'm about to give is really aimed more toward those extrovert parents who have extroverted children. I get that for us this was an easy thing to teach, but it doesn't mean that I don't think it's incredibly important.

Teach your children how to survive alone. Teach them that it's okay to be by themselves sometimes. Teach them to enjoy their own company. Teach them how to keep themselves busy when they are alone. Teach them these things so they aren't constantly looking for another person to be with.

We have a friend that we've know since we were teenagers. He's been married 5 or 6 times. We lost count. I think it's 6, but I can't remember for sure, one of them might have just been an engagement. But I'm pretty sure it's 6. He was never taught that it's okay to be alone. He has a strong drive to be part of a couple. 

We all have friends like that. If they are out of one relationship they are in to another within weeks if not days. They just cannot be alone. Now, the constant bouncing from one relationship to another is a different thing to learn and usually means they love falling in love but the act of staying in love is boring to them. That's a different subject. But if you can teach them to be alone. To be fine on their own, then at least they can take the time to learn what it is that's making their relationships fail. You can't learn that lesson if you are jumping right in to a new one.

We had to teach C the opposite. That sometimes you have to be in a crowd. Sometimes you have to be part of a group. These are the ways you deal with that when really what you'd like to do is go home where it's quiet and a lot less crowded. It's part of life, you teach your kids how to handle things.

But please, extroverted parents of extroverted kids, teach them how to handle being alone. Or at least not part of a couple. Teach them that they are whole, wonderful, people without having "a better half." Teach them that they are their own better half. And if they do find someone they want to share their lives with, that's great! But make it a choice based on a want to, not a drive based on a need to.

Teach them that it's okay to be alone.

Teach them that nobody but themselves is going to make them a whole person.

Teach them to let people in to their lives because they want them there, not just because they feel like they need to have someone, anyone, there. 

Teach them that being part of a couple isn't really a good goal for your life. Not on it's own. Being part of a couple can enhance your life, but only if you are part of the right couple, not the RIGHT NOW I NEED TO BE PART OF A COUPLE couple. 

Being alone isn't the worst thing that can ever happen to someone. Being with the wrong person just because you were afraid of being alone can be.