More music!

Okay so yesterday I talked about how your music makes other people see you. Or remember you. But how about music shaping you?

Not just the soundtrack aspect but the songs themselves? I've said it before, I'm a lyrics person. This isn't a real surprise, I like a song that tells a story. But the stories themselves? How have they shaped who I've become? Or have they?

When I look back on the songs I would listen to over and over there are some things that seem to stick out to me. I can remember listening to the 50s show on Sunday afternoon on the oldies station. Loved Leader of Pack. But when I would picture the story in my head it wasn't some damsel in distress and her bad-ass boyfriend, it was more of a co-lead position. She didn't sit behind him, she had her own bike. And now that he's dead she gets the whole pack to herself! I mean...she's still sad and all but there are things to be done.

And when I listened to songs like You May Be Right I didn't picture some future boyfriend of mine being this crazy brave or bravely crazy dude, I pictured myself.

That's been the theme. I am the hero of my own stories. But I'm not a romantic hero. I'm the dark probably slightly crazy hero. The tough guy. That was my ideal growing up. Not the soft fluffy princess but the rough around the edges one.

And I'm still drawn to that. We talk in my house about how I like my singers to sound like they smoke a pack a day and brush their teeth with whiskey. Male or female. I like a little growl in their voice. Love P!nk, for instance. She strikes me as just this side of crazy. And sometimes maybe that side of crazy. But I relate. Even as a 45 year old suburban mom there is still a piece of me that wants to growl at the world when it gets too close.

Female singers need to be a little tough. Or at least not afraid to own that darker edge. Give me a break up song that has teeth. "When I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope you feel it..." Yeah, Alanis, you tell him! And when I'm a Bitch came out I thought maybe Meredith Brooks might be an oracle. And I've talked before how hearing sweet voice Lily Allen sing Fuck You makes me smile every time. 

But all of that makes me wonder. I was a little darker when I was younger. A little more on edge. Sure I had my other reasons but would I have always been a little like that even without the other stuff? Or was I drawn to the music I was drawn to because that edge was already there? Because I wasn't all sunshine and roses all the time?

How much does the music shape us or are we just drawn to the songs we already identify with?

And is it all like poetry? When we listen to a song are we even hearing the same story? Am I hearing a song about a survivor and you are hearing a song about a crazy person?

And then how do the anomalies work in there? Like yesterday I mentioned Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves. People who know me now aren't at all shocked about this choice, but when it came out? It was 1985. I was still pretty fucking pissed at the world. But don't it feel good? Yeah! All right now!

Where the hell did that choice come from?

If it had been a few years earlier would I have liked it? Was it the first sign that I was starting to want a change? Or did that song, that infectious little ditty start the thaw that took another 4 years or so to complete?

How much does the music shape us? And how much is just chosen because of who we already are?

And is music really that powerful or do we only notice the things that fit our patterns and disregard the rest? (all lies and jest still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest..mmmmm....)

You tell me.