The 5 Stages...

Okay, this was originally started as a series of Facebook profile pictures. I thought that would be an amusing thing to do. But I forgot one thing...Facebook isn't so great for a narrative. Short bursts. Little jokes. Quippy status updates, those all work fine, but a drawn out narrative? Not so much. First of all Facebook itself doesn't help you out. Sometimes people see what you post, sometimes they don't. And then it all depends on if they check it on the PC or on the phone. How much do they see? And even if they do see the picture, do they click in and read the description? Well, no, not always. So then the whole story line/joke falls apart and you just end up with people asking why you changed your profile picture five times in two days...so...blog it is. Which is probably a good thing anyway, because I am WAY behind on my blog counts for the year if I am going to reach my main goal let alone my stretch!

So here we go, short burst turned in to a full on blog...

I have arthritis in my right knee. That's what started all of this. The first stage is...

Denial

It really is. And it was a long stage. See the knees have ached off and on for a long time. Longer than I really want to talk about because I feel silly that I didn't have them checked. But there was always a good explanation as to why they ached. Busting my toe changed the work outs I could do and for a stretch I couldn't do any. So I wrote off the unease in my knees (like that?) to getting back in to working out. They hurt and swelled up when we were in Chicago but we walked at least 10 miles every day and it was humid so that must have been it. Then the noise started. First I thought it was my work out pad. See I have cushioning in the basement that I workout on. One day I am doing my squats and the workout DVD is a little lower in volume than usual and I hear this crunching noise. My first thought? That the nonslip pad under the cushions was drying out. So I moved to a new section. And then moved again. And again. And finally off of the mat and...well that's me. How odd. 

But they didn't really hurt. So it's just noisy joints. No big deal.

Then they started on the stairs. When I am home alone I keep the TV off for the most part. The house is pretty quiet. So walk up the stairs...crunch... crunch..crunch...still no pain. Not really. They were starting to feel like they weren't quite right, but not really painful. Much. The right was noisier so I guess I started to favor it a bit so I didn't have to hear it. Which then made the left start to hurt. I didn't work out at all the week before we left for Hawaii. I knew we were going to be really active while we were there and I didn't want to wear them out. And for the first time I mentioned it to Brent and told him if they were still acting up when we got back I would call the doctor. 

Well when we got back I was more concerned with C's ankle than my knees. So I didn't call. Until his first weekend back and I went up and down the stairs a few extra times, I hadn't really been paying attention to how much I was avoiding the stairs until I wasn't anymore. Okay, so maybe they didn't hurt, but they didn't feel great. So when I took C in to the doctor for a check on his ankle while he was here I made an appointment for me. 

Dr. Kwon and I talked about the knees, she listened to them and sent me for x-rays. But she said it might be a return of patellofemoral pain syndrome. Which would be great, I had that in my late teens and it's easy enough to correct with some physical therapy. And it would make sense since my gait had changed with my busted toe that the alignment in my knees would be off. She also mentioned the possibility of arthritis but I didn't want to hear that. 

After all (and the tag from the original post on Facebook) I have a tattoo, I can't have arthritis. Meaning, I'm no grownup! That's an old person disease, not for me thank you very much! Denial...

Which leads to Stage 2 Anger...

So it's osteoarthritis in my right knee. I see an orthopedist in a couple of weeks. I had already decided what it was so it shouldn't have been something else. How dare my body betray me like this.  Anger isn't someplace I dwell for long so on to Stage 3

Bargaining!

Okay, so look, here's the deal. I will trade Zumba for swimming, I will drop about 5 pounds (for every 1 pound you lose you relieve 4 pounds of pressure from your knees), I will take the gelatin capsules and the glucosmine pills and eat beef marrow soup...and I will make the concession to wear lipstick and jewelry so people know I am an adult.  Okay? I mean, not dark lipstick, just a nice light berry stain. And not like gaudy jewelry, but a nice earring. And I will give serious looks. And act grown up and...

 Depression...

Give up my Disney Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck flip flops? But I only wear them every once in awhile because I already had to give up most of my flip flops for my toe...and come on...seriously? To be a grown up I would have to do this too? Oh I don't think I can do that...

Acceptance

All right. So they are noisy. And a little painful. And I will probably have to make a few changes to my supplements and exercise and possibly my weight. But it's no big deal. My sister's knees were wrecked by the time she was 15. Major knee surgery before she was even out of high school. I got 30 more years than that before getting a touch of arthritis. Not bad really. We will see what the doctor has to say when I go in. I'm sure it won't be nearly as bad as what I've imagined.

Or it could be that I have never moved out of denial and I did all of this to keep my mind busy...

Nah...