Overwhelmed...

Okay, we are reaching the end of June, halfway through the year and I am assessing where I am with my yearly goals.

And I am still behind.

I need to reach 105 blogs by the end of July to be caught up. Today's blog will put me at 82 so I need to write 23 more between now and then to get caught up. Not ahead, caught up. And as you might have noticed I've been writing something every day for a pretty good stretch here to get that close.

I am currently 3 books ahead of schedule for my reading goal, however I need to read 6 books between now and the end of July to keep on track. Looking at the break down I scheduled myself for 7 books a month. Seven? Every month? What was I thinking? Well I guess I will be revisiting Sandman this year after all. Cranking through those again should pad my...I mean....help me reach my goal. Yeep.

What I am realizing is that I was feeling pretty dang optimistic at the beginning of the year. When I swung from the thought of let's not have any goals at all this year to oh that's a bad idea, I need goals let me make some goals... I might have swung a little hard!

So I'm already thinking of next year and when goal setting comes along. I think maybe not so much a year without goals next year, and definitely not a year with what the heck was I thinking goals but some sort of middle ground. Or really something else entirely. Like a goal to do something completely new, not on my radar at all, some new skill or new activity, or something...

And yes, I totally see that because my current year goals are feeling really overwhelming right now I am deflecting by looking at next year already.

So right now my goal should be to keep plugging away at this year before bugging out on next.

How often do we do that? Decide that our current situation is too much to deal with so we look to something else? Still needing to deal with what we have going on, but it feels like too much so we decide maybe later. Or maybe never at all. Granted, these goals of mine are all self imposed. Nothing will happen if I don't reach them. I will just say, well that was a touch unrealistic and move on. My job isn't hanging in the line because of them. My life isn't going to change if I don't get all of the blogs written and books read that I said that I would. It just doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life. But it's still something I'm striving for. Something that I want to do. Something that seems pretty out of reach right about now.

How many other times has that happened? Where I have been working toward something and the realization hit that I might have just bitten off more than I could chew? And how many times did I distract myself with something else instead of dealing with the issue? How many times did I not? The times I put my head down and just kept plugging along. And can I make this feel like a bigger victory than just reading and writing when it's done? Can I weave it in to a "you did it!" narrative?

23 blogs
6 books
5 weeks

Let's see how I feel then...